Family Birthdays and Wedding Dates

Knottie32957159

The venue I'm in love with has two dates available in the months that I've dreamed of for my and my fiance's wedding. The problem is they're both on close family member's birthdays. I don't feel entirely comfortable sharing my anniversary with a family member's birthday but my fiance thinks I'm being silly. 

Are there any rules on this?

julieanne912

No, and I agree w/ your fiance.

Maggie0829

Knottie32957159 said:

The venue I'm in love with has two dates available in the months that I've dreamed of for my and my fiance's wedding. The problem is they're both on close family member's birthdays. I don't feel entirely comfortable sharing my anniversary with a family member's birthday but my fiance thinks I'm being silly. 

Are there any rules on this?

I agree with your FI.

Why does it matter so much if your anniversary also falls on a family members birthday?

AddieCake

I agree with your fiancé. Who the hell cares if it is someone's birthday?

OliveOilsMom

This Saturday will be my brother & his wife's 10th wedding anniversary. It will also be my mom's 67th birthday. It was never an issue that my brother got married on my mom's birthday. It actually meant that she got to share her birthday with some of her extended cousins that she usually doesn't get to see. My brother and SIL presented my mom with a birthday cake at the reception.

lyndausvi

I think you are being silly.

My wedding was the day before my parents 40's anniversary. It was 2 day before my sister's birthday.  It was 4 days before my niece's birthday.

My sister got married on my cousin's anniversary.  That cousin's brother got married on their mom's (my aunt) birthday.

Granted I'm one of 24 grandkids.  My mom had 8 siblings.  I have 3 siblings, all married who produced 7 kids.   Finding a date that doesn't hit a birthday or anniversary would be quite a feat.

Oh and my SIL got married on our anniversary.   4 siblings and 2 share the same wedding day.

New Flash - people are able to celebrate more than one thing on the same day.

pinkcow13

I fail to see how this is an issue. You're being very silly and overthinking this. 

banana468

It shouldn't be an issue.   Our wedding day is the same day as SIL's birthday.

The only time I can see it as a potential issue is if you're in a family where the birthday person may need a "come to deity" discussion about how that birthday may not be the center of your attention for that exact day.   Other than that, party on Garth. 

AddieCake

This is almost as silly as the poster who was fretting about getting married during election time.

JaxInBlue

There were - no exaggeration - 11 birthdays and 4 anniversaries being celebrated in the same month as our wedding, including my BIL's birthday on our wedding day and my dad two days later.  Both of DH's brothers had wedding anniversary in the same month. And those were just the milestones we knew about among family and friends.

That's just to say timing is timing.  If this is absolutely the venue for you, the available dates are the only ones you want to consider, and those dates work for you, your FI and your VIPs, then you don't worry about birthday/anniversary/Talk Like a Pirate Day conflicts.  If people celebrating their own milestones don't want to spend that day at your wedding, they will decline.  And you can decide how to handle potential celebration conflicts when they arise down the road.  It's not a decision you need to make now.

hellohkb

I understand why you'd feel weird. I'm a "birthday" sort of person and felt uncomfortable with that. One of the available dates I had was the day before my mom's birthday and I turned it down. I wanted to be able to give my mom more attention. Though in retrospect, it could have been a fun weekend for her to see everyone.

But I'm also really weird about stuff like that, so again, I understand the hesitation.

Jen4948

It's okay if your wedding falls on someone's birthday.

thisismynickname2

banana468 said:

It shouldn't be an issue.   Our wedding day is the same day as SIL's birthday.

The only time I can see it as a potential issue is if you're in a family where the birthday person may need a "come to deity" discussion about how that birthday may not be the center of your attention for that exact day.   Other than that, party on Garth. 

I don't think OP is being silly. There are some people who get batshit crazy over their birthdays. (It happened to me, someone's 30th was the day before my wedding and she was pissed. WTF?) 

If OP has some batshit crazy family members who would give her hell for something like this, she has a right to be concerned. In which case, take Banana's thoughts on that. 

I fail to see how OP could think that someone's birthday would somehow diminish her wedding anniversary, because that would be silly. 

hellohkb

thisismynickname said:

banana468 said:

It shouldn't be an issue.   Our wedding day is the same day as SIL's birthday.

The only time I can see it as a potential issue is if you're in a family where the birthday person may need a "come to deity" discussion about how that birthday may not be the center of your attention for that exact day.   Other than that, party on Garth. 

I don't think OP is being silly. There are some people who get batshit crazy over their birthdays. (It happened to me, someone's 30th was the day before my wedding and she was pissed. WTF?) 

If OP has some batshit crazy family members who would give her hell for something like this, she has a right to be concerned. In which case, take Banana's thoughts on that. 

I fail to see how OP could think that someone's birthday would somehow diminish her wedding anniversary, because that would be silly. 

I am the batshit crazy birthday person. I wouldn't be thrilled to spend my birthday (or birtbday weekend) at someone's wedding but to complain about it and give someone shit?? Oh my god. I'd never dream of doing that

thisismynickname2

hellohkb said:

banana468 said:

It shouldn't be an issue.   Our wedding day is the same day as SIL's birthday.

