Chit Chat

Mom decided to get married one week after me!

edited July 2015 in Chit Chat

So I am getting married October 2, 2015. My mom announced last week that she is going to get married October 10th. It is her second marriage (obviously) and she has been engaged for about a year and a half. I just got engaged in May. She says she is doing it then because one specific relative who can't fly will have driven up for my wedding from FL  and will want to be here for hers, too, so it made sense. I mean, at least it isn't before my wedding! But I  can't help but be a little irked. She was engaged first, yes, but didn't even talk about booking anything until I was already planning mine! My good friend is going to marry my fiancé and I. And now my mom wants to use him, too, as her officiant.  And now she asked if she can borrow my veil!

I am not mad-just find it funny timing and all. Just wanted to vent a bit. This is MY time, right?! I am 33 and getting married for the first time. Let me have my moment?!

«13

Re: Mom decided to get married one week after me!

  • So I am getting married October 2, 2015. My mom announced last week that she is going to get married October 10th. It is her second marriage (obviously) and she has been engaged for about a year and a half. I just got engaged in May. She says she is doing it then because one specific relative who can't fly will be have driven up for my wedding from FL  and will want to be here for hers, too, so it made sense. I mean, at least it isn't before my wedding! But I  can't help but be a little irked. She was engaged first, yes, but didn't even talk about booking anything until I was already planning mine! My good friend is going to marry my fiancé and I. And now my mom wants to use him, too, as her officiant.  And now she asked if she can borrow my veil!

    I am not mad-just find it funny timing and all. Just wanted to vent a bit. This is MY time, right?! I am 33 and getting married for the first time. Let me have my moment?!

    nope not obvious.  She might have never been married before or it could be her 5th marriage.  Regardless, I fail to see what the big deal is?    I can see if you might not be back from your HM or if it causes you to adjust your plans.  Other than that who cares?  What moment do you need a week after your wedding?    

    New Flash - people are capable of celebrating 2 events around the same time as each other.  For example, my sister and 2 SILs had daughters within 8 weeks of each other.   We didn't ignore the first child when the others came around.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • luckya23luckya23 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2015

    You're going to get a lot of responses about how you get one day, etc etc.

    HOWEVER, I just don't think this is something a typical mother would do, so I wish you luck! 

    ETA: I assume you weren't planning on a honeymoon that you would have to cut short for this?  I got some push back on my honeymoon bc my sister decided to have my nephew's bday party that next weekend and I just said sorry I'm not changing my plans.

    image

    Daisypath - Personal pictureDaisypath Anniversary tickers

  • I can understand why your mom would want to make things convenient to family. This really isn't a big deal, and it's definitely not going to steal your thunder. 

    At one of my dress fittings, my cousin announced that she and her boyfriend have decided to get engaged in the near future and I nearly cried, I was so excited. I was actually hoping that they would already be engaged by my wedding, because I would LOVE to be able to loan her my veil or whatever else. In fact, she took some of my decor with her the day after my wedding and I was more than glad to give it to her. That stuff is expensive. Might as well share it and get more use out of it! 

    I think you should use this as an opportunity for extra celebrating and extra fun. After your wedding day, you can relax, hang out with the family that's in town, and then sit back and enjoy your mom's special day as a new wife! That sounds awesome to me. 
    image
  • Sounds like a great excuse for a week-long family party! I'd be happy for your mom and just have fun!
    Ditto this! As long as it doesn't screw up your honeymoon plans, you'll have your day and she'll have hers, and there's double the excitement. Enjoy! 
    ________________________________


  • We are paying for the wedding ourselves so can't afford a honeymoon, too. So luckily no plans will have to be changed!

  • It's not necessarily "obvious" that this is her 2nd marriage. And this isn't going to take anything away from your wedding. The rest of the world doesn't stop turning or get to go on because of your wedding day.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • I understand the world won't stop spinning for me. I am not trying to be difficult. I just think the timing is a bit weird. That's all.
  • You have your moment.  October 2, 2015.  It's a wedding day.  Not a wedding week.  Not a wedding month.  Not a wedding year.

    Truth be told, no one except you and your FI is going to continue to care about "your moment" come October 3, 2015.  Your friends and family will have shown up to watch your vows, eat some really great food and have some drink, and will have enjoyed their time.  And then it's over.  Come October 3, 2015, they just go on living their lives, as should you.  That includes getting over this little self-involved moment you're having and be happy for your mom and the fact that things are working out well for her that a cherished family member will get to be there for her wedding, too.

  • I understand the world won't stop spinning for me. I am not trying to be difficult. I just think the timing is a bit weird. That's all.
    Is your mom typically an AW who's always trying to steal your thunder? Does she always try to make everyone else's special moment all about her? If so, I can understand being irritated by that kind of behavior. It gets annoying. 

