PPDs

alexandducky412

Running the risk of sounding like an asshat (which wouldn't be the first time on these boards lol), I'm not 100% sure what's the issue with Pretty Princess Days? Other than it isn't technically a wedding and people tend to call them that, I'm not really sure what the problem is, because some people do it as a means to celebrate with their families and to get something that maybe they couldn't do when they initially got married. I also understand that some people view it as doing it out of order and just using it as an excuse to dress up and get pretty and show off when if you wanted to do it, you should have done it when you got legally married. Personally, I'm on team "Do You" but eh.

I'm not really defending it, I just don't really get the animosity that there seems to be towards it, or if I'm just reading into stuff incorrectly.

redoryx

alexandducky412 said:

Running the risk of sounding like an asshat (which wouldn't be the first time on these boards lol), I'm not 100% sure what's the issue with Pretty Princess Days? Other than it isn't technically a wedding and people tend to call them that, I'm not really sure what the problem is, because some people do it as a means to celebrate with their families and to get something that maybe they couldn't do when they initially got married. I also understand that some people view it as doing it out of order and just using it as an excuse to dress up and get pretty and show off when if you wanted to do it, you should have done it when you got legally married. Personally, I'm on team "Do You" but eh.

I'm not really defending it, I just don't really get the animosity that there seems to be towards it, or if I'm just reading into stuff incorrectly.

That is pretty much it. We view it that way because, well, that's what it is. A wedding is the day you legally get married. If you legally get married at the court house, that's your wedding. 

The real crux -- for me -- is that many of the couples who have a PPD confuse marriage with a party. They often see the paperwork part as an annoyance or, well, a hindrance to their getting to wear a white dress and be a princess for a day. If they think getting to have a party that's all about them makes them married, their are doing marriage wrong. It's no longer an issue now, but it also was incredibly obnoxious to treat a marriage certificate so casually when their were couples who were legally unable to obtain one. 

randomslove

Not to mention many people have abused marriage and defrauded the government or their family over it. I know many people who get married for to get more money/benefits (and have a "real" wedding later) or have a "wedding" without getting married so they can keep medicare. Heck, I had a family member divorce her husband so she could receive more government assistance, and plans on having another wedding to the same man eventually... mostly so she can show off how much weight she's lost since the first marriage to him.

I've never encountered a PPD wherein no one was lying or deceiving someone else.

kimmiinthemitten

alexandducky412 said:

Running the risk of sounding like an asshat (which wouldn't be the first time on these boards lol), I'm not 100% sure what's the issue with Pretty Princess Days? Other than it isn't technically a wedding and people tend to call them that, I'm not really sure what the problem is, because some people do it as a means to celebrate with their families and to get something that maybe they couldn't do when they initially got married. I also understand that some people view it as doing it out of order and just using it as an excuse to dress up and get pretty and show off when if you wanted to do it, you should have done it when you got legally married. Personally, I'm on team "Do You" but eh.

I'm not really defending it, I just don't really get the animosity that there seems to be towards it, or if I'm just reading into stuff incorrectly.

-------ETF NOW THE BOXES ARE HERE-----------

I'm on team Do You as well.  However, after reading more about it on here, I get why other people dislike them so much.  They just don't bother me personally, unless it was like the situation that @randomslove described and it was a farce of a marriage.

The situation in Kentucky with the clerk who is refusing to issue marriage certificates has made me wonder though, are there situations where a PPD is okay?  Like if you were one of the couples who planned a wedding only to find out your clerk wouldn't issue you a license, do you go forward with the non-legal ceremony and reception and have it legalized when your county finally impeaches that lunatic?  Or do you allow a lunatic to force you to changing or cancelling your plans altogether which can be expensive?

STARMOON44

kimmiandkoley said:

alexandducky412 said:

Running the risk of sounding like an asshat (which wouldn't be the first time on these boards lol), I'm not 100% sure what's the issue with Pretty Princess Days? Other than it isn't technically a wedding and people tend to call them that, I'm not really sure what the problem is, because some people do it as a means to celebrate with their families and to get something that maybe they couldn't do when they initially got married. I also understand that some people view it as doing it out of order and just using it as an excuse to dress up and get pretty and show off when if you wanted to do it, you should have done it when you got legally married. Personally, I'm on team "Do You" but eh.

