Gap between ceremony/reception?

snowywinter

MairePoppy said:

thisismynickname said:

MGP said:

Never been subject to a gap wedding because the people I hang around with have manners - but I just love the people that try and justify it like they are doing their guests a favor.  The "freshen up" excuse is my favorite on these boards.  Why would I have to freshen up before the reception?  I just got ready for your ceremony a couple hours prior, I am fresh enough.

To the bolded- the one time I legitimately freshened up is because the wedding was in Florida in summer at a resort. Between walking from the (thankfully indoors) ceremony spot to the hotel building where my room and the reception were, my hair frizzed and I was sweating. Definitely was not fresh enough! 

To the manners comment- I have no idea why, but gaps are accepted in my area. I don't know what's ruder- the gap itself, or guests just saying "Eh, I don't have time/energy to drive to both so I'll skip the ceremony and just go to the party." It's like everybody hates gaps, everyone says that they hate gaps, and many people have them anyway.

IMO, it's not rude to skip the ceremony and attend the party. If  there's a gap, I'm going to one or the other. If I choose to attend the party over the ceremony, I'm still taking time  out of my weekend to celebrate with the bride and groom.  I don't understand why the couple would take offense if I skip the ceremony because of their poor planning.

Because the reception isn't to honor the B&G or celebrate them so much as it is to thank the guests for attending the ceremony. To skip the ceremony, but go to the reception -- regardless of a gap -- IS rude, in my opinion. Yes, it's also rude to have a gap, but when that happens, I simply decline the invitation -- BOTH parts. I would never attend a reception without going to the ceremony.

lyndausvi

Knottie67868874 said:

We attended an OOT wedding with a 1:30 ceremony and a 6:00 PM reception.  It forced us to spend two nights in a hotel.  The ceremony started just early enough that we would have needed to leave at the crack of dawn the morning of the wedding, so we had to arrive the night before.  The reception started late enough that it prevented us from driving home the same night.  This wedding without a gap would have allowed us to skip the cost of one night in a hotel.

We were invited to a black tie wedding this past June.  The ceremony was at 2:00.  The reception began at 6:00.  We were considered local, but it required us to drive into the city.  It was too time consuming to drive back home.  We had no hotel in which to retreat.  I was not about to schlepp around the city of Chicago on a Saturday afternoon in black tie attire.  Were we supposed to hang out in Starbucks dressed like that?  Walking around Grant Park  or window shopping in heels for several hours was not going to happen.  There was no point in hitting up a restaurant because the point of our wait was to attend a dinner.

Although the fault lay with the host, I personally cannot in good conscience skip a ceremony and attend the reception later.  I had lost all desire to make what could easily be a two hour trip into the city to attend a 30 minute ceremony, only to turn around and make the 2 hour return trip.  When I declined, the bride was shocked and actually asked why I was not attending.  I was truthful and explained how difficult her gap made it for me to attend.  Her response?  "Well, my sister did that for her wedding......"  I found out later that the bride was disappointed to see how many declines she received with her RSVP's, and how many other guests skipped the ceremony.

Gaps are not just rude; they can be expensive to guests as well.  Guests may be required to spend time and money at a restaurant or bar while "killing time".  They may find themselves driving back and forth, wasting time and gas.  Gaps are the result of selfish and thoughtless hosts.

On a scale from doable to rude, how bad is a 45 minute gap? Catholic ceremony will likely end at 3:15, reception is about 15 minutes from ceremony, then cocktail hour at 4 followed by dinner at 5 or 5:30? I could potentially move cocktail hour up as well, if the proposed schedule would inconvenience my guests.

Yours is not horrible.  Ceremonies sometimes run late.   People often are yapping at the back of the church, on the stairs.   

I would still ask if the venue can open at 3:45 instead.

MobKaz

Knottie67868874 said:

We attended an OOT wedding with a 1:30 ceremony and a 6:00 PM reception.  It forced us to spend two nights in a hotel.  The ceremony started just early enough that we would have needed to leave at the crack of dawn the morning of the wedding, so we had to arrive the night before.  The reception started late enough that it prevented us from driving home the same night.  This wedding without a gap would have allowed us to skip the cost of one night in a hotel.

We were invited to a black tie wedding this past June.  The ceremony was at 2:00.  The reception began at 6:00.  We were considered local, but it required us to drive into the city.  It was too time consuming to drive back home.  We had no hotel in which to retreat.  I was not about to schlepp around the city of Chicago on a Saturday afternoon in black tie attire.  Were we supposed to hang out in Starbucks dressed like that?  Walking around Grant Park  or window shopping in heels for several hours was not going to happen.  There was no point in hitting up a restaurant because the point of our wait was to attend a dinner.

Although the fault lay with the host, I personally cannot in good conscience skip a ceremony and attend the reception later.  I had lost all desire to make what could easily be a two hour trip into the city to attend a 30 minute ceremony, only to turn around and make the 2 hour return trip.  When I declined, the bride was shocked and actually asked why I was not attending.  I was truthful and explained how difficult her gap made it for me to attend.  Her response?  "Well, my sister did that for her wedding......"  I found out later that the bride was disappointed to see how many declines she received with her RSVP's, and how many other guests skipped the ceremony.

Gaps are not just rude; they can be expensive to guests as well.  Guests may be required to spend time and money at a restaurant or bar while "killing time".  They may find themselves driving back and forth, wasting time and gas.  Gaps are the result of selfish and thoughtless hosts.

On a scale from doable to rude, how bad is a 45 minute gap? Catholic ceremony will likely end at 3:15, reception is about 15 minutes from ceremony, then cocktail hour at 4 followed by dinner at 5 or 5:30? I could potentially move cocktail hour up as well, if the proposed schedule would inconvenience my guests.

I don't think you will even find yourself with a 45 minute gap.  The ceremony may start a little late.  After the ceremony, guests may mingle or coordinate driving,  wait for the bride and groom to exit the church, or even find a restroom after the ceremony.  As long as guests can enter the reception venue, 30 minutes or less is definitely forgivable.

jacques27

Knottie67868874 said:

We attended an OOT wedding with a 1:30 ceremony and a 6:00 PM reception.  It forced us to spend two nights in a hotel.  The ceremony started just early enough that we would have needed to leave at the crack of dawn the morning of the wedding, so we had to arrive the night before.  The reception started late enough that it prevented us from driving home the same night.  This wedding without a gap would have allowed us to skip the cost of one night in a hotel.

We were invited to a black tie wedding this past June.  The ceremony was at 2:00.  The reception began at 6:00.  We were considered local, but it required us to drive into the city.  It was too time consuming to drive back home.  We had no hotel in which to retreat.  I was not about to schlepp around the city of Chicago on a Saturday afternoon in black tie attire.  Were we supposed to hang out in Starbucks dressed like that?  Walking around Grant Park  or window shopping in heels for several hours was not going to happen.  There was no point in hitting up a restaurant because the point of our wait was to attend a dinner.

Although the fault lay with the host, I personally cannot in good conscience skip a ceremony and attend the reception later.  I had lost all desire to make what could easily be a two hour trip into the city to attend a 30 minute ceremony, only to turn around and make the 2 hour return trip.  When I declined, the bride was shocked and actually asked why I was not attending.  I was truthful and explained how difficult her gap made it for me to attend.  Her response?  "Well, my sister did that for her wedding......"  I found out later that the bride was disappointed to see how many declines she received with her RSVP's, and how many other guests skipped the ceremony.

Gaps are not just rude; they can be expensive to guests as well.  Guests may be required to spend time and money at a restaurant or bar while "killing time".  They may find themselves driving back and forth, wasting time and gas.  Gaps are the result of selfish and thoughtless hosts.

On a scale from doable to rude, how bad is a 45 minute gap? Catholic ceremony will likely end at 3:15, reception is about 15 minutes from ceremony, then cocktail hour at 4 followed by dinner at 5 or 5:30? I could potentially move cocktail hour up as well, if the proposed schedule would inconvenience my guests.

Not horrible.  Not great, but could be way worse.

Are you planning a receiving line?  Because that would also eat up some time at the 3:15 end of things.

Does the 15 minutes also include time to/from cars and parking?

I would probably ask to extend the cocktail hour a little bit (like 15 minutes) or at the very least, request that the venue at least have their doors open by 3:30 and would be willing to put out bottled water (even if you buy it yourself and bring there beforehand to provide) and a something like buttermints or few bowls of snacky things so that people aren't lingering in their cars for up to 30 minutes waiting for the doors to open.

