Bridesmaid literally fought and ended my bachelorette party.

[Deleted User]

I am in a really bad situation and I need advice ASAP.

Long story short, I have six Bridesmaid total. Two of them have not liked one another for the longest time. I made it clear to everyone that everyone needs to swallow their pride if they really love and care about me they would get along and be civil for so that I can have a great wedding.

Everyone Agreed.

My bachelorette party was this last weekend and everything was great and everyone was getting along and then I felt some tension between the two bridesmaids so …. Me and my sister(MOH) were talking to one another and we were talking loud because we were at the bar and music was loud.

 So Bridesmaid number 1 came up and got next to me and my sister and said are you guys okay.. and then Bridesmaid number 2 comes up behind my sister throws a punch at Bridesmaid 1.. Then it was a cat fight my veil got ripped out and I literally sat down and started crying….

it ended up everyone going home right after that we had a nice hotel room we were all supposed to stay in and no one ended up staying there cause everyone went home… My wedding is in 40 days what do I do?

Hostility will be extremely high between them now on the wedding day and I can’t have that happen on my wedding day as one of my days was already ruined. 

[Deleted User]

So this gal 1. Got mad because you wanted to go to another bar and threw your stuff at you. 2. Punched another girl.. 3. Used the term mean mugging... and  4. Wants you to apologize..

AND she has 2 kids GOOD DEAR LORD!! Someone PLEASE call DHS.

She's all sorts of bat S*$@ crazy.

As PP's have said,  You text or email or call and say due to circumstances around the bachelorette party I will no longer be able to have you in the wedding and do not feel comfortable continuing our friendship. DONE. Hang up, don't respond, block whatever. That's you being the bigger person. In no way do you engage anymore with a 12 year old.

This sounds like a very negative person who you probably find yourself caught up in hearing her talk a lot of crap about a lot of people. You don't need that type of stress in your life starting a new marriage. Move on find better friends.

ShesSoCold

klbarker10 said:

I am in a really bad situation and I need advice ASAP.

Long story short, I have six Bridesmaid total. Two of them have not liked one another for the longest time. I made it clear to everyone that everyone needs to swallow their pride if they really love and care about me they would get along and be civil for so that I can have a great wedding.

Everyone Agreed.

My bachelorette party was this last weekend and everything was great and everyone was getting along and then I felt some tension between the two bridesmaids so …. Me and my sister(MOH) were talking to one another and we were talking loud because we were at the bar and music was loud.

 So Bridesmaid number 1 came up and got next to me and my sister and said are you guys okay.. and then Bridesmaid number 2 comes up behind my sister throws a punch at Bridesmaid 1.. Then it was a cat fight my veil got ripped out and I literally sat down and started crying….

it ended up everyone going home right after that we had a nice hotel room we were all supposed to stay in and no one ended up staying there cause everyone went home… My wedding is in 40 days what do I do?

Hostility will be extremely high between them now on the wedding day and I can’t have that happen on my wedding day as one of my days was already ruined. 

Hmmmm. I think the bolded is pretty dramatic and selfish, but that's neither here nor there. My first thought would be to talk to them about it and stress that behavior like this will not be tolerated. But if this conversation already occurred and clearly didn't work, I, personally, would sit down (in person) with each of them, explain that while you love them, physical violence is not okay and you can't trust them to be mature. Reimburse them for the dresses (if they've already bought them) and any other expenses and tell them they are no longer welcome in your bridal party or at your wedding. You need to decide if this potentially friendship-ending move is worth it to you.

Maggie0829

klbarker10 said:

I am in a really bad situation and I need advice ASAP.

Long story short, I have six Bridesmaid total. Two of them have not liked one another for the longest time. I made it clear to everyone that everyone needs to swallow their pride if they really love and care about me they would get along and be civil for so that I can have a great wedding.

Everyone Agreed.

My bachelorette party was this last weekend and everything was great and everyone was getting along and then I felt some tension between the two bridesmaids so …. Me and my sister(MOH) were talking to one another and we were talking loud because we were at the bar and music was loud.

