Can we have a do-over?

lildropofsunshine

Hi,

I'm lildropofsunshine. I'm new to wedding planning since I've never even been in a wedding before, I've just attended [lots] of them.

I know most of you think I'm obnoxious, immature, and a whole bunch of other negative things, and let me apologize for us getting off on the wrong foot. Now I know it's no excuse, but I have had an insane amount of personal things going on that have played a role in every aspect of my life, and in reality, I couldn't handle life period.

I'm hoping we can start over, and if you can't do that with me, fine, but I'd really like to try.

julieanne912

lildropofsunshine said:

Hi,

I'm lildropofsunshine. I'm new to wedding planning since I've never even been in a wedding before, I've just attended [lots] of them.

I know most of you think I'm obnoxious, immature, and a whole bunch of other negative things, and let me apologize for us getting off on the wrong foot. Now I know it's no excuse, but I have had an insane amount of personal things going on that have played a role in every aspect of my life, and in reality, I couldn't handle life period.

I'm hoping we can start over, and if you can't do that with me, fine, but I'd really like to try.

There's no need to make a post about "starting over".  I didn't have a great start here either.  I got a warning in my first day of posting actually.  The way to "start over" is to just participate in discussions, offer some advice (as long as it's not encouraging bad etiquette) and just interact like a normal adult.  There are some posters that will never forget your bad start, but whatever, nothing you can do about that.  

Another good way to enjoy the boards is to just read for awhile... don't post, just read and understand how certain posters post, and what the general attitude is here.  

Good luck! 

[Deleted User]

julieanne912 said:

lildropofsunshine said:

Hi,

I'm lildropofsunshine. I'm new to wedding planning since I've never even been in a wedding before, I've just attended [lots] of them.

I know most of you think I'm obnoxious, immature, and a whole bunch of other negative things, and let me apologize for us getting off on the wrong foot. Now I know it's no excuse, but I have had an insane amount of personal things going on that have played a role in every aspect of my life, and in reality, I couldn't handle life period.

I'm hoping we can start over, and if you can't do that with me, fine, but I'd really like to try.

There's no need to make a post about "starting over".  I didn't have a great start here either.  I got a warning in my first day of posting actually.  The way to "start over" is to just participate in discussions, offer some advice (as long as it's not encouraging bad etiquette) and just interact like a normal adult.  There are some posters that will never forget your bad start, but whatever, nothing you can do about that.  

Another good way to enjoy the boards is to just read for awhile... don't post, just read and understand how certain posters post, and what the general attitude is here.  

Good luck! 

This.  And if someone calls you out for giving bad advice, be willing to admit you may have been wrong.  And not in a snarky manner either. 

AddieCake

I've forgiven people for worse, so sure.

lildropofsunshine

AddieCake said:

I've forgiven people for worse, so sure.

Thank you. At least there's one person.

lyndausvi

I live by those words.    Especially on a message board.     We are not mean for disagreeing or thinking an idea is dumb.   Your [general your] life is pretty sheltered if you never hear an opposing view on what you think might be a good idea.

AddieCake said:

I've forgiven people for worse, so sure.

yep!

AddieCake

I told @Julianne912 she was ridiculous and that I didn't like her on her first day. I haven't felt that way since that day because she stuck around and stopped with the being ridiculous. TK does have a long memory, and the regs an even longer one, but that doesn't mean it's impossible to bounce back. 

You need to stop being so defensive and unwilling to listen to experienced people, and I think you will be fine. I'm still a little suspicious of you and still think you're all over the place with your plans, but I am willing to give you a chance.

lildropofsunshine

I'm penciled in at a venue (my mom has to check it out for me because I'm 3 hours away so I can't, and she's a mere 20 minute drive from it)...but if she gives it the thumbs up, we're putting the deposit down and it's mine. I'm also on my church's calendar. I haven't talked to the DJ yet, and I don't have a photographer because my friend who was going to do it got a job out in California so she no longer can...but things are definitely moving along.

You may not believe a word of what I just said, but it's all 100% true.

luckya23

Now I'm curious what @julieanne912 did!

madamerwin

luckya23 said:

Now I'm curious what @julieanne912 did!

I must be one of the ones with a short memory because I only vaguely remember her annoying some people with her early opinions (was it cash bar? Honeyfunds?). But she stuck around and all's well now. I just fell down the rabbit hole of OP's recent posts, and here's my advice: Don' take things personally! If you stick around, you'll see that the regs are really looking out for your best interests.

julieanne912

Basically in one of the first threads I participated in (not my thread), I didn't express myself in the best way.  It had to do with whether or not you should give SO's plus ones over on Invites and Paper.  Basically I worded something badly, and when people called me out on it, instead of just saying "my bad, here's what I actually meant", I got very defensive and crazy and started telling everyone they were rude and bitchy etc etc etc.  The usual newbie stuff.  But, after that thread I took some time to figure out how things worked around here and overall it's been a good experience.

