pre-wedding events

kns1988

Changing the question because I'm worried about identifying info. How many pre-wedding events would you attend and how much time off work would you take for them?

ShesSoCold

kns1988 said:

Changing the question because I'm worried about identifying info. How many pre-wedding events would you attend and how much time off work would you take for them?

Depends. Are we talking as a bridesmaid? Mother of the groom? Random cousin? What kind of "events"? Cheesy bridesmaids "get to know you" brunches? Group shopping trips? Showers?

Assuming you're talking about bridesmaids, I would try to go to the shower and/or bachelorette and try to be busy (or pretend to be) for any brunches or envelope stuffing parties and that crap. I would not take time off work unless you were my sister.

climbingsingle

Well, this is incredibly hard to answer as it would depend on my schedule. And how many events are we talking about here? Is there travel involved? Would I have to travel far to each event?

kns1988

I'm talking as a bridesmaid. I've always thought bridal shower, bachelorette within reason (i.e. I'm not going on a 3 day weekend to Cancun, but I'll go to a single party), rehearsal dinner, and wedding were what was expected. Pre-wedding bridal luncheons and morning after brunches are a new thing to me, and I don't know if it's necessary to attend or not. 

Jen4948

kns1988 said:

Changing the question because I'm worried about identifying info. How many pre-wedding events would you attend and how much time off work would you take for them?

It would depend on my role in the wedding, the scheduling, finances, and whether or not there is overnight travel involved.

If I'm a bridesmaid for an out-of-town wedding, it really depends on the time of year the wedding is taking place.  When I was a bridesmaid at my brother's wedding, I literally could not get there until two nights before because that was all the time I could get off during tax season.  I arrived on the night my SIL's bachelorette party took place, but I wasn't able to make it to that.  Everyone knew and understood.  That said, if that wedding were happening now and I was a bridesmaid, assuming that I could get time off, I'd probably try for at least two days prior to the wedding and the day after.

climbingsingle

I've been a bridesmaid many times and never has the bride had a luncheon. I've only seen one day after brunch and it was for all guests. Honestly, I would not attend a shower and a bach party and a luncheon and a day after brunch. That's too much.

MyNameIsNot

kns1988 said:

I'm talking as a bridesmaid. I've always thought bridal shower, bachelorette within reason (i.e. I'm not going on a 3 day weekend to Cancun, but I'll go to a single party), rehearsal dinner, and wedding were what was expected. Pre-wedding bridal luncheons and morning after brunches are a new thing to me, and I don't know if it's necessary to attend or not. 

As a BM, I try to go to the shower, bachelorette and RD if they're happening. I've always attended the wedding as a BM. I've usually been able to attend all of the above, but I've missed two showers and one B-party. (Different weddings; I've been a MOH/BM 9 times.)

The only thing that is expected is that the BM attend the ceremony. Everything else is optional. 

jacques27

I think your question is now too vague.

Reading down, you're referring to being a bridesmaid.  That assumes I am super close to the bride (because honestly, I'm at the point where if you weren't my favorite cousin or my BFF, I'm going to say thanks, but no thanks to being a bridesmaid).  So, assuming those two things, I'd probably be planning a shower and a bach party for them and therefore attending.  If on the chance it's someone I'm friends with, but not super close (again, I wouldn't have accepted to begin with, but let's play pretend), I will probably attend both even though I hate showers, but the bach party would only be if it's an activity that I enjoy doing (I wouldn't go if there were strippers involved or dancing at clubs). 

I wouldn't take any time off work for any of these things, though might take a half day if I'm hosting and need to get stuff ready and it's a Friday night.  I also wouldn't attend "meetings" or "crafting parties" or anything else.  Basically, if it works with my schedule and my budget and it's something I'm interested in doing - I'll be there.  But I've got my own life with a job to work and bills to pay.

AddieCake

Depends how close I am to the bride.

Maggie0829

You do not have to attend any pre-wedding events if you do not want to, BM or not.  The only event, as a BM, that you should attend is the actual wedding.

So really you need to decide what works in regards to your schedule, work leave and budget in regards to what you want to attend.

[Deleted User]

jacques27 said:

I think your question is now too vague.

Reading down, you're referring to being a bridesmaid.  That assumes I am super close to the bride (because honestly, I'm at the point where if you weren't my favorite cousin or my BFF, I'm going to say thanks, but no thanks to being a bridesmaid).  So, assuming those two things, I'd probably be planning a shower and a bach party for them and therefore attending.  If on the chance it's someone I'm friends with, but not super close (again, I wouldn't have accepted to begin with, but let's play pretend), I will probably attend both even though I hate showers, but the bach party would only be if it's an activity that I enjoy doing (I wouldn't go if there were strippers involved or dancing at clubs). 

I wouldn't take any time off work for any of these things, though might take a half day if I'm hosting and need to get stuff ready and it's a Friday night.  I also wouldn't attend "meetings" or "crafting parties" or anything else.  Basically, if it works with my schedule and my budget and it's something I'm interested in doing - I'll be there.  But I've got my own life with a job to work and bills to pay.

Actually, I'll totally help you address envelopes... if you come to me.  If we're at my place so I can be going up and downstairs changing out laundry, or take a few minutes to wipe down a counter or fold some clothes, I'll open a bottle of wine with you and help you with your addressing and stuffing.  I'm getting shit done, you're getting shit done, we're drinking wine, I don't hate my handwriting, this could work.  But if I have to figure out what train/bus/cab I have to take to get to you (I don't own a car) to help you with your shit while I don't get any of my own done, I'm out.

[Deleted User]

As a bride I tried to limit pre-wedding events. I did a wedding party cook-out with their families and ours about 2 months prior to the wedding. This was for our parents to meet and for the bridal party members to meet because basically none of the BM knew any of the GM and thought it would make things less ackward if they got to meet prior to wedding. My BM planned my bachlorette party for a Saturday night & the Bridal Shower was a Sunday afternoon. They all live local and work M-F so no time off was needed for those. I tried to start my rehersal late enough to limit how much if any time people would need to take off from work. I think only 2 people had to ask for 1 hour off. We didn't do any post wedding events.