Moms and Maids

MOH hiccup

I'm not having BMs; my best friend is my only bridal party member and she is my MOH. We are super close and she knows all my family crap. My dad won't be attending the wedding and my mum is not well, so my MOH was going to walk down the aisle with me.

She is now pregnant and the due date is 10 days before the wedding. I'm a midwife and I know that realistically she is very unlikely to deliver on her due date but even with a fair wind, it's quite unlikely that she'll make it to the wedding as she'll either be quite overdue or have a tiny baby. She keeps saying that she will *definitely* be at the wedding standing next to me, which of course if she is able to attend, it would be wonderful for her to come in whatever capacity she feels she'd like to take (standing, sitting or whatever ha ha!). However I recognise that this is unlikely as my experience tells me that she will either be being induced/in labour/ recovering. I also recognise that no one has any responsibilities aside from turning up sober and on time. However she was really excited about getting ready together on the day and so was I, and I was also really glad that I would have my best friend there to support me.

I know it's not an option to replace members of the bridal party. I just feel a little lost now as I had not imagined standing up there on my own and now this looks very likely, I feel a bit worried about it. I'm staying at a hotel the night before the wedding and I feel a bit sad that I'll be getting up on my own, having breakfast on my own, getting ready alone and going to the church on my own. FI is having a huge grooms party and it honestly never bothered me as I was going to have my MOH and that was enough for me. I suppose now I'm going to be on my own I feel a bit silly and I don't know what I can do to make myself feel less anxious.

I am honestly totally thrilled for her and I can't wait for her to be a mother, she is the most amazing person and an incredible friend. I have obviously not discussed any of this with her and I wouldn't, I don't want to give the impression that I am not happy for her.

I know I'm putting myself out here for potential criticism as this post probably comes across as a bit 'poor me', I suppose I just need to get this off my chest as I don't want to drag this feeling around with me. I'm usually very Pollyanna about life and I'm sure I'll soon give myself a kick and a talking to. I know in the scheme of things it's not a big deal and the point of getting married is to get married, not to faff about with your friend getting ready ha ha! I just haven't got my head around doing this stuff on my own yet.
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Re: MOH hiccup

  • I did not take your post as "poor me" as I do some posts on this site. :)

    I think it is wonderful that your have already stated that you just want her to be happy healthy and the same for the baby.

    I would say as far as you standing alone you on the alter that in reality you are not alone. Your FI will be right in front of you, looking into your eyes as you become husband and wife. Woohoo! So not alone at all.

    As far as the morning of, what about your parents or close aunts and such? I know I will probably have a few aunts (not in my bridal party) with me just because that is kinda how my family rolls, together when we can be as much as we can be. People just kinda show up. :)

    If this is an option I am sure your mom or close friend (male or female) would be not mind coming by to see you. I know that we always say on this site that "getting dressed with the wedding party is not an honor to give out" but I think this is a bit different given there really is not a party for you, its just you. At very least someone has to help you zip up your dress.

    Just a thought!
  • beachyone15beachyone15 TEXAS (the home of my exes)
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    I can completely understand why you'd be bummed. Don't count her out just yet though. Do you have other family members (aunts or cousins?) or other friends that you would consider inviting to get ready with you the day-of? Have you thought about staying with your FI the night before and/or meeting him for breakfast?

    If it is "just you" up there, trust me, you aren't going to be thinking about it as you are walking down the aisle. All that will matter is getting to your FI. No one is going to judge you for not having a gaggle of BMs there, and if they do, then they are just rude!

    I can sympathize and really hope this will all work out for you. Just keep reminding yourself about the whole point of the day. At the end of it, you'll be married!!!


