Those little regrets..

jaypie09

I know everyone has at least one, and I've found over time that it's easier to let go of them, but once in a while, I find myself thinking "If only we had taken more time/had more time to <fill in the blank>."
I recently saw some friends that I didn't invite to our wedding, but wish I would've, and now it's on my mind again. We were married in May of this year. We had a limit of 150 guests, and the line had to be drawn somewhere, but in hindsight think I didn't think through all of my options very well.
Does anyone else still think about this from their wedding?

abbiewebster

i just got married this past saturday and i'm having exactly the same problem, we got married away from my home country so many of my friends and family couldn't make it and im regretting my choice along with others, i hope it will pass , for both of us.

Beachy730

We also regret not inviting some people.  But unfortunately we had some OOT people who told us they were absolutely coming when we sent out STDs so we had to count them, and they ended up RSVPing no.  Plus with the other guests who were on vacation and such, we ended up with 195 after invting 275, and scrambling to spend extra money to hit the ballroom minimum amount.  So H and I, as well as my parents, regret cutting the people we had, but we had no choice at the time.  I'm sure most people have this same regret though.  If we had invited everyone we originally had on our list we would have invited 400 people probably.

The only other regret I guess I have is that I wish I would have asked our photographer more specifically what his plans were for our pictures at the state park.  When he told me he had a few places in mind, I assumed he would pick one site for pics.  But we ended up doing all 3, so me and all my BMs were hiking through a state park, and up and down stairs, in heels.  So I wish I would have asked him so we would have brought our flip flops with them, since we all had them in the limo for the reception anyways.  But the pics came out amazing so everyone said it was worth the pain.

jpharis

Yes, I a got married a little over a year ago, and I definitely wish I had invited different people, and wish I had done some things differently in regards to the reception and my flowers at the ceremony. Overall I just wish I had put money towards a wedding coordinator, because I did everything on my own. I think a wedding coordinator would have removed some of these regrets. But bottom line I am married and that is what it was all about and the most important thing!

meyerslr

I understand completely about the guests.  My husband and I were just talking about some of these things, and (for the sake of future brides), here are a couple:

I wish that we hadn't left the dance floor area (with the intent of discussing where to put our unpredictably large pile of gifts) because we got trapped, away from the party and hope of re-energizing ourselves.  A lot of people just kept coming in and saying goodbye to us.  For almost an hour and a half.  I loved saying goodbye to people, but I was so exhausted and I really wanted to join our party.

We both wish that our photographer had gotten more pictures of our guests.  Most are of us or our parents, but there are very few of the guests at the reception, including grandparents and their siblings, and pretty much anyone who didn't spend a lot of time dancing.

Otherwise, we loved it all, complete with the little flaws that came up. 

Xtine22

I only got married 11 days ago so I might still be in the it was a wonderful day mod of thinking but I thought the day went WONDERFULLY!!!

Crissyo

Some of mine:

Pictures....I have some great ones...but of course there are some missing!  My advice to others is to make sure that you designate family members to also take pictures of things that the photographer won't have time to capture!

Day Before....While technically not the wedding...I was so stressed the day before and was running around town like a crazy woman trying to buy stupid things for the honeymoon that I didn't need ( I could have gotten them at the airport or at the destination) instead of spending more quality time with my mom and sister.

DJ...Loved our DJ!  But...for crying out loud if we give you a must play list can you play it all!  THey left out Bruce Springsteen and Beauty and the Beast...two big requests.  Again, everyone loved the DJ but I am sad that we didn't have these requests as part of our memories and video!

VIDEO...speaking of video....they did a GREAT job! However, at the end of the night me and my best girlfriends and cousins were dancing the night away to NKOTB and TIFFANY and other oldies and he didn't capture any of this...not a one!  It was the time he took to do interviews and the desserts and stuff....ok that's great, but you could have captured one segment of me dancing with my friends!

Budnotes

I wouldn't have done brunch the next morning.  The only other biggie was in the midst of getting tons of pictures taken - we somehow managed to overlook taking a picture of my with just my bridesmaids! 

dieselsmomma

I wish that I would have had a necklace!!! Duh, dumb move on my part.

I also wish I would have changed my colors to something vibrant instead of going with neutrals.