And for the record, I totally acknowledge that you give ALL GUESTS with an SO a plus one (preferably inviting them by name versus "and guest") no matter how new or old that relationship is.  

Pupatella

Do over starting.....now.

Agreed that some opinions have already been made, but you just have to roll with it.

Just keep posting, and be accepting of the advice people give you (they seriously are trying to help, and have influenced a ton of my decisions when I was just lurking). Blunt and direct advice is usually the best kind of advice there is.

julieanne912

tfmrserwin said:

luckya23 said:

Now I'm curious what @julieanne912 did!

I must be one of the ones with a short memory because I only vaguely remember her annoying some people with her early opinions (was it cash bar? Honeyfunds?). But she stuck around and all's well now. I just fell down the rabbit hole of OP's recent posts, and here's my advice: Don' take things personally! If you stick around, you'll see that the regs are really looking out for your best interests.

BTW I've never thought cash bars or honeyfunds were a good idea LOL!

DarthV8r

I seriously thought  this thread was about you wanting a ppd. 

As for wanting to start over,  it's not that serious. This is a  forum and it should be fun and a learning experience. The knottie regs are helpful and  really  nudge you to think about other people during  planning. Vendors and wedding guests  are  included in your wedding too. It's not all about  the bride and groom.

CMGragain

I think I have been flamed by more people than anyone on The Knot.  Most of you forgave me when I was wrong, especially when I apologized.

pinupbride6189

Whether or not you get a do-over here is really completely up to you. I think just about everyone here is willing to be welcoming as long as you are willing to welcome sound advice and constructive criticism. Not every critique is an attack, and sometimes it's very helpful to have access to an outside perspective on things like this. If it weren't for the ladies here, I think I would have destroyed any chance at a positive relationship with my FMIL months ago. If I'd come and and been super defensive, I would have destroyed my relationship with my FMIL and probably be poorly hosting a shitty wedding and sending registry info for my honeyfund with my STDs and invites.

This place can be a treasure trove of free advice and a fun place to hang out if you are open to it.

redoryx

I'm a librarian and used to work in a prison. Frequently the inmates would ask questions about things they could or couldn't do and wouldn't like the answer I gave them and claimed I didn't answer their question. Eventually I adopted this motto:

My not giving you the answer you wanted doesn't mean I didn't answer your question. 

That's kind of what it's like here on TK. So as long as you ask a question or look for advice knowing the ladies here aren't going to validate your idea just cause or may not give you the answer you want, you should be okay and might get some good advice you didn't even know you needed along the way.

novella1186

As long as your purpose for asking questions here is to get honest feedback--- NOT to get validation-- then you'll be fine. 

I got hammered as a newbie for starting one of those "don't be mean!" threads because  I felt like another poster was being picked on. When it didn't go over well and I realized that wasn't a cool thing to post here, I deleted it (and quickly learned what DD means and that it's a shitty thing to do). I had a lot to learn. Basically, I should have lurked more. But when I got called out for fucking up, I didn't get defensive. I admitted I didn't know those things were fuck-ups, now I know, won't happen again. 

Since then I've seen a MILLION of those "don't be mean" posts and they annoy the hell out of me. See how things change? Just lurk. Get to know the tone/style of the boards, jump in on some threads. It'll be fine. 

madamerwin

julieanne912 said:

tfmrserwin said:

luckya23 said:

Now I'm curious what @julieanne912 did!

I must be one of the ones with a short memory because I only vaguely remember her annoying some people with her early opinions (was it cash bar? Honeyfunds?). But she stuck around and all's well now. I just fell down the rabbit hole of OP's recent posts, and here's my advice: Don' take things personally! If you stick around, you'll see that the regs are really looking out for your best interests.

BTW I've never thought cash bars or honeyfunds were a good idea LOL!

Hey, like I said, I'm not one of the ones with a long memory

southernbelle0915

It's not really some kind of official thing. Just stop posting defensive nonsense and arguing with everyone when you post/ask for advice and they give it. That should pretty much do it. 

doclago

Never print what you wouldn't say directly to someone.  Too many people hide behind the anonymity of the keyboard. 

arrippa

It would be very helpful to lurk first. I think most people make the mistake of jumping into a thread without lurking first to see the dynamic. Not only will it help you be familiar with TK but it will help you familiarize yourself with the different wedding boards and the posters there.  

lildropofsunshine

I was a lurker long before I even registered. But hey, every board has its own culture and I respect that.