People inviting themselves - Just hit a new low.

HoneyBadgerVegas

So it happens to all of us once the invitations go out, right? There are always those handful of guests that think it's cool to call you up and ask if they can bring an uninvited friend/lover/long lost sibling/whatever to your wedding. I guess some people just don't think, but this whole "invite yourself to a wedding because you're a fool" has just hit a new low for me...

A short backstory: We had our guest list finalized, or so we thought. Right before we sent out the invitations, we added my FI's aunt and uncle. He isn't close with them, but his uncle was recently diagnosed with an illness we knew FI's parent's would enjoy seeing them. We did not invite FI's adult cousin (who doesn't live with said aunt/uncle, but is still very dependent on them), mainly because she is a train wreck, FI isn't close with her and we are already at our max budget on our guest list.

Shortly after the invitations were sent out, Cousin messages FI on FB asking about the invitation her mom received, saying her dad might not be able to go and she might take his place, traveling with her mother but it was still up in the air. That was irritating enough, I told FI he needed to contact his aunt/uncle to let them know that we are unable to accommodate their daughter. He didn't.

Skip to today: Cousin messages him again on FB, letting him know that her mom sent out the rsvp and that all three of them can make it! YAY! My FI is always too nice, so he just wants to let it go, as irritating as it is. I'm inclined to go with his decision since it's his family, but I'm still mad as hell! First of all, if you're gonna be rude, at least be rude considerately!JK I mean, his aunt/uncle never even contacted us to ask if they could add her to their rsvp. I'm hoping she's full of shit and the rsvp will arrive with just the aunt/uncle as planned, but I won't hold my breath. 

Who does this? If you're sad you didn't get invited to a wedding, maintain your dignity, stay home and drink alone like everyone else!

artbyallie

HoneyBadgerVegas said: So it happens to all of us once the invitations go out, right? There are always those handful of guests that think it's cool to call you up and ask if they can bring an uninvited friend/lover/long lost sibling/whatever to your wedding. I guess some people just don't think, but this whole "invite yourself to a wedding because you're a fool" has just hit a new low for me...
A short backstory: We had our guest list finalized, or so we thought. Right before we sent out the invitations, we added my FI's aunt and uncle. He isn't close with them, but his uncle was recently diagnosed with an illness we knew FI's parent's would enjoy seeing them. We did not invite FI's adult cousin (who doesn't live with said aunt/uncle, but is still very dependent on them), mainly because she is a train wreck, FI isn't close with her and we are already at our max budget on our guest list.
Shortly after the invitations were sent out, Cousin messages FI on FB asking about the invitation her mom received, saying her dad might not be able to go and she might take his place, traveling with her mother but it was still up in the air. That was irritating enough, I told FI he needed to contact his aunt/uncle to let them know that we are unable to accommodate their daughter. He didn't.
Skip to today: Cousin messages him again on FB, letting him know that her mom sent out the rsvp and that all three of them can make it! YAY! My FI is always too nice, so he just wants to let it go, as irritating as it is. I'm inclined to go with his decision since it's his family, but I'm still mad as hell! First of all, if you're gonna be rude, at least be rude considerately!JK I mean, his aunt/uncle never even contacted us to ask if they could add her to their rsvp. I'm hoping she's full of shit and the rsvp will arrive with just the aunt/uncle as planned, but I won't hold my breath. 
Who does this? If you're sad you didn't get invited to a wedding, maintain your dignity, stay home and drink alone like everyone else!

WHAT A SURPRISE MY BOXES ARE FUBAR

For the record, if anyone has a romantic partner, that SO must be invited with them on their invitation, period.

Uninvited cousin does not. It's pretty annoying that your FI is not siding with you on this.

TheCheeseWench

I posted a few weeks back about my WTF?? rsvp similar to this. I got a "yes" back from someone I've never heard of, and knew I had not invited. As it turns out FML's Aunt can't come so she GAVE her invite to her daughter & daughter's husband. Like it's a ticket to a show or something. This cousin of my FMIL was intentionally not invited because there are 20 or so cousins, and inviting some but not others may offend those not included. We only wanted 50 guests (and we are paying) but FMIL's "wish list" alone was 45 even without her cousins.

I'm still stunned that a grown woman (FMIL is in her 60's so I'd imagine this cousin is of similar-ish age) would RSVP yes to a party she was not invited to attend.

I bit my tongue to FMIL.

HoneyBadgerVegas

@artbyallie Of course all SO are invited. I'm talking a flavor of the week, who the guest is not in any type of committed relationship with. Lover probably wasn't the best example to use. 

FI sides with me, but from what I've heard this girl is super unstable. Like she has tried to harm herself multiple times in the past. I think he's just thinking it's easier to just let her come than to bring on the drama of telling her we can't accommodate her. She sounds very manipulative to me, but it's his family and I guess in the grand scheme of things, it's not going to ruin our day or put us in the poorhouse. On another occasion, he did tell his friend we could't accommodate their foreign exchange student, so I think he's choosing his battles.

@TheCheeseWench It blows my mind that someone would even want to go to a party they didn't receive an invitation to. Not only because it's rude, but I would be embarrassed! I guess we were just raised better.

JediElizabeth

HoneyBadgerVegas said:

FI sides with me, but from what I've heard this girl is super unstable. Like she has tried to harm herself multiple times in the past. I think he's just thinking it's easier to just let her come than to bring on the drama of telling her we can't accommodate her. She sounds very manipulative to me, but it's his family and I guess in the grand scheme of things, it's not going to ruin our day or put us in the poorhouse. On another occasion, he did tell his friend we could't accommodate their foreign exchange student, so I think he's choosing his battles.

JFYI, the bolded comes off as super stigmatizing to people who have struggled with issues for which self-harm may be/have been an option. If she's threatened self-harm in a manipulative way (ie, "I'll hurt myself if you break up with me"), that's one thing. But please be clear if that's what you mean. This is not the rule or even the norm when it comes to self-harm.

Otherwise, depression and other mental health issues that may drive someone to self-harm does not indicate that they're too unstable or would otherwise be problematic to have at a wedding. I know many people who have dealt with a host of mental health issues, and many of them will happily be invited to my wedding.

(FWIW, whatever her deal may be, I still think it's super obnoxious that she invited herself along. Adults should know better.)

HoneyBadgerVegas

@CElizabeth419 you make a really good point. I don't want to stigmatize and my heart goes out to anyone who is struggling with personal issues and depression.

The reason she wasn't invited was due to our budget and not being close to her, not because we thought she was too unstable to attend. FI, knowing her history, apparently thought that forcing the issue of her not being invited would cause issues with her and that leads me to think she is a manipulative person. But now that she has gotten her way, I'm hoping she will enjoy herself at our wedding.