I'm not really defending it, I just don't really get the animosity that there seems to be towards it, or if I'm just reading into stuff incorrectly.

-------ETF NOW THE BOXES ARE HERE-----------

I'm on team Do You as well.  However, after reading more about it on here, I get why other people dislike them so much.  They just don't bother me personally, unless it was like the situation that @randomslove described and it was a farce of a marriage.

The situation in Kentucky with the clerk who is refusing to issue marriage certificates has made me wonder though, are there situations where a PPD is okay?  Like if you were one of the couples who planned a wedding only to find out your clerk wouldn't issue you a license, do you go forward with the non-legal ceremony and reception and have it legalized when your county finally impeaches that lunatic?  Or do you allow a lunatic to force you to changing or cancelling your plans altogether which can be expensive?

That's not a pretty princess day. If you are not permitted to marry because of bigotry and hatred you at the very least get to have all the weddings you want.

CMGragain

For religious people (count me as one), a wedding is a very special and sacred event.  To trivialize it by having a pretend ceremony is insulting.  Courthouse weddings are also sacred, because God is everywhere.

lyndausvi

I'm PPD-lite.  As long as I'm in the "know" and am fully aware they had that 'pesky' paperwork was done ahead of time I'm all good.  Well sort-of.  As long as you recognize that 'pesky' paperwork is as, if not more, important than the party I'm okay.

For example, I went to a PPD in Austria. The couple got married in the US about 6 months before the Catholic one.  In their case her company was going to sponsor the renewal of her visa.  Once the company found out she was engaged, the withdrew the sponsorship in favor for her husband to be the sponsor.  AKA, saving them a lot of money.  

The couple's choice was to get married right away or her be deported and her losing her job.   Seems silly to lose a job now when you were already planned on getting married 6 months from now (the Austria wedding was already planned). Austria requires a civil ceremony in addition to a  religious one (if you so choose to have a religious one).     So they would have needed 2 ceremonies anyway.

So they got civilly married, It was all official, FB and all. No surprises.  Then they had their Catholic wedding, which we went to.   At no time did they think their civil wedding was less important than the Catholic wedding. They were always equal.   Just needed to be done at different times.  

Now when I hear people say they got married  and then are having their "real" wedding later I get really stabby.     It really pissed me off they think of the legal paper work as not real.  If it wasn't real  same-sexed couples would not have fought so hard for the privilege.    Couples would not be getting married for military benefits.   Or to stay in the country.  That "pesky' paperwork is worth something important, NO?  

If you lie (and yes we get a lot of people who hide the fact they are legal married). Oh hell no. Fuck you.  Own your choices.

MobKaz

lyndausvi said:

I'm PPD-lite.  As long as I'm in the "know" and am fully aware they had that 'pesky' paperwork was done ahead of time I'm all good.  Well sort-of.  As long as you recognize that 'pesky' paperwork is as, if not more, important than the party I'm okay.

For example, I went to a PPD in Austria. The couple got married in the US about 6 months before the Catholic one.  In their case her company was going to sponsor the renewal of her visa.  Once the company found out she was engaged, the withdrew the sponsorship in favor for her husband to be the sponsor.  AKA, saving them a lot of money.  

The couple's choice was to get married right away or her be deported and her losing her job.   Seems silly to lose a job now when you were already planned on getting married 6 months from now (the Austria wedding was already planned). Austria requires a civil ceremony in addition to a  religious one (if you so choose to have a religious one).     So they would have needed 2 ceremonies anyway.

So they got civilly married, It was all official, FB and all. No surprises.  Then they had their Catholic wedding, which we went to.   At no time did they think their civil wedding was less important than the Catholic wedding. They were always equal.   Just needed to be done at different times.  

Now when I hear people say they got married  and then are having their "real" wedding later I get really stabby.     It really pissed me off they think of the legal paper work as not real.  If it wasn't real  same-sexed couples would not have fought so hard for the privilege.    Couples would not be getting married for military benefits.   Or to stay in the country.  That "pesky' paperwork is worth something important, NO?  

If you lie (and yes we get a lot of people who hide the fact they are legal married). Oh hell no. Fuck you.  Own your choices.

