Second Weddings

Involving my 11yo and 9yo sons in my wedding to their brother's dad

HELP!!!!
I can't be the only one who has searched for some appropriate, simple toast, reading or something for my boys to read or recite to us at our wedding.  It can be sincere, but not too mushy.  Something witty would be great!  If anyone has any unique suggestions, I'd GREATLY appreciate.  OH, my ex and by soon to be are both great dads and we all get along awesomely.
Thanks in advance!

Re: Involving my 11yo and 9yo sons in my wedding to their brother's dad

  • There is a blurb I typed up in the Welcome Post (very top post on page) that may help:

    When blending families, it's important to have an inclusive environment for all kids entering in to the new family unit. Some couples have decided to incorporate special touches into their ceremony that include the kids. While the general consensus is that the ceremony and vows should be reserved for the parents, there are many other ways to include the kids, such as making them attendants, having older children do readings, or presenting the kids with gifts just prior to the ceremony. Most importantly, talk to the kids first to see how they feel about being included! However, these two threads will give you plenty of ideas to consider!



     







    ShesSoColdCMGragain
  • Please don't make your children perform at your wedding.  I had to perform at my mother's last wedding, and it was horribly stressful for me.  This is not the place to put your children on display.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    Pupatella
  • HELP!!!!

    I can't be the only one who has searched for some appropriate, simple toast, reading or something for my boys to read or recite to us at our wedding.  It can be sincere, but not too mushy.  Something witty would be great!  If anyone has any unique suggestions, I'd GREATLY appreciate.  OH, my ex and by soon to be are both great dads and we all get along awesomely.
    Thanks in advance!
    How sincere will it be when you are telling them what to say? If they come to you and say they want to do something like this at the wedding and have their own idea of what they want to say, then it would be sincere. But to give them something that you got from people on the internet that don't know you or your family is not sincere. Let them speak from the heart... If they want to, of course.
    Heffalump
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    edited September 2015

    HELP!!!!

    I can't be the only one who has searched for some appropriate, simple toast, reading or something for my boys to read or recite to us at our wedding.  It can be sincere, but not too mushy.  Something witty would be great!  If anyone has any unique suggestions, I'd GREATLY appreciate.  OH, my ex and by soon to be are both great dads and we all get along awesomely.
    Thanks in advance!
    Before you ask them to do this, make sure that they are okay with any role other than that of guest. You might think everyone "gets along awesomely," but their own perceptions may be different, and even if they get along awesomely, they may not want to participate in your wedding in speaking roles if it makes them uncomfortable. If they would rather not give toasts, do readings, or be in your wedding party, please respect their wishes and don't demand that they do these things or pressure them into it. And if they are okay with these things, why don't you let them decide what to say or read-whether or not it's " sincere" or "witty" ? They might have their own perceptions on that too.
  • edited September 2015
    Thanks for the input, ladies. I couldn't even do a simple maid of honor toast at my sister's wedding, so I would never make my kids do anything they weren't completely comfortable.  
    I definitely didn't expect so many wrong assumptions would made.  This is going to be a very laid back event that's about family, not just the two of us.  Maybe I should have explained in more detail that a) the boys asked to do something, b) since they are only 11 and 9 year old boys and definitely wouldn't be comfortable coming up with anything to say on their own, I was looking online for suggestions on toasts or readings that they could choose from and unfortunately what I was finding that was step son to step dad related, assumed that boys father was not in the picture and certainly wouldn't be appropriate and c) we're not doing anything traditional, except that my fiance has picked a first dance song that is a surprise to me and will be played at some point and while I doubt that he wrote the words to the song, I'm pretty sure that it will be no less sincere.
    Again thanks for the input. 
    SLWaite0106
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    Thanks for the input, ladies. I couldn't even do a simple maid of honor toast at my sister's wedding, so I would never make my kids do anything they weren't completely comfortable.  
    I definitely didn't expect so many wrong assumptions would made.  This is going to be a very laid back event that's about family, not just the two of us.  Maybe I should have explained in more detail that a) the boys asked to do something, b) since they are only 11 and 9 year old boys and definitely wouldn't be comfortable coming up with anything to say on their own, I was looking online for suggestions on toasts or readings that they could choose from and unfortunately what I was finding that was step son to step dad related, assumed that boys father was not in the picture and certainly wouldn't be appropriate and c) we're not doing anything traditional, except that my fiance has picked a first dance song that is a surprise to me and will be played at some point and while I doubt that he wrote the words to the song, I'm pretty sure that it will be no less sincere.
    Again thanks for the input. 

    Thanks for clarifying.  But if you can't go online and find anything already published that seems appropriate, the honest truth is that probably the rest of us can't either.

    Maybe your best course of action would be to just ask them what in a general way they want to communicate, and then help them work that into toasts.

