Bridesmaid gifts - To "robe" or not to "robe"?

[Deleted User]

So, I'm contemplating bridesmaid gifts, and of course, I DO have a budget. I'm paying for their hair and putting down the deposit on their makeup, but I definitely do not want them to think that is their "gift" from me. 

I really want to get them some really nice Kendra Scott earrings. (They are very popular right now, and I know them well enough to know they would all love them)... Something they would wear to the wedding, but something they could wear over and over. I was also going to get my MOH a matching bracelet or necklace.

Part of me wants to get them monogrammed robes too. It's the "in" thing to have the pictures in the robes, and I actually love a robe of mine that I got as a bridesmaid gift. However, I have a few bridesmaids who have already received more than one of those from other weddings, and they are also really expensive. 

So, basically, I'm trying to decide if I want to ditch the trendy robes so that I have the budget to get something else along with their jewelry. Have any of you given robes? Did you love it/regret it/not care much about it? Were those pictures adorable or could be done without? Did you bridesmaids like them? Do they use them?

I just want some opinions! And please, no "dressing your wedding party is not an appropriate gift" comments. I'm doing other things for my BMs. I just want an opinion on the robe issue. 

TrixieJess

Knottie62309116 said:

So, I'm contemplating bridesmaid gifts, and of course, I DO have a budget. I'm paying for their hair and putting down the deposit on their makeup, but I definitely do not want them to think that is their "gift" from me. 

I really want to get them some really nice Kendra Scott earrings. (They are very popular right now, and I know them well enough to know they would all love them)... Something they would wear to the wedding, but something they could wear over and over. I was also going to get my MOH a matching bracelet or necklace.

Part of me wants to get them monogrammed robes too. It's the "in" thing to have the pictures in the robes, and I actually love a robe of mine that I got as a bridesmaid gift. However, I have a few bridesmaids who have already received more than one of those from other weddings, and they are also really expensive. 

So, basically, I'm trying to decide if I want to ditch the trendy robes so that I have the budget to get something else along with their jewelry. Have any of you given robes? Did you love it/regret it/not care much about it? Were those pictures adorable or could be done without? Did you bridesmaids like them? Do they use them?

I just want some opinions! And please, no "dressing your wedding party is not an appropriate gift" comments. I'm doing other things for my BMs. I just want an opinion on the robe issue. 

JIC

PLEASE DON'T!!!

If I received a robe that wasn't fuzzy and terry from a bride, I would look at her as if she had 6 heads and wonder if they actually knew me. As for your BMs, are they robe people, short robes, long, silk, terry flannel? Lingerie is very personal.

Gift your wedding party with gifts like you would for their birthday or Christmas. They are individuals, not props. Chances are anything that you purchase for them that is associated with your wedding will never get used again.

Also, telling the interwebz how to post is not a good idea!

ETA: Much more to bold

Maggie0829

Stop thinking about their gifts in terms of your wedding.  Start thinking about their gifts in regards to what you would get them for their birthdays and Christmas.  Would you get them all the same thing for these events?  Probably not.  You need to think about these as your individual friends, not your BMs.

So now that you have taken wedding and BM out of your train of thought for presents, what are you going to get them?

thespeshulestsnowflake

You want to give them robes because it is trendy? That is such a stupid reason. You should give them a gift they will actually like and use. They don't all need to get the same thing.

And getting them something for pictures is totally and completely "dressing up your bridal party."

MyNameIsNot

Knottie62309116 said:

So, I'm contemplating bridesmaid gifts, and of course, I DO have a budget. I'm paying for their hair and putting down the deposit on their makeup, but I definitely do not want them to think that is their "gift" from me. Good, because it isn't one. 

I really want to get them some really nice Kendra Scott earrings. (They are very popular right now, and I know them well enough to know they would all love them)... Something they would wear to the wedding, That's not a gift either. but something they could wear over and over. I was also going to get my MOH a matching bracelet or necklace. 

