Wedding Etiquette Forum

Let guests bring their bf/gf if we don't know them???

Is it rude to not give a guest a plus one for their significant other? We have two or three people who we want to invite who are in relationships (just dating, not engaged or married), but neither me or my fiancé have ever met their significant others, and chances are that we probably never will. I honestly don't really want someone at our wedding if we have never met them. Is that fair, or do I need to get over it and let them bring their SOs?
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Re: Let guests bring their bf/gf if we don't know them???

  • Get over it and invite them with their SO. 

    And try to look at it this way... All relationships are different. It happens all the time that someone enters into a relationship in the few months prior to a wedding, and it just so happens that new person-- that you've never met--- is The One!  There are a lot of people who knew very early on in the relationship that the new person they were in a relationship with would be around for the long-haul. (Even That Guy who has a fling every other month can 'settle down' eventually!)

    So, your friends and family in new relationships are going to be celebrating your love with someone who is potentially now their great love. Invite them and enjoy their company! 
    ________________________________


  • Yup. Significant others always need to be invited together. They are a social unit and therefore must be invited to a social event together.
    Also, they should be invited by name, not as an "and guest." So if you don't know their names, definitely find out so you can also put their names on the inner envelope (or outer or whatever you're doing).
  • I didn't meet my FI's best friend and his wife until their wedding, he was his BM. after the ceremony they really were busy with the other guests and my FI hung out with me.. Now we are getting married 2 years later, and he is the BM at our wedding, and we live two houses down from each other.

    I tried to think of every guest as a couple, even if they were single.. When it came time for invites, the ones in relationships no matter how new got their names on the invite. The ones that are single, and not in relationships no +1.. I didn't want someone to scrounge up a date just for the sake of having a date, but I know that there is not many people that don't have a date that won't know other people.
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  • Get over it.
  • 11.5 years ago DH got the invitation for his cousin's wedding and we were "just dating".

    Now look at us years later. We are married over 8 years and have 2 kids.

    We gave all singles a plus one. One cousin brought HIS SO and they were newly dating. They're going to celebrate their 6th anniversary and have 2 kids as well.

    Get the point?? Yes you need to invite these people and yes, you need to get over it.
  • You don't need to know every single person at your wedding. Invite your friends with their SO's and grow up.

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  • FI has two younger cousins who are in relationships with their college girlfriends out of state.  We are excited to invite them because our wedding will likely be the first family event they get to bring girlfriends too in general (his family is weird about bringing SO's).  It's almost like that's a right of passage and we're happy to be the host for the occasion!

    We're also allowing all guests a plus one, IMO it's rude to allow couples the privilege of a date and not singles.  Who wants to be the one single girl sans date at the college friend table, or the solo guest who doesn't know anyone else well?
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  • monkeysipmonkeysip member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited October 2015
    FI has two younger cousins who are in relationships with their college girlfriends out of state.  We are excited to invite them because our wedding will likely be the first family event they get to bring girlfriends too in general (his family is weird about bringing SO's).  It's almost like that's a right of passage and we're happy to be the host for the occasion!

    We're also allowing all guests a plus one, IMO it's rude to allow couples the privilege of a date and not singles.  Who wants to be the one single girl sans date at the college friend table, or the solo guest who doesn't know anyone else well?
    I agree, and we gave singles plus ones too, but if I were invited as a single person to a wedding, I'd be bummed but might still go.  Invited without H (even when we were "just dating" for 10 years)?  Heck no.  Now I'm offended.

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  • redoryx said:
    OP, unless you got engaged on your first date, there was also a time when you were "just dating."

    Suck it up, buttercup. 
    Fun fact: Buddy Holly did get engaged on his first date. They got married six weeks after that. Imagine some of these "6 months" or "1 year" rules back in the 50's! People used to meet, marry, and have a baby all within the first year! Not that I am recommending that, obviously.
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  • I don't understand this idea of "Well, I've never met this person, so I don't want them at my wedding." My husband has college friends that reside in Florida. I never got the chance to meet them before the wedding. Should I have insisted they not come? One of my husband's best friends started dating a girl two months before our wedding. I had never met her. And guess what? They're now married. Of course I invited her, because it's the right thing to do.
  • I have never understood the "I don't want anyone to come to my wedding that I don't know" mentality.

  • I have never understood the "I don't want anyone to come to my wedding that I don't know" mentality.
    Me either!  
  • banana468 said:
    I have never understood the "I don't want anyone to come to my wedding that I don't know" mentality.
    Me either!  
    add me to the list.

    My husband's #2 guy at work and his wife bringing their adult daughter as a driver (which we never met, but okay'd), then she brought a date (which we didn't know she was doing).  

     I'm like who is that good looking 6'8" bald guy over there?   Then I was told it was the daughter's date.    I'm like well I'm not sure why someone wants to go to their date's dad's boss's wedding 1.5 hours away in a tropical storm, but okay,cool.   He has a blast!  Dancing with all the old ladies on the dance floor.   To this day I do not know his name and have never seen him again, well unless I'm looking at some pictures.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • FI has two younger cousins who are in relationships with their college girlfriends out of state.  We are excited to invite them because our wedding will likely be the first family event they get to bring girlfriends too in general (his family is weird about bringing SO's).  It's almost like that's a right of passage and we're happy to be the host for the occasion!

    We're also allowing all guests a plus one, IMO it's rude to allow couples the privilege of a date and not singles.  Who wants to be the one single girl sans date at the college friend table, or the solo guest who doesn't know anyone else well?



    QFT. If i like you enough to invite you to my wedding, I like you enough not to tell you that you have to come alone. Every "single" guest was offered a +1.

    One of our groomsmen (the brother of my new SIL) got married when MrW and I had been dating for about 6 weeks. I had not met him or the bride until their wedding. I'm not sure I had even met MrW when their invites went out, so had it not been a +1 I would not have been there to meet much of my new family for the first time.
  • Seriously? BF and I were only dating a month or so when we went to my cousin's wedding. A few months later we went to his friends from high school's wedding. My family barely knew BF but fell in love with him shortly before my cousin's wedding and his friends barely knew me. We would both be pissed if this had happened back then.

    Also, in May we are traveling to my best friend's wedding in SD and guess what? We have never once met in person and she doesn't know my BF. Guess who is getting invited along with me? BF. 

    This kind of mentality is ridiculous. There is always going to be someone that you barely know at your wedding because relationships change. It's so disrespectful to say to someone you love and care deeply about that they can't bring the person the love just because you have never met them.
    Formerly known as bubbles053009





  • MIL and FIL got engaged after dating for 6 months and have been married now for over 35 years.  So if you sent invitations when they had been together for 4 months and weren't engaged yet, and you only knew FIL and hadn't met MIL yet, you would have wound up inviting someone to your wedding without the person who would be his FI on your wedding day.  Not super cool.

     

     Adults (18+) need to be invited with their SOs, period, end of sentence.

  • delujm0 said:

    MIL and FIL got engaged after dating for 6 months and have been married now for over 35 years.  So if you sent invitations when they had been together for 4 months and weren't engaged yet, and you only knew FIL and hadn't met MIL yet, you would have wound up inviting someone to your wedding without the person who would be his FI on your wedding day.  Not super cool.

     

     Adults (18+) need to be invited with their SOs, period, end of sentence.

    Indeed. My ILs met and married in 6 months (and now have been for 39 years). You just never know who that "person you don't know" will turn out to be later.
  • Not sure when you wedding is because even your true singles can be in a relationship, living together, engaged or married by the time your wedding comes up.  It's always a good idea to give everyone a guest on paper and via the budget.  

    If they are true singles (not dating anyone at all) by the time you send out the invites then you have extra space and budget.  If they are now in a relationship you just saved yourself some headaches by not stressing over budget and space.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • lyndausvi said:
    banana468 said:
    I have never understood the "I don't want anyone to come to my wedding that I don't know" mentality.
    Me either!  
    add me to the list.

    My husband's #2 guy at work and his wife bringing their adult daughter as a driver (which we never met, but okay'd), then she brought a date (which we didn't know she was doing).  

     I'm like who is that good looking 6'8" bald guy over there?   Then I was told it was the daughter's date.    I'm like well I'm not sure why someone wants to go to their date's dad's boss's wedding 1.5 hours away in a tropical storm, but okay,cool.   He has a blast!  Dancing with all the old ladies on the dance floor.   To this day I do not know his name and have never seen him again, well unless I'm looking at some pictures.

    I can understand why people might not want to invite strangers to their wedding.  They want it to be a celebration with the persons who are already the nearest and dearest to them, and people who are strangers at the time of the wedding just aren't their nearest and dearest.  It can seem like they are there for the food, drinks, and one other person's company who isn't the bride or groom.

    But that said, I also agree that SOs, even if you don't like or know them, still need to be invited because it's not polite not to invite them.  The fact that they aren't your nearest or dearest on the wedding day doesn't mean that they won't or can't be at some future time.

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited October 2015
    lyndausvi said:
    Jen4948 said:
    lyndausvi said:
    banana468 said:
    I have never understood the "I don't want anyone to come to my wedding that I don't know" mentality.
    Me either!  
    add me to the list.

    My husband's #2 guy at work and his wife bringing their adult daughter as a driver (which we never met, but okay'd), then she brought a date (which we didn't know she was doing).  

     I'm like who is that good looking 6'8" bald guy over there?   Then I was told it was the daughter's date.    I'm like well I'm not sure why someone wants to go to their date's dad's boss's wedding 1.5 hours away in a tropical storm, but okay,cool.   He has a blast!  Dancing with all the old ladies on the dance floor.   To this day I do not know his name and have never seen him again, well unless I'm looking at some pictures.

    I can understand why people might not want to invite strangers to their wedding.  They want it to be a celebration with the persons who are already the nearest and dearest to them, and people who are strangers at the time of the wedding just aren't their nearest and dearest.  It can seem like they are there for the food, drinks, and one other person's company who isn't the bride or groom.

    But that said, I also agree that SOs, even if you don't like or know them, still need to be invited because it's not polite not to invite them.  The fact that they aren't your nearest or dearest on the wedding day doesn't mean that they won't or can't be at some future time.

    There is a difference between total strangers and just SO/GF/BF of your nearest and dearest you haven't met.   If they are your nearest and dearest then in theory they are important to you.  By default meeting their SO should be important. If the first time is at your wedding, so be it.   In this day and age of people moving all over the place, busy with work and family and sometimes takes a while to meet a GF/BF/SO
    In theory, that might be true, but "in theory" and "in reality" aren't the same thing.  I have a cousin who has a girlfriend I've never met.  While my cousin is among my nearest and dearest, his girlfriend is not-especially because I did try to become acquainted with her and she blew me off.  I would still invite her to my wedding, but she is most emphatically NOT my "nearest" or "dearest."
  • Regarding "true +1s" ... while I've seen movies by myself once or twice, and have no issue going out to eat alone if needed, almost everything is improved with company. If we are taking the position that a reception is a thank-you to the guests, then not allowing them to have company while eating, dancing, and celebrating makes their thank-you party a bit of a bummer. It's not required but I would definitely prioritize that over e.g. decor or paper products.
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