 So Bridesmaid number 1 came up and got next to me and my sister and said are you guys okay.. and then Bridesmaid number 2 comes up behind my sister throws a punch at Bridesmaid 1.. Then it was a cat fight my veil got ripped out and I literally sat down and started crying….

it ended up everyone going home right after that we had a nice hotel room we were all supposed to stay in and no one ended up staying there cause everyone went home… My wedding is in 40 days what do I do?

Hostility will be extremely high between them now on the wedding day and I can’t have that happen on my wedding day as one of my days was already ruined. 

Well you shouldn't have to do anything.  BM 2 needs to apologize, not only to you but to BM 1.  And BM 1 should apologize for stooping to BM 2s level. Truthfully this issue these two have with each other has zero to do with you so you shouldn't do anything but stay out of it.  Because if you pick sides then you will most likely lose a friend.  I would speak with both of your BMs and tell them how disappointed you were in their actions. Don't start with how they ruined your bach party.  You need to focus on how you love them both, understand that they do not get along, but that you are upset that they acted so childishly.  As a friend you are allowed to express your disappointment with your other friends.  So basically you need to leave your wedding out of it.

I would, however, speak with your venue about this and that they need to remove anyone who starts acting up.  Remember their actions reflect poorly on them, not you.  And if they get into a fight it will only ruin your day if you let it.

KatWAG

Why did #2 punch #1? What is the story there?

MyNameIsNot

End the friendship with the one that got violent. (Or both if the other one responded in kind.)  There is no reason to stay friends with an adult that would walk up and punch another adult. It doesn't matter who said what or who insulted who. Violence should never be tolerated.

Reimburse her for the BM dress and let her know that she won't be welcome at the wedding or at your home ever again. Then cut off all contact with her. 

Did anyone contact the police? 

climbingsingle

Wait. Bridesmaid #2 just punched Bridesmaid #1 out of the blue for no reason whatsoever?

If that actually did happen, Bridesmaid #2 would be out of my wedding. I don't stand for any kind of violence. That's just insane. 

I need more info on what happened.  

onefootinthebayou

I'm with Climbing on this one.  Who the fuck PUNCHES someone for no reason or for any reason.  That is not someone I'd associate with so I'm not sure how to help you with this conflict.  

We need more info about their beef but I agree with PPs, they need to resolve this by themselves, like adults.  They clearly don't respect you very much if this is how they behave in your presence.  

*Edited for spelling

aurianna

Your friend got punched in the face...
So you cried about your veil / ruined bach party.


I'm with the others. Who punches someone?  That sounds so trashy. I'd drop someone like from my life. I'd also be wary of the other.

banana468

climbingwife said:

Wait. Bridesmaid #2 just punched Bridesmaid #1 out of the blue for no reason whatsoever?

If that actually did happen, Bridesmaid #2 would be out of my wedding. I don't stand for any kind of violence. That's just insane. 

I need more info on what happened.  

There has to be more to the story here.   Why would that just happen??

And why was the reaction to turn it into a "You would cry to if it happened to you?" and not a, "Girls, get your shit together!!!" 

[Deleted User]

I attempted to break it up and was yelling for everyone to stop and no one would listen.

Their Bad Blood goes all the way back to high school and we are almost 30years old now.

 Remember there was drinking involved but no one was extremely intoxicated

 Right before we went to the bar where the fight happened we were at another bar and this where the tension started..

 I was linked arms with Bridesmaid 1 and wanted to leave that bar and go to a different one. Bridesmaid 2 came up to me and in a stern voice "You need to do what you want to do not what everyone else wants to do" I then told her I wanted to go to the other bar across the street and Bridesmaid 2(the one who threw the punch) said "Well then those little bitches can hang on to these for you" and she proceeded to open her clutch and throw my ID and debit card at me. (I never asked her to hang on to those for me in the first place she volunteered herself to hang on to all of my stuff) after that we all left that bar and went to a new one where the fight happened. 

banana468

You're all almost 30 and the two of them are doing this?   Have they ever fought before??  

