i'm back... with VOWS!!

loro929

Hi ladies,

I finally finished a first draft of my vows. Would anyone be interested in checking them out to give me some more AMAZING feedback? 

Let me know and I will PM you!

Thanks.

[Deleted User]

yep

loro929

adk19 said:

yep

sending!!

Thanks!

[Deleted User]

I don't like the first three paragraphs.  That exactly what I was warning against.  The vows themselves are lovely.  But those introductory paragraphs made my eyes glaze over... for the past five years... love of my life... power of our love... *barf*  Sorry, but nobody wants to hear you recite a love note to your beloved in front of a crowd.  That's what you put in your letter to him that you have someone slip to him that morning when you're both getting ready separately.  And if you're at all emotional, you'll be choking on your tears and ugly crying before you even get to your first Promise.

But I loved the vows.  Even the slightly cheesy, "and lots of cuddles" because while I tend to frown on what I perceive as an inside joke, it lasts for all of three words and is probably very "you". 

Here's what my sister's vows read...

Bride and GroomI, A, take you, K, to be my husband, I, K, take you, A, to be my wife, my constant friend and partner, and my love.
I will work to create a bond of honesty, respect, and trust; one that withstands the tides of time and change, and grows along with us.
I vow to honor and respect you for all that you are and will become, taking pride in who we are, both separately and together.
I promise to challenge you, and to accept challenges from you.
I will join with you and our community and try to create and maintain a world we all want to live in.
Our home will be a sanctuary and a respite for us and for those whom we cherish.
Together: Above all, I will give you my love freely and unconditionally.
Together: I pledge this to you from the bottom of my heart, for all the days of our lives.

Here's the working copy of my vows...  Actually, it looks like I've copied and pasted two different versions and have to figure them out.  But I'll put them both here just for a reference.

Responsive: Please look into each others’ eyes as I ask you; Do you, A and M, pledge to create a life of mutual respect, compassion, generosity, and patience towards each other as you grow together in years?-We do.Do you pledge to recognize each other’s individuality and celebrate each other’s uniqueness as a strength in marriage as you guard one another’s weaknesses with understanding, support, and inspiration?-We do.Do you pledge to share the love you have for each other with all living beings? To be a couple that lets their marriage radiate into others, making their lives more beautiful because of it?-We do.I ask of you both, do you promise to choose each other every day, to love and be faithful to one another in word and deed?We do.Do you promise to recognize one another as equals, and support one another in your goals and wishes for the future?We do.Do you promise to always share your thoughts, and feelings, and concerns with one another, and be open and honest at all times?We do.Do you promise to comfort, protect, and defend each other for the rest of your lives?We do.Do you promise that come hell or high water, recession or ruin, misfortune or sickness, that you are in this together, no matter what?We do.

Thanks for trusting me with your vows even if I kinda ripped them apart.

loro929

adk19 said:

I don't like the first three paragraphs.  That exactly what I was warning against.  The vows themselves are lovely.  But those introductory paragraphs made my eyes glaze over... for the past five years... love of my life... power of our love... *barf*  Sorry, but nobody wants to hear you recite a love note to your beloved in front of a crowd.  That's what you put in your letter to him that you have someone slip to him that morning when you're both getting ready separately.  And if you're at all emotional, you'll be choking on your tears and ugly crying before you even get to your first Promise.

But I loved the vows.  Even the slightly cheesy, "and lots of cuddles" because while I tend to frown on what I perceive as an inside joke, it lasts for all of three words and is probably very "you". 

Here's what my sister's vows read...

Bride and GroomI, A, take you, K, to be my husband, I, K, take you, A, to be my wife, my constant friend and partner, and my love.
I will work to create a bond of honesty, respect, and trust; one that withstands the tides of time and change, and grows along with us.
I vow to honor and respect you for all that you are and will become, taking pride in who we are, both separately and together.
I promise to challenge you, and to accept challenges from you.
I will join with you and our community and try to create and maintain a world we all want to live in.
Our home will be a sanctuary and a respite for us and for those whom we cherish.
Together: Above all, I will give you my love freely and unconditionally.
Together: I pledge this to you from the bottom of my heart, for all the days of our lives.

Here's the working copy of my vows...  Actually, it looks like I've copied and pasted two different versions and have to figure them out.  But I'll put them both here just for a reference.

Responsive: Please look into each others’ eyes as I ask you; Do you, A and M, pledge to create a life of mutual respect, compassion, generosity, and patience towards each other as you grow together in years?-We do.Do you pledge to recognize each other’s individuality and celebrate each other’s uniqueness as a strength in marriage as you guard one another’s weaknesses with understanding, support, and inspiration?-We do.Do you pledge to share the love you have for each other with all living beings? To be a couple that lets their marriage radiate into others, making their lives more beautiful because of it?-We do.I ask of you both, do you promise to choose each other every day, to love and be faithful to one another in word and deed?We do.Do you promise to recognize one another as equals, and support one another in your goals and wishes for the future?We do.Do you promise to always share your thoughts, and feelings, and concerns with one another, and be open and honest at all times?We do.Do you promise to comfort, protect, and defend each other for the rest of your lives?We do.Do you promise that come hell or high water, recession or ruin, misfortune or sickness, that you are in this together, no matter what?We do.

Thanks for trusting me with your vows even if I kinda ripped them apart.

Thank you for your honest feedback! I appreciate it as I am no expert on writing vows :-). I am going to go at it for a round two taking into consideration your comments!

loro929

I took your advice and I removed the first three paragraphs I glazed it over to one "introductory" line. The vows remained the same, but now those three paragraphs are:

Following the words of Dante Alighieri: "In that book which is my memory, On the first page of the chapter that is the day when I first met you, Appear the words, 'Here begins a new life'

FI, today, surrounded by people who love us, I choose you to be my husband, my partner in life.

I promise .....

Thoughts?

[Deleted User]

loro929 said:

I took your advice and I removed the first three paragraphs I glazed it over to one "introductory" line. The vows remained the same, but now those three paragraphs are:

Following the words of Dante Alighieri: "In that book which is my memory, On the first page of the chapter that is the day when I first met you, Appear the words, 'Here begins a new life'

FI, today, surrounded by people who love us, I choose you to be my husband, my partner in life.

I promise .....

Thoughts?

I think that works.  Nice.