And if you are lying, then you clearly know you are doing something wrong.  Why would you lie to those who are supposed to be nearest and dearest to you?

julieanne912

I'm PPD-lite too.  My own BFF got married here in the States before the JOP before her Belize wedding, because Colorado does not recognize marriages done in Belize.  But they weren't secretive about it, and everyone in attendance knew what was going on.  

But yeah, I see so many women on Facebook groups especially, talking about their "real" wedding.  Like, they basically live as a married couple for a couple years, have kids, etc., and then have their "real" wedding.  To me, that's not OK.  Have a vow renewal or just a party, but don't pretend you weren't already married to each other.

lyndausvi

Every wonder why you rarely, if ever , hear of people having the religious or spiritual ceremonies BEFORE the pesky legal one? 

Yeah, we know why.  

ETA - not talking about same-sexed couples who legally could not get married. 

drunkenwitch

I was a bridesmaid in a PPD I didn't know was a PPD until after. I was pissed, majorly pissed. I spent a lot of time and money on that "wedding" only to find out they wre already married because, I fucking kid you not "we wanted the tax break, but this is our REAL wedding". No it isn't, this is a fucking PPD.

artbyallie

julieanne912 said:

I'm PPD-lite too.  My own BFF got married here in the States before the JOP before her Belize wedding, because Colorado does not recognize marriages done in Belize.  But they weren't secretive about it, and everyone in attendance knew what was going on.  

But yeah, I see so many women on Facebook groups especially, talking about their "real" wedding.  Like, they basically live as a married couple for a couple years, have kids, etc., and then have their "real" wedding.  To me, that's not OK.  Have a vow renewal or just a party, but don't pretend you weren't already married to each other.

I'm not sure this is accurate. I couldn't find anything Colorado-specific, but the embassy page seems to indicate it is possible for an American to get legally married in Belize.

http://belize.usembassy.gov/information_for_travelers/marrying-in-belize.html

kmmssg

lyndausvi said:

I'm PPD-lite.  As long as I'm in the "know" and am fully aware they had that 'pesky' paperwork was done ahead of time I'm all good.  Well sort-of.  As long as you recognize that 'pesky' paperwork is as, if not more, important than the party I'm okay.

For example, I went to a PPD in Austria. The couple got married in the US about 6 months before the Catholic one.  In their case her company was going to sponsor the renewal of her visa.  Once the company found out she was engaged, the withdrew the sponsorship in favor for her husband to be the sponsor.  AKA, saving them a lot of money.  

The couple's choice was to get married right away or her be deported and her losing her job.   Seems silly to lose a job now when you were already planned on getting married 6 months from now (the Austria wedding was already planned). Austria requires a civil ceremony in addition to a  religious one (if you so choose to have a religious one).     So they would have needed 2 ceremonies anyway.

So they got civilly married, It was all official, FB and all. No surprises.  Then they had their Catholic wedding, which we went to.   At no time did they think their civil wedding was less important than the Catholic wedding. They were always equal.   Just needed to be done at different times.  

Now when I hear people say they got married  and then are having their "real" wedding later I get really stabby.     It really pissed me off they think of the legal paper work as not real.  If it wasn't real  same-sexed couples would not have fought so hard for the privilege.    Couples would not be getting married for military benefits.   Or to stay in the country.  That "pesky' paperwork is worth something important, NO?  

If you lie (and yes we get a lot of people who hide the fact they are legal married). Oh hell no. Fuck you.  Own your choices.

BOXES BOXES BOXES

 

Pretend I said all of this.  If I know you are already  married and can make an informed choice on whether or not to attend, I really don't care.  But, God help you if you hide it from me and then I find out I spent a bazillion dollars to fly to your pseudo-wedding to watch you pretend you are getting married.

Maggie0829

CMGragain said:

For religious people (count me as one), a wedding is a very special and sacred event.  To trivialize it by having a pretend ceremony is insulting.  Courthouse weddings are also sacred, because God is everywhere.

Many non-religious people (count me as one) feel the same way about weddings as well.  Minus the God stuff.

kimmiinthemitten

lyndausvi said:

Every wonder why you rarely, if ever , hear of people having the religious or spiritual ceremonies BEFORE the pesky legal one? 

Yeah, we know why.  

I actually do know one!  And this sounds like MUD, and I guess I wasn't there to verify it, but knowing her I totally believe this happened LOL.

