Moms and Maids

Bridesmaid delaying buying her dress

Hi, 
This is my first time writing one of these so please bear with me. I am getting married in 115 days and I got all the big things done like hall, church, my dress, dj, and photographer before the year mark of our wedding. I have 1 maid of honor, 1 matron of honor, 3 bridesmaids. My aunt (wedding coordinator) hosted a bridesmaid dinner where all but 1 of my bridesmaid were able to attend. Before the dinner we all went dress shopping to see if we could find there dresses. I believe I am being very accommodating my only request is that the dresses be black and long. I don't care about the fabric or design. All of the bridesmaids that were there bought their dress that day. The bridesmaid that was not able to join us is my finance's sister-in-law. We talked about going dress shopping or dress looking but has not happen and there's always a semi-reasonable excuse. However, we are getting done to the count and I really would like her to start looking or shopping for a dress. I have a feeling that she does not want to be in the wedding, but I have extremely low self esteem so that does not help.I have asked her before and she says yes but I just don't know. I need advise on how to approach her on buying a dress sooner then later. Last time I went to Davids Bridal (where I bought my dress, my bridesmaid, and my mom bought their dress) they said that we they need at least 3 months to order the dress which is August. I do not care where they buy the dress, so I do not mind if she buys it at a non bridal store. I am planning and doing pretty much everything for our wedding and have not asked for any help and required anything. 

Re: Bridesmaid delaying buying her dress

  • Leave the ball in her court. 

    FWIW, many brides on here report that DB totally over-inflates their lead time length and it's generally much shorter.   If you aren't caring about where the dresses come from, that makes things even easier.   She then has PLENTY of time to find a dress.

    Just think of it this way: If she has the dress, she's in the WP.   If she doesn't, she's a regular guest.   And you don't really need to know those details until about a week or so before the big day.   In the meantime, you can worry about other things  - like whether or not your FMIL wants to sing to your FI at the altar. 
    [Deleted User]
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
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    Mab12231 said:
    Hi, 
    This is my first time writing one of these so please bear with me. I am getting married in 115 days and I got all the big things done like hall, church, my dress, dj, and photographer before the year mark of our wedding. I have 1 maid of honor, 1 matron of honor, 3 bridesmaids. My aunt (wedding coordinator) hosted a bridesmaid dinner where all but 1 of my bridesmaid were able to attend. Before the dinner we all went dress shopping to see if we could find there dresses. I believe I am being very accommodating my only request is that the dresses be black and long. I don't care about the fabric or design. All of the bridesmaids that were there bought their dress that day. The bridesmaid that was not able to join us is my finance's sister-in-law. We talked about going dress shopping or dress looking but has not happen and there's always a semi-reasonable excuse. However, we are getting done to the count and I really would like her to start looking or shopping for a dress. I have a feeling that she does not want to be in the wedding, but I have extremely low self esteem so that does not help.I have asked her before and she says yes but I just don't know. I need advise on how to approach her on buying a dress sooner then later. Last time I went to Davids Bridal (where I bought my dress, my bridesmaid, and my mom bought their dress) they said that we they need at least 3 months to order the dress which is August. I do not care where they buy the dress, so I do not mind if she buys it at a non bridal store. I am planning and doing pretty much everything for our wedding and have not asked for any help and required anything. 
    You are more then 3 months out from your wedding so no, you are not getting "down to the count."

    The only requirements you gave them for their dress is that it needs to be black and long.  This means that she can buy a dress anywhere, not just from a bridal store like David's.  She could even wait to purchase a dress the week of if she wants.

    I think you need to take step back and deep breath.  She has plenty of time to get her dress.  And just because she hasn't bought one yet has no bearing on whether or not she wants to be in your wedding.  She knows what kind of dress to buy and when your wedding is.  So from this point on stop worrying about it and trust that she, as an adult, will get the dress.

    [Deleted User]Blue_Bird
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
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    I agree with PPs. My MOH bought her dress two weeks before my wedding. NBD. This is a non-issue until like the week of the wedding. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member

    I wouldn't worry about it until much closer to your wedding.  If you still have 3 months to go, there's still time for her to get the dress-on her own schedule. 

    If she really doesn't want to be in the wedding, then she'll either tell you or she won't get the dress.  Maybe she'll wear one she already has that fits your requirements (if she already has one).  If she comes to your wedding not wearing a dress that fits your requirements, she'll have taken herself out of the wedding party.  That's not the ideal way to do it, and it would suck, but it still makes more sense to let it go.

  • Really OP? Why is this worrying you?

    She has 115 days to find a dress that is long and black. If you really are laid back about this and are firm that the ONLY requirements be long and black then just step back.

    She is, I am assuming, an adult capable of handling herself. For me finding a long dress is kinda hard. I just do not like the way I look in most of them (wedding dress excluded). BUT I do know that within 30 days I could EASILY find something and have it altered if needed. This girl has 3 times that long so even if she is more picky than I am she has plenty of time.

    Let this one go. As PP have said, if she shows up in a short green number that will be her non verbal signal that she is attending as a non-wedding party guest.
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    You're making a mountain out of a molehill. She's got more than enough time to find a long, black dress. She could even go buy one a week before your wedding in a department store. 

  • I was just MOH for my FSIL. We live in NC and they live in MN. We drove up four days early, two day drive, found the dress at J C Penny the day before we left and it was perfect. Bride liked it, I liked it, didn't even need alterations. It's part of being an adult, being able to find clothes and make sure they fit before you need to wear them. Whoosah. It'll be fine.





  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
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    It won't be difficult to find a long black dress. Don't worry about it. She knows when the wedding is. If she doesn't get a dress in time, then she takes herself out of the wedding, and no big deal. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
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    I bought a dress for a wedding I might not even be able to attend six months out.  It was a waste for the bride to stress out.  I rolled my eyes but kept the peace by ordering it anyways.  I received the dress from DB seven days later.  Oh, and the "SUPER LIMITED TIME ONLY SALE AND AVAILABILITY" is still going on six months  later from when I ordered it.  You have three months to go.  It's a long black dress.  She could literally walk into almost any store the day of the wedding and find a dress that meets those requirements.  

    Let it go.  


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    Blue_Bird
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