    InLoveInQueens
  • I asked for help, not condescending comments. Believe it or not, there's a world that exists outside of your laptops, Samsungs, iPhones, whatever. It's women like you that create and foster BRIDEZILLAs and future drama queens that my boys will have to endure. So good luck to you and your husbands. Their girlfriends are very happy your noses are so far up into all this. Thankfully my boys are taught to respect ALL kinds of people. I trust that they will treat your future mini-selves well as they turn and walk away. Please go ahead and delete this or not...I know you'll all turn it around anyway. And maybe one day they turn it into a book and/or movie pretty much shaming you and everything you stand for. I'd make reference to such but anyone who's, well, not stuck in other people's joyous life events, aren't HERE, anymore anyway.
    Anyway....happy lives to you all.
    Hope they're real
    Oxo
  • BINGO!! Do I get a prize?
    I asked for help, not condescending comments. Believe it or not, there's a world that exists outside of your laptops, Samsungs, iPhones, whatever. It's women like you that create and foster BRIDEZILLAs and future drama queens that my boys will have to endure. So good luck to you and your husbands. Their girlfriends are very happy your noses are so far up into all this. Thankfully my boys are taught to respect ALL kinds of people. I trust that they will treat your future mini-selves well as they turn and walk away. Please go ahead and delete this or not...I know you'll all turn it around anyway. And maybe one day they turn it into a book and/or movie pretty much shaming you and everything you stand for. I'd make reference to such but anyone who's, well, not stuck in other people's joyous life events, aren't HERE, anymore anyway. Anyway....happy lives to you all. Hope they're real Oxo

    image
    [Deleted User]HeffalumpInLoveInQueens
  • I asked for help, not condescending comments. Believe it or not, there's a world that exists outside of your laptops, Samsungs, iPhones, whatever. It's women like you that create and foster BRIDEZILLAs and future drama queens that my boys will have to endure. So good luck to you and your husbands. Their girlfriends are very happy your noses are so far up into all this. Thankfully my boys are taught to respect ALL kinds of people. I trust that they will treat your future mini-selves well as they turn and walk away. Please go ahead and delete this or not...I know you'll all turn it around anyway. And maybe one day they turn it into a book and/or movie pretty much shaming you and everything you stand for. I'd make reference to such but anyone who's, well, not stuck in other people's joyous life events, aren't HERE, anymore anyway.
    Anyway....happy lives to you all.
    Hope they're real
    Oxo

    Damn, someone called bingo first.

    Your title said that marrying the brother of your son's dad? Shit honey, I need a flow chart for that or something because I can't figure that one out. Unless, it was what I think it is. Oh. Oh my.

  • I asked for help, not condescending comments. Believe it or not, there's a world that exists outside of your laptops, Samsungs, iPhones, whatever. It's women like you that create and foster BRIDEZILLAs and future drama queens that my boys will have to endure. So good luck to you and your husbands. Their girlfriends are very happy your noses are so far up into all this. Thankfully my boys are taught to respect ALL kinds of people. I trust that they will treat your future mini-selves well as they turn and walk away. Please go ahead and delete this or not...I know you'll all turn it around anyway. And maybe one day they turn it into a book and/or movie pretty much shaming you and everything you stand for. I'd make reference to such but anyone who's, well, not stuck in other people's joyous life events, aren't HERE, anymore anyway. Anyway....happy lives to you all. Hope they're real Oxo


    I'd like to understand what changed within a day. Your first response was normal and the second one, eh, not so much.

    The responses you see on these boards do the opposite of creating bridezillas. We try to get people to look beyond themselves and be fair, kind, courteous, and respectful of the other people involved in their wedding. You got some honest opinions and I, in fact, gave you posts from the last few years to reference. It just sounds like you don't want to hear what others have to say. However, as the mod of this board, I will not be deleting your post.

     







    adk19
  • I asked for help, not condescending comments. Believe it or not, there's a world that exists outside of your laptops, Samsungs, iPhones, whatever. It's women like you that create and foster BRIDEZILLAs and future drama queens that my boys will have to endure. So good luck to you and your husbands. Their girlfriends are very happy your noses are so far up into all this. Thankfully my boys are taught to respect ALL kinds of people. I trust that they will treat your future mini-selves well as they turn and walk away. Please go ahead and delete this or not...I know you'll all turn it around anyway. And maybe one day they turn it into a book and/or movie pretty much shaming you and everything you stand for. I'd make reference to such but anyone who's, well, not stuck in other people's joyous life events, aren't HERE, anymore anyway. Anyway....happy lives to you all. Hope they're real Oxo
    What color is the sky in your world if this is considered a respectful way to address people?
    image
    ViczaesarHeffalumpadk19InLoveInQueens
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member

    I asked for help, not condescending comments. Believe it or not, there's a world that exists outside of your laptops, Samsungs, iPhones, whatever. It's women like you that create and foster BRIDEZILLAs and future drama queens that my boys will have to endure. So good luck to you and your husbands. Their girlfriends are very happy your noses are so far up into all this. Thankfully my boys are taught to respect ALL kinds of people. I trust that they will treat your future mini-selves well as they turn and walk away. Please go ahead and delete this or not...I know you'll all turn it around anyway. And maybe one day they turn it into a book and/or movie pretty much shaming you and everything you stand for. I'd make reference to such but anyone who's, well, not stuck in other people's joyous life events, aren't HERE, anymore anyway.
    Anyway....happy lives to you all.
    Hope they're real
    Oxo

