Not Engaged Yet

a date, no ring yet, feeling down

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Re: a date, no ring yet, feeling down

  • I dont get why youre posting about escort cards, guest books, etc if you aren't engaged yet. I mean, pre-planning is one thing but this is literal planning. I think it's a good decision to wait for him before you do any more.
    Because he said I could, and we picked it date, so I just ran with it :/
  • Feel free to vent away, but also listen to the advice you have been given. You have listed A LOT of red flags.  These issues absolutely need to be resolved before you enter a lifetime commitment with someone.  

    Stop planning.  Instead, listen to @phira and seek couples counseling.  If he won't go, that is another red flag.  


    We've talked about counseling, he's not against it, but I think I will bring it up again in a more serious manner. We just had a large religious gathering that really reinvigorated us and wanting to make our relationship stronger. We've sort of "turned a new leaf" so to speak just in the last few weeks. It's what makes us happy, please no judgement :) I know religion can be a taboo/disliked subject. Anyways, definitely some things to talk about tonight. 
  • That's nice to hear  :) I always back my religious convictions because I never know how they are going to be taken.
  • Girl... I just clicked on your post history and WHOA.

    STOP PLANNING...YOU'RE NOT ENGAGED!!!

    How in the hell can you be asking about guestbooks, escort cards for a plated dinner for 55, and saying that you need to let the venue know, if you are not engaged! 

    As other posters have suggested you need to get your relationship in check before you even think about the wedding. Seriously, get yourself a third party to talk to about this with your BF!
    friends tv show funy
  • @jenna8984 hit the nail on the head. 
  • Y'all be nice, ya hear?
    FUN STEALER! 
    I do what I can.
  • I have nothing more to add. PPs have covered all the things I want to say. If I were in your situation I'd cease all planning. I would sit down and have a serious timeline talk with your BF, because in all honesty he's sending you mixed signals. He tells you to go dress shopping, has an arbitrary date (although I don't know how that date is truly established until a venue is booked), has a ring picked out and puts it where you can see it, yet doesn't consider to be engaged to you? I would be upset with the situation.

    Also like many posters I see red flags.You said that there are past issues that you're still working on from your previous relationship, and that he is also working a few things out as well. He sounds like he isn't ready to get married, and quite frankly he sounds immature. I think you should try to step back and analyze if getting married right now is the best thing for you. Maybe you need some more time to heal and work on any relationship issues that are at hand before jumping into full on planning
  • drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited July 2015
    Swazzle said:
    We have a date planned because he picked a date. He knows he wants to marry me. I think giving me a date was to show me that he is serious. 

    Also, because of our religious beliefs, we don't believe in living together before marriage. So we aren't the type to date, then live together, then eventually get married. We've been dating for 2 years come September (known each other for 4), marriage is the next step in moving forward with our life together.

    It was his idea for me to go dress shopping because he is aware that at times there can be a long wait for a dress and he wanted me to be really happy with it. 

    I've been married before, he hasn't. I know the idea of marriage is a bit scary to him. Thanks for letting me vent and slapping a little sense in to me. Patience is not a virtue of mine, and I know I need to work on it. I went 2 months without looking at the ring, do I get any kudos for that? Haha. I guess I'll just take it one day at a time. TRY to stop planning, and if I can't get something that I want for a wedding in January then I'll just let it go.
    If you want to marry each other then you get engaged and you get married. You don't decide on a date, buy a wedding dress, and put the engagement ring in the bowl with the car keys by the front door. 

    Also there's a lot of "HE" picked this and "HE" decided that in your posts. It sounds like HE is making all of these decisions and you're just along for the ride.

    _____________________________Boxes__________________

    I was thinking the same thing.  Why is it entirely his decision when you get engaged, aren't you BOTH in this relationship?  How about discussing like adults and partners.  Unless this is an arranged marriage you have no say in and he needs 40 goats to pay your father, I fail to see why you can't talk to him about your feelings.

  • drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited July 2015
     
    Swazzle said:

    If you want to marry each other then you get engaged and you get married. You don't decide on a date, buy a wedding dress, and put the engagement ring in the bowl with the car keys by the front door. 

    Also there's a lot of "HE" picked this and "HE" decided that in your posts. It sounds like HE is making all of these decisions and you're just along for the ride.

    Yeah its's kinda like that sometimes...

    Long story short - I'm 26 and have been married before. He's 22 and hasn't. We come from a religion that doesn't believe in divorce unless there is adultery or abuse. The idea of marriage is very serious and a forever commitment (not that it isn't for those that aren't religious, that's just where it stems from for us). 

    We were together for 8 months. He was my first serious boyfriend after my divorce. Then I decided that we needed a break. He was still trying to get on his own two feet financial, and had also just gotten over a serious relationship that I didn't think he was quite over yet. Plus I was going through a lot emotionally. As things go in life, we had a Rachel/Ross moment. I was Ross, he was Rachel. He was deeply hurt by it, I understood why, and he said he's moved past it. But I think a part of him still holds on to it. And I still feel guilt for hurting him, so I let him hold it over me a bit I think. 



    image



  • I know what I'll be binge-watching on Netflix this weekend!!
  • I wasn't going to come back on here, per everyone's suggestions, but I was bored at work. So glad I did, LOVED all the Ross/Rachel gifs, freakin hilarious. He's definitely my lobster :)

    We've had a lot of good talks since I posted originally. In particular we had a very heartfelt conversation about how I feel second place in the relationship at times and how things he says affects me. He was very apologetic and said that he would work on it and to bring it up again if need be. We came up with a few ways to work on it. He also mentioned, again, that he's planning something special and I really have no need to worry. 

    So I'm currently just enjoying being a girlfriend and when it happens it happens  :)
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