Wedding guests receive bill for meal

julieanne912

This article popped up today and I found it amusing/sad.  

http://www.9news.com/story/news/nation/2015/09/30/wedding-guests-receive-bill-missed-meals/73074356/

Basically the guests had a last minute childcare emergency and didn't attend a wedding they RSVP'd yes to.  The bride and groom sent them a bill for their meal.  

While it is super annoying to have people say they're coming and then not show up, how fucking tacky is it to send them a bill??

And yes, I had 6 no shows at my wedding.  One was a friend who had been up in the mountains earlier in the day and had car trouble, so that kind of thing is understandable.  3 were H's friends that I've never met.  She and her husband were invited.  She RSVP'd with her, a friend, and her kid, but no husband.  Then didn't show up.  H hasn't heard from her at all... she had talked to him about 2 weeks before and said how excited she was to come.  One was a fourth adult family member of a family we invited that H told me to add in a week before, and then he didn't come.  The last one was a friend of H's cousin that she asked if she could bring since her friend was local and she didn't have any other friends at the wedding.   We had until 72 hours before to change our food #'s so it was frustrating to say the least that some of these people couldn't have given us a heads up they weren't bringing their randoms with them.

sarahufl

We had 4 people (2 couples) cancel the day before, but they let us know. One was for a death in the family and the other was a work emergency.

But we did buffet style and it was very-loosely priced per head, so it wasn't too $$. Plus, we saw it as a sunk cost and just didn't care that much anyway. But I would NEVER bill them for it!

julieanne912

sarahufl said:

We had 4 people (2 couples) cancel the day before, but they let us know. One was for a death in the family and the other was a work emergency.

But we did buffet style and it was very-loosely priced per head, so it wasn't too $$. Plus, we saw it as a sunk cost and just didn't care that much anyway. But I would NEVER bill them for it!

Yeah we did buffet too... it was just annoying that we got billed from the catering company the week after the wedding for the extras we added in last minute (I originally forgot to include vendors in my guest count).  We added in 5 extra servings, and then 6 were no shows.  I was a bit pained at the amount of leftover food too.  Thankfully the company we used donates anything they can to a homeless shelter after the event is over.  

luckya23

We had under our minimum, so I think I should send out bills to people who RSVP'd no!!

lyndausvi

We had about 6 people cancel last minute.  Then 4 no-shows.  1 added wedding crasher.   Plus 2 added tent employees who had to give up their Saturday night to make sure the tent didn't collapse from the tropical storm.  We fed them the same food as the guests as an appreciation.  So we ended up with a  net lose of 7 people.  

We had to rent EVERYTHING.  Tables, chairs, forks.     Our per person cost was fairly high too. At no time did we even thought twice about how much the no shows costs us, let alone bill them.  Geez.

No shows and last minute cancellations are part of planning a party.  Nearly every party has them.   

banana468

That's so ballsy it's a great way to cross people off your Christmas Card list.   We had two no shows and while it was unfortunate, those are the breaks.   People have emergencies and things come up.

I hope people who pull that kind of shit never get sick, have a flat tire or ever need to cancel anything on their own.    

ShesSoCold

My brother had like 15 no shows. One was a (previously) really, really good friend and offered no explanation or even bothered to reach out to my brother after. I don't think he's talked to the guy since. 

I feel like I'm the only person ever to have no no-shows. But I think that's partly because of the small guest list and partly because of the cancellation and then the phone calls to everyone with the new wedding info (a week and a half away). Two people said they couldn't make the new wedding but everyone who said they were coming did. 

madamerwin

Ugh, I saw this article this morning too on my local news site. The most annoying part was that in the comments, people were arguing that the bride and groom did nothing wrong, because the no-shows should have called or texted when they found out they couldn't come. Which is such an inane argument for sending a bill because a) by the day of the wedding it's too late to change your catering numbers anyway, and you're committed to paying for those meals whether or not guests attend; b) as a bride I would have been PISSED if guests were calling/texting me on the day of the wedding to tell me they aren't coming; and c) no-shows are a part of life. Shit happens. 

julieanne912

tfmrserwin said:

Ugh, I saw this article this morning too on my local news site. The most annoying part was that in the comments, people were arguing that the bride and groom did nothing wrong, because the no-shows should have called or texted when they found out they couldn't come. Which is such an inane argument for sending a bill because a) by the day of the wedding it's too late to change your catering numbers anyway, and you're committed to paying for those meals whether or not guests attend; b) as a bride I would have been PISSED if guests were calling/texting me on the day of the wedding to tell me they aren't coming; and c) no-shows are a part of life. Shit happens. 

