***UPDATE***UPDATE*** Destination bride upset that I, as a guest didn’t watch her get her hair done
Let me start by confirming I was not in the wedding and she did not have a bridal party.
History: A longtime friend decided to have a destination wedding and announced it about 10 months before the actual date. Both me and my husband agreed to attend the destination wedding and stay at the all-inclusive resort for a full week since the wedding ceremony was on Wednesday. Prior to the wedding she offered to pay for me to get my hair done with her at the salon as a way of thanking me for coming. However, closer to the date I informed her that it was extremely expensive and that it was not necessary and she didn’t discuss it further.
Once at the resort she again asked if I wanted to get my hair done. I asked how much it would cost and she said she didn’t know and that I could check with the salon. This implied that she no longer was willing to pay for it. And since I already spent a lot of money on the trip and took vacation time from work I declined to get my hair done and told her this. Again nothing more was discussed.
The following day at breakfast she said she was getting her hair and makeup done and that her mom, step mom, future mother in law and I should come and watch her. I told her I would not be attending. And she said nothing. It’s very important to note that I was NOT in the wedding and she did not have any bridesmaids.
Present: Her wedding was about three weeks ago. And since coming home I have not heard from her. I sent a text to her yesterday sharing the link to pictures that I took. She responded stating that she’s been meaning to talk with me. She is very happy that I made the trip. However she is very sad I did not “come hang out at the salon.” To her it felt like “the day was not important to you (me) and that is why you guys came. I wanted to let you know how I was feeling so I don’t have bad feelings between us.” I responded that I’m glad she said something but I’m very surprised by it. The wedding was very important that is why both me and my husband came, spent thousands of dollars to be there and used vacation time from work. Sorry I didn’t go to the salon. I didn’t know it met that much to you (her).”
She has not responded. I’m very offended and feel disrespected that she sent this to me in a text. Furthermore, I discussed this with her many times. She should have said something then if it was going to bother her. I feel like she is very ungrateful for all that I did. Out of all their friends and siblings and I’m the only who came. I think that says it was very important to me.
Anyways, I’m curious if I should call her and discuss this more in depth or just let go. What would you do?
This gets worse! I talked to the bride yesterday and told her I’m very hurt. I told her that I wish she would have communicated how important these things were and reminded her that she did want a bridal party so I did not know how important it was to have a friend with her as she got ready. I believed it was a bonding time for her and the mothers. Furthermore I went dress shopping with her, went to the bachelorette party, my husband went to the bachelor party (he only knows the groom because the groom is dating the bride), I spent thousands of dollars to go to Jamaica in July, used my vacation time and I’m going to the reception coming up. I stated again how hurt I was that she thinks because I didn’t go to the salon she thinks her wedding was not important to me.
She responded saying she did bring it up and she’s not the type of person to keep asking for things. She said that she made an appointment for me at the salon and that I backed out prior to the trip. (I originally offered to go to the salon many months ago because NO ONE was going, NOT EVEN THE PARENTS were going. But once the parents agreed to go I did back out because she had someone to get ready with her). She said I asked her many times if she wanted me there and she always said yes. (I never asked her. I thought if she wanted me there she would have told me). She also said she was going to pay for me to get my hair done. (At the resort when she asked me to get my hair done I asked how expensive it was and she said I could check at the salon. That implied that she was not paying). She went on to say that she was sad that I left her bachelorette party early, “other girls with children stayed and they had to get up early” and went to tell me that I didn’t show up to her shower. She brought up the fact that I said “I wouldn’t spend the night with her prior to the wedding because I said it was my vacation too but yet I said I came down for her wedding and went on to say if my hubby didn’t want to spend the night with the groom, the groom would have spent the night with his Mom.” It would only have been for a night and part of the next day. I’m not the type of person to keep pushing for things.
I responded saying she should have said these things sooner. We talked about this and she said nothing. Furthermore, it’s not fair to compare me to her other friends because no one else went to Jamaica. I was the only other guest besides her parents. I gave up 7 days to be there for her and if I didn’t go I probably would have attended the other events. I went to Jamaica for her, in July when it was unbearably uncomfortable, stayed at a resort she picked. Furthermore I had no idea any of these things meant that much to her. Having the girls together the night before, getting ready together are things I associate with having bridesmaids and a traditional wedding. I stated I really hope you can see I was trying.
She then said she never said I wasn’t trying. And the “friends that didn’t go to Jamaica told her why and she understands so she’s not comparing. If they came she would have still wanted them to be a part of the other events to. It shouldn’t have mattered if she had a bridal party or not.
I told her that today is the first time I’m hearing a lot of this. And asked what she wants me to do? She said "nothing, we’ll agree to disagree."
Here are few other facts, this was all over text messages, her and the groom are both 34, 35ish, and have been living together for over a year.
I’m keeping my thoughts and emotions to myself… I’m curious what others have to say.