    But if this is not the case, then I would assume she's just doing it as a matter of convenience. Family members only have to travel once, you two can share the veil and whatnot, easy peasy. Why not? 
    image
  • This may or may not matter to anyone's opinion but my mother is not a typical mom at all. She parties and is more like a friend than a mom to me. Actually if she was just a regular person not related to me, I don't think we would even be friends since we are so different and I am so NOT a party girl.
  • This may or may not matter to anyone's opinion but my mother is not a typical mom at all. She parties and is more like a friend than a mom to me. Actually if she was just a regular person not related to me, I don't think we would even be friends since we are so different and I am so NOT a party girl.
    Well since you two have more a friend dynamic, it makes even more sense (IMO) that she wants her wedding to be right after yours and wants to share stuff. Like I said in an earlier post, I would have been ecstatic if my cousin had been engaged at the same time as me, cuz we could have shared stuff (and we could have helped each other with wedding plans and ideas and celebrated both of our marriages together, and all that jazz) 

    Your mom probably had the best intentions and just thought this would be really fun and a thing the two of you could kind of share and celebrate together. 
    image
  • From your post, it's pretty obvious you think it's more than just "weird timing". You're pissed and you think she's stealing your spotlight. It's also pretty obvious that you know its ridiculous to feel that way so you're saying "oh I just think the timing is weird..." Yea OK.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • This may or may not matter to anyone's opinion but my mother is not a typical mom at all. She parties and is more like a friend than a mom to me. Actually if she was just a regular person not related to me, I don't think we would even be friends since we are so different and I am so NOT a party girl.

    Nope.  That makes no difference at all.  Your wedding is not the center of the universe for anyone.  You get a wedding day.  Doesn't matter if it's your mother, your cousin, your BFF, your mail carrier, your dog walker, your boss, your secretary, or your sibling.  It doesn't matter if you have stereotypical relationships with these people or not.  They are allowed to choose to hold events in their lives at times that are convenient for them.  She's getting married to someone she loves.  Yay!  She's doing it at a convenient time so a loved one can be there.  Yay!  She wants to borrow a piece of fabric from you (veil).  Yay for saving money!  She's asking to hire your friend as an officiant.  Yay for friends getting more gigs and getting paid (assuming she's going to pay him or her)!

    It's not like she's asking to have a double wedding with you.  Or to borrow your FI/then husband.  You'll still have your wedding day where you get married to the person you love.  YAY!  Exactly how much more attention do you need lavished upon you before it's ok for other people to have good things happen to them, too?

  • edited July 2015
    My sister and I got engaged right at the same time and initially were planning on having our weddings within the same month of each other. My FI and I ended up deciding to wait another year do to financials and jobs etc. But in that initial planning stage of us having wedding back to back it really didn't affect either of us. The only concern was family members having to choose which one to come to financially, which seems to be what your mom is actually trying to plan around!

    Both my sister and I's weddings will be at the same venue, I am reusing her centerpieces, and we have the same menu. Even if they had been back to back they would have been completely different weddings because the couples are completely different people. Everyone is going to be just as excited for you still. Your mothers wedding the following weekend has no impact on yours.


    Take a moment, let yourself have your brief 'my day' stomp (we all have our moments), and then take a step back and realise that this will make your day no less special, and that you want your mom to be happy for you, so I'm guessing she wants you to be happy for her. And both have amazing special DAYS.
    image
  • Aside from everyone's points about " you only get one day"... I fail to see how this realistically is more convenient for family. If it was an out of town wedding, that would mean a week of vacation for me, a week of travel costs, etc. I most certainly wouldn't stay just because another person was getting married right after. I have limited vacation time and I'd much rather use it on a real vacation, not back to back family weddings.



  • labro said:
    Aside from everyone's points about " you only get one day"... I fail to see how this realistically is more convenient for family. If it was an out of town wedding, that would mean a week of vacation for me, a week of travel costs, etc. I most certainly wouldn't stay just because another person was getting married right after. I have limited vacation time and I'd much rather use it on a real vacation, not back to back family weddings.
    OP specifically said it was convenient for one relative who wouldn't fly and would be driving up from FL. OP lists MA as her location, so that's a hell of a drive. Presumably, if you're driving that kind of distance, you want to stay longer than a few days before you turn around and drive it again. 

    It may not necessarily be more or less convenient for other guests, but OP's mom specifically said she was doing it for this one relative. Maybe this is a VIP or maybe this is the only person who would need to travel far. 
  • I get the impression you wanted everyone to just talk shit about your mom and say how unfair this is...
  • So I am getting married October 2, 2015. My mom announced last week that she is going to get married October 10th. It is her second marriage (obviously) and she has been engaged for about a year and a half. I just got engaged in May. She says she is doing it then because one specific relative who can't fly will have driven up for my wedding from FL  and will want to be here for hers, too, so it made sense. I mean, at least it isn't before my wedding! But I  can't help but be a little irked. She was engaged first, yes, but didn't even talk about booking anything until I was already planning mine! My good friend is going to marry my fiancé and I. And now my mom wants to use him, too, as her officiant.  And now she asked if she can borrow my veil!