Can you elaborate with a bit more of the back story? 

[Deleted User]

I think there is something to the story on why BM #2 punched BM #1. But if you have them both still in your wedding, I would cut any pre-cermony alcohol to help keep everyone with a level head. (wondering if BM #2 is a mean drunk???). I would put the venue on alert that you have issues between the two BM, especially BM #2 as they may have to have security/police involved.

I think you need to talk to BM #1 and get her side of the story and then talk to BM #2 and get her side of the story, and then you really have to sit down & decide, do you really want to stay friends with someone who will get physical with someone over something stupid, or even if it was over something that wasn't stupid. I agree with other PP that if you decide BM #2 is someone you don't want to be friends with anymore, you reimburse her for her dress and whatever other expenses she's incurred and walk away.

If you decide to keep both in your wedding party, then you need to be willing to deal with any situations that come up between them. Yes, this is "your day" and your BM should be supportive, but guess what, you are in the middle of this now.You are the one that brought them together by asking them to be BM. You shouldn't be crying because your veil got ripped off your head and that your night was ruined. You should be upset that two of your friends are fighting and concerned about the friendships involved.

You need to deal with this before your wedding day because if you don't, it will only get worse.

[Deleted User]

MyNameIsNot

klbarker10 said:

I attempted to break it up and was yelling for everyone to stop and no one would listen.

Their Bad Blood goes all the way back to high school and we are almost 30years old now.

 Remember there was drinking involved but no one was extremely intoxicated

 Right before we went to the bar where the fight happened we were at another bar and this where the tension started..

 I was linked arms with Bridesmaid 1 and wanted to leave that bar and go to a different one. Bridesmaid 2 came up to me and in a stern voice "You need to do what you want to do not what everyone else wants to do" I then told her I wanted to go to the other bar across the street and Bridesmaid 2(the one who threw the punch) said "Well then those little bitches can hang on to these for you" and she proceeded to open her clutch and throw my ID and debit card at me. (I never asked her to hang on to those for me in the first place she volunteered herself to hang on to all of my stuff) after that we all left that bar and went to a new one where the fight happened. 

Why are you friends with these people?  BM2 sounds like a piece of shit. I can't tell if BM1 is a shitty person or just doesn't know how to avoid BM2. I can deal with someone who drinks too much and acts like an idiot or yells about some old HS drama, but violence is where I draw the line. 

If you decide you're going to stay friends with her, you need to get security at your wedding. For the life of me, I can't understand why you want someone like this in your life. 

[Deleted User]

She has never acted like this till now. That is why i am so blown away by this 

banana468

Unless there is seriously more to the story BM 2 and I would be done.   She'd be out of the wedding and out of my life.   

aurianna

klbarker10 said:

She has never acted like this till now. That is why i am so blown away by this 

If you want to keep this relationship (again, I'd personally be wary), then find out what's going on with her. Don't make it wedding related. Just make it friend related.

"Friend, you were acting very out of character the other night and I'm really concerned. Is everything ok?"
I don't think much excuses that kind of behavior, but if it's a first for her, then something is going on.


Also, if you want to keep them both in the wedding party still, I highly advise skipping the head table. I'd do a sweetheart table and then just set each of them on different sides of the room.
Also if any pre-wedding events are left, I wouldn't necessary invite both of them.

ETA:
Oh, and I hate this in any situation, but especially here. If you had any plan to do some sort of choreographed wedding party dance or something like that that would need rehearsals/collaborations... skip it.

TheCheeseWench

BM #2 sounds like trash, and shame on BM#1 for engaging in the fight after the punch was thrown. She should have walked away.

Under NO circumstances would BM #2 be in or at my wedding. I don't care if there was alcohol involved, this girl's got to go. I don't think I would stay friends with her either if she is nearly 30 and doesn't know how to behave like an adult. I guess I would have to know more about #1's role in the entire evening/fight to make that call.

