Wedding Etiquette Forum

Rehearsal dinner menu alcohol?

Fiance's parents are paying for the food, fiance and I are paying for wine, but not any other alcoholic beverage.  How do I word that on the menu?

"Wine [paste selections here].  Beer and liquor available via cash bar" seems wrong, since it's not technically a cash bar (it'll be at a restaurant).

HELP.

Re: Rehearsal dinner menu alcohol?

  • I would only list what drinks are available and being covered. Wine (Red selections, white selections), coffee, tea, and soft drinks for example.

  • "Menu

    Wine Selections
    Red
    White

    Beverages
    Coke products
    Coffee
    Tea

    Entrees
    ....
    ...
    ..
    ."

    You should not say anything about a cash bar. Cash bars are bad etiquette because you'd be offering guests things you aren't hosting. You wouldn't do this in your house (i.e. "oh you want a beer? $5 please.."), so you shouldn't anywhere else.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • scribe95 said:

    Good answers above. Just wondering why wine but no beer? 

    Ditto all of this. Is there any way you can do both? I find that this can still be pleasing to most and cost effective.
  • Do not offer anything you are not paying for. Are you in a private room where the bar is not visible? That makes it easiest for when the wait staff has to say, "I'm sorry, [beer/liquor] is not available, would you like X, Y, or Z wine or water or tea?"
    image
  • Do not offer anything you are not paying for. Are you in a private room where the bar is not visible? That makes it easiest for when the wait staff has to say, "I'm sorry, [beer/liquor] is not available, would you like X, Y, or Z wine or water or tea?"

    Yep, private room. No beer because it would've doubled the cost. I felt like it was fair to offer wine since its at an Italian restaurant.
  • Do not offer anything you are not paying for. Are you in a private room where the bar is not visible? That makes it easiest for when the wait staff has to say, "I'm sorry, [beer/liquor] is not available, would you like X, Y, or Z wine or water or tea?"
    Yep, private room. No beer because it would've doubled the cost. I felt like it was fair to offer wine since its at an Italian restaurant.
    That can work but just think of the guests.   Example - my dad does not drink wine.   Ever.   The man loves his beer and always has.   So if DH and I had a wine only event that would mean that my dad would just not drink.   And that would make the man rather sad that we eliminated the beverage he consumes.   

    That isn't the case for all circles but I wanted to put that out there as a concern.   Yes, a guest should graciously accept what is offered but  I just caution  that it would be nice to be able to offer what you know your VIPs consume. 
  • banana468 said:



    Do not offer anything you are not paying for. Are you in a private room where the bar is not visible? That makes it easiest for when the wait staff has to say, "I'm sorry, [beer/liquor] is not available, would you like X, Y, or Z wine or water or tea?"

    Yep, private room. No beer because it would've doubled the cost. I felt like it was fair to offer wine since its at an Italian restaurant.

    That can work but just think of the guests.   Example - my dad does not drink wine.   Ever.   The man loves his beer and always has.   So if DH and I had a wine only event that would mean that my dad would just not drink.   And that would make the man rather sad that we eliminated the beverage he consumes.   

    That isn't the case for all circles but I wanted to put that out there as a concern.   Yes, a guest should graciously accept what is offered but  I just caution  that it would be nice to be able to offer what you know your VIPs consume. 


    I agree to a limited extent. If it isn't practical in terms of your budget or schedule for you to provide items such as top-shelf liquor, even if your guests want them, then don't do it. As nice as it would be to be able to offer them to your guests, hosting them shouldn't cross the line into excessive burden for you.
  • Do not offer anything you are not paying for. Are you in a private room where the bar is not visible? That makes it easiest for when the wait staff has to say, "I'm sorry, [beer/liquor] is not available, would you like X, Y, or Z wine or water or tea?"
    Yep, private room. No beer because it would've doubled the cost. I felt like it was fair to offer wine since its at an Italian restaurant.
    That can work but just think of the guests.   Example - my dad does not drink wine.   Ever.   The man loves his beer and always has.   So if DH and I had a wine only event that would mean that my dad would just not drink.   And that would make the man rather sad that we eliminated the beverage he consumes.   

    That isn't the case for all circles but I wanted to put that out there as a concern.   Yes, a guest should graciously accept what is offered but  I just caution  that it would be nice to be able to offer what you know your VIPs consume. 
    I agree to a limited extent. If it isn't practical in terms of your budget or schedule for you to provide items such as top-shelf liquor, even if your guests want them, then don't do it. As nice as it would be to be able to offer them to your guests, hosting them shouldn't cross the line into excessive burden for you.