Yeah there was similar comments on mine.  I think in the end, both couples were in the wrong... the no shows because they didn't at least call or send a note or something afterwards to apologize for not coming, and THEN for going to the news about it (AW anybody?), and also the bride and groom for sending the bill for what is actually a small amount in the grand scheme of things.  

luckya23

Honestly when I see this "viral" things lately, I assume they are made up.

l9i

We had 17... I kid you not.  That is why when people ask if I'd do anything differently the only thing I'd do is pair down the guest list and have a much more intimate wedding.  I would never bill those for now showing but it could've cost me a hell of a lot less since I could've downsized on the cost per person and have less tables which meant less rental costs!

- 8 was an entire table and family that just didn't show with no explanation.  They are family friends of DH and I'm still a little salty.  My theory is they never planned to actually show up but "felt bad" RSVPing no.

- 2 was a friend and her husband.  They were previously out of the country and got delayed in their returning flight so they ended up traveling back that day.  NDB, I understand and they let me know.

- 4 belonged to my cousin and her family who I had to track down for an RSVP said she absolutely would make it and then again, nothing, just never showed.

- 1 belonged to a friend of DH.  We heard from him after the wedding and he couldn't make it because of kidney stones and was in the hospital.  He actually took us to dinner after we got back from the honeymoon bc he felt so awful for missing it.

- 2 belonged to my half sister and her family bc my older niece and nephew just decided day of they didn't feel like coming.

thisismynickname2

Unbelievable!

I had no no-shows, thank goodness. But, we were also under our minimum so I agree (tongue-in-cheek) with the PP who said we should bill the people who RSVP'd no, lol. 

The staff were fed very well on our night because of all the food that didn't get eaten that we had to purchase... 

kvruns

wtf I always hope things like that aren't really true.  We only had 1 no show, it was a friend of my mom and I don't think she told my mom in advance she wasn't going to make it after all but I've also never asked.  and now that I think about it, I am fairly certain this friend of hers was mad years ago that she wasn't invited to my brother's wedding and a couple other friends from that circle were but mom and this friend had fallen out of touch for years so she didn't invite her. They have since been in touch and gotten together over the last year or two so she was invited to mine. I really hope it wasn't some weird spite thing for not being invited to the last one (this just popped into my head now, never any thought then of that being the case)

PamBeesly524

ShesSoCold said:

My brother had like 15 no shows. One was a (previously) really, really good friend and offered no explanation or even bothered to reach out to my brother after. I don't think he's talked to the guy since. 

I feel like I'm the only person ever to have no no-shows. But I think that's partly because of the small guest list and partly because of the cancellation and then the phone calls to everyone with the new wedding info (a week and a half away). Two people said they couldn't make the new wedding but everyone who said they were coming did. 

I didn't have any either! I also had about 100 guests, so I think I just got reeeeaallly lucky.

arrippa

That's beyond tacky.

simcal18

Oh, boy.  I had two no-shows at my wedding.  A friend of mine who has a history of pulling obnoxious crap RSVPed for herself "and guest."  She is very much single and was not invited with an "and guest."  After deliberation with DH we decided that our numbers were comfortable enough that we would let it go and just let her bring someone.  I had to ask her multiple times to tell me who she was bringing .  .  . finally she replies and says that she's bringing her sister.  Sigh.  Fine.  Whatever.

"Friend" and her sister no-showed and never even had the guts to say anything to me.  She texted a lame (and we think likely untrue) excuse to two of my bridesmaids the day of, but she's said NOTHING to me in the 2+ months since the wedding.  No call, no text, no Facebook message, no apology and certainly no card/gift.  "Friend" is now a former friend and will get an earful from me if she ever gets over her cowardice and actually reaches out, which seems increasingly unlikely.

DH and I jokingly considered sending her an invoice for the $400 that we were out for her and her phantom guest, but we would never actually do it, because unlike her, we're not actually terrible people.

