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My wedding regrets. Any advice on how to move on?

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Re: My wedding regrets. Any advice on how to move on?

  • AddieCake said:
    Sometimes it's all about the tone of the OP. This person doesn't give me a "waaaaah, my special day was less than perfect!" vibe. She seems very sad, my heart goes out to her, and I don't think it was helpful of you to ask why she didn't have a backup plan. You can disagree all you like; it won't change how I feel about it.
    We'll have to agree to disagree then. I felt she was all "woe is me" in her post. And I still don't think my question was out of line.

  • AddieCake said:

    Sometimes it's all about the tone of the OP. This person doesn't give me a "waaaaah, my special day was less than perfect!" vibe. She seems very sad, my heart goes out to her, and I don't think it was helpful of you to ask why she didn't have a backup plan. You can disagree all you like; it won't change how I feel about it.

    We'll have to agree to disagree then. I felt she was all "woe is me" in her post. And I still don't think my question was out of line.

    I totally think it was out of line. Kicking her while she's down. What good does it do by "asking a question" that you already know the answer to, but just want to rub her nose in it that she forgot something?
    Anniversary

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  • Fine. OP I'm sorry I asked my questions. You can ignore them. I do feel bad your day wasn't as perfect as you hoped.
  • Wegl13Wegl13 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited July 2015
    It rained on my wedding day. The plan was for my dad to drive me to the ceremony site in his classic (soft top) car. The roof leaked onto him the entire drive there, and I had to spend 30 minutes sitting in the car by myself while I waited on the rain to stop. There were a lot of instances that day of the rain basically ruining the plans and getting everyone all confused and Kerfluffled.
    I felt like a jerk because we almost forgot to do the in law side of pictures because we weren't able to do them at the first agreed upon time (rain stopped the pre-ceremony pictures).
    But guess what? The day went off with at least one hitch (har dee har). It sucks when you have regrets about things that you shoulda coulda woulda, but sometimes (and perhaps more often than people here would like to admit), people really do have good but maybe misdirected intentions and your family and friends really will forgive you.
  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited August 2015
    AddieCake said:
    I was just recently married in April 2015 and I just haven't been able to shake off all of the things that went wrong. I've tried reading other bride's stories and talking to close friends, but nothing seems to help. I will start out by saying that the wedding planning was not as fun as I expected. I was stressed the entire time. We had a 5 month engagement & we had originally planned an intimate wedding with a 30 people guest list. We didn't want anything fancy or extravagant, but of course that changed once friends & family got involved. To make a long story short, I ended up getting wrapped up in all the stuff that didn't matter. That's when the stressed kicked in. I was suddenly more focused on everything looking perfect & instead of on the love my husband & I shared. We hardly saw each other during the planning, there wasn't very much communication. My best friends did a ton of work for us, to the point where I felt guilty. I let down loved ones & didn't include them in the planning, mainly due to the fact that everything started becoming so last min & spur of the moment. Our small wedding ended up turning into 100 guests & triple the amount of our budget. I kept telling myself it would all pay off in the end, that our day would be perfect & worth it... little did I know... It rained the whole time on our wedding day & yes it was an outdoor wedding. I didn't get to walk down the aisle like I always dreamt of doing. I walked down the side stairs of the beach house and right to the wedding arch while I was holding an umbrella over my dad & I (I also accidentally poked him in the eye) all of the wedding guests were getting rained on too. I also forgot to communicate about not having a microphone during the ceremony. I wasn't able to say my vows the right way because of it. I got stage fright & I honestly can't even remember all that I said, all I know is that it wasn't very romantic & I made a comment about the rain. (The microphone kept going in & out as well) We were supposed to do a photo shoot after the ceremony, but that didn't happen due to the weather. It was so hot & humid. My hair frizzed up & make up started running & I was sweating the entire time. Due to the chaos I didn't get any family pics with my husband's side. (They didn't come to me either) though things have always been rocky between us, it still wasn't intentional to forget about taking pictures with them & it's one of my biggest regrets. I didn't get to throw my garter or bouquet. No one saw us cut the cake. Our first dance was awkward because we were cramped in a small spot where everyone was watching & we didn't even have it rehearsed. I didn't get to eat any of the food or enjoy the cake or even sit down at our table. Everything was gorgeous, but nothing was organized. I even started getting frustrated with some family members. It was a really big let down for my husband & I. By the end of the night, we were so exhausted & we still had to gather our things to head out to a hotel for the evening before leaving for our cruise the next day. EVERYTHING was rushed & there isn't a single moment I enjoyed. I'm grateful for everyone who helped & everyone who came despite of the weather, but I just wish I could go back in time & change it all. I'm hurt & crushed every time I think of our wedding or even see someone else' wedding. It rained on our honeymoon too. :( We were told about rain being good luck & that the guests still enjoyed themselves. Some days I'm okay with things & love our rainy day wedding. Other days I just feel so embarrassed and want to cry for listening to everyone else (although it was ultimately my decision) I'm sure other bride's know the pressure I felt... Any advice on how to feel better? Ps. Thanks for reading!
    Did you not have a backup plan? You in case it rained? You still had the wedding outside?

