Inviting unsupportive family?

Knottie01720809

Long story short: 

 Getting married in 6 months. 

 Almost three months ago I was in the hospital for a week, and a huge feud broke out while I was in there between my fiance and my family. Basically they blame him for me being in the hospital and that's not the case and at this point I've given up on trying to make them understand. They're set in their ways.

My mom has gotten over it for the most part, she finally started getting excited about dress shopping and such. My older brother went two months without asking me if I was okay, even when I immediately got out of the hospital, and when I brought it up, he said "I have a life and I shouldn't have to bother to check up on you every time you decide to put yourself in the hospital." 

My dad and sister have been the worst. My dad will not talk to my fiance, and has said some pretty cruel things about my fiance's family, myself, my fiance, and our relationship. My fiance had done everything in his power to form a relationship with him but my dad has never met him halfway. He was supposed to help us pay for the wedding, but even before the hospital, my my dad had an angry outburst after I forgot to come over and help him clean (he's always been unstable and even the slightest thing will cause an overreaction) he said that he wished he hadn't even offered to help pay for it. Basically I moved in with my fiance without my dad's permission and so even before the hospital, and so his view towards my fiance has just progressively gotten worse.

My dad even told my aunt that if my fiance came with me to Christmas dinner, he will leave. 

My older sister has always acted demeaning towards me and has always looked down on me, and since the hospital has stated that she does not like my fiance and does not think that we belong together.

I know it would kill my grandma if I didn't invite my dad or siblings, but every time I visit them or talk to them, they are very quick to say hurtful things and make me cry. Not just about my fiance or the wedding, but sometimes it's just about me.

So basically, what is the proper etiquette for inviting people who are unsupportive? Shouldn't a wedding be a celebration full of love and support? I will always question some of my family member's thoughts and feelings about my relationship with my fiance as well as my relationship with them.

Things have gotten so out of hand and I've gotten to the point where I've distanced myself from them, but every so often they'll attack me unprovoked. I don't want any negativity surrounding our marriage, especially at the very start. 

I'm torn. They are my family, but they do not support us, and so part of me does not want them to be there because I feel like it would be dismissing their behavior and attitude.

kimmiinthemitten

Knottie01720809 said: Long story short:  Getting married in 6 months.  Almost three months ago I was in the hospital for a week, and a huge feud broke out while I was in there between my fiance and my family. Basically they blame him for me being in the hospital and that's not the case and at this point I've given up on trying to make them understand. They're set in their ways.My mom has gotten over it for the most part, she finally started getting excited about dress shopping and such. My older brother went two months without asking me if I was okay, even when I immediately got out of the hospital, and when I brought it up, he said "I have a life and I shouldn't have to bother to check up on you every time you decide to put yourself in the hospital." 
My dad and sister have been the worst. My dad will not talk to my fiance, and has said some pretty cruel things about my fiance's family, myself, my fiance, and our relationship. My fiance had done everything in his power to form a relationship with him but my dad has never met him halfway. He was supposed to help us pay for the wedding, but even before the hospital, my my dad had an angry outburst after I forgot to come over and help him clean (he's always been unstable and even the slightest thing will cause an overreaction) he said that he wished he hadn't even offered to help pay for it. Basically I moved in with my fiance without my dad's permission and so even before the hospital, and so his view towards my fiance has just progressively gotten worse.My dad even told my aunt that if my fiance came with me to Christmas dinner, he will leave. 
My older sister has always acted demeaning towards me and has always looked down on me, and since the hospital has stated that she does not like my fiance and does not think that we belong together.I know it would kill my grandma if I didn't invite my dad or siblings, but every time I visit them or talk to them, they are very quick to say hurtful things and make me cry. Not just about my fiance or the wedding, but sometimes it's just about me.
So basically, what is the proper etiquette for inviting people who are unsupportive? Shouldn't a wedding be a celebration full of love and support? I will always question some of my family member's thoughts and feelings about my relationship with my fiance as well as my relationship with them.
Things have gotten so out of hand and I've gotten to the point where I've distanced myself from them, but every so often they'll attack me unprovoked. I don't want any negativity surrounding our marriage, especially at the very start. I'm torn. They are my family, but they do not support us, and so part of me does not want them to be there because I feel like it would be dismissing their behavior and attitude.