AddieCake

Yeah, no. Bridesmaid 2 threw threw stuff at you and punched another bridesmaid. Bye, Felicia!

levioosa

Based on your post and your BMs' actions I'd say all of you are failing at adulting.  

KatWAG

If that is all that really happened with BM2, she would be out of my life. 

climbingsingle

I think you should all be ashamed of yourselves. Well, I still can't quite figure out what Bridesmaid 1 did, if anything. Possibly she was punched for no reason at all. Your story is still extremely vague. These women that are almost 30 are still holding onto drama that happened in high school? Really?? I'm 34 and sometimes I can barely remember things that happened so long ago. 

But Bridesmaid 2 started a fight over nothing and then resorted to violence. I'd never speak to her again. There's no question she'd be out of my wedding. 

And if you really handled this situation by sitting down and crying, I'm embarrassed for you. When she cursed and threw things, I would have ended the night with her there. No adult behaves like that. 

[Deleted User]

BM 2 didn't even try and contact me since that night. Everyone else that was there that night even BM1 contacted me early the next morning and have been apologizing up and down even though they were the ones who haven't done anything. 

I had to contact her last night and she wanted me to apologize to her .....and said that her eye was split open.... when I know it was not because i saw her after and so did my mother and my Fiance as well and they all said they didn't see her eye "split open"

She even admitted that she said "The next person who mean mugs me, I'm going to knock out"

She now just wants to drop it and said she will just act like everything is okay on the wedding day... But I do NOT want to take a chance of this happening again because it is not okay that it even happened in the beginning. 

Jen4948

Someone who throws a punch should not be a bridesmaid.  End of that story.

But I think it's judging the OP too harshly to accuse her of "not being an adult" for crying when according to her, this apparently was very out of character for BM 2 and came as a total shock. Sometimes when people we normally are very close to very unexpectedly behave terribly, we don't always have the presence of mind to come up with an immediate snappy response.  It's easy for people in this forum who don't know her or the bridesmaids and weren't there to judge and accuse her of "not being an adult," but how do we know you (generic) wouldn't have done the same?  After all, we don't know you either.

That said, @klbarker10, I think that under the circumstances I'd make very clear to BM 2 that she is no longer a bridesmaid and have security at your wedding in case another fight starts.

climbingsingle

klbarker10 said:

BM 2 didn't even try and contact me since that night. Everyone else that was there that night even BM1 contacted me early the next morning and have been apologizing up and down even though they were the ones who haven't done anything. 

I had to contact her last night and she wanted me to apologize to her .....and said that her eye was split open.... when I know it was not because i saw her after and so did my mother and my Fiance as well and they all said they didn't see her eye "split open"

She even admitted that she said "The next person who mean mugs me, I'm going to knock out"

She now just wants to drop it and said she will just act like everything is okay on the wedding day... But I do NOT want to take a chance of this happening again because it is not okay that it even happened in the beginning. 

WHY are you friends with a person like this? Are you actually reading any of the responses here? I have an extremely hard time believing that person that is 30 years old once day decides to become violent and starts punching people. Drop this girl. She's bad news. 

banana468

climbingwife said:

klbarker10 said:

BM 2 didn't even try and contact me since that night. Everyone else that was there that night even BM1 contacted me early the next morning and have been apologizing up and down even though they were the ones who haven't done anything. 

I had to contact her last night and she wanted me to apologize to her .....and said that her eye was split open.... when I know it was not because i saw her after and so did my mother and my Fiance as well and they all said they didn't see her eye "split open"

She even admitted that she said "The next person who mean mugs me, I'm going to knock out"

She now just wants to drop it and said she will just act like everything is okay on the wedding day... But I do NOT want to take a chance of this happening again because it is not okay that it even happened in the beginning. 

WHY are you friends with a person like this? Are you actually reading any of the responses here? I have an extremely hard time believing that person that is 30 years old once day decides to become violent and starts punching people. Drop this girl. She's bad news. 

This!