A woman I work with starting dating her now Husband and a few weeks later the Lord spoke to her in a dream and told her to marry him.  She called him and told him what happened.  The next morning they went to the church for Sunday service and told their Pastor, so he married them during  the service.  A few weeks later they were both able to get the same day off of work and get legally married by the State!  

They have grand children now so it clearly worked for them.  But they also live with a wood burning stove in lieu of a furnace and no AC so that's not the only thing I would do differently .

ETA:  they celebrate the church ceremony date as their anniversary.

pinupbride6189

I agree with Lyndausvi and kmmssg. My sister is having a PPD. I was disappointed when I found out she was married, because I didn't get to be there. She told me, but only because my mom told her to. She didn't just go to the court house and sign the paperwork either. She had a mini ceremony with my parents there, officiated by a long time friend of my mother. She's not telling anyone else in the family. "But don't worry, we're still having the whole thing in March." If she were being honest, I'd still be disappointed that I didn't get to see my sister get married, but I would still be happy for her. The fact that she's lying to my family, and that she wants me to be complicit in this lie, still spend $200 on a dress, and take off work and travel to a weekday evening ceremony six hours away from me and pretend that this is real...that gets to me.

novella1186

The PPD I didn't have much of a problem with: My cousin and his then FI were both military and found out they were being transferred to two different areas of the country (you don't get to go to the same place unless you're married apparently.. the details are a little foggy to me because I was filled in by my mom, not directly by my cousin). They were already in the process of planning a big traditional wedding but it wouldn't be taking place in time to avoid their being separated (so I was told), so they ran off to Vegas and were legally married ASAP, but continued with the plans of the big reception for all their friends and family. They were very honest and up-front about it. Everyone knew the situation and knew they were already married. (Honesty is huge to me. If you lie and pretend you're not already married, then fuck you). 

The PPD that annoyed the fuck out of me: A girl I've known since childhood who's the biggest AW in the world sent me a text that I needed to pay $2,800 to attend her DW in another country. We're not even close at all, so I declined (the text was my invite). 

She then had a HUGE shower to which she invited my mom, who was not invited to the wedding. Rude. 

Two months after the DW she had a HUGE "wedding" in our hometown and did the full-on reenactment; first dance, cake cutting, pro photographer, all of it. And registered for gifts AGAIN. 

People were all over her FB wall saying "so glad we got to be there for your wedding!" but no, you didn't get to be there for the wedding. The wedding happened in some other country. The blowout in our hometown was clearly just to get more gifts and more attention. If she wanted a huge thing with tons of people in attendance then she should never have planned the DW which cost her friends and family literally thousands of dollars. That, to me, is gross and obnoxious. 

You get one wedding. Plan the one you want and be done with it. 

CharmedPam

My coworker is having a PPD in November, but everyone knows she got married in April.  I'm completely fine with that.  She's even calling it a party so she's not being deceitful to anyone. She's planned a hotel reception just like a wedding, but even the hotel knows it's not.  She got a HUGE discount by not saying 'wedding' either.  just 'family meeting'.  I think she invited 65. 

vikinganna87

CMGragain said:

For religious people (count me as one), a wedding is a very special and sacred event.  To trivialize it by having a pretend ceremony is insulting.  Courthouse weddings are also sacred, because God is everywhere.

This.  

Though I have mixed feelings about PPDs.  It really depends on your culture.  For example in Sweden in the 70's, 80's and 90's it wasn't "trendy" to get married and the younger generation didn't feel a strong tie to the Protestant [Lutheran] church.  As a single mother or unmarried couple you get the same benefits, childcare subsidies and tax breaks as a married couple.  Now weddings are more "in" so you see people my age who have been engaged for 10+ years (in Sweden engagement generally just means a higher level of commitment, not necessarily engaged to be married) and have maybe a couple of kids want a wedding.  Some include religious ceremonies, many don't.  My reaction to these are mixed.  In a way, I think it's nice for a woman who never considered being a bride or wearing a wedding dress to have a chance to celebrate with friends and family and have a date to continue referencing as their anniversary.  On the other hand, it also feels like, well you've been together for a long time, you have kids, you're committed --- you're only getting married because it's "trendy" or because your friend or cousin or whomever just did?!  