The only rule about invitations is that if a person you are inviting has a significant other, you must invite that.  So that lends itself to some questions:  

1.  Are your parents still married?

2.  Truthfully, is your families concerns warranted and / or could there have been things they misinterpreted as red flags?

3.  Have you attempted counseling for yourself to work these issues out?  You don't want the first day of your wedding to be surrounded by negativity, but if you get married without dealing with these things internally, you're starting it that way anyways.

Every action has a reaction, so just know that choosing not to invite them, which is well within your rights, will likely be met with even more hostility from them, but at the end of the day, you get to choose whom you celebrate with and I personally wouldn't invite people who oppose my union.

ETF Formatting

pinupbride6189

Knottie01720809 said:

Long story short: 

 Getting married in 6 months. 

 Almost three months ago I was in the hospital for a week, and a huge feud broke out while I was in there between my fiance and my family. Basically they blame him for me being in the hospital and that's not the case and at this point I've given up on trying to make them understand. They're set in their ways.

My mom has gotten over it for the most part, she finally started getting excited about dress shopping and such. My older brother went two months without asking me if I was okay, even when I immediately got out of the hospital, and when I brought it up, he said "I have a life and I shouldn't have to bother to check up on you every time you decide to put yourself in the hospital." 

My dad and sister have been the worst. My dad will not talk to my fiance, and has said some pretty cruel things about my fiance's family, myself, my fiance, and our relationship. My fiance had done everything in his power to form a relationship with him but my dad has never met him halfway. He was supposed to help us pay for the wedding, but even before the hospital, my my dad had an angry outburst after I forgot to come over and help him clean (he's always been unstable and even the slightest thing will cause an overreaction) he said that he wished he hadn't even offered to help pay for it. Basically I moved in with my fiance without my dad's permission and so even before the hospital, and so his view towards my fiance has just progressively gotten worse.

My dad even told my aunt that if my fiance came with me to Christmas dinner, he will leave. 

My older sister has always acted demeaning towards me and has always looked down on me, and since the hospital has stated that she does not like my fiance and does not think that we belong together.

I know it would kill my grandma if I didn't invite my dad or siblings, but every time I visit them or talk to them, they are very quick to say hurtful things and make me cry. Not just about my fiance or the wedding, but sometimes it's just about me.

So basically, what is the proper etiquette for inviting people who are unsupportive? Shouldn't a wedding be a celebration full of love and support? I will always question some of my family member's thoughts and feelings about my relationship with my fiance as well as my relationship with them.

Things have gotten so out of hand and I've gotten to the point where I've distanced myself from them, but every so often they'll attack me unprovoked. I don't want any negativity surrounding our marriage, especially at the very start. 

I'm torn. They are my family, but they do not support us, and so part of me does not want them to be there because I feel like it would be dismissing their behavior and attitude.

Elope. Elope and send them a wedding announcement.  That way you don't have your dad's money hanging over your head, because if you take his money, it will come with whatever strings he attaches.  

I feel compelled by the bolded to ask how old you are? 

Knottie01720809

We're actually paying for our wedding ourselves now. He was just paying for the reception. We're still going to do it at the church but we're going to just do it at a restaurant instead because it'll be $5000 cheaper.

25.

kimmiinthemitten

Knottie01720809 said:

We're actually paying for our wedding ourselves now. He was just paying for the reception. We're still going to do it at the church but we're going to just do it at a restaurant instead because it'll be $5000 cheaper. 25.

So wait, your dad was paying the bill for your marriage to a person he won't can't be in the same room with?

huskypuppy14

If you are 25, you don't need your father's permission to move in with your FI. I agree with other that said elope. Why does your family think it's your FI fault that you were in the hospital? Do they think he abused you?

pinupbride6189

huskypuppy14 said:

If you are 25, you don't need your father's permission to move in with your FI. I agree with other that said elope. Why does your family think it's your FI fault that you were in the hospital? Do they think he abused you?