Part of me wants to get them monogrammed robes too. Still not a gift. It's the "in" thing to have the pictures in the robes, and I actually love a robe of mine that I got as a bridesmaid gift. However, I have a few bridesmaids who have already received more than one of those from other weddings, and they are also really expensive. 

So, basically, I'm trying to decide if I want to ditch the trendy robes so that I have the budget to get something else along with their jewelry. Have any of you given robes? Did you love it/regret it/not care much about it? Were those pictures adorable or could be done without? Did you bridesmaids like them? Do they use them?

I just want some opinions! And please, no "dressing your wedding party is not an appropriate gift" comments. I'm doing other things for my BMs. I just want an opinion on the robe issue. 

Don't get the robe. 

Spend the rest of your money on a gift that is actually for them, not for you. The things you've mentioned are wedding props. A gift is supposed to be about the recipient, not the giver.  

FWIW, I wouldn't be caught dead in a BM robe. But I would be seriously hurt if you thought so little of me that you couldn't be bothered to get me a real gift. 

[Deleted User]

BM gift ideas are all over this board, but I'll give you a few here; a book and fluffy blanket for the reader, a bottle of wine and fancy wine opener for the wine-o, a spa gift card and fancy lotion for the pampered one, a Starbucks giftcard and pound of coffee for the coffee-lover, Kendra Scott earrings and a clutch purse for the accessory-lover.

But please, for the love of all that is holy, do not get them robes.

AddieCake

Robes. Ugh. You should get them all matching bridesmaid tattoos. It would be a fun bonding experience for them, you'd get WAY cuter pics than the robes, AND they would remember your wedding for the rest of their LIVES! And it's totes unique and you could be the one to POST on Pinterest instead of just getting ideas there. Squueeeee!

onefootinthebayou

Nope.  Not to mention that a lot of people wouldn't be comfortable being photographed in a robe.

If your response is "well, they're MY friends and I KNOW they wouldn't mind", you could be wrong.

My best friend in the world did this to us for a wedding.  I went along with it b/c she is my best friend and I wanted to do what she asked the day of her wedding.  However, I was very uncomfortable, I thought it was a trend that had been played, I tossed the robe after...but during that photo sesh I was all smiles and never said a word to her.  Just think twice before you do this - you're not a mind reader. I've known her for 20 years and love her dearly - but I did not like that we were made to do that.  

My recommendation would be no robes.  

[Deleted User]

No robes. I never wear robes, and I definitely wouldn't wear a robe I didn't get to pick out myself. And I DEFINITELY wouldn't wear a monogrammed robe that said "Bridesmaid." Also, like PPs have said, some people are not comfortable being photographed in robes. In fact, some people are not comfortable being photographed while "getting ready," so you may also want to consider checking with your BMs prior to doing that as well.

PPs and other threads have covered this, but a more personalized gift for each bridesmaid and MoH is a better idea. I also don't think you should necessarily get them something "for the wedding and for later, too," because, even if you have your heart in the right place, it will probably just feel like another prop for your wedding and not a gift that they would necessarily use again (a la the whole "And you can wear the dress again!" cliche). 

You definitely don't have to spend a lot of money, just something small that each BM would like, to show that you appreciate them and to thank them for being with you on your wedding day. I'm a big fan of heartfelt letters, too. 

ETF: Words

Jen4948

Skip the robes. In spite of all the photos of them on Pinterest, they are not the "in" thing at all. Many bridesmaids hate getting them, let alone being photographed wearing them in "getting ready" photos.

Take the "wedding" out of your gift selections and shop for each bridesmaid according to her individual tastes and interests. As long as the gifts are of approximately the same value, they don't all have to be the same thing.

[Deleted User]

I appreciate your input. Thank you. You were pretty much the only one who wasn't condescending about it.

[Deleted User]

All I asked for was an opinion, which I respect, but you do not have to be so condescending. I was very nice in my post, why can't you be nice with your reply? Thank you anyway.

thespeshulestsnowflake

Knottie62309116 said:

I appreciate your input. Thank you. You were pretty much the only one who wasn't condescending about it.