    I am not mad-just find it funny timing and all. Just wanted to vent a bit. This is MY time, right?! I am 33 and getting married for the first time. Let me have my moment?!


    What? This makes no sense.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

    image
  • Now you can plan weddings  together!
  • labro said:
    Aside from everyone's points about " you only get one day"... I fail to see how this realistically is more convenient for family. If it was an out of town wedding, that would mean a week of vacation for me, a week of travel costs, etc. I most certainly wouldn't stay just because another person was getting married right after. I have limited vacation time and I'd much rather use it on a real vacation, not back to back family weddings.

    It's fair that this may not be convenient to you but OP made it clear it was the easiest way for one family member. We picked our wedding date based on the travel schedules of our OOT guests as well (after receiving great advice here on talking to them since it's during the Holiday season) and they preferred a date around when they already travel as opposed to traveling twice. OP, I'm actually jealous. I come from a family that only sees each other once or twice a year but we're all very close. If I had an opportunity to hang out with all of them the following weekend I would jump at it!
    image

  • labro said:

    Aside from everyone's points about " you only get one day"... I fail to see how this realistically is more convenient for family. If it was an out of town wedding, that would mean a week of vacation for me, a week of travel costs, etc. I most certainly wouldn't stay just because another person was getting married right after. I have limited vacation time and I'd much rather use it on a real vacation, not back to back family weddings.

    OP specifically said it was convenient for one relative who wouldn't fly and would be driving up from FL. OP lists MA as her location, so that's a hell of a drive. Presumably, if you're driving that kind of distance, you want to stay longer than a few days before you turn around and drive it again. 

    It may not necessarily be more or less convenient for other guests, but OP's mom specifically said she was doing it for this one relative. Maybe this is a VIP or maybe this is the only person who would need to travel far. 


    Ugh on mobile so I can't bold. But to your last paragraph, there are a lot of unknowns here. Is this person truly VIP like a parent or especially close family member? What difference does this make for others who could be out of town? Personally, it seems over the top to talk about convenience for guests to me for just a single person without knowing the level of importance in her mom's life, or without knowing the situation for other family members who'd go or be equally as VIP.

    In other words, without knowing the travel situation for everyone else on their mutual guest lists, I still think her mom could've been more considerate. If everyone else lived 5 minutes away, then NBD, but we don't know that and IMO I try to take in to account how this conveniences most guests over just one person.



  • The person is my mother's stepmother. So my step grandmother. She is the only parent/grandparent left. So yes it is important for her to be at both my wedding and at my mother's.

    I never said I was mad about this. A lot of people on this board were outright rude in response. All I was doing was stating that it was funny timing. My wedding and my mother's are going to be very different. I am getting married for the first time and planning to start a family with my future husband. My mom was married to my dad for a long time and is therefore getting married for a second time. Her and her fiancé have been together for 11 years and engaged for a year and half. They are having a country western themed BBQ casual kinda wedding. Very different than mine.

    They didn't plan one single thing until I was planning my wedding. That is all I am saying. Funny timing

  • @FutureMrsRothwell, to vent is to get a strong emotion off of your chest.  If you're not mad, why do you need to vent?

    Or if you find it particular, have you asked your mom why she hasn't planned anything until you did?
    image
  • labro said:
    labro said:
    Aside from everyone's points about " you only get one day"... I fail to see how this realistically is more convenient for family. If it was an out of town wedding, that would mean a week of vacation for me, a week of travel costs, etc. I most certainly wouldn't stay just because another person was getting married right after. I have limited vacation time and I'd much rather use it on a real vacation, not back to back family weddings.
    OP specifically said it was convenient for one relative who wouldn't fly and would be driving up from FL. OP lists MA as her location, so that's a hell of a drive. Presumably, if you're driving that kind of distance, you want to stay longer than a few days before you turn around and drive it again. 

    It may not necessarily be more or less convenient for other guests, but OP's mom specifically said she was doing it for this one relative. Maybe this is a VIP or maybe this is the only person who would need to travel far. 
    Ugh on mobile so I can't bold. But to your last paragraph, there are a lot of unknowns here. Is this person truly VIP like a parent or especially close family member? What difference does this make for others who could be out of town? Personally, it seems over the top to talk about convenience for guests to me for just a single person without knowing the level of importance in her mom's life, or without knowing the situation for other family members who'd go or be equally as VIP. In other words, without knowing the travel situation for everyone else on their mutual guest lists, I still think her mom could've been more considerate. If everyone else lived 5 minutes away, then NBD, but we don't know that and IMO I try to take in to account how this conveniences most guests over just one person.
    To answer your question, it doesn't matter. OP said that her mom picked the date to make things easier for this one person. It doesn't mean it's easier or harder for any other guests, but it doesn't matter. 

    OP's mom can pick whatever date she wants, and she can do it for any reason she wants. If it's to make things easier for this one person, that's her prerogative. 
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards