Vow Renewals

Vow Renewal Questions?

Brief history of my better half and myself:

Girl meets girl online in 2003 at the young ages of 13/14. Girl and girl talk for years before meeting in 2008. Girl and girl date for a year before becoming engaged. Girl comes out to girl as female to male transgender. Girl loves and supports boy. Girl and boy (in closet as "lesbian girl" from anyone besides fiancee) decide to get married in 2010 while visiting friends in the town they met face to face, sitting in a little rock n roll café with a JOP and girl's two best friends as witnesses with the Beatles playing in the background. Girl's only regret with unplanned eloping is not ordering the burger boy ordered after signing papers because that shit was delicious.

Fast forward to end of 2013. Boy still in closet. Girl and boy go through a very rough patch and seperate for a few months. Girl and boy get back together in 2014, and boy comes out to everyone as male. Boy has a very stressful year with unsupportive family, and being intentionally misgendered. Boy starts transition journey in 2015, including testosterone and legal name change.

Basically, the last year and a half has been very life changing and stressful for both of us and we'd like to reaffirm our commitment to eachother in 2016.

I've read so many different websites on what to do/what not to do and feel like my brain has turned to mush from all of it and was hoping to get some questions answered.

1) Does anyone stand beside the couple while the vows are being said? I'm uncomfortable calling them bridesmaids/groomsmen because we are no longer bride/groom and it's not a wedding.

2) Would it be frowned upon to have someone walk each of us to the spot the vows are being said?

3) Does a renewal take place on your anniversary?

4) Favors for guests, yes or no?

Re: Vow Renewal Questions?

  • Brief history of my better half and myself: Girl meets girl online in 2003 at the young ages of 13/14. Girl and girl talk for years before meeting in 2008. Girl and girl date for a year before becoming engaged. Girl comes out to girl as female to male transgender. Girl loves and supports boy. Girl and boy (in closet as "lesbian girl" from anyone besides fiancee) decide to get married in 2010 while visiting friends in the town they met face to face, sitting in a little rock n roll café with a JOP and girl's two best friends as witnesses with the Beatles playing in the background. Girl's only regret with unplanned eloping is not ordering the burger boy ordered after signing papers because that shit was delicious. Fast forward to end of 2013. Boy still in closet. Girl and boy go through a very rough patch and seperate for a few months. Girl and boy get back together in 2014, and boy comes out to everyone as male. Boy has a very stressful year with unsupportive family, and being intentionally misgendered. Boy starts transition journey in 2015, including testosterone and legal name change. Basically, the last year and a half has been very life changing and stressful for both of us and we'd like to reaffirm our commitment to eachother in 2016. I've read so many different websites on what to do/what not to do and feel like my brain has turned to mush from all of it and was hoping to get some questions answered. 1) Does anyone stand beside the couple while the vows are being said? I'm uncomfortable calling them bridesmaids/groomsmen because we are no longer bride/groom and it's not a wedding. 2) Would it be frowned upon to have someone walk each of us to the spot the vows are being said? 3) Does a renewal take place on your anniversary? 4) Favors for guests, yes or no?
    I've never been to a vow renewal but I think I can answer a few questions for you- 
    1. You can have people standing with you if you would like, but it isn't a requirement at all. You could just ask them to stand with you as you renew your vows and not assign them a "title". The honor is still there despite what they are called.
    2. I certainly wouldn't frown on it at all. If either of you are wearing heels it might be a good idea, its been pointed out a few times that sometimes having someone to hold onto can help you if you find you need it (general you).
    3. It can take place at anytime. 
    4. Favors are nice but never required. Just make sure that you do host something after the ceremony to thank guests for coming- depending on the mood/time of day this could just be drinks and apps or something fancy. 
    image
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    Nobody needs to stand with you, but I would never side eye it if you wanted that. People can walk you if you want, but not necessary. Favors never necessary; do them only if you want to. It doesn't have to be on your anniversary.

    Idotaketwo.com is a good resource for renewals. Congrats and happy planning!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited August 2015
    Brief history of my better half and myself: Girl meets girl online in 2003 at the young ages of 13/14. Girl and girl talk for years before meeting in 2008. Girl and girl date for a year before becoming engaged. Girl comes out to girl as female to male transgender. Girl loves and supports boy. Girl and boy (in closet as "lesbian girl" from anyone besides fiancee) decide to get married in 2010 while visiting friends in the town they met face to face, sitting in a little rock n roll café with a JOP and girl's two best friends as witnesses with the Beatles playing in the background. Girl's only regret with unplanned eloping is not ordering the burger boy ordered after signing papers because that shit was delicious. Fast forward to end of 2013. Boy still in closet. Girl and boy go through a very rough patch and seperate for a few months. Girl and boy get back together in 2014, and boy comes out to everyone as male. Boy has a very stressful year with unsupportive family, and being intentionally misgendered. Boy starts transition journey in 2015, including testosterone and legal name change. Basically, the last year and a half has been very life changing and stressful for both of us and we'd like to reaffirm our commitment to eachother in 2016. I've read so many different websites on what to do/what not to do and feel like my brain has turned to mush from all of it and was hoping to get some questions answered. 1) Does anyone stand beside the couple while the vows are being said? I'm uncomfortable calling them bridesmaids/groomsmen because we are no longer bride/groom and it's not a wedding. 2) Would it be frowned upon to have someone walk each of us to the spot the vows are being said? 3) Does a renewal take place on your anniversary? 4) Favors for guests, yes or no?
    Your gender preferences and/or sexual orientations have absolutely nothing to do with anything.  The rules are no different.

    1.  Vow renewals do not have attendants.

    2. You may both have escorts if you wish, but no "giving away" language in the ceremony.

    3.  A vow renewal takes place any date that you wish, providing it is not soon after your wedding.

    4.  Favors are always optional, whether at a wedding or a vow renewal.

    Here is the popular vow renewal etiquette site.  Remember, you gender preference or sexual orientation has nothing to do with anything.

    http://www.idotaketwo.com/blog/vow-renewal-etiquette/

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