This. I know family dynamics and culture can vary, but even if he disapproved of you living with your FI, any sane person would still love and support their child as long as said offspring weren't putting themselves in harms way. I'd also like to know why your family is under the impression that your FI is the reason you were hospitalized, just to get a better feel for what's really going on here.

JediElizabeth

At 25, you don't need permission from anyone to move in with someone, and you're more than old enough to be making your own decisions about who you're with and how serious the relationship is. Is your family particularly old-fashioned or religious that he would think you needed permission to move in with someone?

kimmiandkoley. Aside from everything else, personal and/or marriage counseling sounds like a great step - personal because it seems like you're dealing with a lot of BSC people, and marriage because (a) everyone can learn from it and (b) it may show your family that your FI is as supportive/loving/invested as you say he is. IF you choose to disclose that to them, because you certainly don't have to. It's not really any of their business.

In regards to your first question, I would wait to decide whether or not to invite them. You have about 3 months before you should be sending out invites, and I'd use that time to work on the relationships (if you want to mend them), not worry about the guest list. 

Knottie01720809

kimmiandkoley said:

Knottie01720809 said:

Long story short: 

 Getting married in 6 months. 

 Almost three months ago I was in the hospital for a week, and a huge feud broke out while I was in there between my fiance and my family. Basically they blame him for me being in the hospital and that's not the case and at this point I've given up on trying to make them understand. They're set in their ways.

My mom has gotten over it for the most part, she finally started getting excited about dress shopping and such. My older brother went two months without asking me if I was okay, even when I immediately got out of the hospital, and when I brought it up, he said "I have a life and I shouldn't have to bother to check up on you every time you decide to put yourself in the hospital." 

My dad and sister have been the worst. My dad will not talk to my fiance, and has said some pretty cruel things about my fiance's family, myself, my fiance, and our relationship. My fiance had done everything in his power to form a relationship with him but my dad has never met him halfway. He was supposed to help us pay for the wedding, but even before the hospital, my my dad had an angry outburst after I forgot to come over and help him clean (he's always been unstable and even the slightest thing will cause an overreaction) he said that he wished he hadn't even offered to help pay for it. Basically I moved in with my fiance without my dad's permission and so even before the hospital, and so his view towards my fiance has just progressively gotten worse.

My dad even told my aunt that if my fiance came with me to Christmas dinner, he will leave. 

My older sister has always acted demeaning towards me and has always looked down on me, and since the hospital has stated that she does not like my fiance and does not think that we belong together.

I know it would kill my grandma if I didn't invite my dad or siblings, but every time I visit them or talk to them, they are very quick to say hurtful things and make me cry. Not just about my fiance or the wedding, but sometimes it's just about me.

So basically, what is the proper etiquette for inviting people who are unsupportive? Shouldn't a wedding be a celebration full of love and support? I will always question some of my family member's thoughts and feelings about my relationship with my fiance as well as my relationship with them.

Things have gotten so out of hand and I've gotten to the point where I've distanced myself from them, but every so often they'll attack me unprovoked. I don't want any negativity surrounding our marriage, especially at the very start. 

I'm torn. They are my family, but they do not support us, and so part of me does not want them to be there because I feel like it would be dismissing their behavior and attitude.

The only rule about invitations is that if a person you are inviting has a significant other, you must invite that.  So that lends itself to some questions:  

1.  Are your parents still married?

2.  Truthfully, is your families concerns warranted and / or could there have been things they misinterpreted as red flags?

3.  Have you attempted counseling for yourself to work these issues out?  You don't want the first day of your wedding to be surrounded by negativity, but if you get married without dealing with these things internally, you're starting it that way anyways.

Every action has a reaction, so just know that choosing not to invite them, which is well within your rights, will likely be met with even more hostility from them, but at the end of the day, you get to choose whom you celebrate with and I personally wouldn't invite people who oppose my union.

ETF Formatting

My parents are divorced.

I know why they blamed him, but they were wrong and didn't understand the situation.

I've been going to counseling for a while now, but my counselor says that I'm not getting married tomorrow so I don't have to make a decision yet.

kimmiinthemitten

Knottie01720809 said:

Knottie01720809 said:

Long story short: 

 Getting married in 6 months. 

