small wedding, big family.

Andrews0717

FI and I want a small wedding, but our ideas of small seem to be a little different. When I think of small I think of inviting the people who I have to invite, family including aunts, uncles and cousins. His idea is that you invite your mother, father, brother and grandparents with a few close friends. 

The problem is that my family is still pretty close, with cutting out people who wont come (since our wedding is on a monday) and people who wont come (because they live too far away but you have to invite) Im able to get our guest list down to 70, that includes +1's and the wedding party.

Do you have any advise for what we can do to solve the problem? FI wants the wedding to be less than 50 people. 

missa011

You just have to decide your priority in terms of celebrating with all your family vs. a small wedding. Also, I would not invite people under the assumption that they won't come. If you are very close to them, they may decide to take that Monday off or travel.

There are 3 ways I envision you solving the problem:

1) You both compromise; you cut 10 more people and he accepts 60 guests.
2) You cut 20 more people.
3) He gives up on the idea of a small wedding.

It's a discussion to have together and with your respective families. Also consider who is paying, because they get a say in this situation. If your family is paying and they want Great Aunt Edna invited, you have to invite her, despite whatever vision you or your FI may have of your wedding.

KatWAG

Andrews0717 said:

FI and I want a small wedding, but our ideas of small seem to be a little different. When I think of small I think of inviting the people who I have to invite, family including aunts, uncles and cousins. His idea is that you invite your mother, father, brother and grandparents with a few close friends. 

The problem is that my family is still pretty close, with cutting out people who wont come (since our wedding is on a monday) and people who wont come (because they live too far away but you have to invite) Im able to get our guest list down to 70, that includes +1's and the wedding party.

Do you have any advise for what we can do to solve the problem? FI wants the wedding to be less than 50 people. 

Why does your fi want 50 people? What is so magical about that number? Does it have to do with budget?

Have you sat down and compared lists? How many people do you actually want to invite? Is it 70 people? Or do you want to invite a lot more, and assume many wont come?

holyguacamole79

Andrews0717 said:

FI and I want a small wedding, but our ideas of small seem to be a little different. When I think of small I think of inviting the people who I have to invite, family including aunts, uncles and cousins. His idea is that you invite your mother, father, brother and grandparents with a few close friends. 

The problem is that my family is still pretty close, with cutting out people who wont come (since our wedding is on a monday) and people who wont come (because they live too far away but you have to invite) Im able to get our guest list down to 70, that includes +1's and the wedding party.

Do you have any advise for what we can do to solve the problem? FI wants the wedding to be less than 50 people. 

When you invite, you need to plan for 100% attendance.  So, if you mail out 70 invitations, you need to plan for all 70 to attend.

princessleia22

You and FI need to decide what's most important to both of you and learn to compromise... a skill that will be critical to a successful marriage, so it's a good time to learn it.

DH and I also wanted a small wedding.  He doesn't have much extended family, just 3 uncles, 1 aunt and 2 cousins.  So, inviting his family was easy.  I have 11 aunts/uncles.  I have somewhere around 20 cousins, most of whom are married with kids.  My family also keeps in touch with my 2nd & 3rd cousins.  So, inviting my family would not equal a small wedding.  We decided that our vision of a small wedding was important to us. So, we invited my aunts/uncles, but chose not to invite any of my cousins.  There are some that I'm closer to than others, and a few I would have liked to invite, but decided that I was okay with cutting them from the list to have the wedding we wanted.  It's all about what is a bigger priority to you both.  My sister thought priority was family, so invited all the cousins, 2nd cousins, 3rd cousins... everyone... to her wedding, even cutting friends in exchange for distant family. That was her choice based on what she perceived as priority. 

So, you both need to decide how important each it and figure out the compromise that you both can happily live with. And there may not be a way to both get exactly what you want... that's why I said to find a compromise you can each live with.

levioosa

You mentioned cutting out people because it is a Monday wedding and they won't attend. Are these people you wouldn't have invited anyways?  Because if you are close to them and would like them to be there, you should send them an invitation.  You should never assume people won't be able to make it.  Either way, remember to plan for 100% attendance (unlikely, but I've seen it happen twice in a row, both to weddings which invited nearly 50-100 people over their venue max on the idea that it would be "too far to travel.")

[Deleted User]

Another vote for talking to FI about the guest list. You don't want to go into the marriage not happy because you didn't get to invite people who are very important to you. And for his side, he shouldn't go into marriage having an event that he didn't want a certain size either. I'm sure you can find a happy compromise. Sit down and talk to him on why he is set on that number and after listening to him, explain why the people you want to invite are important to you. Then hopefully you can find a compromise to the situation.

Andrews0717

Thanks for all the feedback everyone! FI and I are paying for everything ourselves, and thats why he was thinking 50 people, a small wedding would be cheaper for us to afford. In recent events we are having to change our venue and the venue we like holds 80 people wonderfully and today he said that 70 people isnt bad and that that number is fine.

Im really happy that hes gone with 70, i cut it in half pretty much and that was hard enough...now time to start looking at dresses!!