Viczaesar

Belle2188 said:

I'll be honest - almost every single wedding I have been to has had at least a small gap, including my own.  We usually go to the ceremony a little more casual, and then use the gap to check into our hotel (if we've just gotten there) and finish getting ready.  With that long a gap I'm sure many other people will have the same idea.  Otherwise, just relax or have a few drinks with friends.  It's not ideal, but it's not the end of the world.  Out of curiosity, what state is the wedding in?

You have a little more time in between than I'd prefer, but it probably won't be as much as you think.  I'm assuming it must be in a church (or similar) since that's the only reason I can really think of for a gap, so between a mass, a receiving line, chit chatting, and then traveling to the reception, you'll probably have 2 hours or less.

Then almost every wedding you've been to, including your own, has been badly planned and treated its guests rudely.

santiago2615

I just got the STD for a wedding FI is a GM in. Ceremony starts at 3pm reception starts at 6:30 pm. I was thinking maybe it was a longer drive in between the ceremony and reception space, but I just Googled it and it's a 5 minute drive.

The reception is at a zoo so maybe they think the guests can "kill time" there. At least I know the SO to the other GMs so we can "kill time" together.....

JediElizabeth

WinstonsGirl said:

You're right in feeling that gaps suck.  Gaps are the norm in my area, so pretty much every wedding I've been to have had a gap (ceremony at 1-2pm, cocktail hour at 5, dinner at 6).  During the gaps we have in the past:

- Gone for lunch at a pub/restaurant

- Hit the casino to make some money at Black Jack and eat.  It was a good idea too, cos it paid for all of my drinks that night

- Gone home for a nap and food

- Gone to a WP party hosted by the parents of the bride for food and alcohol

- Hit up a local art market and lunch

As you can see, I go for food, every time.  

In the case of a gap, I can begrudgingly stand pretty much anything else, as long as I have a place to go and know to bring a book to curl up with. But that bolded part? No.

No, you do not give the WP their own private party while your guests are hanging around waiting on you. I would go home and take whatever gift I had brought for the couple with me if I knew that was going on. 

chloe97

I had no idea that gaps were rude before I came to TK. All of the ceremonies that I have been to that took place in a church included some sort of gap, but as long as there's a bar nearby where we can grab a drink, I'm not super annoyed with an hour gap. In fact I don't mind the opportunity to decompress before going back and being social. What annoys me the most are people who plan a 4-5 hour gap so that they can do pictures and ride around bar hopping on a trolley for 3 hours. That I also have seen a lot and been part of as a WP member.

[Deleted User]

I had a catholic wedding. No Gap. Why can't people eat at 5? Wedding at 2 got done at 3. Cocktail hour followed, we got there about 4:15 after pictures. Cut the cake, toasts, mingled a bit and on to dinner at 5. No Gap.

thisismynickname2

I do honestly think it's rude to not attend a ceremony and still attend a reception. The ceremony is the most important part! I'd rather decline the entire day's worth of events than attend only an evening reception. To do otherwise is like, "I don't care about you saying your vows, but I do care about the free food and booze." 

All the gapped events I've been to have been 2pm or 3pm ceremonies followed by a 5 or 6pm cocktail hour start time. Never anything as egregious as an 11am ceremony followed by a dinner reception. 

Naturally, rudeness of guests would be negated by proper hosting, so there's that. 

PrettyGirlLost

MGP said:

Never been subject to a gap wedding because the people I hang around with have manners - but I just love the people that try and justify it like they are doing their guests a favor.  The "freshen up" excuse is my favorite on these boards.  Why would I have to freshen up before the reception?  I just got ready for your ceremony a couple hours prior, I am fresh enough.

Yeah, this kills me.

WTF are people doing at the ceremony that they *need* to freshen up?  You're just sitting around for an hour or less, watching people get married!

ShesSoCold

PrettyGirlLost said:

MGP said:

Never been subject to a gap wedding because the people I hang around with have manners - but I just love the people that try and justify it like they are doing their guests a favor.  The "freshen up" excuse is my favorite on these boards.  Why would I have to freshen up before the reception?  I just got ready for your ceremony a couple hours prior, I am fresh enough.

Yeah, this kills me.

WTF are people doing at the ceremony that they *need* to freshen up?  You're just sitting around for an hour or less, watching people get married!