One of my closest friends is American who met a Spaniard in NYC.  She eventually got her EU work visa and moved to Barcelona to be with him.  At some point after being together 6+ years, she starting letting  BF know that she really wanted to get married and he was resistant, mainly because none of his friends were married and he was agnostic and totally anti-wedding.  About 3 years ago they got engaged, I was superhappy for her and they started planning a wedding.  She got pregnant, kept putting off the wedding and just got married in Bermuda (where her dad grew up) in June with their 1.5 year old daughter there.  It was amazing and I was so happy for her that they did it.  Her H was glowing and said that he couldn't believe it had taken him that long to get used to the idea of a wedding.  I do believe they got their papers in the US before they got married and are considering a 2nd wedding in Spain, but to me that didn't matter (so it prob constituted a PPD) and I'm kinda foggy on the details because I honestly don't care.  I'm just happy she finally got what she wanted and that her H was really excited about getting married.

In America, depending on the circumstance I think I'm generally okay with PPDs.  I hadn't really thought about them seriously until I arrived on TK.  For example, just because I view marriage and weddings a certain way and for example, it was important for H and me to have a church ceremony, doesn't mean I'm not open to other people doing whatever works for them in whichever order they choose. 

charcoalandblush

artbyallie said:

julieanne912 said:

I'm PPD-lite too.  My own BFF got married here in the States before the JOP before her Belize wedding, because Colorado does not recognize marriages done in Belize.  But they weren't secretive about it, and everyone in attendance knew what was going on.  

But yeah, I see so many women on Facebook groups especially, talking about their "real" wedding.  Like, they basically live as a married couple for a couple years, have kids, etc., and then have their "real" wedding.  To me, that's not OK.  Have a vow renewal or just a party, but don't pretend you weren't already married to each other.

I'm not sure this is accurate. I couldn't find anything Colorado-specific, but the embassy page seems to indicate it is possible for an American to get legally married in Belize.

http://belize.usembassy.gov/information_for_travelers/marrying-in-belize.html

This is what I was told by one of DH's family members about her Mexico PPD... that the reason they did it is because Americans can't get legally married in Mexico. I found out later that she was either lying or too lazy to do the research. As it turns out it's extremely easy to get married in Mexico - barely any more work than in the US. She just wanted to have her cake and eat it too (small family wedding in her hometown church, plus big blowout bash in Mexico).

ShesSoCold

alexandducky412 said:

Running the risk of sounding like an asshat (which wouldn't be the first time on these boards lol), I'm not 100% sure what's the issue with Pretty Princess Days? Other than it isn't technically a wedding and people tend to call them that, I'm not really sure what the problem is, because some people do it as a means to celebrate with their families and to get something that maybe they couldn't do when they initially got married. I also understand that some people view it as doing it out of order and just using it as an excuse to dress up and get pretty and show off when if you wanted to do it, you should have done it when you got legally married. Personally, I'm on team "Do You" but eh.

I'm not really defending it, I just don't really get the animosity that there seems to be towards it, or if I'm just reading into stuff incorrectly.

I'm pretty PPD intolerant. 

Personally, I just think they're stupid and childish. I don't understand how adults think a party is more important than an actual wedding ceremony. Even if they don't, I don't get how adults would want to play dress up and have a fake production. 

I wasn't one of the children who dreams about her wedding her whole life and I never had a "vision". I never thought about marriage until I began dating H and even then, all I knew was that I wanted to be his wife. So to me, a ceremony at the courthouse would have meant that we get to bypass all the expenses and stress and shit I don't want to deal with that surrounds a wedding. 

I guess I just see them exactly the same as I see a 25 year old celebrating her 21st birthday. Or a graduation party three years after the actual graduation. 

Jells2dot0

I don't like them because a) the lying that usually accompanies a PPD and b) it portrays to people that small, private, civil ceremonies are not good enough or "real". As I've been married twice, I have had both the large, traditional wedding and the private civil ceremony. While my first traditional wedding was gorgeous, I MUCH prefer my civil ceremony. It was more personal and, to me, reflected the true meaning of what a wedding should be. When I see posters look down on smaller civil ceremonies, it makes me feel like they are missing the point. The wedding is not about a party or being a princess, it's about the marriage. However, I am all for a nice anniversary or celebration party!!

arrrghmatey

pinupbride6189 said:

I agree with Lyndausvi and kmmssg. My sister is having a PPD. I was disappointed when I found out she was married, because I didn't get to be there. She told me, but only because my mom told her to. She didn't just go to the court house and sign the paperwork either. She had a mini ceremony with my parents there, officiated by a long time friend of my mother. She's not telling anyone else in the family. "But don't worry, we're still having the whole thing in March." If she were being honest, I'd still be disappointed that I didn't get to see my sister get married, but I would still be happy for her. The fact that she's lying to my family, and that she wants me to be complicit in this lie, still spend $200 on a dress, and take off work and travel to a weekday evening ceremony six hours away from me and pretend that this is real...that gets to me.

