Spin-Off: What bad advice did you get from married people?

ShesSoCold

The other thread had me wondering what kind of bad ideas you got from people who recently got married.

My brother told me to cheap out on the food because no one cares about food and no one remembers it.

Yes, because wedding food is usually really bad so no one talks about it and unfortunately people expect bad food. I'd say 95% of our total budget was food. Food was our theme.

Liatris2010

Food sounds like an amazing theme. Much better than modern rustic or burlap and lace.

beachyone15

• Have a dollar dance because "you'll make a lot of money"
• Cash bar for liquor (we only did beer/wine)
  
• All the bridesmaids should wear nude shoes (I told them nude or gold), because the one who wants to wear gold will stick out

Eh, I guess that wasn't too bad compared to some of the things I've heard on TK.

MairePoppy

My family members from MA told us that DD and SIL shouldn't have open bar at their wedding because guests would set their drinks down, forget them and order another drink. When people don't have to pay for their drinks, they're wasteful. Trust me, no booze was wasted at this wedding.

 

julieanne912

beachyone15 said:

• Have a dollar dance because "you'll make a lot of money"
• Cash bar for liquor (we only did beer/wine)
  
• All the bridesmaids should wear nude shoes (I told them nude or gold), because the one who wants to wear gold will stick out

Eh, I guess that wasn't too bad compared to some of the things I've heard on TK.

I've gotten the first two also.

randomslove

A married woman told me to buy my dress a few sizes too large, because most women gain a significant amount of weight before they get married.

Another one told me I should do things like the garter toss, dollar dance, etc, because people will expect them.

Weddings NEED a theme.

onefootinthebayou

I don't remember any bad advice I got b/c I ignored it all

AddieCake

I don't think I got any bad advice unless you count the apparent need for those damned marshmallow Peeps.

novella1186

A married guy at work told me there's this new brilliant thing I had to do called a honeyfund. I could go on a honeymoon for free!!! So awesome! (yeah, no.) 

H's sister (and parents) said we needed to do what she did because it was so great and so smart for the budget: host the bar during cocktail hour and then switch to a cash bar for the rest of the night. That was the hill I gladly died on. 

I was also told "Don't forget to include registry info on the invite!" 

julieanne912

Oh I forgot, my cousin (who got married last year) told me I should buy my dress from a chinese site, because she did and it only cost her $150 and it looked great and didn't even need alterations (it didn't fit her well at all)

banana468

I should have a DW in the islands because that's what her son did. 

julieanne912

Thought of another one.. FI's stepmom went on and on about how I should wear flip flops at my reception because my feet would get tired (and because that's what her daughter did at her wedding).  She then made me try on HER flip flops (we were all camping at the time), and said she'd buy me a pair like hers if I wanted.  

I'm wearing my cowboy boots, pretty sure my feet will be OK the whole day.  

NowIamMrsKlein

"You can pass a hat or something during some form of entertainment! My sister did that at her large Ukrainian wedding 30 years ago! The groomsmen all did this silly dance and they passed the hat around. They made like 5000$!!!" - my MIL.

FI said I had an absolute look of horror on my face.

DarthV8r

I've been advised to have a pot luck, cash bar, send invites to the whole family instead of individuals , cater my own wedding, have family and friends set up and break down, and have a stand up ceremony. And why????? Because everyone said I've been with my s.o. for so long I shouldn't waste money on a nice wedding. I plan to invite everyone individualy, have an open bar, have my venue set up break down and cater. Eta: seats I will make sure we have a lot of those.

loveislouder

We didn't necessarily get bad advice, just conflicting advise. Never to bed angry, never stay up all night fighting.

My favourite piece of advice I got: "If all else fails, get nekkid. " from H's aunt. I laughed so hard.

lyndausvi

We didn't get any bad advice.

Both sides of the family are full meals, open bars, butts for every seat people anyway.    Plus both of us work in the hospaliity business.   We know more on what do and not do then the average couple.

peachy13

Someone told me not to go around and greet/thank all the guests during the reception, that it takes up too much time and that they won't care anyway.

peachy13

novella1186 said:

A married guy at work told me there's this new brilliant thing I had to do called a honeyfund. I could go on a honeymoon for free!!! So awesome! (yeah, no.) 

H's sister (and parents) said we needed to do what she did because it was so great and so smart for the budget: host the bar during cocktail hour and then switch to a cash bar for the rest of the night. That was the hill I gladly died on. 

I was also told "Don't forget to include registry info on the invite!" 

YES I actually heard the question: "You're doing a honeyfund, right? I can't see why anyone wouldn't do that."

wandajune6

I heard a few times that it was ok to take out a loan/rely on credit cards for the wedding because we would "make the money back" in gifts.

I was told that I'd always regret it if I didn't wear a veil.

I also heard that everyone would be upset if we didn't do the garter toss and bouquet toss.

We paid cash for the wedding. I still don't regret skipping the veil, garter toss, or bouquet toss.

MissKittyDanger

"you should just walk down the aisle, it'll be fine."

My immediate reaction is that gif that I don't have of Steve Carell going "no. no no no no no!"

"Why not?"

uhm, because my dad passed suddenly a little over a year ago causing me to have vast amounts of anxiety and figuring out a wedding without him!? *add a few tears because it does get me emotional*

"well he would still want you to. you should just do it alone. it'll be weird if you have your mum"

WHEN DID THIS BECOME SOMEONE ELSE'S CHOICE!?