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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    edited July 2015
    I'm not having BMs; my best friend is my only bridal party member and she is my MOH. We are super close and she knows all my family crap. My dad won't be attending the wedding and my mum is not well, so my MOH was going to walk down the aisle with me. She is now pregnant and the due date is 10 days before the wedding. I'm a midwife and I know that realistically she is very unlikely to deliver on her due date but even with a fair wind, it's quite unlikely that she'll make it to the wedding as she'll either be quite overdue or have a tiny baby. She keeps saying that she will *definitely* be at the wedding standing next to me, which of course if she is able to attend, it would be wonderful for her to come in whatever capacity she feels she'd like to take (standing, sitting or whatever ha ha!). However I recognise that this is unlikely as my experience tells me that she will either be being induced/in labour/ recovering. I also recognise that no one has any responsibilities aside from turning up sober and on time. However she was really excited about getting ready together on the day and so was I, and I was also really glad that I would have my best friend there to support me. I know it's not an option to replace members of the bridal party. I just feel a little lost now as I had not imagined standing up there on my own and now this looks very likely, I feel a bit worried about it. I'm staying at a hotel the night before the wedding and I feel a bit sad that I'll be getting up on my own, having breakfast on my own, getting ready alone and going to the church on my own. FI is having a huge grooms party and it honestly never bothered me as I was going to have my MOH and that was enough for me. I suppose now I'm going to be on my own I feel a bit silly and I don't know what I can do to make myself feel less anxious. I am honestly totally thrilled for her and I can't wait for her to be a mother, she is the most amazing person and an incredible friend. I have obviously not discussed any of this with her and I wouldn't, I don't want to give the impression that I am not happy for her. I know I'm putting myself out here for potential criticism as this post probably comes across as a bit 'poor me', I suppose I just need to get this off my chest as I don't want to drag this feeling around with me. I'm usually very Pollyanna about life and I'm sure I'll soon give myself a kick and a talking to. I know in the scheme of things it's not a big deal and the point of getting married is to get married, not to faff about with your friend getting ready ha ha! I just haven't got my head around doing this stuff on my own yet.
    I don't think your post is "poor me" or even one of those posts where a pregnant MOH or BM totally is ruining your very spescul time!  I think you are being very realistic about what could happen on your wedding day.

    Beachyone had some great suggestions.  Inviting family members or other friends to get ready with you is fine.  Just because they aren't BP members, doesn't mean they can't get ready with you.

    Also, if it ends up being that your MOH can't make it.  Perhaps having the GM sit in the front row will alleviate any feelings you have of being "alone" on your side.  Also, maybe your FI could escort you down the aisle.  I think it is a great statement to make that you and FI are freely entering your wedding together.

    Keep talking with your MOH as you expect her to show up at the wedding.  Don't share your fear with her that she won't be able to attend.  She may be having the same fears as you, but just follow her lead in what happens.  She may get to month 8 and know that she won't be able to stand with you.  So keep in the back of your mind some alternates that can be done if your MOH cannot attend.

    ETA: Words are hard.  Also, to clarify the final statement I made.  Don't replace MOH with anyone else as an official part of the BP.  If someone wants to get ready with you or walk you down the aisle (this is your choice), that does not make them a BP member. 
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I don't think your post came off as a SS whining about her pregnant friend at all.  It sucks to have plans change, especially when you were really looking forward to them.

    If you are worried about being lonely the morning of, consider inviting friends and family to get ready with you in the morning. Be realistic about the fact that she might not be able to make it, but also consider that it's not 100% certain she will miss it either .  When you start to walk down the aisle I promise you will only be thinking about your FI.  Just keep focusing on that and everything else will fall into place.  


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  • Sorry it's taken me ages to get back to this thread to say thank you so much all of you for your thoughtful, kind and gentle replies. 

    I have taken on board all your good suggestions and spoken to my family. The plan is to have my mum, my FMIL and FSIL all getting ready at the same hotel and then if my MOH can make it then brilliant, no worries if not as we will all be in one place anyway. A very dear friend has told me she is doing my makeup on the day too, so she'll be around too. 

    My MOH is still planning on attending the wedding and I'm behind her all the way, whatever she needs/ wants to do is completely fine. If she can't make it, then of course I'll miss her but it's not the end of the world, I know we carry each other in our hearts (although if she's in labour I won't expect to be at the forefront of her thoughts ha ha!)

    I'm really grateful to you ladies for offering me words of encouragement and guidance, thank you :)
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    levioosaOliveOilsMom
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