Maggie0829

We had 2 no-shows and 1 person that canceled 4 days prior.  The one that canceled had a really good reason.  She just had a baby and the baby was in NICU and she so wanted to come so badly and was hoping that her son would be home by our wedding but wasn't...needless to say I completely understood that cancellation.  She apologized so much and I was like "your newborn baby in NICU > my wedding."

ETA:  And just for clarity, even if she didn't have a good reason or any reason I still wouldn't have billed her because that is nuts.  No shows are just a chance you take when you have an event.

MrsMack10612

We luckily only had 3 no shows.

1 friend who texted H the day of to tell him he couldn't come because of back problems.  We later found out it was BS and was because his ex was going to be there.  He pulled the same shit at a friends wedding the following spring, same real reason, different BS excuse.  He tried to make it up to the 4 of us by "giving" us a weekend in his uncle's cabin.  It came off really creepy so we managed to dodge.  We only here from him on random FB posts or when he needs a favor.

1 friend we never heard from.  We eventually found out through the grapevine that she'd broken her leg at work and couldn't make it.  Fair enough, but 3 years later she's never reached out to either one of us.

The last one wasn't really a no show as much as a maybe.  A good friend's SO.  She had just had shoulder surgery and wasn't sure if she'd be up for the drive and a long evening.  He tried to cancel for her, but I just said we'll leave her on the list, if she can make it, great, if not, no biggie.  

sassercake12

We only had two no-shows (one couple), and it was due to a health-related emergency. I didn't even notice they weren't there until like two weeks later (somewhat distant relatives). I would never send them a bill for it. Things happen.

charcoalandblush

ShesSoCold said:

My brother had like 15 no shows. One was a (previously) really, really good friend and offered no explanation or even bothered to reach out to my brother after. I don't think he's talked to the guy since. 

I feel like I'm the only person ever to have no no-shows. But I think that's partly because of the small guest list and partly because of the cancellation and then the phone calls to everyone with the new wedding info (a week and a half away). Two people said they couldn't make the new wedding but everyone who said they were coming did. 

We didn't have a single no-show either. We actually had MORE guests than had RSVPed yes. A couple that MIL is friends with RSVPed with a note that they would be coming to the ceremony but had to leave immediately after, so not to include them in our count for the reception. We didn't include them in our total for catering and didn't give them a table for the reception. Well, I guess they decided to stay. They asked the venue staff if they could add two extra chairs and place settings to the table where their other friends were sitting. I had no idea that any of this had happened until MIL told me about it after we got back from our mini-moon.

charlotte989875

The comments on the article are terrible! Who actually agrees this is an acceptable thing to do?!

We had three couples and a single no-show, but we also had two people who RSVPed no, be able to come at the last minute. Our numbers had to be in 10 days out, so we paid for those people anyways. And we didn't leave for our honeymoon right away so we had amazing leftovers the next few days.

littlemushroom

We had 10 or more no shows. It was a family of 4 that were friends of DHs parents (no clue why), a cousin of mine and his three kids (medical emergency with one kid), two local friends of mine (one was sick and no idea why for the other, although I think she arrived late and just wasn't let in during the ceremony/when I was walking down the aisle so she signed the guest book and left), my BFF's mom (in the hospital with a broken ankle) a few others that I can't remember I believe.

Unfortunately, a bunch of those were at one table, which means that table ended up having only 3 people. I didn't find out until part way through the reception and offered to move them to a different table, but they declined.

It wasn't the end of the world, the people who came had a great time, and we had extra leftover cake so that was good.

Knottie91800232

This whole thing is silly on so many levels, but I do hope some people take away from it the realization that weddings are typically pre-paid for, people don't always think about that.

Our venue had an early head count due date - 10 days. If they hadn't required so much lead time, some of our pre-paid folks could've been taken out of the head count, but they canceled too late.

Because of the early due date, we technically had 5 no-shows - only 2 were flake-out, thought-you-were-coming-until-you-weren't-there no-shows. Others gave us notice or were ill.

One flake-out was a plus-one that wasn't invited in the first place. When he RSVP'd for 2, we kept asking for a name, and the guy couldn't decide which girl to bring, and then she didn't show up anyway. Worse - she came to the after-party. 

What was a little more disappointing - we had 5 no-shows for our rehearsal/pre-paid rehearsal dinner, which was 1/4 the size of our wedding. We did invites but not formal RSVPs. 5 people in H's family just didn't show up. That was a little irritating.

chloe97

We only had one no-show and one last minute "I can't make it." My friend tried to pay for her boyfriend who had to flake because of work, which of course I never would have accepted.