/end rant

Sorry .... that's legit only thing that's happened.

thisismynickname2

I don't remember getting any bad advice, actually. But I saw on a friend's facebook some relative of hers commenting, "Don't forget, it's YOUR DAY and people should just be honored to share it with you!" <<facepalm>>

randomslove

@thisismynickname

I hear that constantly. "Do what you like, honey, it's your day." "You should feel like a princess." "Choose a MOH who will help you like you helped X." "You should feel like a princess on your day."

Nope. Nope. Nope.

One: It belongs to my FI as much as to me.

Two: It's my wedding day, but it's still not just -my- day. Other people exist; I don't have the right to make them jump through hoops because it's "my day."

Three: I don't wanna be a princess!

Four: See two. I don't want anyone to jump through hoops because it's "my day."

Five: No, really, I don't want to be a princess. At least not in the way everyone thinks. "You should just worry about getting ready that day." If I were to be a princess at all, I would want to be one of those nice, thoughtful, make sure everything is going well for everyone that I can Disney princesses. No tiara, please. I'm not a fan.

redheadbride15

wandajune6 said:

I heard a few times that it was ok to take out a loan/rely on credit cards for the wedding because we would "make the money back" in gifts.

I was told that I'd always regret it if I didn't wear a veil.

I also heard that everyone would be upset if we didn't do the garter toss and bouquet toss.

We paid cash for the wedding. I still don't regret skipping the veil, garter toss, or bouquet toss.

Yeah, I was told that "if you play your cards right" you will make more money from gifts than your wedding will cost so it's no problem if you go over budget! This was from an older lady I work with, who either has NO idea what the typical budget for a modern wedding is, or she has EXTREMELY generous friends and family. Our gifts were all cash, and summed a total of about $4k (with $3k of that coming from our parents). That wasn't even enough to cover the food for the reception... And we had fewer than 60 guests and served BBQ...

pinupbride6189

From FMIL: "You guys shouldn't have a wedding. Just go to Hawaii and elope! Of course we'll come, but you know..."

From FI's Grandfather: "You know, if there is a financial benefit for you guys, you could just have a very small ceremony now and then still have the whole thing in April an nobody needs to know except the two of you."

My mom: "Since you two are already living together and have been on your own for a while, you could do a honeymoon registry! And we could include the information in the inviations!"

Yeah, no thanks...

charcoalandblush

Lots of married folks have asked why we aren't having a personal attendant. 

Also many have suggested a cash bar or partial cash bar.

AlexisA01

The bride and groom should be eating better food than the guest. It's expected and nobody cares that you are eating a better cut of steak than the cheap stuff. Also was told the same about booze.

MegEn1

"Have all the kids in the family in the wedding. Everybody loves kids they'll all be so cute."

To those who are up on all my issues with this and all related statements I'm sorry to rehash it but it still makes me twinge. 

Vivandiere8

The very night we were engaged a friend's mother told us not to get married too quickly, that would be a big mistake, because now was the time for us to get to know each other well enough to see if we wanted to get married. We explained we have known each other for seven years, dated for four, and we were excited to be husband and wife as soon as made sense. To us engagement meant our minds were already made up. She then tells us to trust her on this, she knows what she is talking about, and we should be engaged for maybe eight or nine years like she was so we could really be sure. We would be foolish to not give ourselves a number of years.

We were happily married almost nine months later. Ain't nobody got time for that.

Nothing against people who chose to have long engagements, but she lectured us for about ten minutes on why we should be engaged for many years first. It was pretty funny actually.

stefuhknee

My SO and I are not even engaged yet (we plan to be before the end of this year) but I've already gotten "You can just have a small ceremony right away and then have a "real" wedding later on" Explaining why that's a no-no is always fun.

ETF: deleted link

lovemesomemonster

The only advice I have received is "you should do a honeymoon fund because you guys have been living together for 6 years" and my family always expects a money dance. nope and nope.

My favorite marriage advice comes from my mom which I love. Every time FI and I are having a disagreement over something her first question is "how's your sex life? you know it's more important that people a lot of people think", yep, I agree, and it's great, thanks for asking. 

frenchiekin

MairePoppy said:

My family members from MA told us that DD and SIL shouldn't have open bar at their wedding because guests would set their drinks down, forget them and order another drink. When people don't have to pay for their drinks, they're wasteful. Trust me, no booze was wasted at this wedding.

 

This.  We and our families are from/in MA and we have gotten this from EVERYONE.  Or my step-father, who told us to have open bar during cocktail hour, then switch to cash for the guests but keep it open for wedding party only for the night, because that's what he did for my step-sister's wedding.  No.  "It's such a waste of money, no one will care."  No.  "People get out of control, you don't want that at your wedding."  No.  And people get shit-hammered at bars every night.  Having to pay for their drinks isn't going to stop them.  Also, no.

"You should do one of those honeymoon funds!"

"Make sure you let the wedding party know what time set-up is the day before the wedding."

"What are you requiring for a dress code?  But what if someone shows up in jeans?"

"You're not doing a bouquet toss/real wedding cake/guest book/head table?  But that's what happens at weddings!!!"

And my favorite, "It's YOUR day!  Do whatever YOU want!" or, it's the BRIDE'S day.  This has actually started to make me angry when people say it.  No, it's not my fucking day.  My FI is also a person who is the other 50% involved in this.  The glorification of the bride makes me crazy.  And we are inviting 200 other people, the rudest thing I could do is have the mentality that, at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is me.