Knottie62309116 said:

All I asked for was an opinion, which I respect, but you do not have to be so condescending. I was very nice in my post, why can't you be nice with your reply? Thank you anyway.

Use the quote button not the reply button. We have no idea who you are talking to.

[Deleted User]

Knottie62309116 said:

All I asked for was an opinion, which I respect, but you do not have to be so condescending. I was very nice in my post, why can't you be nice with your reply? Thank you anyway.

We can't tell who you are replying to if you don't quote the person.

thespeshulestsnowflake

Knottie62309116 said:

I appreciate your input. Thank you. 

I'm just gonna assume this was pointed at me.

[Deleted User]

I even said at the end of my post that I have other things and gifts planned for my BMs, and all I was asking was an opinion on the robe situation. I swear, people read "matching jewelry" and stop reading so that they can start the "give a personal gift" speech. You do not know my entire wedding plan.

Other than that, thank you for your opinion on the robe. After all, that's what I asked for.

[Deleted User]

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

Knottie62309116 said:

I appreciate your input. Thank you. 

I'm just gonna assume this was pointed at me.

I'm going to assume it was for me.

TrixieJess

Knottie62309116 said:

I even said at the end of my post that I have other things and gifts planned for my BMs, and all I was asking was an opinion on the robe situation. I swear, people read "matching jewelry" and stop reading so that they can start the "give a personal gift" speech. You do not know my entire wedding plan. Other than that, thank you for your opinion on the robe. After all, that's what I asked for.

You asked for an opinion. Welcome to the internet! It's full of them. We don't sugarcoat at the Knot. This is not the fluffy bunnies of Forums. We were blunt, not rude, not condescending. No one called you names, no one said anything derogatory about you personally or even your choices. We told you why we thought they were a bad idea. You asked for opinions on an open forum, we gave them. Welcome to the interwebz! Enjoy your stay!

ETA: Well, I'm condescending and a bitch, but I don't care.

AddieCake

I'm fairly confident OP found me condescending.

onefootinthebayou

Knottie62309116 said:

All I asked for was an opinion, which I respect, but you do not have to be so condescending. I was very nice in my post, why can't you be nice with your reply? Thank you anyway.

My answer wasn't condescending either.  You asked for an opinion, I gave it.  I also told you a personal story that I thought you could relate to.  I was just pointing out that your friends won't always tell you how they feel b/c they won't want to hurt your feelings.    

You really think that was condescending?  I'm confused.  

artbyallie

You don't want comments about how components of the wedding party uniform are not a gift? Fine, I won't say that. I'll just say NO ROBES!

ShesSoCold

Do you really picture yourself blowing up a picture of you and your bridesmaids in pajamas and hanging it on your living room wall?

[Deleted User]

Knottie62309116 said:

I appreciate your input. Thank you. You were pretty much the only one who wasn't condescending about it.

Knottie62309116 said:

All I asked for was an opinion, which I respect, but you do not have to be so condescending. I was very nice in my post, why can't you be nice with your reply? Thank you anyway.

Use the quote button not the reply button. We have no idea who you are talking to.

It doesn't matter anyway. I asked a question for the fi

TrixieJess said:

Knottie62309116 said:

I even said at the end of my post that I have other things and gifts planned for my BMs, and all I was asking was an opinion on the robe situation. I swear, people read "matching jewelry" and stop reading so that they can start the "give a personal gift" speech. You do not know my entire wedding plan. Other than that, thank you for your opinion on the robe. After all, that's what I asked for.

You asked for an opinion. Welcome to the internet! It's full of them. We don't sugarcoat at the Knot. This is not the fluffy bunnies of Forums. We were blunt, not rude, not condescending. No one called you names, no one said anything derogatory about you personally or even your choices. We told you why we thought they were a bad idea. You asked for opinions on an open forum, we gave them. Welcome to the interwebz! Enjoy your stay!

ETA: Well, I'm condescending and a bitch, but I don't care.