    ??????????????????????????????????????
    adk19
  • I recently attended a PPD where the groom had 4 children from a previous marriage.  They were the wedding party.  During the reception, the two older children, a 9 year old and an 11 year old each read something that they had written about their dad and their new stepmom.  It was heartfelt and endearing.  One of them talked about playing board games with her new stepmom.  People were crying.  It was sweet.  If the kids want to say something at the reception, let them come up with it on their own.
    InLoveInQueens
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
    Moderator 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary
    mod
    I asked for help, not condescending comments. Believe it or not, there's a world that exists outside of your laptops, Samsungs, iPhones, whatever. It's women like you that create and foster BRIDEZILLAs and future drama queens that my boys will have to endure. So good luck to you and your husbands. Their girlfriends are very happy your noses are so far up into all this. Thankfully my boys are taught to respect ALL kinds of people. I trust that they will treat your future mini-selves well as they turn and walk away. Please go ahead and delete this or not...I know you'll all turn it around anyway. And maybe one day they turn it into a book and/or movie pretty much shaming you and everything you stand for. I'd make reference to such but anyone who's, well, not stuck in other people's joyous life events, aren't HERE, anymore anyway. Anyway....happy lives to you all. Hope they're real Oxo
    I sure hope you lead by example with your excellent attitude. 
    image
    thespeshulestsnowflakeHeffalumpadk19InLoveInQueens
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
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    Our noses were up in this because you asked for our input.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    AddieCake said:
    Our noses were up in this because you asked for our input.
    But our input wasn't what she wanted so we are nosy ass people instead of helpful :)

    AddieCake
  • Wait, wait, I'm so confused by the title of this thread. Forget all the other snark for a second and someone explain this to me. Who is the OP marrying? It reads "their [her sons] brother's dad"? This makes no sense, because the only way that the sons could have a brother who would not also be the OP's son would be if it were a half-brother through their dad, but then that half-brother's dad would be the same person, in which case the OP is marrying her son's dad. But I'm guessing this is not what she means. Anyone catch what I'm saying?
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
    Moderator 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary
    mod
    Wait, wait, I'm so confused by the title of this thread. Forget all the other snark for a second and someone explain this to me. Who is the OP marrying? It reads "their [her sons] brother's dad"? This makes no sense, because the only way that the sons could have a brother who would not also be the OP's son would be if it were a half-brother through their dad, but then that half-brother's dad would be the same person, in which case the OP is marrying her son's dad. But I'm guessing this is not what she means. Anyone catch what I'm saying?
    I read it as OP has three (at least) children - two have a different father and the third is her fiance's son. 
    image
    AddieCakeredoryx


  • Wait, wait, I'm so confused by the title of this thread. Forget all the other snark for a second and someone explain this to me. Who is the OP marrying? It reads "their [her sons] brother's dad"? This makes no sense, because the only way that the sons could have a brother who would not also be the OP's son would be if it were a half-brother through their dad, but then that half-brother's dad would be the same person, in which case the OP is marrying her son's dad. But I'm guessing this is not what she means. Anyone catch what I'm saying?

    I read it as OP has three (at least) children - two have a different father and the third is her fiance's son. 

    Oh! I read it that was marrying her ex husband's brother. Oh well that's not as Jerry Springer as I thought.

  • Wait, wait, I'm so confused by the title of this thread. Forget all the other snark for a second and someone explain this to me. Who is the OP marrying? It reads "their [her sons] brother's dad"? This makes no sense, because the only way that the sons could have a brother who would not also be the OP's son would be if it were a half-brother through their dad, but then that half-brother's dad would be the same person, in which case the OP is marrying her son's dad. But I'm guessing this is not what she means. Anyone catch what I'm saying?
    I read it as OP has three (at least) children - two have a different father and the third is her fiance's son. 
    Oh! I read it that was marrying her ex husband's brother. Oh well that's not as Jerry Springer as I thought.
    I took it to mean that she already considers the family to be blended. . . she has two sons and her fiance has a son. . . . those three boys are brothers.  It seems like a backwards way of saying it, but she seems to focus on the kids, so maybe.
  • I'm really late here, but wow.


    It's women like you that create and foster BRIDEZILLAs and future drama queens that my boys will have to endure. So good luck to you and your husbands. Their girlfriends are very happy your noses are so far up into all this.

    Thankfully my boys are taught to respect ALL kinds of people.
    Hats off to their father(s), then, because it doesn't sound like they learned it from you.

    I did like the Oxo closing, though, because it made me think of this:

    http://www.hertzbergfurniture.com/Pictures/Perfect%20Touch/Oxo/Oxo2.jpg
    downtondivaadk19InLoveInQueens
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