The phrase "sweating like a whore in church" always comes to my mind when people here talk about needing to "freshen up" after the ceremony. Every. damn. time.

MyNameIsNot

RachelLee83 said:

I had a catholic wedding. No Gap. Why can't people eat at 5? Wedding at 2 got done at 3. Cocktail hour followed, we got there about 4:15 after pictures. Cut the cake, toasts, mingled a bit and on to dinner at 5. No Gap.

This! We did the same thing. It was totally fine.

Bonus, finishing the reception by 10 meant there was plenty of time for an after-party. 

PrettyGirlLost

ShesSoCold said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

MGP said:

Never been subject to a gap wedding because the people I hang around with have manners - but I just love the people that try and justify it like they are doing their guests a favor.  The "freshen up" excuse is my favorite on these boards.  Why would I have to freshen up before the reception?  I just got ready for your ceremony a couple hours prior, I am fresh enough.

Yeah, this kills me.

WTF are people doing at the ceremony that they *need* to freshen up?  You're just sitting around for an hour or less, watching people get married!

The phrase "sweating like a whore in church" always comes to my mind when people here talk about needing to "freshen up" after the ceremony. Every. damn. time.

Yes!!!!!

MobKaz

thisismynickname said:

I do honestly think it's rude to not attend a ceremony and still attend a reception. The ceremony is the most important part! I'd rather decline the entire day's worth of events than attend only an evening reception. To do otherwise is like, "I don't care about you saying your vows, but I do care about the free food and booze." 

All the gapped events I've been to have been 2pm or 3pm ceremonies followed by a 5 or 6pm cocktail hour start time. Never anything as egregious as an 11am ceremony followed by a dinner reception. 

Naturally, rudeness of guests would be negated by proper hosting, so there's that. 

As I have said, I am not personally comfortable attending a reception if I do not attend the ceremony.  However, there is a HUGE difference in my mind between a gap creating that dilemma and making a personal choice to skip a ceremony.

A deliberate gap says to the guests, "I don't care about you or your time, but I do care about my "vision", photographs, and personal party time."

Belle2188

Viczaesar said:

Belle2188 said:

I'll be honest - almost every single wedding I have been to has had at least a small gap, including my own.  We usually go to the ceremony a little more casual, and then use the gap to check into our hotel (if we've just gotten there) and finish getting ready.  With that long a gap I'm sure many other people will have the same idea.  Otherwise, just relax or have a few drinks with friends.  It's not ideal, but it's not the end of the world.  Out of curiosity, what state is the wedding in?

You have a little more time in between than I'd prefer, but it probably won't be as much as you think.  I'm assuming it must be in a church (or similar) since that's the only reason I can really think of for a gap, so between a mass, a receiving line, chit chatting, and then traveling to the reception, you'll probably have 2 hours or less.

Then almost every wedding you've been to, including your own, has been badly planned and treated its guests rudely.

I figured I'd get a response like this when I posted, but I wanted to give an honest answer to the OP.  I absolutely see why a gap can be seen as rude, but I do want to point out that regional/cultural differences can be difficult to work around.  While it may have been no problem for many people elsewhere to avoid a gap, it was difficult for me to even keep it as short as it was, and my wedding had the shortest gap of any church wedding I've attended.

When something is the norm in a certain place, it's not always easy or even possible to work around it.  I pushed my church as late as they would allow and got people into my reception venue as early as I could (meanwhile, I'm pretty sure the "hospitality hour" my venue set up before my cocktail hour went almost completely to waste because people wanted to relax/freshen up/whatever in between anyway since it's what they're all used to doing).  I did everything I could, short of giving up being married in a church, which was something that was important to me.

I'm not saying I didn't care about my guests' time, I'm saying I tried and failed at avoiding a gap.  Just providing an alternative perspective, where it really wasn't the bride being selfish.

lyndausvi

I've only skipped 2 ceremonies and still attended the reception.

1 - I had 2 weddings on the same day.   The second one was a gap.  I attended the first morning wedding and their noon receptions.  i skipped the 2 pm 2nd ceremony since I was at the first reception.   Then went to the second reception that started at 6pm.      

2 - We were warned that the 2pm ceremony would not actually start until 3:30-4.  It was NFL football playoff season.   We skipped the ceremony and watched the games instead of sitting in a hot non-a/c church waiting for the couple to show up 2 hours late for their wedding.   We got a call that the ceremony was over and head to the reception.        This was in the islands and it was not unusual for the west indian weddings start hours after the start time.  Knowing us "white people" are punctually our WI friends told us not to bother with the ceremony as it would only irritate us it was starting so late.

