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Anyone else getting ready to TTC? Or any advice?

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Re: Anyone else getting ready to TTC? Or any advice?

  • chloe97 said:
    We're just starting to TTC.  I read the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility and found it very helpful in terms of explaining charting my cycle.  DH and I pretty type-A people, so when we decide to do something we commit.  Additionally, given that we're a bit on the older side for TTC (early 30s), if we do have any fertility issues we want to discover them sooner rather than later.  I chart using the Kindara fertility app.

    Also, as a practical tip--if you work, look into your work's maternity leave policies, and in particular see if they offer short-term disability insurance that can replace some of your income while you are on maternity leave.  Many workplaces offer these policies at a reasonable cost, but you need to be on them BEFORE you get pregnant.  I didn't know my workplace offered one until after I got married, and DH and I actually put off TTC for 6 weeks or so while we got the policy in place--if we do have eventually have a child having that policy will literally make thousands of dollars of difference in terms of replacement income while I'm on maternity leave, so it was definitely worth it to get it set up.
    The US is so far behind when it comes to paid family leave. I am lucky- I get 16 weeks off, 6 paid and can use my bank sick and vacation time for the other 10 weeks. Assuming no complications or other unexpected events, I should be able to easily have 2 kids and still come back with a bit of paid leave still to cover the days that I am sick or the kid is sick and I have to stay home. 

    H is commission-based so we are trying to save as much of his money as possible into a child care account, so we don't have to count on his checks coming in to pay for day care. I've been doing some research and a good child care center in our area is $1800 a month. This is more than my mortgage. Holy crap, babies are expensive!
    Holy crap that is a lot!  Around here they seem to be in the $1200/mo range and I thought that was high!  That part is kind of freaking me out  If ours was as high as yours, I could literally fly my mom out weekly to watch the baby and it would cost less than $1800/mo... flights are about $400 and she's retired.

    H thinks that we could just do daycare "sometimes" since he travels for work, but when he's home, he works from home so he could watch the baby.  I had to explain to him that most daycares don't work that way, you can't just come and go when you want and not pay... you pay whether the kid is there or not.
    Also, I don't think it's possible to work from home and watch the baby. I have flexibility in my job and I can work from home as needed (which I usually only do a few times a month, but many people here do one day a week and some people are full time off-site), but I don't think you can realistically do both (or at least do both well). I overheard someone in the elevator one day talking about working from home and the other person asked if his daughters are home and he kind of laughed and said no, they still go to daycare, because there is no way he could get work done with them there. It is very convenient to be able to do laundry and clean up and cook and such when taking work breaks, so there's that.

    Just mentioning this because I thought about it, too, but after overhearing that conversation and thinking about it more, I realized it's probably very true.
  • nerdwife said:
    chloe97 said:
    We're just starting to TTC.  I read the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility and found it very helpful in terms of explaining charting my cycle.  DH and I pretty type-A people, so when we decide to do something we commit.  Additionally, given that we're a bit on the older side for TTC (early 30s), if we do have any fertility issues we want to discover them sooner rather than later.  I chart using the Kindara fertility app.

    Also, as a practical tip--if you work, look into your work's maternity leave policies, and in particular see if they offer short-term disability insurance that can replace some of your income while you are on maternity leave.  Many workplaces offer these policies at a reasonable cost, but you need to be on them BEFORE you get pregnant.  I didn't know my workplace offered one until after I got married, and DH and I actually put off TTC for 6 weeks or so while we got the policy in place--if we do have eventually have a child having that policy will literally make thousands of dollars of difference in terms of replacement income while I'm on maternity leave, so it was definitely worth it to get it set up.
    The US is so far behind when it comes to paid family leave. I am lucky- I get 16 weeks off, 6 paid and can use my bank sick and vacation time for the other 10 weeks. Assuming no complications or other unexpected events, I should be able to easily have 2 kids and still come back with a bit of paid leave still to cover the days that I am sick or the kid is sick and I have to stay home. 

    H is commission-based so we are trying to save as much of his money as possible into a child care account, so we don't have to count on his checks coming in to pay for day care. I've been doing some research and a good child care center in our area is $1800 a month. This is more than my mortgage. Holy crap, babies are expensive!
    Holy crap that is a lot!  Around here they seem to be in the $1200/mo range and I thought that was high!  That part is kind of freaking me out  If ours was as high as yours, I could literally fly my mom out weekly to watch the baby and it would cost less than $1800/mo... flights are about $400 and she's retired.

    H thinks that we could just do daycare "sometimes" since he travels for work, but when he's home, he works from home so he could watch the baby.  I had to explain to him that most daycares don't work that way, you can't just come and go when you want and not pay... you pay whether the kid is there or not.
    Also, I don't think it's possible to work from home and watch the baby. I have flexibility in my job and I can work from home as needed (which I usually only do a few times a month, but many people here do one day a week and some people are full time off-site), but I don't think you can realistically do both (or at least do both well). I overheard someone in the elevator one day talking about working from home and the other person asked if his daughters are home and he kind of laughed and said no, they still go to daycare, because there is no way he could get work done with them there. It is very convenient to be able to do laundry and clean up and cook and such when taking work breaks, so there's that.

    Just mentioning this because I thought about it, too, but after overhearing that conversation and thinking about it more, I realized it's probably very true.
    Yeah I should have mentioned when I say work from home it's more like "work" from home.  I think he does like 2 hours of work a day and just fucks around the rest of the time... in the afternoon drinks beer with the neighbor who also "works" from home, does stuff around the house, reads hockey articles online, takes a nap, etc.  It's very rare for him to do a full day of work from home when he isn't traveling.  

    My BFF adopted a baby and works from home.  He's almost 3 months old and so far so good, but she knows once he gets a bit older it won't be as easy.  She's talking about getting an au pair from like Germany or something... apparently it's cheaper than an in-home nanny, and their house layout lends itself to have a separate "wing" for the au pair with basically a studio apartment minus a kitchen.  We wouldn't have that set up unless we finished out our basement.  
    Married 9.12.15
    image
  • nerdwife said:
    chloe97 said:
    We're just starting to TTC.  I read the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility and found it very helpful in terms of explaining charting my cycle.  DH and I pretty type-A people, so when we decide to do something we commit.  Additionally, given that we're a bit on the older side for TTC (early 30s), if we do have any fertility issues we want to discover them sooner rather than later.  I chart using the Kindara fertility app.

    Also, as a practical tip--if you work, look into your work's maternity leave policies, and in particular see if they offer short-term disability insurance that can replace some of your income while you are on maternity leave.  Many workplaces offer these policies at a reasonable cost, but you need to be on them BEFORE you get pregnant.  I didn't know my workplace offered one until after I got married, and DH and I actually put off TTC for 6 weeks or so while we got the policy in place--if we do have eventually have a child having that policy will literally make thousands of dollars of difference in terms of replacement income while I'm on maternity leave, so it was definitely worth it to get it set up.
    The US is so far behind when it comes to paid family leave. I am lucky- I get 16 weeks off, 6 paid and can use my bank sick and vacation time for the other 10 weeks. Assuming no complications or other unexpected events, I should be able to easily have 2 kids and still come back with a bit of paid leave still to cover the days that I am sick or the kid is sick and I have to stay home. 

    H is commission-based so we are trying to save as much of his money as possible into a child care account, so we don't have to count on his checks coming in to pay for day care. I've been doing some research and a good child care center in our area is $1800 a month. This is more than my mortgage. Holy crap, babies are expensive!
    Holy crap that is a lot!  Around here they seem to be in the $1200/mo range and I thought that was high!  That part is kind of freaking me out  If ours was as high as yours, I could literally fly my mom out weekly to watch the baby and it would cost less than $1800/mo... flights are about $400 and she's retired.

    H thinks that we could just do daycare "sometimes" since he travels for work, but when he's home, he works from home so he could watch the baby.  I had to explain to him that most daycares don't work that way, you can't just come and go when you want and not pay... you pay whether the kid is there or not.
    Also, I don't think it's possible to work from home and watch the baby. I have flexibility in my job and I can work from home as needed (which I usually only do a few times a month, but many people here do one day a week and some people are full time off-site), but I don't think you can realistically do both (or at least do both well). I overheard someone in the elevator one day talking about working from home and the other person asked if his daughters are home and he kind of laughed and said no, they still go to daycare, because there is no way he could get work done with them there. It is very convenient to be able to do laundry and clean up and cook and such when taking work breaks, so there's that.