 Almost three months ago I was in the hospital for a week, and a huge feud broke out while I was in there between my fiance and my family. Basically they blame him for me being in the hospital and that's not the case and at this point I've given up on trying to make them understand. They're set in their ways.

My mom has gotten over it for the most part, she finally started getting excited about dress shopping and such. My older brother went two months without asking me if I was okay, even when I immediately got out of the hospital, and when I brought it up, he said "I have a life and I shouldn't have to bother to check up on you every time you decide to put yourself in the hospital." 

My dad and sister have been the worst. My dad will not talk to my fiance, and has said some pretty cruel things about my fiance's family, myself, my fiance, and our relationship. My fiance had done everything in his power to form a relationship with him but my dad has never met him halfway. He was supposed to help us pay for the wedding, but even before the hospital, my my dad had an angry outburst after I forgot to come over and help him clean (he's always been unstable and even the slightest thing will cause an overreaction) he said that he wished he hadn't even offered to help pay for it. Basically I moved in with my fiance without my dad's permission and so even before the hospital, and so his view towards my fiance has just progressively gotten worse.

My dad even told my aunt that if my fiance came with me to Christmas dinner, he will leave. 

My older sister has always acted demeaning towards me and has always looked down on me, and since the hospital has stated that she does not like my fiance and does not think that we belong together.

I know it would kill my grandma if I didn't invite my dad or siblings, but every time I visit them or talk to them, they are very quick to say hurtful things and make me cry. Not just about my fiance or the wedding, but sometimes it's just about me.

So basically, what is the proper etiquette for inviting people who are unsupportive? Shouldn't a wedding be a celebration full of love and support? I will always question some of my family member's thoughts and feelings about my relationship with my fiance as well as my relationship with them.

Things have gotten so out of hand and I've gotten to the point where I've distanced myself from them, but every so often they'll attack me unprovoked. I don't want any negativity surrounding our marriage, especially at the very start. 

I'm torn. They are my family, but they do not support us, and so part of me does not want them to be there because I feel like it would be dismissing their behavior and attitude.

The only rule about invitations is that if a person you are inviting has a significant other, you must invite that.  So that lends itself to some questions:  

1.  Are your parents still married?

2.  Truthfully, is your families concerns warranted and / or could there have been things they misinterpreted as red flags?

3.  Have you attempted counseling for yourself to work these issues out?  You don't want the first day of your wedding to be surrounded by negativity, but if you get married without dealing with these things internally, you're starting it that way anyways.

Every action has a reaction, so just know that choosing not to invite them, which is well within your rights, will likely be met with even more hostility from them, but at the end of the day, you get to choose whom you celebrate with and I personally wouldn't invite people who oppose my union.

ETF Formatting

My parents are divorced. I know why they blamed him, but they were wrong and didn't understand the situation. I've been going to counseling for a while now, but my counselor says that I'm not getting married tomorrow so I don't have to make a decision yet. Have you really tried to talk to them about this?  Have you told them you understand where they are coming from and tried to show them the other side?  Have you asked them to trust you?

Here's where I'm coming from.  My sister and her H have been married for 8 years, together for 15.  BIL comes from an abusive, alcoholic parental situation and has a serious anger management problem.  Well, one day, during a fight he threw his baseball at the opposite wall of my sister and some people overhead it.  They were concerned for sisters safety and thought he was hurting her.  Did they have every right to be concerned and bring it up?  Yes.  Did it hurt and strain her friendships?  Yes.  But BIL has been in counseling and works privately on his problems, so of course the concerned parties didnt' know that.

If you know why they're upset - look at it from their POV.  That is, if you have any interest in saving those relationships.

Knottie01720809

@kimmiandkoley

He offered to pay when we got engaged. We had an argument when I moved out where he said he wished he hadn't offered to pay.

Being in the hospital was just the icing on the cake I guess because he is very old fashioned and did not want us living before marriage and so it gave him an excuse to voice his opinions more. He started being very nasty towards him and our relationship and it just hasn't gotten better. My aunt had told him that she was inviting my fiance and I to Christmas, and that he could either play nice or not come at all, and she told me that he said that he will leave if we show up together.