Tamdude

Budnotes:  why do you regret brunch the next day?... just wondering because I'm wondering if I sould have one or not?

kllson

We ended up having my husband's parents pay for a few parts of the reception (they gave us a "we want to give you the money but we aren't going to write a check  - we want to be involved" offer, which was infuriating as I really didn't need their involvement - or their money) and I really wish we would have just bit the cost ourselves. I ended up with favors I didn't want, flowers in my decor I didn't like, a mother with very hurt feelings, and a huge, opinionated pain in my ass about every other decision.
It's one of those things that only I know about and don't share with friends or anyone. I try not to focus on it- we had an amazing day with a lot of beautiful memories, and now my brother in law's fiance is calling me for advice about how to deal with our dreaded MIL since she's doing the same thing to her -- it's great for bonding!

kllson

Oh, I also regret not eating anything before downing four glasses of champagne. It made for an interesting reception - but kind of in a good way!

Plumbb2

Love this question, great for soon to be Brides! Keep them coming!

Swtdsny

Does anyone or has anyone regretted paying for centerpieces or how much you spend on decor?

brianabrad

I agree this is great advice for those of us with the wedding still to come.

missmeranda1

I have a question for everyone... is it really necessary to have bridesmaids and groomsmen?  We are having a problem in finding something that they will all wear.  I'm beginning to think that it will be better for us if we do not have any at all.  And I think that if they do not want to wear what matches and coordinates then they do not need to be involved at all but how do we tell them nicely that they have to wear what we have picked or they cannot be in our wedding???  HELP PLEASE!!!

candyuk

missmeranda1 - im with you on your wedding party opinions...we arent having any
when discussing it and who we wanted it was hard and also for me i am getting married away from home and one of my closest friends cant come due to work, its expensive getting dresses and suits for everyone and to be honest you dont NEED THEM!!! we decided we would rather have all of our friends having a great time instead of them worrying about their duties and having lots of formal pics. i guess it depends on your own style but we just want a relaxed enjoyable day. unless you have a huge amount of guests and need groomsmen to help with seating?

1littleblue

I asked all my bridesmaids and groomsmen to wear black. It's simple and always matches. I am bringing in the "color" I want with the bouquets and boutineers and the groomsman's ties. I chose  lot of family to be part of the bridal party, so I know they will be nothing but supportive. But, no you don't have to have anything, it is your wedding!

amandamarie216

I'm interested in the cost of centerpieces too. I'm in love with centerpieces that are way too expensive. I'm sure the guests won't remember them in a day anyway. Does anyone regret spending a lot of money on decorations?

mustanggoonie

My regret was that I didn't have a DJ...my reception was such a bore!  Plus, I regret my choice in the groom too! 
But I'm getting remarried this coming April and I WILL have a DJ and a wonderful groom!  This time will be much more relaxed and fun!  I want to have a simple, fun wedding with close friends and family only. 

lizzybit1975

lots of good little hints! thanks brides!  I also am not having a wedding party, I always wanted a very small wedding and it is of course bigger then I had imagined already so no wedding party gives it that private small feel I wanted.

MegJ84

I'm getting married in 2 months and all these comments really made me think. I just wanted to say that if you make your own centerpieces you can save a lot of money. By making them myself my centerpieces are only $15 each, saving me more than half what they would have been if I got them done with the decorator. As for bridesmaids, it is your choice if you want to have a wedding party. I know that I personally couldn't imagin my BFF's not standing next to me that day, but I did have issues with one bridesmaid and well she is no longer a bridesmaid. If you don't pick the right people to be in your wedding party it will be a nightmere, if you follow your heart and choose who you truely want it will be perfect.

DivaJuggalette

I was married on 6/16/07 and I also regret the groom (he left me just over 2 yrs later and had his new gf pregnant within 3 months, but that's a whole other story). While my wedding was beautiful, I wish I would have had a wedding coordinator, at least just for the day before and the day of. This way s/he could tell my vendors things so I wouldn't have to deal with it while I am trying to get ready. Also, I wish I would have asked my bms to hang out with me while I got ready. I feel like I missed out on some bonding with them, but I had my mom so it was special.

Soon2BGriggs

Wow these posts are really helpful ... makes you think. I'm still in the planning stage so lots to think about.

sb1213

Has anyone taken out a loan to help pay for parts of their wedding? And if so do you regret doing that? My fiance and I still have 2 years till our wedding, but we don't want to ask our parents for help because they're the kind of people that will butt their way in and also hold that money over our heads. However, we're both paying student loans on top of everything else that comes with being in our 20s and we're finding out really quickly that to have the wedding we really want, its going to be costly...

missmeranda1

Thanks everyone!  I just know that getting all of the clothing for extra people is really going to cost us in the long run.  We want a small not so expensive wedding.  Thanks again for all of the advice on the groomsmen and bridesmaids!  I really appreciate it. 

