Family Member as Officiant

Krikin22

My FI wants to have his older brother officiate our wedding. Some additional info:

FBIL has never done this before and we are not having a religious ceremony. 

When I mentioned this to my wedding planner she thought it might be a bad idea for these reasons:

1. The rookie officiant gets extremely nervous and that takes away from him/her and your guests enjoying the ceremony..

2. This is the most important part of the whole day, and having an experienced wedding officiant will be able to roll wih anything that could go wrong.

Did anyone have a friend or family member officiate? If so any regrets?

 

DramaGeek

I've been to multiple weddings where a friend or family member officiated.  For some, it was their first wedding and for others it was one of many.

While I agree with your coordinator that an experienced officiant may be better equipped to handle the possible obstacles of the day, that doesn't mean a novice can't do just as well.  I think it really depends on the individual person and how comfortable they are as a performer (because, honestly, that's what they are).  If he's a good public speaker, comfortable in front of groups, etc. I think it will be fine.

Cackle6

We had a friend of ours officiate our wedding, as we are not religous at all. H and I put together the ceremony and sent it to our friend a few weeks in advance so he could get comfortable with it. I think as long as the person you are asking is comfortable speaking in public and is willing to perform the ceremony, it can be a really nice touch. I knew from the get go that I wanted someone close to us to perform our ceremony - it made it all that more personal and special. Yes, he stumbled over a few things, but H and I stumbled over our vows too, and it lightend the mood a bit anyway.

The laws do very from state to state though, so double check to make sure your state allowes online ordained officiants to perform ceremonies.

finleyac

I was in a wedding this last weekend where my friend had her uncle officiate the wedding. Things did not go "normally" at all. It was kind of amusing, but also kind of awkward. He kept standing in the strangest places, like off to the side of the bride and groom. The whole thing felt very rushed, and it was, cuz oh wait, he forgot to have them exchange the rings before he pronounced them man & wife and had them kiss!

If you do decide to move forward with this, because I do think it's a nice idea, I would make sure you get a good rehearsal in. Your wedding planner should know enough that she can direct him in where he should stand, and such. I know usually at a rehearsal you don't actually practice the whole ceremony, but I wished we would have, for my friend's sake! I would recommend having him run through the whole thing so he doesn't miss any important steps!

Lisa50

Yes, my cousin officiated our wedding.  She is an experienced minister and had performed many, many ceremonies before ours.  Plus, she is a singer, so she has well over 15 years experience in front of audiences.

We have absolutely no regrets.  She did a great job!!

Krikin22

Thank you everyone for the input, I definitely agree that a full rehersal would be a good idea. 

FI spoke to FBIL about it last night and he said he would think about it and let us know if he was up for it. He is good at speaking in front of large groups and gave a great speech at another wedding we went to. I don't think he was expecting us to ask him to do this. Anyway thanks again!

kemarino610

We're having a friend officiate our wedding, and since our state does not allow online-ordained officiants, we're having my uncle (who is a Lutheran minister) officially "pronounce" us and fill out the marriage license. If you want a friend to ordain but your state doesn't allow online-ordained officiants, you might consider getting legally married at a courthouse when you go to pick up your license. It's a little less romantic, but it will allow for you to have your ceremony exactly the way you want it.