Wedding Etiquette Forum

Article About Step-Dad Pulling Funds

MollyandDMollyandD member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
edited October 2015 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I apologize if this has already been posted. It's been months since I've frequented these boards, but I read this and wanted to share.

ETA: there was trouble sharing the link. It's in a comment. 

Re: Article About Step-Dad Pulling Funds

  • As we always say on here, money comes with strings. If the wedding couple were not prepared to deal with his clearly stated strings, they shouldn't have accepted his money. And they couldn't work even 1 of his 20 guests in after saying it wasn't a problem? (And didn't tell him.) Maybe his announcement was a little dramatic, but is there a non-dramatic way to pull thousands of dollars in funding?
  • I'm surprised he's only losing $1,500 on a 40-50k wedding by canceling contracts days out unless his step-daughter or girlfriend signed the contracts and he wrote the check, then maybe he'd be able to get a refund and the vendors could pursue the person who signed the contract.

    Daughter is welcome to have anyone she wants walk her down the aisle. But she was incredibly rude to not include his 20 guests. What's up with an announcement sent to his friends before the wedding even takes place? And who is it in the picture? Am I seriously confused but the wedding presumably has not taken place yet. Stock photo? I'd hate to have my face tied to this article as the bride.
  • I'm waiting for the snopes article on this.  The article says that the wedding was set to take place on Nov 3rd.  That's a Tuesday this year.  So this must be at least 3 years old.

    As for the content, the person with the money gets the say.  A bride can have anyone walk them down the aisle, but at the same time, you need to be prepared to have the money person upset enough to take their money and walk.  I think the biggest upset was the guests that step dad wanted to invite and were ultimately left off the guest list.
  • I mean, it was a little presumptuous to assume he was going to walk his GF's daughter down the aisle.

    However, it was super shitty of his GF and her daughter to basically look at this guy as a blank check and disrespect his one request of 20 people.

    I probably would have pulled funding too. But I would have pulled it when I found out they didn't invite my 20 guests. Not when he did in the way that he did.
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  • I mean, it was a little presumptuous to assume he was going to walk his GF's daughter down the aisle.

    However, it was super shitty of his GF and her daughter to basically look at this guy as a blank check and disrespect his one request of 20 people.

    I probably would have pulled funding too. But I would have pulled it when I found out they didn't invite my 20 guests. Not when he did in the way that he did.

    I have to agree. While there is no doubt that the bride and her mother treated the LW like crap, and he was justified in pulling the funding, his timing sucked. Doing it that way was the act of a jerk.
  • There are issues all over this.

    At what point was the GF going to speak up? Why did she feel free to disregard him while feeling free to spend his money?
    Why food she keep him in the dark about her ex being at the meal?

    And why did this dude feel that the meal was the place to do that?

    There is disfunction written all over this and it's written in a way that no one involved is looking fabulous.
  • I wondered if this was fake. I think it is likely that it could be based on real things that have happened, but the whole thing with the dinner and "toast" seemed very over the top. Probably a story created to make a (good) point. 
  • People, including me, love a good come uppance story. This just seems too calculated and convenient to be real.

  • I don't understand why people keep saying that she has a right to have whoever she wants walk her down the aisle. Of course she does. But given that it's days before the wedding, she presumably had asked her step-father. And if she had asked her step-father, then essentially kicks him out of that position for her father so publicly only days before the event? No. Just. No. That's even worse than demoting your MOH or kicking a bridesmaid out. After she asked her step-father to give her away (if, indeed, she had), she can't take it back and assume he'll continue to pay for the wedding. As we always say when it comes to wedding parties, that's a relationship-ending move.
  • I don't understand why people keep saying that she has a right to have whoever she wants walk her down the aisle. Of course she does. But given that it's days before the wedding, she presumably had asked her step-father. And if she had asked her step-father, then essentially kicks him out of that position for her father so publicly only days before the event? No. Just. No. That's even worse than demoting your MOH or kicking a bridesmaid out. After she asked her step-father to give her away (if, indeed, she had), she can't take it back and assume he'll continue to pay for the wedding. As we always say when it comes to wedding parties, that's a relationship-ending move.
    You're assuming a lot. This could have been a month or two ago, or more. It's not like it was just written yesterday because he said Sunday dinner. So it was at least last week, but probably much longer ago since he was able to get his deposits back. 