My sister did this, too. She didn't tell anyone in our family about it until the day after, so none of us got to go witness her being married. Yet all of her in-laws were there. To this day, she still doesn't get how hurtful it was to us, her immediate family, that we weren't in the know and didn't get to witness her marriage (my mom still talks about it to this day). Then they had the PPD later that year. Of course we in the immediate families knew they were already married, but we think most of the other guests did not know. And my sister likes to refer to both the legal marriage date and her PPD as her anniversary--whichever one suits her best at the time (i.e. she wants to go out for their anniversary on the PPD date, then expects an anniversary gift on their marriage date). Just, ugh.

sarahufl

Also PPD-lite. I was a BM in a classic military PPD a number of years ago. But everyone knew they were married. It was no secret. It was tons of fun and I was so happy to be there for my friends.

But yeah, I don't like being lied to. It is the lying that bothers me about most PPD situations.

julieanne912

artbyallie said:

julieanne912 said:

I'm PPD-lite too.  My own BFF got married here in the States before the JOP before her Belize wedding, because Colorado does not recognize marriages done in Belize.  But they weren't secretive about it, and everyone in attendance knew what was going on.  

But yeah, I see so many women on Facebook groups especially, talking about their "real" wedding.  Like, they basically live as a married couple for a couple years, have kids, etc., and then have their "real" wedding.  To me, that's not OK.  Have a vow renewal or just a party, but don't pretend you weren't already married to each other.

I'm not sure this is accurate. I couldn't find anything Colorado-specific, but the embassy page seems to indicate it is possible for an American to get legally married in Belize.

http://belize.usembassy.gov/information_for_travelers/marrying-in-belize.html

I dunno, I'm just going by what she told me, and she has her shit together usually so I figure she'd know what was legal and what wasn't.  This was also 7 years ago so maybe things have changed since then.  Might have also been a logistical thing, since that link you provided said they have to be in Belize for 3 days prior, and do the paperwork in Belize City.  They got married on Ambergris Caye which isn't super close to Belize City.

Either way, I'm not mad at all that they did it the way they did it since they were very upfront about it and weren't pretending.

anjemon

As many PP's have said, usually when people have a PPD they are lying about it. That is what bothers a lot of people. Being lied to sucks.

The other thing that gets me is a PPD really shows where a couple's priorities are. There are not very many good reasons to get married legally and then throw yourself a party later. PP's who have spoken about people getting deported if not married is a good reason. But insurance reasons, medical benefits, the military moving both of you together (if only one of you is in the service) - these are all things that will just save you money. So you are valuing saving money over all of your friend and family being there for a special event.

JediElizabeth

anjemon said:

As many PP's have said, usually when people have a PPD they are lying about it. That is what bothers a lot of people. Being lied to sucks.

The other thing that gets me is a PPD really shows where a couple's priorities are. There are not very many good reasons to get married legally and then throw yourself a party later. PP's who have spoken about people getting deported if not married is a good reason. But insurance reasons, medical benefits, the military moving both of you together (if only one of you is in the service) - these are all things that will just save you money. So you are valuing saving money over all of your friend and family being there for a special event.

TBH, I think even these financial things are open to debate, as long as the couple is honest. If one has a medical condition so bad that they need medical benefits ASAP or be forced to pay thousands of dollars for medical help, not only do I think that's appropriate, but they deserve a reception/PPD later to celebrate their marriage and getting through the medical turmoil. (For example, I've had a lot of cancer in my family in the past few years, and that kind of diagnosis can destroy a life just because of the financial burden in the US, never mind the health/quality of life implications.) 

As long as someone's honest about it and not doing it just as an AW or gift grabby moment, I'd probably support a PPD. Then again, I'll just about always support an excuse to party.

emmaaa

CElizabeth419 said:

anjemon said:

As many PP's have said, usually when people have a PPD they are lying about it. That is what bothers a lot of people. Being lied to sucks.