I just don't understand why people have to associate being rude with giving an opinion, but if that makes you happy, by all means. I'm new to the boards (if that's not obvious) and I did not anticipate people completely reading over where I stated that I had other things planned for my bridesmaids. This is a question about a specific thing. But good lord, when someone reads matching, it makes it okay to talk to me as if I'm some airhead who does not think of my bridesmaids as human beings. My friends and I share Christmas and birthdays together, and we give very personal and meaningful gifts. Do you know how many of their weddings I've been in? A lot. Do you know how many times I've received a robe or jewelry or whatever that matched everyone else? Every single time. Do you know how many other bridesmaids I've heard say: "Wow, I'm so hurt. Does she not know me at all? Does she seriously think that we are all the same person?" Not a single freakin' one. Because we don't take a wedding gift as a personal offense. We don't have our panties in a wad over it. We take our gift, we smile, and we remember who the day is about. After all, that's why we were bridesmaids. Because we loved our friend (the bride) so much. Not because we thought we would get repaid with a personal gift. I've never once thought: "Out of all the things she's doing, and of all the money she is spending, out of all the people she has to worry about... I better get that damn book that she knows I want, because I'm the "reader" and she knows that. 

I guess my set of friends are different. We are some chill bitches. You give us a necklace, we take it. You give us wine, we drink it. Etc.

But I will end this how I've ended all of my replies: Thank you for your opinion on the robes. I will not be using them! I do believe that they are a silly trend the more I think about it.

[Deleted User]

onefootinthebayou said:

Knottie62309116 said:

All I asked for was an opinion, which I respect, but you do not have to be so condescending. I was very nice in my post, why can't you be nice with your reply? Thank you anyway.

My answer wasn't condescending either.  You asked for an opinion, I gave it.  I also told you a personal story that I thought you could relate to.  I was just pointing out that your friends won't always tell you how they feel b/c they won't want to hurt your feelings.    

You really think that was condescending?  I'm confused.  

No! I'm sorry. You were one of the people I was trying to thank for your opinion. Like I've said, I'm new to the boards, and did not realize I needed to use the "quote" button to personally reply to people. Learn something new everyday! Thanks again. I will not be using the robes.

KatWAG

FWIW, I find Kendra Scott earrings pretty underwhelming also.

[Deleted User]

KatWAG said:

FWIW, I find Kendra Scott earrings pretty underwhelming also.

Thanks! I appreciate your opinion. That being said, our group of friends all have a slight obsession with them, so I'm not too worried about that. 

Maggie0829

KatWAG said:

FWIW, I find Kendra Scott earrings pretty underwhelming also.

I've never even heard of Kendra Scott.

[Deleted User]

Maggie0829 said:

KatWAG said:

FWIW, I find Kendra Scott earrings pretty underwhelming also.

I've never even heard of Kendra Scott.

Oh... Well, if you haven't heard of it, then I should seriously consider other things...

[Deleted User]

Knottie62309116 said:

Maggie0829 said:

KatWAG said:

FWIW, I find Kendra Scott earrings pretty underwhelming also.

I've never even heard of Kendra Scott.

Oh... Well, if you haven't heard of it, then I should seriously consider other things...

I think you might be taking Maggie's comment incorrectly. I haven't heard of Kendra Scott either, but if your friends like those earrings then go for it.

MyNameIsNot

Knottie62309116 said:

Knottie62309116 said:

I appreciate your input. Thank you. You were pretty much the only one who wasn't condescending about it.

Knottie62309116 said:

All I asked for was an opinion, which I respect, but you do not have to be so condescending. I was very nice in my post, why can't you be nice with your reply? Thank you anyway.

Use the quote button not the reply button. We have no idea who you are talking to.

It doesn't matter anyway. I asked a question for the fi

TrixieJess said:

Knottie62309116 said:

I even said at the end of my post that I have other things and gifts planned for my BMs, and all I was asking was an opinion on the robe situation. I swear, people read "matching jewelry" and stop reading so that they can start the "give a personal gift" speech. You do not know my entire wedding plan. Other than that, thank you for your opinion on the robe. After all, that's what I asked for.

