Postponing honeymoon to 2nd anniversary?

primafaba15

H and I got married about a month ago. Given the financial (and emotional) cost of all the wedding planning, the start of the school year (we both work in education), and other factors, we decided to postpone our honeymoon by a year.. 

Unfortunately, we now have several weddings we need to attend in the next year, at least 2 of which involve substantial travel. H's cousin is getting married in the midwest near all of my extended family, who will expect to see us since most couldn't make it to the wedding -- so we'll have to extend that trip = $$. The second, my friend, just announced that she's getting married 4th of July weekend on the west coast, which I can only assume is going to cost us a fortune (at least one of us has to go -- she managed to get the money together last minute and did a 36-hour trip to the east coast for our wedding, which was huge). We hadn't planned anything super fancy or international for our honeymoon, but now I'm questioning if we'll actually be able to afford any other travel next year. 

 

Did anyone else have to postpone their honeymoon til the 2nd year? Was it a problem? I guess I'm kind of worried that if it gets that far out either we will never actually end up taking one, or it will reach a point where it's stupid to even bother. The timing of the 2 dates we have so far would probably prevent us extending either trip into an actual enjoyable honeymoon (in fact, I might be coming directly from a work conference for the second one). 

Jells2dot0

A honeymoon is just a vacation. It can be 1-2 nights in a nearby hotel or a lavish international trip. There is nothing wrong with waiting for two years, but then it's an anniversary trip. I don't know where you live, but consider staying somewhat local for a long weekend and get a suite at a local hotel and maybe go to the spa. At least you will have a few nights of being away from home.

onefootinthebayou

If you can swing it, I definitely recommend a mini-moon or small scale getaway for just a few nights. It really helps recharge that emotional toll that planning & executing a wedding (& subsequent let down when you say good bye to all your guests) takes on you. It's REALLY worth it. We got married in New Orleans & instead of going right back to work as planned we took a few extra days to ourselves & went to Gulf Shores, Al. Not lavish by any means but it was a much needed 2 days on a pretty beach to ourselves.

We postponed our actual HM 5 months to November.

JoanE2012

You can take a vacation anytime you want.  I wouldn't call it a honeymoon, but an anniversary trip.  No difference though.  As PPs mentioned, I'd try and get away sometime shortly after the honeymoon.  It doesn't have to be lavish or lengthy, but at least you will get away.  I've seen people "postpone" their honeymoon and in the end, never go anywhere.  I have a friend that's been married almost 5 years, and she still regrets it.  Life got busy after the wedding and then they found out they were pregnant a couple years later.

CMGragain

We postponed our honeymoon until our 25th wedding anniversary.  It was fabulous! (Alaska cruise)
We had a mini-moon in a nearby city hotel just after our wedding.  We were so happy to be married, we didn't care about taking a big trip then.  We bought a house and started our family within five years.  Kids weren't old enough to be trusted to be alone for a week until our 25th!
Today we are in our 60s, and are both comfortably retired.  We take exotic, romantic trips about once a year.  Headed for Norway soon.  I don't regret a thing.

TheCheeseWench

I agree that you should get away ASAP even if it is just sneaking off to a B&B for a couple of nights (fall break perhaps?). The break will do you good, and then you don't have that "we didn't go on a honeymoon yet, when are we going to be able to go on our honeymoon? " thought looming. Save the big trip for later and maybe include a little something extra special (couples massage/fancy dinner) as a reward to yourselves for being patient until the time was right.

When we get super stressed/tired we bolt for a day or 2 to some very random places just to get away from it all. A couple of weeks ago we drove to a cool little college town an hour away. We had dinner and drinks with a friend who lives there and stayed in a great B&B one night before coming home after breakfast. It's amazing what even a brief change of scenery can do to take care of that "emotional cost" of wedding planning

jacques27

I think you're putting too much pressure on the idea of a "honeymoon".  It's just a vacation timed in close proximity to a wedding.  And really, from an etymology standpoint was just meant to be a period of time to be in seclusion and enjoy each others company.  There's no requirement that it be the grandest vacation of your life.  I think there's a tendency for people to build up the honeymoon as "a once in a lifetime" grand excursion opportunity, and really - it's only a once in a life opportunity if you let it be that way.  I think people are really short-selling themselves on their lives if they act like the honeymoon is the end all be all of life's trips.

Take a few days away somewhere local.  Save up for a larger trip (or trips) and go whenever your schedule and budget allow if traveling somewhere more exotic is an important goal you have.  Just stop putting so much pressure on it "finally" being your honeymoon.

CMGragain

I was married the old fashioned way.  We were 1100 miles apart before we married.  We spent 2 nights in a luxury hotel in Kansas City, and we rarely left the room.  A fancy vacation or cruise would have been wasted on us!

primafaba15

Thanks for the responses, all.  I think you're right that I was putting too much pressure onto the exotic trip idea.  We started dating while studying abroad in Italy together and it has always been my dream to go back, but I think I put a lot of weight on the idea of our honeymoon being that or similar because we simply don't make enough money to justify such a trip in any other context (basically, we can afford it if we save, but there are so many other things that money should practically go towards like a big student loan payment or saving for 'the house we're never actually going to be able to buy but people keep asking why we haven't yet'). Plus, I know we need to think about kids in the next 3-5 years, and once we start having kids I'm pretty sure anything beyond visiting grandma and grandpa down south is going to be a pipe dream. 

We did get a gift certificate towards a small B&B in Vermont, so maybe the thing to do is try to carve out a weekend (he doesn't get fall break and we never get the same holidays off, but there might be a day here or there) and be okay with calling that our honeymoon. 

