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Mom Problems

This is my first post on here but I know someone somewhere must be experiencing this-unfortunately. I am a young bride (21) and my fiancee (21) and I have been together for about 5 years. Our-hopefully-wedding will be on August 13, 2016. I have had such a struggle with my mom. She has put down every idea I have said and now its to the point where I don't even want to think the wedding because no matter what she will put it now. Last month, she dragged me to a wedding dress salon to just look at dress. We didn't have a budget in mind like I wanted. She was actually interested in the wedding so of course, I went along. My mom says she will give some money for the wedding but isn't sure about how much and she'll give it to at some point. Unfortunately, my fiancee and I can't fund the wedding ourselves. But today, I asked if a date this August would work to go dress shopping with my friend, two of my grandmas, her and my future mother in law. And of course she went off the deep end. She said that it would be a circus and no one would have fun and that her and my grandma-her mom don't want to be involved if that is what I want. My question is how do you deal with this? 

Re: Mom Problems

  • This is my first post on here but I know someone somewhere must be experiencing this-unfortunately. I am a young bride (21) and my fiancee (21) and I have been together for about 5 years. Our-hopefully-wedding will be on August 13, 2016. I have had such a struggle with my mom. She has put down every idea I have said and now its to the point where I don't even want to think the wedding because no matter what she will put it now. Last month, she dragged me to a wedding dress salon to just look at dress. We didn't have a budget in mind like I wanted. She was actually interested in the wedding so of course, I went along. My mom says she will give some money for the wedding but isn't sure about how much and she'll give it to at some point. Unfortunately, my fiancee and I can't fund the wedding ourselves. But today, I asked if a date this August would work to go dress shopping with my friend, two of my grandmas, her and my future mother in law. And of course she went off the deep end. She said that it would be a circus and no one would have fun and that her and my grandma-her mom don't want to be involved if that is what I want. My question is how do you deal with this? 
    Plan on spending an amount on the wedding that you and your FI can afford, I wouldn't count on anyone else to fund the wedding until the check clears the bank. Stop talking about the wedding with your mom and she will stop shooting down your ideas. Have you talked to your FI about these ideas? The best advice I've ever recieved about wedding planning was this- no one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are. It doesn't mean they don't love you, but your wedding is for you and FI.
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    doeydo
  • I answered you on the other board.  Please put X-post in the title when you post the same thing on multiple boards.  Thank you.
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  • Do not take one more step on wedding planning until you lock down a budget. Do not look at a venue do not taste a slice of cake do not surf pintrest. Nothing.

    The only people who are responsible for paying for your wedding is you and your FI. I would not do anything that depends on money from anyone else. Plan a wedding you and your FI can afford with NO HELP FROM ANYONE. Stick to these boards more than a few weeks and you will see how counting on money not in your hand is dangerous. PLUS money comes with strings, you think your mom is overwhelming you now...wait till she has the right to give all her opinions bc you are taking her money.

    Your best bet is to figure out what you both want. Do you want to get married sooner and therefore probably have a smaller wedding with whatever you can save between now and next year? OR Do you want a big wedding with all the extras meaning you will have to have a long engagement and maybe wait 3 or more years depending on how much you can save.

    It does not sound like you can have everything you want. That sucks I know. But at the end of the day all you really need is whatever your state requires to get married, maybe a license, officiant, and perhaps a witness. Everything else is just extras.
    MesmrEwe
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