The only time I can see it as a potential issue is if you're in a family where the birthday person may need a "come to deity" discussion about how that birthday may not be the center of your attention for that exact day.   Other than that, party on Garth. 

I don't think OP is being silly. There are some people who get batshit crazy over their birthdays. (It happened to me, someone's 30th was the day before my wedding and she was pissed. WTF?) 

If OP has some batshit crazy family members who would give her hell for something like this, she has a right to be concerned. In which case, take Banana's thoughts on that. 

I fail to see how OP could think that someone's birthday would somehow diminish her wedding anniversary, because that would be silly. 

I am the batshit crazy birthday person. I wouldn't be thrilled to spend my birthday (or birtbday weekend) at someone's wedding but to complain about it and give someone shit?? Oh my god. I'd never dream of doing that

I say this with good humor, but why not? Free booze and all your friends are presumably there! Sounds like a good party to me. (With all due respect to stealing a bride's thunder.)

Maggie0829

hellohkb said:

banana468 said:

It shouldn't be an issue.   Our wedding day is the same day as SIL's birthday.

The only time I can see it as a potential issue is if you're in a family where the birthday person may need a "come to deity" discussion about how that birthday may not be the center of your attention for that exact day.   Other than that, party on Garth. 

I don't think OP is being silly. There are some people who get batshit crazy over their birthdays. (It happened to me, someone's 30th was the day before my wedding and she was pissed. WTF?) 

If OP has some batshit crazy family members who would give her hell for something like this, she has a right to be concerned. In which case, take Banana's thoughts on that. 

I fail to see how OP could think that someone's birthday would somehow diminish her wedding anniversary, because that would be silly. 

I am the batshit crazy birthday person. I wouldn't be thrilled to spend my birthday (or birtbday weekend) at someone's wedding but to complain about it and give someone shit?? Oh my god. I'd never dream of doing that

But the great thing is, is that you don't have to attend the wedding.  You can always decline the invitation.  Same with OPs family members.  If for some reason they can't just deal with the fact that their birthday may fall on OPs wedding then they can decline the invite.  But rest assured that many people will think that they are crazy for doing so.  Birthdays happen every year.  To skip the weekend long b-day celebration to attend a family members wedding is not the end of the world.  I mean you can always celebrate the next weekend if it is absolutely necessary.

AddieCake

I just never understand adults making a big deal about their birthdays.

[Deleted User]

JaxInBlue said:

There were - no exaggeration - 11 birthdays and 4 anniversaries being celebrated in the same month as our wedding, including my BIL's birthday on our wedding day and my dad two days later.  Both of DH's brothers had wedding anniversary in the same month. And those were just the milestones we knew about among family and friends.

That's just to say timing is timing.  If this is absolutely the venue for you, the available dates are the only ones you want to consider, and those dates work for you, your FI and your VIPs, then you don't worry about birthday/anniversary/Talk Like a Pirate Day conflicts.  If people celebrating their own milestones don't want to spend that day at your wedding, they will decline.  And you can decide how to handle potential celebration conflicts when they arise down the road.  It's not a decision you need to make now.

OMG!  I think I need to find out what years Talk Like a Pirate Day or Towel Day fall on a Saturday or Sunday!!!  What if I get married on Towel day and give out towels embroidered with Don't Panic as party favors???  How cool would that be????  (Yes, I'm a nerd.)

Anyway, my cousin got married on the 4th birthday of one of his nieces and the 1st birthday of another of his nieces.  Wedding couple got a tiered cake to cut, new 4 and 1-year-olds each got their own small cake to cut.  And since they were young we sang Happy Birthday to them.  It was cute.

Maggie0829

AddieCake said:

I just never understand adults making a big deal about their birthdays.

I am completely with you on this.

[Deleted User]

Maggie0829 said:

AddieCake said:

I just never understand adults making a big deal about their birthdays.

I am completely with you on this.

I don't like going to work on my birthday.  But nobody else making an issue of it is totally fine with me.  I'm also really okay with rescheduling holidays including my birthday.  If my birthday were to fall on a Wednesday, FH would probably still go to his weekly Pub Trivia game at the bar.  I'd either ask to go with him, or possibly prefer to sit at home on my ass watching bad television.  He can take me out for a medium-fancy dinner next weekend.

ShesSoCold

Maggie0829 said:

AddieCake said:

I just never understand adults making a big deal about their birthdays.

I am completely with you on this.

Me too. I don't get it. 

FWIW, H and I scheduled our destination wedding a year out, for the beginning of August. When we scheduled it, my SIL was due at the end of August. We would have rescheduled the DW had my niece been born on or near the date because we didn't want her to have to be out of town and away from the rest of her family on her first birthday. But she is a baby and a first birthday is a big deal for a lot of people.

We ended up getting married two days after H's birthday, the day after my brother's birthday and 2 days before my MIL 7 SDIL's anniversary. No one cared, that I knew of. 