I'm a little bummed because we did have some less exotic back-up idea that we were excited about (on the west coast, but it involves a convention 6 weeks after that west coast wedding = can't afford all of those plane tickets either), but it's probably true that it's not worth getting wrapped up in all of that. We'd have to wait until our 3rd anniversary for that con to come around again anyway. 

JoanE2012

A B&B for the weekend sounds like a perfect plan for a nice relaxing and romantic honeymoon!

jacques27

primafaba15 said:

Thanks for the responses, all.  I think you're right that I was putting too much pressure onto the exotic trip idea.  We started dating while studying abroad in Italy together and it has always been my dream to go back, but I think I put a lot of weight on the idea of our honeymoon being that or similar because we simply don't make enough money to justify such a trip in any other context (basically, we can afford it if we save, but there are so many other things that money should practically go towards like a big student loan payment or saving for 'the house we're never actually going to be able to buy but people keep asking why we haven't yet'). Plus, I know we need to think about kids in the next 3-5 years, and once we start having kids I'm pretty sure anything beyond visiting grandma and grandpa down south is going to be a pipe dream. 

We did get a gift certificate towards a small B&B in Vermont, so maybe the thing to do is try to carve out a weekend (he doesn't get fall break and we never get the same holidays off, but there might be a day here or there) and be okay with calling that our honeymoon. 

I'm a little bummed because we did have some less exotic back-up idea that we were excited about (on the west coast, but it involves a convention 6 weeks after that west coast wedding = can't afford all of those plane tickets either), but it's probably true that it's not worth getting wrapped up in all of that. We'd have to wait until our 3rd anniversary for that con to come around again anyway. 

I think that sounds like a great plan.

I will say though, that there will always be other things in life - student loans, mortgages, car payments, kids.  I know I have a hard time planning fun things when other bills exist or I should be saving.  But if it's something you really want and prioritize, you can certainly make it happen eventually.  Unless you're so tight that you're down to your last nickel every paycheck, open up a savings account with a credit union or bank you wouldn't normally bank at and each of you have $10 direct deposited into it every pay period.  You'll hardly notice the $10 coming out of your check at the time and it's amazing to be reminded of the account every now and again see how much that little bit adds up over time.  Call that your vacation fund.

But in the meantime, it's probably a good idea to do something smaller now and not get wrapped up in the concept that a honeymoon has to be something grandiose - it just has to be a nice time you get to spend with each other.  That's all.

huskypuppy14

primafaba15 said:

H and I got married about a month ago. Given the financial (and emotional) cost of all the wedding planning, the start of the school year (we both work in education), and other factors, we decided to postpone our honeymoon by a year.. 

Unfortunately, we now have several weddings we need to attend in the next year, at least 2 of which involve substantial travel. H's cousin is getting married in the midwest near all of my extended family, who will expect to see us since most couldn't make it to the wedding -- so we'll have to extend that trip = $$. The second, my friend, just announced that she's getting married 4th of July weekend on the west coast, which I can only assume is going to cost us a fortune (at least one of us has to go -- she managed to get the money together last minute and did a 36-hour trip to the east coast for our wedding, which was huge). We hadn't planned anything super fancy or international for our honeymoon, but now I'm questioning if we'll actually be able to afford any other travel next year. 

 

Did anyone else have to postpone their honeymoon til the 2nd year? Was it a problem? I guess I'm kind of worried that if it gets that far out either we will never actually end up taking one, or it will reach a point where it's stupid to even bother. The timing of the 2 dates we have so far would probably prevent us extending either trip into an actual enjoyable honeymoon (in fact, I might be coming directly from a work conference for the second one). 

So they didn't come to your wedding, so they expect you to extend your stay at someone else's wedding so they can see you? You are allowed to say no. You don't have to extend that trip. You don't even have to go to that wedding if you don't want to. You and your husband are your own family now, and if you would rather go on vacation then a cousin's wedding, then do it.

My husband's cousin, who is the closest in age to him, didn't go to our wedding. They live in the midwest, and we live on the east coast, and they had just come back from Germany, so they couldn't take the time off. It happens. No hard feelings.

primafaba15

huskypuppy14 said:

So they didn't come to your wedding, so they expect you to extend your stay at someone else's wedding so they can see you? You are allowed to say no. You don't have to extend that trip. You don't even have to go to that wedding if you don't want to. You and your husband are your own family now, and if you would rather go on vacation then a cousin's wedding, then do it.

That's kind of how I feel (thus me being cranky about it) -- especially since some of these people pulled out last minute. I feel somewhat obligated because (1) being the daughter of a black sheep in the family, H and I are already black sheep by extension and not coming to visit them would add to that, (2) H has never met most of my extended family and (3) my grandmothers, especially my mom's mom, were super weepy at the wedding because they didn't get to spend much time with me and since they are both pretty elderly I might not ever see them again. But H has pointed out that he's not going to be able to take extra time to extend his trip (and that's a bad time of year for my work, too), so that may not be an option. 

We do have to go to H's cousin's wedding, though, even if we don't see my family -- she attended college with us, so we were friendly even before H and I started dating, and she *did* actually make it out for our wedding. She and the rest of his family would be pretty offended if we didn't show up, and most of them live near us so we'd definitely have to live with the consequences. 

[Deleted User]

I get wanting to have a great exotic honeymoon, especially when you read some of the things other brides are planning. Due to costs, we made a 3 hour car trip & stayed at Niagara Falls thanks to groupon deals. It wasn't a fancy trip, but it was nice to get away from everything for a few days. Honestly, it may have been more relaxing because we had been there before so we weren't trying to jam in lots of things to do in a short period of time.