    You have no clue if the bride asked her step father to walk her down the aisle, most likely he assumes that.
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  • I don't understand why people keep saying that she has a right to have whoever she wants walk her down the aisle. Of course she does. But given that it's days before the wedding, she presumably had asked her step-father. And if she had asked her step-father, then essentially kicks him out of that position for her father so publicly only days before the event? No. Just. No. That's even worse than demoting your MOH or kicking a bridesmaid out. After she asked her step-father to give her away (if, indeed, she had), she can't take it back and assume he'll continue to pay for the wedding. As we always say when it comes to wedding parties, that's a relationship-ending move.
    You're assuming a lot. This could have been a month or two ago, or more. It's not like it was just written yesterday because he said Sunday dinner. So it was at least last week, but probably much longer ago since he was able to get his deposits back. 

    You have no clue if the bride asked her step father to walk her down the aisle, most likely he assumes that.
    Yes, I am assuming a lot, which is why I said "presumably." It's called reading between the lines. The invitations had already gone out, so it was at least between invitation time and RSVP time. By that point, wedding parties are picked out in the vast majority of weddings. So if the bride had anyone giving her away, there's about a 99% chance that person already knew. Perhaps she didn't have anyone giving her away or another relative giving her away though, which is why I said "if" in my post and why used the word "presumably." I assume he was supposed to give her away because the point at which his anger went over the edge was when he learned her father was giving her away. If this bride had asked, say, her uncle to give her away, it doesn't really make sense why the step-father would be so furious that she now wants her father to do it as the step-father was never going to do it anyway (and frankly, I do think it's a slap in the face to the step-father, who's supported her all these years, paid for her college education, is paying for the wedding, etc. to not walk her down the aisle). Again, it's an assumption and I'm making that clear, but it is something that occured to me, given the time frame.

  • That's, part of why I think it's actually not well written at all. It reads like a bad short story and the step dad isn't coming off as a great communicator either.
  • I'm waiting for the snopes article on this.  The article says that the wedding was set to take place on Nov 3rd.  That's a Tuesday this year.  So this must be at least 3 years old.


    It is. I saw this on reddit like two years ago. I mean it might be true, but it's old. 

  • The original appeared on reddit a few years ago, and the original poster answered some questions forum members posed. I think it's legit after reading the reddit thread, but that one has more detail. 
  • I don't understand why people keep saying that she has a right to have whoever she wants walk her down the aisle. Of course she does. But given that it's days before the wedding, she presumably had asked her step-father. And if she had asked her step-father, then essentially kicks him out of that position for her father so publicly only days before the event? No. Just. No. That's even worse than demoting your MOH or kicking a bridesmaid out. After she asked her step-father to give her away (if, indeed, she had), she can't take it back and assume he'll continue to pay for the wedding. As we always say when it comes to wedding parties, that's a relationship-ending move.
    I think the way she announced it was so rude and hurtful to the SF who has done so much for her.  If his intention was to host the wedding, not just pay for it, the least she could have done is speak with him privately if she wants bio dad to walk her down the aisle.  If this is true, she's a spoiled little brat, and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
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  • Snopes says it's unverified, but references the original reddit post and explains the date confusion:


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  • I think they all sound like a bunch of children... The sf/mothers boyfriend had years to stop letting them walk all over him... And the mother and daughter seem like they have no idea right from wrong. But the stepfather never says anything about how the girl felt towards her bio father.. He may view the man a certain way while the step daughter views him another way. IF she hadn't asked SF to walk her down the aisle.. that was a BIG assumption of him.
  • Not inviting the 20 people requested by the step-dad was incredibly rude. Sending them announcements before the wedding, which I have to assume essentially said "Hey we're getting married in November and you can't come," was ice cold. Doing all of this behind the step-dad's back, instead of at least giving him an update when those 20 people were cut from the list, is super shady. She (and her mom) obviously didn't want him to find out until after it was too late to do anything about it. Yikes.

    His dinner toast was dramatic but I can understand that in the heat of the moment. There are definitely worse ways he could have handled it (see: throwing punches).

    What makes me suspicious is that he immediately broke up with his partner of 10 years & transferred all the money from their joint account without her signature, and that all the vendors were "great" about their contracts being cancelled with just a few weeks' notice.


  • What makes me suspicious is that he immediately broke up with his partner of 10 years & transferred all the money from their joint account without her signature, and that all the vendors were "great" about their contracts being cancelled with just a few weeks' notice.
    Why is that suspicious? A joint account means either party can withdraw any or all funds. 

    I do suspect that it's just a little too perfect to be absolutely true. I think it's probably embellished a bit for dramatics.
  • @MyNameIsNot Oh I may be confusing it with joint investment accounts which are often set up to require both accountholders' signatures.

    But yeah I'm guessing the story is padded here & there and he's not mapping out every detail.
  • That's why I think no one in this story is playing with a full deck.
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