Bad Wedding Hookups

cowswithcoffee

Just got married.... the wedding was perfect. The thing that I really liked about the entire week before the wedding was bonding with everyone... especially my new sister-in-law who was one of my bridesmaids.

My SIL hooked up with one of the groomsmen- one of her brother's best friends as well as a good friend of mine. I think they just made out (I hope). I'm pretty sure she was drunk and he wasn't. The entire week the other bridesmaids and I noticed that she was attracted to this guy and given this guy's history we warned her politely to stay away from him.

This guy is my friend, but he has a bad history with girls- specifically taking advantage of girls when they are drunk. One of those girls was my best friend. Another one was another friend of mine from college.

I am really upset about this and not sure what to do. I know my SIL is an adult and free to make her own decisions. And honestly, I wouldn't mind if these two dated or hooked up under any other circumstances. But given the history I am concerned. They live very far away from each other so there is not much of a possibility of anything further happening, but they recently connected on Facebook and she is thinking of visiting the area he lives in this winter.

What should I do? My husband recently spoke with his sister outlining the consequences if they dated and this guy hurt her (which I feel he is likely to do). Are we butting in too much or are we correct for being concerned?

stinkerbell6879

As much as you are wanting to be protective of her and make sure that this guy does not hurt her...You have to leave it alone. Your husband already expressed his concern and that's as far as it should go. To me the more someone told me I shouldn't date a particular guy the more I wanted to. So even if she does date him and it goes bad, it's between the two of them they are adults.

ETA: Plus... There is distance so hopefully the novelty of the situation will wear off before she can plan a trip to visit.

janedoe1113a

I think you're butting in too much.  Your husband already warned her.  She's an adult and can make her own decisions.  If she wants to pursue it knowing his history, that is her choice.

[Deleted User]

I agree with pp. Let her figure it out for herself. She is old enough to make her own decisions in life.

I have a similar situation. On of our GM is totally into my sister. Well, he doesn't really committ to one girl, likes to play the field. My sister isn't into that and both H and I have given her a heads up on it. He really isn't her type anyway. My sister told him they are just friends even though he clearly wants something more. I love my sister and want to protect her, but should she give it a whirl, she knows what she is getting into. And that is where my help stops bc she is an adult and I can't tell her who to be with and who not to be with.

brilibby4

As difficult as it is, I think you need to let her make her own decisions.  She is an adult and you already did your part by warning her.

kpwedkk

I agree with the previous posters.  You did good by warning her, but if she wants to continue, they are adults.  Let it go.  If it leads to violence, other people may have to step in. 

Focus on your marriage, and be with the one you love

twilight.rose

Agreed with PP. You can't make her decisions for her, and if this is something she has to learn the hard way, you can't change that. Enjoy being a newlywed, and let her live her life.

awit77

you'll just have to let her go and see for herself.