Not sorry one bit either time.     

 My uncle worked every Saturday.  He missed most of the family ceremonies and showed up for the receptions.  We never thought twice about it.   None of us wanted him to miss a day's pay when he could still celebrate a few hours later.

I look at receptions differently.   They are a thank you for your guests, but they can also double as just a celebration.   If my ceremony timeframe didn't work for my guests I had no problem if they still decided to come to the reception.    

My cousin works on saturdays.   He worked that day then drove 3 hours to my reception.   He missed the ceremony by a half hour.   So not a big deal to me.    

aurianna

MobKaz said:

We were invited to a black tie wedding this past June.  The ceremony was at 2:00.  The reception began at 6:00.  We were considered local, but it required us to drive into the city.  It was too time consuming to drive back home.  We had no hotel in which to retreat.  I was not about to schlepp around the city of Chicago on a Saturday afternoon in black tie attire.  Were we supposed to hang out in Starbucks dressed like that?  Walking around Grant Park  or window shopping in heels for several hours was not going to happen.  There was no point in hitting up a restaurant because the point of our wait was to attend a dinner.

Does it even count as a black tie wedding if it starts before 5? Sounds more to me like B&G envisioned a black tie wedding but weren't willing to find a church that would marry them after 4:30pm. So instead they had something they called a black tie wedding when it was really "We're really self-important and let's see if we can make our friends traipse around the city in tuxedos and evening gowns in the middle of the day in order to ensure our wedding vision."

ChemFanatic25

groomguy87 said:

Thanks to all of you for input!  I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who thinks it seems in poor etiquette and poor planning.  We just got married in May and I couldnt imagine having a block of time between the two (I was barely okay with a cocktail hour so that we could do pictures!).  It is OOT for us and most of the guests I believe (including the groom's family) so I really wonder how they will all make the day work.  

 

**Stuck in box :-( **

 

I am not a big fan of gaps especially if I have to drive a ton. I recently attended a wedding where the gap was 4.5 hours long. While it sucks having one at least I drove back to my hotel and could relax. I later heard the groomsmen were a bit disgruntled because they had about 2 pictures taken of them and then had to stand around in the heat in their black tuxes while the bride, groom, and bridesmaids had all of their photos taken for 3 hours! Needless to say they came back to the hotel as soon as they could and started drinking heavily before the reception. Gaps that long suck for everyone.

 

Edit: I just want to add that besides that the bride and groom did an amazing job of hosting. Open bar, wonderful food and enough of it, activities to keep us entertained while the b&g went around greeting people, lots of dancing, very thoughtful and considerate. If this is their only screw up, I'm more than happy to say they did a great job.

groomguy87

Wow, lots of responses to this topic!

In our situation, the friend's ceremony and reception are close by I think but the afternoon gap is definitely gonna suck.  At least they're having an open bar?

climbingsingle

A gap is something you can ALWAYS work around. To insist otherwise is ridiculous. I live in gap land. NYC Metro area, lots of Catholic weddings. The church will tell you what time you can do your ceremony based on the day and their mass schedule. Once you know that, you then choose your venue. 

What ends up happening here is that the church weddings start in the afternoon. And the bride/groom/whomever is set on an evening wedding. So instead of giving two shits about their guests, they book a venue that starts the reception at 5 or 6. And then the guests are left to kill 2 hours. And as a guest, it sucks majorly. I've never enjoyed or anticipated a gap. It's always been a HUGE pain in the ass. 

There are venues that will start your reception for you right after your ceremony. It's not impossible to find. 

MobKaz

Belle2188 said:

Viczaesar said:

Belle2188 said:

I'll be honest - almost every single wedding I have been to has had at least a small gap, including my own.  We usually go to the ceremony a little more casual, and then use the gap to check into our hotel (if we've just gotten there) and finish getting ready.  With that long a gap I'm sure many other people will have the same idea.  Otherwise, just relax or have a few drinks with friends.  It's not ideal, but it's not the end of the world.  Out of curiosity, what state is the wedding in?

You have a little more time in between than I'd prefer, but it probably won't be as much as you think.  I'm assuming it must be in a church (or similar) since that's the only reason I can really think of for a gap, so between a mass, a receiving line, chit chatting, and then traveling to the reception, you'll probably have 2 hours or less.

Then almost every wedding you've been to, including your own, has been badly planned and treated its guests rudely.

I figured I'd get a response like this when I posted, but I wanted to give an honest answer to the OP.  I absolutely see why a gap can be seen as rude, but I do want to point out that regional/cultural differences can be difficult to work around.  While it may have been no problem for many people elsewhere to avoid a gap, it was difficult for me to even keep it as short as it was, and my wedding had the shortest gap of any church wedding I've attended.

When something is the norm in a certain place, it's not always easy or even possible to work around it.  I pushed my church as late as they would allow and got people into my reception venue as early as I could (meanwhile, I'm pretty sure the "hospitality hour" my venue set up before my cocktail hour went almost completely to waste because people wanted to relax/freshen up/whatever in between anyway since it's what they're all used to doing).  I did everything I could, short of giving up being married in a church, which was something that was important to me.

I'm not saying I didn't care about my guests' time, I'm saying I tried and failed at avoiding a gap.  Just providing an alternative perspective, where it really wasn't the bride being selfish.

Gaps are not seen as rude; they ARE rude.

I will never understand the need to "freshen up" or relax between a ceremony and reception.  I have yet to find a ceremony terribly taxing.  Were your guests aware that they were being hosted during that time?  Being rude should never become the "norm".  I am glad to hear you did everything you could to break the cycle and be a good host.

MobKaz

aurianna said:

MobKaz said:

We were invited to a black tie wedding this past June.  The ceremony was at 2:00.  The reception began at 6:00.  We were considered local, but it required us to drive into the city.  It was too time consuming to drive back home.  We had no hotel in which to retreat.  I was not about to schlepp around the city of Chicago on a Saturday afternoon in black tie attire.  Were we supposed to hang out in Starbucks dressed like that?  Walking around Grant Park  or window shopping in heels for several hours was not going to happen.  There was no point in hitting up a restaurant because the point of our wait was to attend a dinner.

Does it even count as a black tie wedding if it starts before 5? Sounds more to me like B&G envisioned a black tie wedding but weren't willing to find a church that would marry them after 4:30pm. So instead they had something they called a black tie wedding when it was really "We're really self-important and let's see if we can make our friends traipse around the city in tuxedos and evening gowns in the middle of the day in order to ensure our wedding vision."

You're preaching to the choir.  I tried to argue that same point, to no avail.  Self important was the theme of the day. 

MairePoppy

thisismynickname said:

I do honestly think it's rude to not attend a ceremony and still attend a reception. The ceremony is 

To do otherwise is like, "I don't care about you saying your vows, but I do care about the free food and booze." 

the most important part! I'd rather decline the entire day's worth of events than attend only an evening reception. 

All the gapped events I've been to have been 2pm or 3pm ceremonies followed by a 5 or 6pm cocktail hour start time. Never anything as egregious as an 11am ceremony followed by a dinner reception. 

Naturally, rudeness of guests would be negated by proper hosting, so there's that. 

I have never attended a wedding for the free booze and food. Why would I do that? I can go out to eat and drink whatever I like for less than I give as a wedding gift. I go to weddings to celebrate the marriage of loved ones. I have only been invited to one wedding with a gap - and I went to the ceremony, not the reception. But if I chose the reception instead of the ceremony, it would have affected no one. The B & G didn't take attendance. 

thisismynickname2

MairePoppy said: thisismynickname said: I do honestly think it's rude to not attend a ceremony and still attend a reception. The ceremony is To do otherwise is like, "I don't care about you saying your vows, but I do care about the free food and booze." the most important part! I'd rather decline the entire day's worth of events than attend only an evening reception. All the gapped events I've been to have been 2pm or 3pm ceremonies followed by a 5 or 6pm cocktail hour start time. Never anything as egregious as an 11am ceremony followed by a dinner reception. 
Naturally, rudeness of guests would be negated by proper hosting, so there's that.  I have never attended a wedding for the free booze and food. Why would I do that? I can go out to eat and drink whatever I like for less than I give as a wedding gift. I go to weddings to celebrate the marriage of loved ones. I have only been invited to one wedding with a gap - and I went to the ceremony, not the reception. But if I chose the reception instead of the ceremony, it would have affected no one. The B & G didn't take attendance. 

You're illustrating my point though. If you could only attend either the ceremony or reception due to logistical issues, I would hope someone would attend the portion that matters-- the ceremony. You could go out to dinner and drinks with your friends on your own dime and toast to their new marriage ("celebrate") at any time you want. 

lyndausvi

Bottom line is I do not put conditions on my invites.  I would never say "hey, if you watch my hour long ceremony, then sit on your ass for 3 hours then  you are rewarded by be allowed to attend my reception."  If you can't do that, do not bother RSVP yes.

 Nope my invites are pretty unconditional.  If you can make it go both events great.   If you can only make it to the fun party.   So be it.  If you can only show up for dessert due to other obligations, we would love to see you.

I didn't take attendance at the ceremony.  Other than my cousin I couldn't tell you if there were others who were not at the ceremony. I would never dream of telling my cousin he had to take the entire day off just to attend my wedding.  I was so appreciative that after a long day at work he drove 3 hours to party with us. He also had to pay for a hotel that night.

banana468

I think we had some people skip the ceremony but whatever.   Our wedding was exactly 8 years ago.   It was about 100 degrees and while the church was air conditioned, you can only do so much with that when it's 100 degrees.

We still opted for no gap and just rushed the receiving line and had minimal outdoor photos before the reception.   Instead we did a lot of outdoor formals after dinner when it was cooled to roughly 90 degrees.

It's a pain in our area to find a place that let us in whenever we wanted.  But we picked our reception venue largely based on that and less about the details inside.   Still, our party was kickass. 

MGP

Personally I think only attending the ceremony or reception (if there is no gap and your schedule allows you to attend both) is kind of rude, but not something to get bent out of shape about.  A few coworkers only attended my reception, they claimed they got lost on the way to the church and not sure if I entirely believed them but I was glad they made it to something.

In regards to people being forced to choose to attend only part of the day because of the hosts poor planning - generally speaking it is common courtesy (in LIFE, not just weddings) to not purposefully have people wait on you.  

Couples who think so highly of themselves that they purposefully plan a gapped wedding where their guests are inconvenienced and made to wait on them because their vision was more important lack common courtesy.

These couples who lack common courtesy should not have any issues with guests attending only part of the day or declining the whole thing because they created this situation themselves.  But of course they will because it's THEIR DAY.

It's very obvious common courtesy isn't so common these days.  Neither is common sense.

thisismynickname2

lyndausvi said: Bottom line is I do not put conditions on my invites.  I would never say "hey, if you watch my hour long ceremony, then sit on your ass for 3 hours then  you are rewarded by be allowed to attend my reception."  If you can't do that, do not bother RSVP yes.
 Nope my invites are pretty unconditional.  If you can make it go both events great.   If you can only make it to the fun party.   So be it.  If you can only show up for dessert due to other obligations, we would love to see you.
I didn't take attendance at the ceremony.  Other than my cousin I couldn't tell you if there were others who were not at the ceremony. I would never dream of telling my cousin he had to take the entire day off just to attend my wedding.  I was so appreciative that after a long day at work he drove 3 hours to party with us. He also had to pay for a hotel that night.

I definitely see your point. Certainly there are times when people can't attend both ceremony and reception- even when there's no gap (like, can't get off work in time to make the ceremony but do show up for dessert, and certainly a day's childcare is an issue too). I just think, by my observations of 10+ years of gaptastic weddings, that many people won't attend the ceremony. Can't and won't are two different things. 

In fact, one of my coworkers attended a wedding where over 400 guests were invited. She told me later there were easily fewer than 100 at the church, but over 400 at the reception! That means three hundred people couldn't attend the ceremony, or three hundred people potentially wouldn't attend the ceremony? Three hundred??

Again, I am definitely not advocating for gaps, I hate them. But I perceive that many people who likewise hate them blow off the ceremony and just go to party. 

MairePoppy

thisismynickname said:

You're illustrating my point though. If you could only attend either the ceremony or reception due to logistical issues, I would hope someone would attend the portion that matters-- the ceremony. You could go out to dinner and drinks with your friends on your own dime and toast to their new marriage ("celebrate") at any time you want. 

 I'm not saying that the ceremony isn't the most important part of the wedding day. I'm saying that it's not rude to attend one and not the other.