Knottie32957159

The main reason I was concerned about it is because the dates are my sister's birthday, who is my  maid of honor, and her son's (my nephew) birthday.

[Deleted User]

Knottie32957159 said:

The main reason I was concerned about it is because the dates are my sister's birthday, who is my  maid of honor, and her son's (my nephew) birthday.

Have a special personal cake for them if you want to acknowledge their birthday.  i.e. instead of serving them a regular slice of wedding cake, make sure they're served a mini cake of their very own that says "Happy Birthday" on it.  I think it'd be cute.  And your sister would always remember your anniversary.

AddieCake

Knottie32957159 said:

The main reason I was concerned about it is because the dates are my sister's birthday, who is my  maid of honor, and her son's (my nephew) birthday.

If you cared because you were worried your nephew would get screwed out of a birthday party because he had to go to a wedding, ok. But you said you don't want to share your anniversary date with their birthday date, so I still think it's silly.

hellohkb

If it's a wedding for someone I don't particularly care for I decline regardless.

thisismynickname said:

hellohkb said:

banana468 said:

It shouldn't be an issue.   Our wedding day is the same day as SIL's birthday.

The only time I can see it as a potential issue is if you're in a family where the birthday person may need a "come to deity" discussion about how that birthday may not be the center of your attention for that exact day.   Other than that, party on Garth. 

I don't think OP is being silly. There are some people who get batshit crazy over their birthdays. (It happened to me, someone's 30th was the day before my wedding and she was pissed. WTF?) 

If OP has some batshit crazy family members who would give her hell for something like this, she has a right to be concerned. In which case, take Banana's thoughts on that. 

I fail to see how OP could think that someone's birthday would somehow diminish her wedding anniversary, because that would be silly. 

I am the batshit crazy birthday person. I wouldn't be thrilled to spend my birthday (or birtbday weekend) at someone's wedding but to complain about it and give someone shit?? Oh my god. I'd never dream of doing that


I say this with good humor, but why not? Free booze and all your friends are presumably there! Sounds like a good party to me. (With all due respect to stealing a bride's thunder.)

This is true! I think it's because all the weddings I've gone to lately have been on FIs side. One of the last ones we went to that we went to was an etiquette nightmare. It was outside in the blazing heat of summer and there weren't enough chairs and we weren't allowed inside until dinner was ready to be served. I talk about that one all the damn time.

If it were a wedding my friend was having, I'd be excited.

hellohkb

AddieCake said:

I just never understand adults making a big deal about their birthdays.

I love peoples birthdays. They're fun!

AddieCake

hellohkb said:

I just never understand adults making a big deal about their birthdays.

I love peoples birthdays. They're fun!

Sure. I get that. I enjoy birthdays, too, but I can't see making a big deal out of it to the point where you are affected in some way if you have to go to a wedding on it. That's all I meant.

hellohkb

AddieCake said:

hellohkb said:

AddieCake said:

I just never understand adults making a big deal about their birthdays.

I love peoples birthdays. They're fun!

Sure. I get that. I enjoy birthdays, too, but I can't see making a big deal out of it to the point where you are affected in some way if you have to go to a wedding on it. That's all I meant.

That I don't really understand either. I'm a little over the top with other people's birthdays (and my own, but not as much as other peoples) but to actually complain or make a big deal over it is kind of weird. Unless they had some big plan to go away,but if that were the case I'd just quietly decline

Maggie0829

Knottie32957159 said:

The main reason I was concerned about it is because the dates are my sister's birthday, who is my  maid of honor, and her son's (my nephew) birthday.

Then why not just talk to your sister about it?  She is a VIP so checking with her on the dates is kind of a necessary thing anyways.  Tell her the dates and see if she says anything.  She may not care.  She may only care about her sons birthday.  But the only thing you can do is talk to her and see what she says.

But I am still confused as to why sharing your anniversary with either of their b-days is something that you don't want to do.

AddieCake

But @hellohkb You said you wouldn't be thrilled if you had to go to a wedding your birthday weekend. I don't understand that.

[Deleted User]

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie32957159 said:

The main reason I was concerned about it is because the dates are my sister's birthday, who is my  maid of honor, and her son's (my nephew) birthday.

Then why not just talk to your sister about it?  She is a VIP so checking with her on the dates is kind of a necessary thing anyways.  Tell her the dates and see if she says anything.  She may not care.  She may only care about her sons birthday.  But the only thing you can do is talk to her and see what she says.

But I am still confused as to why sharing your anniversary with either of their b-days is something that you don't want to do.

If you are concerned, check with your sister. My wedding date is three days before my mom's birthday so it falls on her "birthday weekend" or whatever. When I asked her if she minded she laughed in my face and said it's a great excuse for her to forget her birthday! 

 I always try to make a big deal about my parents' birthdays because they generally don't like them, so I make sure they feel special like they always did to me (now that I can afford it). But I personally also don't get the big deal about adult birthdays. I have adult friends who wig about when people don't come out to celebrate with them, and I'm like, bro, I am under all these blankets with my bra off, but I DID send you a great Happy Birthday text complete with as many emojis as possible, so shove off.