Unusual Officiant Question

Sniffyjellyfish

Hi all!

My FI and I are having a Christian ceremony and are doing the whole pre-marital counseling thing through our church but we are not particularly close to any pastors there, so.... we want to have one of our really close friends be our wedding officiant instead of hiring someone we don't really know.

My question is, have any of you had a friend take on this role? And if so, how did it turn out? And how would you recommend our friend prepare for his duties? He is very reliable and comfortable in front of crowds. Also, I'm excited about getting to practice the whole thing over and over and over again with him (I like to be prepared). I expect the ceremony will last about 20-30 minutes and contain most of the things typically seen in a Christian ceremony.

I feel like the Pros out number the Cons right now. But I'd love to hear what you all think about this idea.

Thanks!

danieliza1127

Have you cleared this with the Church yet?  I think many churches won't let you bring in an outside person to perform the ceremony.

trix1223

ditto Dani.  In the church in which I work,  using an outside minister has to be approved by our governing board.

And I don't really understand why you can go through all of your premarital counseling with the pastor of the church, but not have him/her perform your ceremony.

FWIW:  You may not be close to a pastor now, but you will be closer after going through all of your premarital experiences.

aerinpegadrak

We had FI's uncle ordained online to marry us, but we're not having a religious ceremony.  I can't imagine many churches being okay with bringing in someone else to perform a wedding in their sanctuary.

golden1215

I agree, I don't think churches let anyone other than a minister of the same religion perform a ceremony.  If you are getting married elsewhere, like outside, you just have to make sure your friend is a registered minister/justice of the peace for your wedding to be legal and legit.  I had friends who had the grooms best friend become registered to he could officiate and they loved it!

Sniffyjellyfish

The people we are doing counseling with are not pastors, just members of our church, so we still wouldn't have a relationship with an actual pastor. Our ceremony will be at a vineyard, not in the church so that won't be a problem. And, our friend is also a Christian so there is no weirdness there.

I guess all he needs to do is become registered as a minister/justice of the peace in order for it to be legal.

Thanks everyone for the advice

trix1223

Call the office that issues marriage licenses in the county in which you're being married to get the correct info on what your friend has to do for your marriage to be legal.   GL!

luckyme502

Check with the county to make sure it's okay.  Here in VA, it's not.  You have to apply to the state to get a license to perform weddings and you have to prove you have a congregation and other stuff.  I think it sounds wonderful and wish we could have a friend marry us.  Good luck!

Islamorada14

My husband's stepmom performed our ceremony.  It was wonderful - very personal and intimate.  She was "ordained" online through the Universal Life Church: http://www.themonastery.org/. But do check your state/county requirements.

We pieced together our ceremony and gave it to his stepmom.  I'm sure she practiced each part, but my husband and I did not "practice" our vows at all.  We both wanted our actual ceremony to be the first time we said those vows out loud.  It all went perfectly and was very emotional for us.  I wouldn't change anything.

Sniffyjellyfish

I live in CA and I'm assuming that this can all be done online but I'll make sure to check it out.

And thanks Isla for the advice about practicing. We definitely want our vows to be special so we won't practice that part. Just everything else.