You asked for an opinion. Welcome to the internet! It's full of them. We don't sugarcoat at the Knot. This is not the fluffy bunnies of Forums. We were blunt, not rude, not condescending. No one called you names, no one said anything derogatory about you personally or even your choices. We told you why we thought they were a bad idea. You asked for opinions on an open forum, we gave them. Welcome to the interwebz! Enjoy your stay!

ETA: Well, I'm condescending and a bitch, but I don't care.

I just don't understand why people have to associate being rude with giving an opinion, but if that makes you happy, by all means. I'm new to the boards (if that's not obvious) and I did not anticipate people completely reading over where I stated that I had other things planned for my bridesmaids. This is a question about a specific thing. But good lord, when someone reads matching, it makes it okay to talk to me as if I'm some airhead who does not think of my bridesmaids as human beings. My friends and I share Christmas and birthdays together, and we give very personal and meaningful gifts. Do you know how many of their weddings I've been in? A lot. Do you know how many times I've received a robe or jewelry or whatever that matched everyone else? Every single time. Do you know how many other bridesmaids I've heard say: "Wow, I'm so hurt. Does she not know me at all? Does she seriously think that we are all the same person?" Not a single freakin' one. Because we don't take a wedding gift as a personal offense. We don't have our panties in a wad over it. We take our gift, we smile, and we remember who the day is about. After all, that's why we were bridesmaids. Because we loved our friend (the bride) so much. Not because we thought we would get repaid with a personal gift. I've never once thought: "Out of all the things she's doing, and of all the money she is spending, out of all the people she has to worry about... I better get that damn book that she knows I want, because I'm the "reader" and she knows that. 

I guess my set of friends are different. We are some chill bitches. You give us a necklace, we take it. You give us wine, we drink it. Etc.

But I will end this how I've ended all of my replies: Thank you for your opinion on the robes. I will not be using them! I do believe that they are a silly trend the more I think about it.

People gave you an opinion. Since it wasn't the opinion you wanted to hear, you flew off the handle and decided everyone was rude. No one was rude.

Why do people have to automatically call honesty rudeness? But if it makes you happy to pretend that people being honest is rude, by all means... 

[Deleted User]

MyNameIsNot said:

Knottie62309116 said:

So, I'm contemplating bridesmaid gifts, and of course, I DO have a budget. I'm paying for their hair and putting down the deposit on their makeup, but I definitely do not want them to think that is their "gift" from me. Good, because it isn't one. 

I really want to get them some really nice Kendra Scott earrings. (They are very popular right now, and I know them well enough to know they would all love them)... Something they would wear to the wedding, That's not a gift either. but something they could wear over and over. I was also going to get my MOH a matching bracelet or necklace. 

Part of me wants to get them monogrammed robes too. Still not a gift. It's the "in" thing to have the pictures in the robes, and I actually love a robe of mine that I got as a bridesmaid gift. However, I have a few bridesmaids who have already received more than one of those from other weddings, and they are also really expensive. 

So, basically, I'm trying to decide if I want to ditch the trendy robes so that I have the budget to get something else along with their jewelry. Have any of you given robes? Did you love it/regret it/not care much about it? Were those pictures adorable or could be done without? Did you bridesmaids like them? Do they use them?

I just want some opinions! And please, no "dressing your wedding party is not an appropriate gift" comments. I'm doing other things for my BMs. I just want an opinion on the robe issue. 

Don't get the robe. 

Spend the rest of your money on a gift that is actually for them, not for you. The things you've mentioned are wedding props. A gift is supposed to be about the recipient, not the giver.  

FWIW, I wouldn't be caught dead in a BM robe. But I would be seriously hurt if you thought so little of me that you couldn't be bothered to get me a real gift. 

Yes, you are right. That was honesty. But going through and editing my post with: "Good, because it isn't a gift... That's not one either... Still not a gift"? That, to me, was not just giving your opinion. It's purpose was to make me feel stupid. And, despite what you think, it was condescending,

I asked about the robes. You gave you opinion on them in your last sentence after bashing every single thing I said. However, I thank you for that opinion. I will not be getting robes.