    Just mentioning this because I thought about it, too, but after overhearing that conversation and thinking about it more, I realized it's probably very true.
     $1800 is a good center- and from what I am reading, you have to be on the list the month you get pregnant or something. I think that sort of money is worth it when the child is preschool age and getting an education, but I am not sure if it's worth it as infants. I have a ton of research to do about these options. Most of my coworkers have nannies or nanny shares, which is also an option we will look into, but our condo is really too small to have H working from home and me WFH 1 day a week and a nanny with our kid. We may end up renting a bigger place or buying a new house, but we still have no idea about where we want to end up. So much to think about !
  • nerdwife said:
    chloe97 said:
    We're just starting to TTC.  I read the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility and found it very helpful in terms of explaining charting my cycle.  DH and I pretty type-A people, so when we decide to do something we commit.  Additionally, given that we're a bit on the older side for TTC (early 30s), if we do have any fertility issues we want to discover them sooner rather than later.  I chart using the Kindara fertility app.

    Also, as a practical tip--if you work, look into your work's maternity leave policies, and in particular see if they offer short-term disability insurance that can replace some of your income while you are on maternity leave.  Many workplaces offer these policies at a reasonable cost, but you need to be on them BEFORE you get pregnant.  I didn't know my workplace offered one until after I got married, and DH and I actually put off TTC for 6 weeks or so while we got the policy in place--if we do have eventually have a child having that policy will literally make thousands of dollars of difference in terms of replacement income while I'm on maternity leave, so it was definitely worth it to get it set up.
    The US is so far behind when it comes to paid family leave. I am lucky- I get 16 weeks off, 6 paid and can use my bank sick and vacation time for the other 10 weeks. Assuming no complications or other unexpected events, I should be able to easily have 2 kids and still come back with a bit of paid leave still to cover the days that I am sick or the kid is sick and I have to stay home. 

    H is commission-based so we are trying to save as much of his money as possible into a child care account, so we don't have to count on his checks coming in to pay for day care. I've been doing some research and a good child care center in our area is $1800 a month. This is more than my mortgage. Holy crap, babies are expensive!
    Holy crap that is a lot!  Around here they seem to be in the $1200/mo range and I thought that was high!  That part is kind of freaking me out  If ours was as high as yours, I could literally fly my mom out weekly to watch the baby and it would cost less than $1800/mo... flights are about $400 and she's retired.

    H thinks that we could just do daycare "sometimes" since he travels for work, but when he's home, he works from home so he could watch the baby.  I had to explain to him that most daycares don't work that way, you can't just come and go when you want and not pay... you pay whether the kid is there or not.
    Also, I don't think it's possible to work from home and watch the baby. I have flexibility in my job and I can work from home as needed (which I usually only do a few times a month, but many people here do one day a week and some people are full time off-site), but I don't think you can realistically do both (or at least do both well). I overheard someone in the elevator one day talking about working from home and the other person asked if his daughters are home and he kind of laughed and said no, they still go to daycare, because there is no way he could get work done with them there. It is very convenient to be able to do laundry and clean up and cook and such when taking work breaks, so there's that.

    Just mentioning this because I thought about it, too, but after overhearing that conversation and thinking about it more, I realized it's probably very true.
    Yeah I should have mentioned when I say work from home it's more like "work" from home.  I think he does like 2 hours of work a day and just fucks around the rest of the time... in the afternoon drinks beer with the neighbor who also "works" from home, does stuff around the house, reads hockey articles online, takes a nap, etc.  It's very rare for him to do a full day of work from home when he isn't traveling.  

    My BFF adopted a baby and works from home.  He's almost 3 months old and so far so good, but she knows once he gets a bit older it won't be as easy.  She's talking about getting an au pair from like Germany or something... apparently it's cheaper than an in-home nanny, and their house layout lends itself to have a separate "wing" for the au pair with basically a studio apartment minus a kitchen.  We wouldn't have that set up unless we finished out our basement.  
    Ah, got it. And yes, my understanding is it's easier to do this sort of thing when they're very little. I actually do some babysitting on the side (for a family I started with while in school) and the mom likes to tell me that until her son was one she could just like wear him (lol I so look forward to this) and do whatever she wanted - it was when he started walking around that it became too much. I have seen some people use au pairs, and I think it works well for them.

    So many things to think about!
  • I love stalk these TTC threads.