Knottie01720809

@huskypuppy14 I originally did not want to go to the hospital and told my fiance not to take me. 

They thought that he wasn't looking out for my best interest. And then they felt like he was controlling me because they wanted me to stay with one of them when I got out of the hospital, but I told them that I wanted to stay with him instead. 

pinupbride6189

Knottie01720809 said:

@kimmiandkoley

He offered to pay when we got engaged. We had an argument when I moved out where he said he wished he hadn't offered to pay.

Being in the hospital was just the icing on the cake I guess because he is very old fashioned and did not want us living before marriage and so it gave him an excuse to voice his opinions more. He started being very nasty towards him and our relationship and it just hasn't gotten better. My aunt had told him that she was inviting my fiance and I to Christmas, and that he could either play nice or not come at all, and she told me that he said that he will leave if we show up together.

Sounds like daddy is a little upset over 'losing his baby girl' and figures he might as well do it on his terms.  He's acting very childish. If you do try to talk to him and help him see your point of view, I would set a limit for myself that when reached (as soon as he started yelling, after you'd had to repeat your perspective 3 times only to have it fall on deaf ears, etc.), I would get up and leave and say, "I'm sorry that you feel you can't support the decisions I'm making for my life, but they are just that. My decisions and my life." 

Knottie01720809

@JediElizabeth my mom isn't really that old fashioned, she didn't care. But I was originally living with my dad, who is extremely old fashioned. He was beginning to get difficult to live with so I just spent less and less time at home, so he kicked me out and I was practically living with my fiance anyway, I only would stay home twice a week. Then I guess he thought I would just come back home with my tail tucked between my legs but I didn't. I just took the rest of my things. 

My sister moved out with her boyfriend and my brother lives with his girlfriend, but I guess because I'm the baby of the family it's different.

I guess it's more of my sister that I'm concerned about because she's just been a total bitch towards my fiance and I. 

Knottie01720809

@pinupbride6189 I've tried talking to him about it many times, but he gets very mean. Some time will go by and he'll act sweet and ask if I would like to come over, and when I do, he just trash talks my fiancé and his family and gets mad about my decisions.
After many nights of coming home in tears, I have pretty much stopped talking to him.

Jen4948

Even if it makes your grandmother upset if you don't invite your family, you don't need her or anyone else's permission not to invite them.

You also don't need your family's permission to marry your fiance. 

That said, unfortunately you can't compel your family to like him or understand your side of things.  If you want to be the bigger person, you can invite them but they do have the right to decline the invitations.  If they accept, I would have security on hand to escort them or anyone else out should it be necessary.

MesmrEwe

Here's what I did... My Dad's Dad was the biggest JA on the planet, every event that was important to our family since childhood when our family purchased the family business from him, he would send a lawyer letter threatening to sue for the business back.  No joke, one time he sent my parents an anniversary card in the same freaking envelope as the lawyer letter!  Time came for our wedding, I had cut ties with him years earlier for my own sanity.  I invited him just as I did any other guest, treated him no better or worse.  I had two contacts with him the entire day, once in the receiving line and the other for a picture with the generations of my side.  Found out later that he was having chest pain because of the whole shindig. 

At the end of the day, it's up to you and only you to decide what you want to do.  They have the option to decline the invitation.  No one is forcing them to attend even if you do invite them.  They are not obligated to attend if they do not support the marriage.  Most churches consider the announcement ahead of time to be the "If anyone knows of any reason that this couple should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace" time. 

Sometimes you need to do what needs to be done to maintain and preserve your mental health.  One thing you should also be doing is some premarital counseling with your FI to also work some of these issues out together.  For now, I'd keep your distance from these people!!!!

STARMOON44

Honestly you've left out so much information I find it impossible to advise you. You didn't want to go to the hospital, and yet you needed to stay there a week. None of this adds up at all.

Knottie01720809

@STARMOON44 Well seeing as there's such a stigma attached to mental illness I didn't want to say that I have bipolar disorder and I had an episode and knowing that if I went to the hospital, I would get sent to a mental health center. My sister found out I wasn't going, so she called the police and I got baker acted and sent to a facility two hours away. Something I wanted to avoid to begin with. Everyone just blamed my fiancé because I told him not to take me and he didn't.
But because I know from experience that there is a lot of negative judgment about bipolar, I didn't want to go all out on the story. I felt like I didn't need to explain why I was in the hospital, just that all of this escalated because of it.
Was that all the information you needed?

STARMOON44

Knottie01720809 said:

@STARMOON44 Well seeing as there's such a stigma attached to mental illness I didn't want to say that I have bipolar disorder and I had an episode and knowing that if I went to the hospital, I would get sent to a mental health center. My sister found out I wasn't going, so she called the police and I got baker acted and sent to a facility two hours away. Something I wanted to avoid to begin with. Everyone just blamed my fiancé because I told him not to take me and he didn't.
But because I know from experience that there is a lot of negative judgment about bipolar, I didn't want to go all out on the story. I felt like I didn't need to explain why I was in the hospital, just that all of this escalated because of it.
Was that all the information you needed?

Yup. I can absolutely see why your family would be mad at both of you. You, for neglecting to deal with your mental health and thinking you can handle an episode on your own, and him for going along with that. It's irresponsible.

Look, you two are obviously doing something right here. You have a kid, you've made it work for 5 years, and you have some sort of ceremony planned. I get that you want a big celebration, but it sounds like you can't afford it and you can't rely on your family to give it to you. Why not just have your winter wedding and serve everyone lunch afterwards and call it a day?

kimmiinthemitten

Knottie01720809 said:

@STARMOON44 Well seeing as there's such a stigma attached to mental illness I didn't want to say that I have bipolar disorder and I had an episode and knowing that if I went to the hospital, I would get sent to a mental health center. My sister found out I wasn't going, so she called the police and I got baker acted and sent to a facility two hours away. Something I wanted to avoid to begin with. Everyone just blamed my fiancé because I told him not to take me and he didn't. But because I know from experience that there is a lot of negative judgment about bipolar, I didn't want to go all out on the story. I felt like I didn't need to explain why I was in the hospital, just that all of this escalated because of it. Was that all the information you needed?

You can only be Baker Acted if you're a threat to yourself or others, so yes, if you were in fact involuntarily admitted based on the BA, your family has a right to be mad at your FI.  If this is the case, then FI needs to meet with either your doctors, a support group, a therapist to learn how he can better support you and your health needs.

JediElizabeth

Knottie01720809 said:

@STARMOON44 Well seeing as there's such a stigma attached to mental illness I didn't want to say that I have bipolar disorder and I had an episode and knowing that if I went to the hospital, I would get sent to a mental health center. My sister found out I wasn't going, so she called the police and I got baker acted and sent to a facility two hours away. Something I wanted to avoid to begin with. Everyone just blamed my fiancé because I told him not to take me and he didn't. But because I know from experience that there is a lot of negative judgment about bipolar, I didn't want to go all out on the story. I felt like I didn't need to explain why I was in the hospital, just that all of this escalated because of it. Was that all the information you needed?

You didn't have to go that deep, and I can understand not wanting to, but the truth is no one can give you good advice without this kind of information.

That said, I have family with depression and other issues, and I would personally challenge their SO if they didn't take care of them during a depressive episode. Particularly an episode where the BA can be used.

However, my solution would be to suggest educating your FI in how to avoid, identify and handle a crisis, because that's how you fix things. Not alienate you and him by creating this us or them dilemma for you. I think your family has your best interest at heart, but they're going about it in a rather unhealthy and unhelpful way. 

It also sounds like in order to fix things (if you want to fix things with them), your family needs reassurance that your FI is not only looking out for your best interests, but knows how to. Can you sit down with them and talk about how he's taken an interest in looking out for you - taking over a role that (I assume) they're used to filling? Can he ask their advice? After all, they've known you for years, and would probably like their experience respected, even if you, he and your therapist ultimately don't actually agree with everything they say. 

In the end, the two of you are becoming a family unit, and your parents & siblings will have to give you that freedom. But in order for that to happen smoothly, you may need to be sensitive to how much they're worried for you.

mileybangerz

STARMOON44 said:

Honestly you've left out so much information I find it impossible to advise you. You didn't want to go to the hospital, and yet you needed to stay there a week. None of this adds up at all.

Agree.  Am I at a Red Lobster?  Because something smells fishy here.

missa011

I understand where you are coming from as I have bipolar too, and I have asked FI not to act on certain things, but as others have said, if a BA was used then it seems like it must have been a severe episode. In any case, it seems like everyone loves you and is worried about you and that is where most of the animosity is probably coming from. People deal with grief and worry in different ways. Especially because you say your father is old fashioned, he may not know how to deal with your diagnosis. This was something that took my dad a long time to figure out, because he's old fashioned too and also is a worrier in general, so giving me freedom to work with my doctors and analyze my own situation was something that took him a long time.

Obviously you need to do whatever you feel most comfortable and safe with in terms of both your relationships with your family and your guest list, but just keep in mind that mental illness doesn't just effect the individual but also that person's loved ones and they may need support from you and FI too.

Good luck on everything and PM me if you ever want to talk.

themosthappy91

scribe95 said:

I have to be honest that it sounds like your FI hit you or caused your injury and you are covering for him or trying to say it was your fault. 

Yeah OP this is 100% the conclusion most people are going to jump to when you very vaguely explain that your family blames your SO for you being in the hospital but they misunderstood the situation.

That said, I'll take your word for it that this was a bipolar depressive episode and like other PPs have said, if the Baker Act applied then it was a pretty serious situation and your family is very justified in being angry that your SO didn't take care of you properly. Can you imagine how terrified they must have been about your safety and that of those around you?

I think your first priority needs to be getting your FI into some sort of counseling or program to teach him to appropriately recognize when you are not in a position to make those kinds of calls for yourself. Everything else with your family is inconsequential compared to that, and who knows- maybe they will feel much better about your relationship once they see he is taking the steps to be the support system you need, and not just the person who goes along with what you want.

TheCheeseWench

themosthappy91 said:

scribe95 said:

I have to be honest that it sounds like your FI hit you or caused your injury and you are covering for him or trying to say it was your fault. 

Yeah OP this is 100% the conclusion most people are going to jump to when you very vaguely explain that your family blames your SO for you being in the hospital but they misunderstood the situation.

That said, I'll take your word for it that this was a bipolar depressive episode and like other PPs have said, if the Baker Act applied then it was a pretty serious situation and your family is very justified in being angry that your SO didn't take care of you properly. Can you imagine how terrified they must have been about your safety and that of those around you?

I think your first priority needs to be getting your FI into some sort of counseling or program to teach him to appropriately recognize when you are not in a position to make those kinds of calls for yourself. Everything else with your family is inconsequential compared to that, and who knows- maybe they will feel much better about your relationship once they see he is taking the steps to be the support system you need, and not just the person who goes along with what you want.

All of this. ^^^^^****
If I was your family I would be pissed at your FI too. People who need help (either mental or physical) need to be able to rely on the people who love them to provide that, even when they don't want it. Somebody has to be the responsible party for their nearest and dearest when they aren't thinking clearly. I tried to weasel out of going to the hospital after being hit by a semi and then subsequently t-boned on my driver's side at 80mph on the highway. Why? I thought I was just banged up and would be fine. I was in shock and didn't know I had a broken hip, jaw, orbital, nose, and ribs. Fortunately there was someone there to say "tough shit" or I might have been further injured trying to move on my own. Let your FI be your "backup" judgment call when you are not in a place to think 100% clearly about your own well being.

Jen4948

While it's understandable that you might not want to share that you are bipolar, if you were having an episode so bad that your sister had to invoke the Baker Act to get you treated, it's also understandable why they're angry at your FI for not getting you treated, whatever your wishes were. 

Untreated mental conditions can have very dangerous consequences, not just for you but for everyone and everything that comes into contact with you.  Your FI, regardless of your wishes, should have made sure you went to the hospital even if it wasn't what you wanted.

Edited to add: If your FI didn't do it because he's not familiar with bipolar disorder, or how it affects you, then he needs to get up to speed STAT.