I'd be up front: "I hope everything is OK with you but I need to let you know that what you did was not OK.   I can't have people attending the wedding who have thrown punches to others in the wedding party and they certainly can't be IN the wedding.   I'll send you a check for your dress.   I'm sure you can understand."

And then drop her like 3rd period French. 

ShesSoCold

Jen4948 said:

Someone who throws a punch should not be a bridesmaid.  End of that story.

But I think it's judging the OP too harshly to accuse her of "not being an adult" for crying when according to her, this apparently was very out of character for BM 2 and came as a total shock. Sometimes when people we normally are very close to very unexpectedly behave terribly, we don't always have the presence of mind to come up with an immediate snappy response.  It's easy for people in this forum who don't know her or the bridesmaids and weren't there to judge and accuse her of "not being an adult," but how do we know you (generic) wouldn't have done the same?  After all, we don't know you either.

That said, @klbarker10, I think that under the circumstances I'd make very clear to BM 2 that she is no longer a bridesmaid and have security at your wedding in case another fight starts.

To me, it's the way it was worded. "then it was a cat fight my veil got ripped out and I literally sat down and started crying…." Instead of trying to split them up or doing something about it, OP sat down on the floor of a club and cried. I mean, come on. If that doesn't provoke a "grow up", I'm not sure what does. 

ETA: I'm not dismissing the behavior of the BMs in any way, shape or form. That was not okay. But for the OP to be thinking about her veil and to sit down on the floor and cry is dramatic and immature. What kind of adult just sits on the floor in public and cries? I haven't done that since I was like 4.

[Deleted User]

The only reason i can think of why she acted this way is that she was pregnant for two years straight practically and this was her first time out drinking since. But still that does not give any right to do what she did..

especially because when I attempted to stop it she kept going. 

I just need to find a simple way to ask her to step down. 

frenchiekin

klbarker10 said:

The only reason i can think of why she acted this way is that she was pregnant for two years straight practically and this was her first time out drinking since. But still that does not give any right to do what she did..

especially because when I attempted to stop it she kept going. 

I just need to find a simple way to ask her to step down. 

See Banana's response above.  

There are so many details missing, I don't know what to make of all of this.  What was her reasoning for wanting YOU to apologize to HER for getting her eye split open?  

[Deleted User]

After attempting to break them up that's when I sat down and its not like i was throwing a fit sat down, my veil and earring got ripped out so I also went down to get them and I just stayed there and cried because i could NOT believe it was happening. 

Jen4948

ShesSoCold said:

Jen4948 said:

Someone who throws a punch should not be a bridesmaid.  End of that story.

But I think it's judging the OP too harshly to accuse her of "not being an adult" for crying when according to her, this apparently was very out of character for BM 2 and came as a total shock. Sometimes when people we normally are very close to very unexpectedly behave terribly, we don't always have the presence of mind to come up with an immediate snappy response.  It's easy for people in this forum who don't know her or the bridesmaids and weren't there to judge and accuse her of "not being an adult," but how do we know you (generic) wouldn't have done the same?  After all, we don't know you either.

That said, @klbarker10, I think that under the circumstances I'd make very clear to BM 2 that she is no longer a bridesmaid and have security at your wedding in case another fight starts.

To me, it's the way it was worded. "then it was a cat fight my veil got ripped out and I literally sat down and started crying…." Instead of trying to split them up or doing something about it, OP sat down on the floor of a club and cried. I mean, come on. If that doesn't provoke a "grow up", I'm not sure what does. 

ETA: I'm not dismissing the behavior of the BMs in any way, shape or form. That was not okay. But for the OP to be thinking about her veil and to sit down on the floor and cry is dramatic and immature. What kind of adult just sits on the floor in public and cries? I haven't done that since I was like 4.

If you think you can come up with an automatic snappy response if you were caught in the middle like that, more power to you, but I'm still not going to judge her for sitting on the floor and crying in public.  People aren't at their best in situations where someone shockingly and totally unexpectedly become violent, especially when someone gets hurt and there's property damage.