The other thing that gets me is a PPD really shows where a couple's priorities are. There are not very many good reasons to get married legally and then throw yourself a party later. PP's who have spoken about people getting deported if not married is a good reason. But insurance reasons, medical benefits, the military moving both of you together (if only one of you is in the service) - these are all things that will just save you money. So you are valuing saving money over all of your friend and family being there for a special event.

TBH, I think even these financial things are open to debate, as long as the couple is honest. If one has a medical condition so bad that they need medical benefits ASAP or be forced to pay thousands of dollars for medical help, not only do I think that's appropriate, but they deserve a reception/PPD later to celebrate their marriage and getting through the medical turmoil. (For example, I've had a lot of cancer in my family in the past few years, and that kind of diagnosis can destroy a life just because of the financial burden in the US, never mind the health/quality of life implications.) 

As long as someone's honest about it and not doing it just as an AW or gift grabby moment, I'd probably support a PPD. Then again, I'll just about always support an excuse to party.

I don't think it is as open for debate as you think. If one has a medical emergency and needs to be covered by someone else's health insurance, then fine, go get married but no one DESERVES a reception. If they want one, then have the reception at the same time. Priorities. And honestly, it is no one's responsibility other than your own to make sure you are covered for health insurance. 

lyndausvi

I know a couple who had their legal ceremony in order to get her on his health insurance because it was much cheaper.  Then they used the savings to pay for their "real" wedding a year later.   I guess that is one way to pay for the all important party.

novella1186

emmaaa said:

CElizabeth419 said:

anjemon said:

As many PP's have said, usually when people have a PPD they are lying about it. That is what bothers a lot of people. Being lied to sucks.

The other thing that gets me is a PPD really shows where a couple's priorities are. There are not very many good reasons to get married legally and then throw yourself a party later. PP's who have spoken about people getting deported if not married is a good reason. But insurance reasons, medical benefits, the military moving both of you together (if only one of you is in the service) - these are all things that will just save you money. So you are valuing saving money over all of your friend and family being there for a special event.

TBH, I think even these financial things are open to debate, as long as the couple is honest. If one has a medical condition so bad that they need medical benefits ASAP or be forced to pay thousands of dollars for medical help, not only do I think that's appropriate, but they deserve a reception/PPD later to celebrate their marriage and getting through the medical turmoil. (For example, I've had a lot of cancer in my family in the past few years, and that kind of diagnosis can destroy a life just because of the financial burden in the US, never mind the health/quality of life implications.) 

As long as someone's honest about it and not doing it just as an AW or gift grabby moment, I'd probably support a PPD. Then again, I'll just about always support an excuse to party.

I don't think it is as open for debate as you think. If one has a medical emergency and needs to be covered by someone else's health insurance, then fine, go get married but no one DESERVES a reception. If they want one, then have the reception at the same time. Priorities. And honestly, it is no one's responsibility other than your own to make sure you are covered for health insurance. 

SIB------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BFT

That's maybe what irks me the most, is the sense of entitlement and the belief that a big fancy princess party is something you (general you) inherently deserve as a necessity. 

I think that's a totally warped and harmful perspective. There are things people truly do deserve in life, and entitled to, and should have, such as: 

Equal rights, freedom, respect, safety, a fair trial, adequate shelter, etc. Let's add "big fancy party" to that list. Does that item fit in? No? Does it look ridiculous among other essential rights? Well then. 

Pupatella

CMGragain said:

For religious people (count me as one), a wedding is a very special and sacred event.  To trivialize it by having a pretend ceremony is insulting.  Courthouse weddings are also sacred, because God is everywhere.

This says it perfectly!!

My Mom told me and my FH to go to the courthouse and get married a week before the actual wedding so we wouldn't be so "nervous" in front of everyone. WTF!!? I don't care if I cry, or am nervous, or am emotional during the actual wedding ceremony. But I am not going to get married a week before just so I am not nervous on the actual day. No no no. And then I asked my Mom if she did the same thing. Turns out she did with my step-Dad, so I was a BM in a PPD about 10 years ago, and I just recently found out. It's not okay to deceive everyone like that. And I am happy everyone will get to see our actual wedding ceremony with all of our nervous energy.