WildRoseAutumn

SB1213
I am getting married on a tight budget...
my recommendation is to do it cheap. do NOT take out a loan. one of the most stressful things that drives couples apart is MONEY. You DON'T want to start off life paying off ANOTHER loan.
My fiancee keeps reminding me that he just wants to marry me- that's the point of the wedding. everything else is incidental.
If you have so much time, why not DIY? Make it about you and your man and your family... and ask them to help make decorations or set up that day.. or whatever. Have a special little ceremony at your your home, home church, or in a nearby park. Skip a big sit-down meal, (Maybe just have snacks?)  and make your own CDs instead of hiring a DJ.
It doesn't have to be grand land expensive like everyone else's wedding. Be creative.
Good luck!
But while this day is special, the point is that you are getting married.. and I am told it goes by so fast that you don't remember all of the details anyway. It's the people who are important... not the fancy decorations and food.

jcamm11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_those-little-regrets?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:f092d1d2-a963-44d4-af7f-35fb0e525160Post:146f6493-8d04-48dd-b0b6-edce41921966">Re: Those little regrets..</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks everyone!  I just know that getting all of the clothing for extra people is really going to cost us in the long run.  We want a small not so expensive wedding.  Thanks again for all of the advice on the groomsmen and bridesmaids!  I really appreciate it.  =)
Posted by missmeranda1[/QUOTE]

Do you mean bridesmaid dresses and tux rentals? 

jesse6598

I feel guilty asking my friends to be in the wedding party and pay for their atire. I know they will still support me and help me with whatever I need without having to stand next to me on the big day. Between showers and a plethora of other wedding related parties and gifts, they have enough potential expenses to worry about.
Also, his attendants and mine would have been really mismatched and uneven in number. Instead we"ve decided to have his son and my sister stand on either side and since theirs just one set we don't have to worry about buying any costly matchy-matchy outfits that just end up looking tacky.

Yolanda621

To sb1213: 
  I've been engaged for over a 1.5 years now and will be getting married Oct 2011. We are paying for our destination wedding all by ourselves. That's with having a mortgage, multiple credit cards and my student loan (thank goodness our cars are paid off) We set a goal when we first got engaged and have surprisingly,stuck to it. But let me tell you its a struggle!! 
  We (more I) began by writing  down 10 things I (we) HAD TO HAVE at the wedding and had to be realistic about! (you quickly find out how realistic you have to be once   you start adding thing up *smiles*)  Then we cut those 10 things down to 5 and concentratedon incorporating them into our vision for the wedding and what we wanted the guest to remember.  
   Sit down together and figure out where you two can cut costs. This can be as simple as taking your lunch to work a couple times a week, buying coffee every other day, cut the  grocery list. I had to cut off my addiction to MAC lipstick and gloss!!! (On my wedding day it is soooo on! LOL)   Next, we opened bi-weekly  automatic withdrawal saving accounts and Christmas clubs. Empty your pockets or change purse at the end of the day and throw it in a wedding money  jar. Believe me that adds up too!May not be much..but its some thing.  Just try it!
  Remember the day is about the two of YOU and then everyone else. I can totally understand about the parents and in-laws. When we first decided on a DW, my FMIL told me she didn't care for DWs, my response, "it's not your wedding (not to worry  I said it in a polite way) LOL 
  I've run my mouth enough. I just wanted to hand down some very helpful advice that was given to me from former brides. Good luck to the both of you. Remember, keep it about the two, try to cut down, stick to the saving and most importantly TRY TO enjoy the process! PS. watch bridezilla and see how much worse it could be!



In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_those-little-regrets?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:f092d1d2-a963-44d4-af7f-35fb0e525160Post:f68b8b9a-1a09-4811-98eb-dfd33f7e5918">Re: Those little regrets..</a>:
[QUOTE]Has anyone taken out a loan to help pay for parts of their wedding? And if so do you regret doing that? My fiance and I still have 2 years till our wedding, but we don't want to ask our parents for help because they're the kind of people that will butt their way in and also hold that money over our heads. However, we're both paying student loans on top of everything else that comes with being in our 20s and we're finding out really quickly that to have the wedding we really want, its going to be costly...
Posted by sb1213[/QUOTE]

bearsgirl86

Don't take out a loan. You don't want to start your new life in debt any further than you are. Just change some things that you want to do. I can't even tell you how many things that I have had to change to fit within my budget but, for peice of mind, it is worth it!