    Our original plan was to wait 1-2 years after our wedding to start thinking and planning to have kids.

    Then I decided to quit my job (too much stress, too many hours, too little pay= very very unhappy me). So now I'm just working retail part-time. I can't decide what I want to do next: I don't have a lot of qualifications for a career change, and I really don't want to commit to grad school without knowing 100% that's what I want (talk about an expensive mistake.)

    FI has a good job, so we aren't stressed about money, but my biggest concern is putting a lot of effort into a career right now, and having to push off having a family. 

    I read an article that suggested having kids "earlier", and then fully investing in yourself and career once they're in school in 5-10 years. I never thought of that option, and now it has me rethinking our plans. But I think it would be selfish to have a baby right now just to have something to do. I keep telling myself "its a human not a hobby" 

    I have so much anxiety surrounding this topic. And then there's the fertility fears that everyone's mentioned already. Pleh. /endvent 


  • I love stalk these TTC threads.

    Our original plan was to wait 1-2 years after our wedding to start thinking and planning to have kids.

    Then I decided to quit my job (too much stress, too many hours, too little pay= very very unhappy me). So now I'm just working retail part-time. I can't decide what I want to do next: I don't have a lot of qualifications for a career change, and I really don't want to commit to grad school without knowing 100% that's what I want (talk about an expensive mistake.)

    FI has a good job, so we aren't stressed about money, but my biggest concern is putting a lot of effort into a career right now, and having to push off having a family. 

    I read an article that suggested having kids "earlier", and then fully investing in yourself and career once they're in school in 5-10 years. I never thought of that option, and now it has me rethinking our plans. But I think it would be selfish to have a baby right now just to have something to do. I keep telling myself "its a human not a hobby" 

    I have so much anxiety surrounding this topic. And then there's the fertility fears that everyone's mentioned already. Pleh. /endvent 


    This is pretty much what my Mom did, but I don't think she planned for that. She had all her children by the time she was 28, so when she was like 35/36 she started a whole new career. And now she's a successful business woman. It just happened that way by circumstances at of her control, and because she's type A, she figured it out.
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  • I love stalk these TTC threads.

    Our original plan was to wait 1-2 years after our wedding to start thinking and planning to have kids.

    Then I decided to quit my job (too much stress, too many hours, too little pay= very very unhappy me). So now I'm just working retail part-time. I can't decide what I want to do next: I don't have a lot of qualifications for a career change, and I really don't want to commit to grad school without knowing 100% that's what I want (talk about an expensive mistake.)

    FI has a good job, so we aren't stressed about money, but my biggest concern is putting a lot of effort into a career right now, and having to push off having a family. 

    I read an article that suggested having kids "earlier", and then fully investing in yourself and career once they're in school in 5-10 years. I never thought of that option, and now it has me rethinking our plans. But I think it would be selfish to have a baby right now just to have something to do. I keep telling myself "its a human not a hobby" 

    I have so much anxiety surrounding this topic. And then there's the fertility fears that everyone's mentioned already. Pleh. /endvent 


    TBH, the people in my field who are the most successful are the ones who had kids early then developed their careers.  It makes sense... I mean I feel like it can be deterimental to a career to have a kid when you're right in the middle of it.  I know mine will take a hit for sure.  But I also know it'll recover and I'll be fine.. it'll just suck to be at a standstill for a couple years.  
    Married 9.12.15
    image
  • @julieanne912 yeah it definitely made a lot of sense, which is causing me to rethink our plans. H definitely wants to be a dad, and I'm sure if we talked about it he would be on board. The idea of getting pregnant right now is TERRIFYING. 
  • chloe97chloe97 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited September 2015

    @julieanne912 yeah it definitely made a lot of sense, which is causing me to rethink our plans. H definitely wants to be a dad, and I'm sure if we talked about it he would be on board. The idea of getting pregnant right now is TERRIFYING. 


    Totally terrifying! Part of me is glad that I am older, without a ton of time, because instead of spending a lot of time thinking about it- I have to just rip off the bandaid.

    I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum with work- I love my job and have been here 10 years, but it just occurred to me that after we conceive I'm pretty much gonna be stuck in this position until my kids are at least close to school age. I wish I would've spent more time developing my career or something thought about doing other things. Like I said, I love my job-but I feel like I'm stuck now.
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