So ... Dad is -?

peridotty

Hey! Not sure if this is the right place to post this ...

I'm gay. I'm marrying my girlfriend next October. My dad is ... accepting to a point. But I can tell that this whole thing has him weirded out. That is fine. That's his deal. I'm not letting it ruin our day. 

BUT

How do I introduce him at the wedding? He won't be walking me down the aisle. So ... Do I have him walk with my mom (they are divorced) go by himself? I don't want him to feel excluded. But I don't want him to think that I'm ok with his behavior lately, either, 

Jen4948

I'd just skip the walks down the aisle except for your wedding party members, you, and your FI and not have your parents walk down the aisle.

peridotty

I will probably have my Mom walk me down the aisle. I don't think I was clear. FIL is helping to pay, and my mom is SUPER supportive. So my issue is how/when/IF I introduce my dad at the beginning of the reception?

Jen4948

peridotty said:

I will probably have my Mom walk me down the aisle. I don't think I was clear. FIL is helping to pay, and my mom is SUPER supportive. So my issue is how/when/IF I introduce my dad at the beginning of the reception?

I would not make it about who is and isn't paying.  If you want to introduce your father at the beginning of the reception, then just have him announced as your father, separately from your mother.

peridotty

ok - thanks. It's tough. I have wanted to hate him lately. So it is hard to be the bigger person on that day.

kimmiinthemitten

That's tough and I'm sorry he's less than excited for you.

You have a year. A lot can change between now and then. Hopefully he comes around, but if he doesn't, there's no need to introduce him at the reception either. Let mom walk you down the aisle, have only the BP also walk, no family, and at the reception again only introduce BP.

jacques27

Or, how dead set are you on having introductions at the reception?  (I assume you're referring to formal entrances where a DJ/MC or similar announces you.)

Truthfully, none of the last nine weddings I have attended have had any sort of introductions ahead of the reception for anyone other than the people who actually got married.  And the very rare wedding or two that I recall before those - I honestly didn't care.  I'm not there to see a bridesmaid or a groomsman walk down an aisle.  I'm not there to find out the name of the parents of the couple getting married.  As a guest, I'm there to see my friend/family member get married.  I see the names of the other people in the program ahead of the ceremony - that's sufficient for me.  It's not like a play where I want to see everyone who starred in it come out and give a bow after the show.

justsie

Sorry your dad isn't that supportive OP. I agree with PP's I'd just skit announcements and skip the walking down the asile for everyone not in your wedding party.

MairePoppy

You could have all the parents go directly to their reception tables. If you want to introduce parents, you can have them introduced from their seats, before you and your wife make your grand entrance. 

You say your dad is accepting 'to a point,' so keep pushing those margins. I hope your dad will find ease in the relationship with his FDIL and acceptance of the two of you as a couple. 

HAGGSTOBE314

Wow this touched home! 

i am also a lesbian bride to be and in all honesty ive wrecked my brain wondering about that approach, im not sure about anyone else but i took a stand, i politely and firmly explained how it was going to go because at the end of the day this is a decision and a life long commitment that you will have to endure and if you have people there to support you then that's FANTASTIC!! Neither my mom nor father was happy when i came out to them BUT i told them both "this is the person my heart beats for and she will be the person i spend the rest of my life with" and i told them plainly i love her and you can either deal with it or hit the road! If your dad does not want to be a good sport on your wedding day i say give him two options : come and be respectful and open minded or dont come at all . because you wont be able to change his beliefs but disrespect is something you dont need to be worried about on your day. unfortunately mine wont be attending my wedding (so be it ) but if he does decide to be a good sport and come , i would have them come in separately but with your dad following your mom , but i would definitely have them already seated like @MairePoppy stated to make it less stressful and/or awkward !! 

Knottie1448825336

You shouldn't have to have people at your wedding who aren't 100% absolutely thrilled for you. The event is too important and in life there are no do-overs. Let him know you genuinely appreciate the valiant effort he is making to "accept". Seriously. Then gently let him off the hook. If you do this in person, not over the phone or in an email - privately, I bet he'll be relieved and you'll be relieved that he doesn't have to be there

Be honest, not angry.

MairePoppy

Knottie1448825336 said:

You shouldn't have t have people at your wedding who aren't 100% absolutely thrilled for you. The event is too important and in life there are no do-overs. Let him know you genuinely appreciate the valiant effort he is making to "accept". Seriously. Then gently let him off the hook. If you do this in person, not over the phone or in an email - privately, I bet he'll be relieved and you'll be relieved that he doesn't have to be there

Be honest, not angry.

I appreciate what you're saying, but I don't think she should give her dad an easy way out. If he chooses not to be a part of this important day, it should be a damn difficult and painful decision that he's making. He should feel like a selfish coward and not have the excuse that it was okay with his daughter and her fi.

He's probably had some long standing beliefs and opinions that he needs to get over and it would be great if op and her partner showed him how well their relationship works. 

lc07

OP, I'm sorry your father has been unsupportive. I can't imagine how you feel but I think you are doing the right thing by inviting him and being the bigger person. There is no need to introduce the parents at the reception. Your parents, if they choose to, will mingle and introduce themselves to guests. Be sure to give your mom and your FILs a private heartfelt thanks for their support.

SP29

Sorry your dad is being a douche, OP.

We didn't announce anyone at our wedding beyond the bridal party.

We had a ceremony program where we listed our parents, as well as WP. Both of our parents are divorced, so they were listed separately.

FIL sat in the front row but walked himself in. DH walked in with his mother. My mom was escorted in prior to the processional by my brothers. My dad walked me down the aisle.

Thus, I would have your dad walk into the ceremony like any other guests. Seat him in the front row if you want, or not. Give him a boutonniere if you want, or not.

As for the reception, I've never seen the parents introduced. My parents sat at their assigned table as all the other guests did. Seat him at a table wherever you like, perhaps with other members on his side of the family (if you are inviting them). 

My best friend has a relationship, but a strained one, with her father. They still talk and visit occasionally, but there relationship has become very superficial. She was unsure what to do for many months, but ultimately decided that the fact that she was so worried that he might do something stupid (as in if she felt this way, it was significant enough to warrant attention), was enough to not invite her dad to her wedding.