Pre-wedding Parties

Bridal Shower Plus One

My bridal shower host asked me what she should do in this situation (probably she should've come here first to ask instead of me!), but I didn't know how to answer her question either, so maybe one of you do!

Bridal shower is in a few days and one of the guests asked if she could bring her 9 year old daughter. My host asked what she should respond with. For the shower, I'm more or less indifferent on if her child comes or not; it's just a brunch. However, our wedding is an adult-only event (among other reasons, cost and venue size alone is a big reason why). I don't mind her coming to the shower, but I don't want any confusion when it comes time for wedding invites or to hear "well she was so well-behaved at the shower, yada yada yada" because that really isn't why we cannot have kids at the wedding reception anyway.

What advice can I give to my shower host in regards of how to respond? Since the person who made this request is my relative, I'm sure this is why she asked me in the first place because she doesn't want to offend my family and then have it get back to me.

Re: Bridal Shower Plus One

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    I would have the host respond with "I am sorry Julie but we cannot accommodate your daughter." No explanation is necessary.  If this kid was invited to the wedding I would have told you to just let her come to the shower, but since you aren't inviting her to the wedding then I wouldn't extend the invite to the shower for the reasons you listed.  Not only could the Mom then use it as a way to push to get her daughter to come to the wedding, but the child may then start getting excited about coming to the wedding.

    Knottie80779227speakeasy14TheCheeseWench
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    Ditto Maggie. She doesn't need to attend the shower as a tag-along.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    Knottie80779227
  • Technically you don't invite people to pre-wedding events unless they are also invited to the wedding. So ce her daughter is not invited, I'd say no on this.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    As PPs have said, have the hostess tell the guest "I'm sorry for any confusion, but only you are invited to the shower.  Your daughter wasn't invited and I can't accommodate her."
  • snowywintersnowywinter
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    edited August 2015
    If your hostess can make it clear that the wedding is adults-only, I see no harm in the daughter attending the shower. If I didn't want the daughter at the shower, I would simply say "I'm sorry, since the wedding is adults only, all the pre-wedding events have been planned with that in mind."
  • If your hostess can make it clear that the wedding is adults-only, I see no harm in the daughter attending the shower. If I didn't want the daughter at the shower, I would simply say "I'm sorry, since the wedding is adults only, all the pre-wedding events have been planned with that in mind."
    We had the shower, and she ended up not bring her. I never found out what conversation happened, but her mother did say in the end that she had a great time and was nice to be around just adults for the day. I think everyone ended up happy
    snowywinter
  • Thanks for the update. I'm glad it worked out.
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