    Alright, alright.  Y'all got to me.  I'm going to call the restaurant tomorrow and see how much it would cost to add a beer selection.  
  • Jen4948 said:

    banana468 said:



    Do not offer anything you are not paying for. Are you in a private room where the bar is not visible? That makes it easiest for when the wait staff has to say, "I'm sorry, [beer/liquor] is not available, would you like X, Y, or Z wine or water or tea?"

    Yep, private room. No beer because it would've doubled the cost. I felt like it was fair to offer wine since its at an Italian restaurant.

    That can work but just think of the guests.   Example - my dad does not drink wine.   Ever.   The man loves his beer and always has.   So if DH and I had a wine only event that would mean that my dad would just not drink.   And that would make the man rather sad that we eliminated the beverage he consumes.   

    That isn't the case for all circles but I wanted to put that out there as a concern.   Yes, a guest should graciously accept what is offered but  I just caution  that it would be nice to be able to offer what you know your VIPs consume. 
    I agree to a limited extent. If it isn't practical in terms of your budget or schedule for you to provide items such as top-shelf liquor, even if your guests want them, then don't do it. As nice as it would be to be able to offer them to your guests, hosting them shouldn't cross the line into excessive burden for you.

    I agree as well. It's all about making alcohol part of the package and not an afterthought.
  • aurianna said:
    I think I need some clarification here. Because I don't really agree with the pressure to add beer.

    It's an Italian restaurant. The hosts want to host wine and non-alcoholic drinks.
    Sure a guest can be bummed there's not beer... but oh well. The host isn't offering beer. Get a soda. The guest might also be bummed that there's no steak... but oh well. Get some pasta.

    I don't like beer OR wine. I prefer cocktails. I'm sure I'm not alone in this, yet we tell people here all the time though that beer & wine is fine. But what about the people who like cocktails/liquor?

    Beer and wine are not the same drink. I'm confused why they must be in a set together.
    FWIW, I honestly think this is a know your crowd thing.   

    With a RD, you're most likely having a smaller event.   Generally, there is less drinking at an RD due to the way the event flows and the length of time it occupies.   When you have a more intimate crowd, you have a way of knowing what the VIPs drink.

    Like I said, I could offer just wine and tell my dad, "Sorry Charrlie.   I have wine and soda and if you don't like it grab a Heineken at a bar on your way home."   But I wouldn't do that.   And when we held our RD, we knew all the guests and what they consumed.   I wouldn't pick one alcoholic beverage knowing that someone very close to me wouldn't drink it.   Similarly, I wouldn't invite my aunt or mom over for a dinner with beer pairings.  They just wouldn't like it.

    Often, wine and beer are similarly priced.   So you can offer both at just about the same overall cost.   Compare that to cocktails that have tiered pricing (the Smirnoff and tonic is less expensive than a Grey Goose and tonic) and you have a way to host alcohol at a more affordable price point.   And again, in our circles, the VIPs will drink one or the other so offering just beer and wine allows everyone to have something.   

     
  • OP can you do a consumption based beer and wine bar?  Not sure how large your RD is but consumption based may be a better deal then doing a package of beer and wine.

  • We didn't do a menu for our RD but we did a limited bar (wine & beer & soft drinks). The servers went around intially and asked what our guests wanted to drink & poured accordingly. If the guests asked for something different, like a mixed drink, the servers just politely told them that it wasn't being provided for with the dinner, but if they would like to open a tab at the bar, they could get that drink there. And we did have a few guests who opted to go to the bar and get a different drink option.

     

  • Agree with PPs on the wording, don't mention anything you're not serving, staff can let them know what's available if they ask for beer/liquor.

    FWIW we are only hosting wine (+non-alcoholic beverages/coffee/tea), because the RD is at a restaurant my dad does business with and they are gifting it to us. Otherwise it would've been dry most likely. So I don't agree wine and beer have to go together if it is out of your budget.

  • Agree with PPs on the wording.

    I don't think you *have* to offer beer, but I do think it is wise to know and consider your crowd, especially for a smaller event.

    I have a friend who only drinks Scotch... there are lots of times where she only ends up drinking water or soda, unless it's a place where she buys it herself. 

    It's not wrong to only offer wine, but it would be considerate to add beer. 
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards