Pre-wedding Parties

Engagement Party/Shower- one big party!

Hi there!

I don't want to have a traditional wedding shower. My fiance and I do not plan on registering for things we are just going to do a Honey Fund account. But, we realize people will still get us things so we want to still have some kind of "shower" (party). 

My thought was to have an engagement party/wedding shower all in one (maybe just call it something funny like A Wedding Party). A house party, everyone welcome, both sides of the family etc. The invites will have our honey fund account info (you buy off of it, just like a registry) as well as option for gift cards (maybe Amazon or Home Depot). 

My fiance wanted to do a pre-wedding party anyways to get our friends and families to meet and mingle. This would be that as well. 

Has anyone done anything like this? Thoughts? 

Re: Engagement Party/Shower- one big party!

  • Wait, how is that rude? It's the same thing as a shower expect registering for "stuff" is a little differ and it's everyone, not just girls....
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    edited October 2015
    All of this is rude. 

    You should never ask people for cash. It's rude and tacky. Honeyfund is particularly bad because they are ripping you off with fees. For example, if your guest gives you $100 through Honeyfund, you get only $90.

    Throwing yourself an engagement party is also rude. If someone wants to throw one for you, cool. But you don't host one for yourself. 

    There's a simple solution. Don't register. Don't have a shower. People will give you cash. That's exactly what I did, and it worked out perfectly. 

    ETA: Have a pre-wedding party. Just call it a get together. 

    [Deleted User]STARMOON44InLoveInQueens
  • Everything PPs said. 

    Do yourself a favor and lurk these boards and you'll find tons of explanations on exactly why what you're planning is quite rude.  There are tons of threads on Honeyfunds (rude to ask for cash), how to get cash if that's what you want (don't register or have a very small registry), how and why it's rude to host gift-giving events on behalf of yourself, etc. 

    The advice here is delivered very frankly and bluntly.  Try not to get offended when people tell you bluntly that your plans are rude, rather understand that the advice was given with the intent that you plan the best event possible for you and your SO while managing to be gracious and properly host your guests. 

    [Deleted User]
  • TrixieJess beat me to it! read this and thought here we go another one!
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    http://i.imgur.com/vdLE8dJ.gif?noredirect

    <a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home Buying"><img src="http://global.thenest.com/tickers/tt1cd146.aspx" alt="Anniversary" border="0"  /></a>
  • TrixieJess beat me to it! read this and thought here we go another one!
    What's funny is that I'm actually eating popcorn. I figured I should have it on hand, the storm is a  coming!

    Also, we may want to get out our BINGO cards.
    ryanandjoe4JCocco219
  • edited October 2015
    Thanks for those that had constructive criticism- that's what these boards are for. A reply of "it's rude"  and nothing more is not helpful. I'm gracious, no worries there :) 

    I agree- throwing a party for ourselves is not okay. I think I wrote that because I imagined it being at my house, but it would be hosted by our parents/bridal party.  

    So, maybe it's a couples shower with differ "gifting" options. I still like the honey fund idea- I've purchased it many times for friends that have gotten married. So maybe its a combo of registering for some things and honey fund. 

    I guess my main point (which I should have asked for ideas instead) is that I do not want the normal rent a space, girls only, sit in front of everyone and watch me open gifts. 

    So, to re-phrase, what cool ideas have you seen people do instead of that normal situation? 

  • Thanks for those that had constructive criticism- that's what these boards are for. A reply of "it's rude"  and nothing more is not helpful. I'm gracious, no worries there :) 

    I agree- throwing a party for ourselves is not okay. I think I wrote that because I imagined it being at my house, but it would be hosted by our parents/bridal party.  

    So, maybe it's a couples shower with differ "gifting" options. I still like the honey fund idea- I've purchased it many times for friends that have gotten married. So maybe its a combo of registering for some things and honey fund. 

    I guess my main point (which I should have asked for ideas instead) is that I do not want the normal rent a space, girls only, sit in front of everyone and watch me open gifts. 

    So, to re-phrase, what cool ideas have you seen people do instead of that normal situation? 

    First, read this:


    Second, I usually give cash or a cheque at weddings. If I see you have a Honeyfund, I'm going to give you the smallest thing on your registry.

    Third, a shower is for physical gifts, if you don't want to open gifts, don't have a shower. 
     
    Fourth, I recently went to a wedding with a Honeyfund and people were talking about how tacky it was. Also, the B&G didn't receive hardly any money for it because people did what I did, bought off the physical registry instead of giving cash. 
    [Deleted User]InLoveInQueens
  • Thanks for sending, great link! 
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    Thanks for those that had constructive criticism- that's what these boards are for. A reply of "it's rude"  and nothing more is not helpful. I'm gracious, no worries there :) 

    I agree- throwing a party for ourselves is not okay. I think I wrote that because I imagined it being at my house, but it would be hosted by our parents/bridal party.  

    So, maybe it's a couples shower with differ "gifting" options. I still like the honey fund idea- I've purchased it many times for friends that have gotten married. So maybe its a combo of registering for some things and honey fund. 

    I guess my main point (which I should have asked for ideas instead) is that I do not want the normal rent a space, girls only, sit in front of everyone and watch me open gifts. 

    So, to re-phrase, what cool ideas have you seen people do instead of that normal situation? 

    If they really are hosting, they should be the ones planning. You should not be involved in the planning.

    There's nothing wrong with skipping the traditional ladies only shower in favor of a co-ed one, but only if someone offers to throw that for you. You would also need to register for physical gifts.

    Honeymoon registries are still rude as hell. Registering for cash is never ok. 
    Blue_BirdInLoveInQueens
  • Many people are very offended by honeymoon funds.  If you do this, there will be people rolling their eyes, but they won't tell this to your face because they care about you.  We will tell you the truth.  Don't do it.  Have the honeymoon that you can afford.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    InLoveInQueens
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited October 2015
    Thanks for those that had constructive criticism- that's what these boards are for. A reply of "it's rude"  and nothing more is not helpful. I'm gracious, no worries there :) 

    I agree- throwing a party for ourselves is not okay. I think I wrote that because I imagined it being at my house, but it would be hosted by our parents/bridal party.  

    So, maybe it's a couples shower with differ "gifting" options. I still like the honey fund idea- I've purchased it many times for friends that have gotten married. So maybe its a combo of registering for some things and honey fund. 

    I guess my main point (which I should have asked for ideas instead) is that I do not want the normal rent a space, girls only, sit in front of everyone and watch me open gifts. 

    So, to re-phrase, what cool ideas have you seen people do instead of that normal situation?

    SIB---------------------------------------------------------------------
    If you don't want shower gifts, then don't have a shower.

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    [Deleted User]InLoveInQueens
  • PPs have it covered etiquette wise.

    In terms of the "the normal rent a space, girls only, sit in front of everyone and watch me open gifts" there are some options (for your parents to figure out, as you should not be planning your own shower). If the issue is truly that you don't want to sit and open gifts, then do not have a shower at all, because that is the whole point, whether it is just for the bride or a couple.

    If you accept a shower from your parents, you absolutely can have the men join. A shower thrown for me by my mom's friends included everyone, which was so much fun because FI was there but also my dad, my uncles, and cousins. It was in her friend's backyard on Cape Cod.

    I also had a more traditional shower thrown by my BMs at a restaurant and it was also a blast. So you can alter the traditional set up, but should not mess with the proper etiquette forms.

    [Deleted User]
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