    I really don't think it is necessary to harp on her for the things she did wrong. She is upset enough as it is.


    I am late to this party but I agree with @thespeshulestsnowflake. OP is complaining about who her day went. When most of the things that went wrong were a result of poor planning.

    Are we seriously pretending to be okay with the fact that OP made her guests sit out on the rain?

    Some examples of the poor planning OP was complaining about: spending triple their budget, not communicating with Fi/ H, the microphone, the pictures, the first dance, etc

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  • KatWAG said:
    AddieCake said:
    I was just recently married in April 2015 and I just haven't been able to shake off all of the things that went wrong. I've tried reading other bride's stories and talking to close friends, but nothing seems to help. I will start out by saying that the wedding planning was not as fun as I expected. I was stressed the entire time. We had a 5 month engagement & we had originally planned an intimate wedding with a 30 people guest list. We didn't want anything fancy or extravagant, but of course that changed once friends & family got involved. To make a long story short, I ended up getting wrapped up in all the stuff that didn't matter. That's when the stressed kicked in. I was suddenly more focused on everything looking perfect & instead of on the love my husband & I shared. We hardly saw each other during the planning, there wasn't very much communication. My best friends did a ton of work for us, to the point where I felt guilty. I let down loved ones & didn't include them in the planning, mainly due to the fact that everything started becoming so last min & spur of the moment. Our small wedding ended up turning into 100 guests & triple the amount of our budget. I kept telling myself it would all pay off in the end, that our day would be perfect & worth it... little did I know... It rained the whole time on our wedding day & yes it was an outdoor wedding. I didn't get to walk down the aisle like I always dreamt of doing. I walked down the side stairs of the beach house and right to the wedding arch while I was holding an umbrella over my dad & I (I also accidentally poked him in the eye) all of the wedding guests were getting rained on too. I also forgot to communicate about not having a microphone during the ceremony. I wasn't able to say my vows the right way because of it. I got stage fright & I honestly can't even remember all that I said, all I know is that it wasn't very romantic & I made a comment about the rain. (The microphone kept going in & out as well) We were supposed to do a photo shoot after the ceremony, but that didn't happen due to the weather. It was so hot & humid. My hair frizzed up & make up started running & I was sweating the entire time. Due to the chaos I didn't get any family pics with my husband's side. (They didn't come to me either) though things have always been rocky between us, it still wasn't intentional to forget about taking pictures with them & it's one of my biggest regrets. I didn't get to throw my garter or bouquet. No one saw us cut the cake. Our first dance was awkward because we were cramped in a small spot where everyone was watching & we didn't even have it rehearsed. I didn't get to eat any of the food or enjoy the cake or even sit down at our table. Everything was gorgeous, but nothing was organized. I even started getting frustrated with some family members. It was a really big let down for my husband & I. By the end of the night, we were so exhausted & we still had to gather our things to head out to a hotel for the evening before leaving for our cruise the next day. EVERYTHING was rushed & there isn't a single moment I enjoyed. I'm grateful for everyone who helped & everyone who came despite of the weather, but I just wish I could go back in time & change it all. I'm hurt & crushed every time I think of our wedding or even see someone else' wedding. It rained on our honeymoon too. :( We were told about rain being good luck & that the guests still enjoyed themselves. Some days I'm okay with things & love our rainy day wedding. Other days I just feel so embarrassed and want to cry for listening to everyone else (although it was ultimately my decision) I'm sure other bride's know the pressure I felt... Any advice on how to feel better? Ps. Thanks for reading!
    Did you not have a backup plan? You in case it rained? You still had the wedding outside?

    I really don't think it is necessary to harp on her for the things she did wrong. She is upset enough as it is.


    I am late to this party but I agree with @thespeshulestsnowflake. OP is complaining about who her day went. When most of the things that went wrong were a result of poor planning.

    Are we seriously pretending to be okay with the fact that OP made her guests sit out on the rain?

    Some examples of the poor planning OP was complaining about: spending triple their budget, not communicating with Fi/ H, the microphone, the pictures, the first dance, etc


    I don't think anyone is pretending to be okay with the ceremony in the rain, but OP is looking for help moving on. Telling her how shitty her wedding was won't help. I know we can - and do - comment on whatever we want, but I don't think focusing on the wrong here is helpful to her. When brides come in here in a panic because their dress is too small we don't respond with, "well why'd you eat so damn much, tubby?". I think this is similar. I do agree, however, that a lot of these issues are self-inflicted and OP isn't really owning that and it does sound like she's playing a bit of a victim.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • Perspective. My engagement, my, now, husband got down on one knee and proposed to me.  He ordered a bottle of champagne.  The waiter brought by the champagne, my H took my hand and knocked over BOTH glasses of champagne into my lap (it looked like I peed myself.)  I literally had a puddle in my lap, that the dress wasn't even completely absorbing. I started laughing.  It made our engagement story ours and unique. Sometimes, something you would think would be terrible, would be something to remember for always... how could that ever be a bad thing, when it comes to a love story?
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