What I'm curious about is if the couple still sent a gift (prior to the bill showing up if course). Because if they had sent a check, I'm stopping payment on that check as soon as possible.

Also who the F goes to the media about a beef like this? I mean sending the bill was a dick move, but making it a national news story is taking it to the next level. If I got a bill, I'd bitch to my friends and come here, but I wouldn't go on camera to complain to the local news! It makes me think that there's more to the story. Someone really wants to screw the other over.

JediElizabeth

Can I just point out....given the bill, they were paying $38pp. Now, I know NJ prices and my open bar are jacking up my pp cost a lot, but this seems like a fairytale number to me.... And THAT'S what they're being so disgusting about? 2 meals at less than $40 each? Seriously?

porkchops926

It's ironic this topic came up, I just had my wedding this past Saturday, and out of a small, intimate guest list of 60 people, I had 15 no-shows. NONE of them told us anything ahead of time nor have contacted us since. I have to admit, I'm pretty hurt by it. Nonetheless I wouldn't dream of sending a bill to anyone. It's just part of the unpredictability of people and planning an event. 

The bright side is it enabled everyone who did show up to have seconds and sometimes thirds of dinner and dessert. 

safire3

Although I would never send a bill out, I do think that the couple in question was more annoyed at not getting a call or explanation after the fact. At my wedding we had about 15 no shows. That's 1.5 tables and probably about $150 pp in total wedding costs. Some people called or texted after and had legitimate reasons for not coming which is understandable but things I didn't appreciate and wish I could bill for: - A friend of mine from work who decided that evening that she was 'too tired' - Another friend from work who had family in town. They were out shopping and 'came back too late' - A friend of my husband's who asked us to add her 2 teenaged children which we did (we originally wanted no children), then the 3 of them did not show up with no call or explanation but we later saw photos of her at the beach that day on Facebook. I personally feel that if I can't make it to an event that I RSVPd yes for, I would definitely call to explain and apologize and probably even still send a gift or card.

anjemon

This is so crazy. I actually live in the same suburb as that couple. Poor taste Minnesotans!

We had a few no-shows. One lady's husband couldn't make it, but I might have known about that a few days before. Either way he didn't show and she drove with other people. I had one friend who was a maybe, she had a baby about a month before my wedding and said she probably couldn't make it. I really wanted her to come if she felt up to it, so I left her on the list. She didn't make it, no hard feelings on my part. 

The only one I'm a little salty about is a friend of H's. We saw him not long after and he was fairly apologetic and promised this really expensive wedding gift (definitely not expected, I tried to defer and he was insistent). We still haven't gotten this promised thing or heard from him. So I'm annoyed he's such a flake and talks a big game to impress people. I don't care about the present, I would have felt really guilty he spent so much on us, but I get super annoyed when people don't follow through on their promises.

ohmrs2014

We had two no shows.  One was a friend of my dad, his wife.  Their daughter became sick that morning with I believe was the flu, and they didn't want to leaver her alone, which is obviously so understandable.

The second was DHs uncle who decided that morning he just didn't want to come anymore.  That was pissed me off because I knew how hurt DH was by this, but luckily his aunt and his cousins were there and that's all that mattered at that point.

Regardless, I would never in a million years think to send a bill.

charcoalandblush

JediElizabeth said:

Can I just point out....given the bill, they were paying $38pp. Now, I know NJ prices and my open bar are jacking up my pp cost a lot, but this seems like a fairytale number to me.... And THAT'S what they're being so disgusting about? 2 meals at less than $40 each? Seriously?

I thought the exact same thing. That is SO CHEAP per person for a wedding!

chloe97

charcoalandblush said:

JediElizabeth said:

Can I just point out....given the bill, they were paying $38pp. Now, I know NJ prices and my open bar are jacking up my pp cost a lot, but this seems like a fairytale number to me.... And THAT'S what they're being so disgusting about? 2 meals at less than $40 each? Seriously?

I thought the exact same thing. That is SO CHEAP per person for a wedding!

Ha! I had the same thought! I do wonder if there is more to the story than we know about. I'm also curious if the parents of the bride/groom were the ones who sent the bill. I would be mortified.