Destination Wedding Etiquette

Knottie82362145

I need some advice on a situation I'm pretty torn with. My mom approached me and said she wanted to go to Orlando for a long weekend for my bachelorette party. She would cover the hotel for everyone, and my BMs would just need to cover flight ($200 round trip), food, and a ticket to Disney for a day. One of my bridesmaids is getting married this year, so I feel bad asking her to spend that much. However, I'm going to have my bridal shower at my house so there will be little cost for them for that. What do you guys think? Is the destination bachelorette party too much to ask?

ILoveBeachMusic

No one is required to attend the bachelorette party so they can decide on their own if it is too expensive for them to attend or not. It might have been nice if your mom had consulted the other wedding party members about it beforehand (maybe it isn't too late). You really shouldn't be planning the party or your shower. If your Mom is planning the bach party let her approach the brides maids. Whoever is hosting/planning the shower should be deciding where it will be held and how much it is costing. The bridesmaids aren't required to host a shower, either.

Maggie0829

An invite is not a summons.  If any of your BMs do not wish to spend the money to go to Orlando then they can decline the invite.  I think that your Mom should probably throw this idea out there and see what reactions she gets.  She shouldn't go into it saying "this is what we are doing" but rather a "how do you all feel about this idea?"

And your BMs are not required to throw you a shower.  I am not sure about what all has been discussed regarding the shower, but if they don't want to help with it then they don't have to.

lnixon8

That sounds a little much.

Disney is SUPER expensive- tickets ($99 per day), plus paying for food and drink (no clue- maybe 250 after everything is said and done) once you're there. Like PP said it's up to them if they choose to spend the money but consider that they are probably buying a shower present (20), a wedding present(75), a dress (100), possibly hair and makeup (100), travel and accommodations for the wedding (100)... I might do it for a really good friend but I would be rolling my eyes. Add the $200 flight and for me your wedding would cost me $945.

Maybe you're paying for their dresses, or the wedding is local, maybe $1000 is chump change for your bridesmaids. But in my group this is just too much.

spockforprez

scribe95 said: Whatever happened to a fun night out on the town with friends? Dinner, comedy club, dancing. Why does everything have to be so grand and expensive and time-consuming?

******************************************************************

In my "circle" of late 20-somethings we still do the lower-key one evening kind of things, maybe a breakfast or brunch the next day if people spend the night at one person's house. I don't know where the weekend or even WEEK-long events come from... maybe media influences like the movie Bridesmaids? I don't think I could ever afford that, or if I could, wouldn't want to take the time off work, etc. 

Knottie82362145

Ok I understand your points. Expecting my bridesmaids to dole out the cash for the plane ticket is a lot. My cousin actually works at Disney and ended up being able to get us free tickets into the park. So it will just be the $200 plane tickets and food (which I highly doubt will be $250). But nobody is forced to go and they shouldn't feel obligated. My one bridesmaid who's getting married is doing a weekend in NYC or renting a house in the ADK for the weekend, so I think that will be pretty comparable in price. I guess I'll just see how they react to the idea.

STARMOON44

This would be a very standard party for my friends, with an added bonus of not having to pay for the hotels. We're spread out across the country so weekend getaways are pretty common.

MobKaz

Knottie82362145 said:

I need some advice on a situation I'm pretty torn with. My mom approached me and said she wanted to go to Orlando for a long weekend for my bachelorette party. She would cover the hotel for everyone, and my BMs would just need to cover flight ($200 round trip), food, and a ticket to Disney for a day. One of my bridesmaids is getting married this year, so I feel bad asking her to spend that much. However, I'm going to have my bridal shower at my house so there will be little cost for them for that. What do you guys think? Is the destination bachelorette party too much to ask?

I find it odd that your MOM is making decisions for YOUR bachelorette party based on what SHE wants to do.  As PP's have already indicated, any party planned for the bride should be planned/discussed jointly.  Saying your BM's "JUST" need to cover a certain amount of money is presumptuous.  Everyone has different breaking price points.

Cost notwithstanding, taking up a long weekend for a destination party offers other issues that can create cost and inconvenience.  Do any of them work weekends?  That's a lot of time to take off if they do.  When I have to exhaust an entire weekend, I end up playing catch-up all week on errands, chores, and school work.  It's a lot to ask.

As for the shower, how would you, as the bride, know what cost is involved for the BM's?  Is this another arrangement of your mom's, or have the BM's been planning this?

GlamQueenBride

Is it common for mom's to be part of the bachelorette party at all? I don't know, any bach parties I've been to have never included the mom. It's always been the bride, bridesmaids, and friends. I can see if the bride is very young, meaning her wedding party is also likely young, and the mom steers them towards things she knows her daughter will enjoy, but otherwise, I think for a bach party, you and your bridesmaids/friends need to decide what YOU all want/can afford to do. That may or may not be a trip to Disney.

MobKaz

Knottie63139532 said:

Is it common for mom's to be part of the bachelorette party at all? I don't know, any bach parties I've been to have never included the mom. It's always been the bride, bridesmaids, and friends. I can see if the bride is very young, meaning her wedding party is also likely young, and the mom steers them towards things she knows her daughter will enjoy, but otherwise, I think for a bach party, you and your bridesmaids/friends need to decide what YOU all want/can afford to do. That may or may not be a trip to Disney.

In my area, mom's are not typically part of a bachelorette party.  Frankly, I had no desire to join in on my daughter's or DIL's event.

In reading these boards, however, I have seen responses all over the place.  It seems it is common in some areas/circles.  Some brides include their moms as well as aunts or other relatives with whom they feel particularly close.  I have read posts from brides who are concerned because their mom or MIL is demanding to attend.  I personally think it should be the bride and her friends.

Maggie0829

Knottie63139532 said:

Is it common for mom's to be part of the bachelorette party at all? I don't know, any bach parties I've been to have never included the mom. It's always been the bride, bridesmaids, and friends. I can see if the bride is very young, meaning her wedding party is also likely young, and the mom steers them towards things she knows her daughter will enjoy, but otherwise, I think for a bach party, you and your bridesmaids/friends need to decide what YOU all want/can afford to do. That may or may not be a trip to Disney.

IMO, it depends on the plans.  My BM and I went to Universal and then stayed with my parents for a long weekend of lounging by the pool and heading down to the local square for happy hour.  My Mom was definitely involved and around for the entire weekend.  Now if I had the more "traditional" bach party of being decked out in plastic penises, a cheap veil, and sash and then shuffled off to the local strip joint, then I would prefer not to have my Mom in attendance.

lnixon8

I just realized I forgot to mention the title of your post. I think if you're having a destination wedding asking your bridesmaids/ friends to fly out twice for your wedding is where I would start resenting it. For a good friend, yes I would probabably do both but like I said, I would be rolling my eyes.