Minnesota-Minneapolis and St. Paul

Date Help - Blended Families

For those of you already married, getting married, blended family, etc. - how important is it to give the kids time to adjust to being married?

Not moving in together until after the wedding; a September wedding planned but it is right at the beginning of the school year.  Or, our venue has a Memorial wknd open, which would give us all the summer to adjust.  However...we both go to school full time and work full time - so a May date is stressful up until then, for planning, finances, etc.  Sept. means we can use the summer to finalize details, apts., etc.

Input appreciated.  I don't know how much time really is needed the weeks up to the wedding, or if once your major stuff is planned, if you're mostly done.  How important is it to have the "off" month for kids to adjust, or what has been your past experiences?  Input appreciated.  TIA! :)

Re: Date Help - Blended Families

  • The simple answer - is that it's incredibly important for the kids to adjust - because they're part of the family unit too!  Only you two know the kids and how they adjust to change (and sometimes it's necessary to bring in a family counselor to maneuver through the process).  Involve them to the extent to which they are interested in the blending process.  It can take years to adjust, and sometimes the dynamic is it's only going to take the ceremony, it's all dependent on the family dynamics as it can go both ways.  There will be hiccups along the way so be prepared that there is going to be a lot of adjustment (which comes with the single unit into a married family unit) and to be open to working it through if anyone is struggling with something, but there isn't a timeframe that is set in stone that it's going to take.  The important thing is that you navigate things through together.  Don't attempt to be the "replacement" parent or expect the kids to refer to the step as exclusively "Mom" or "Dad", they'll figure out a proper term on their own even if it's referring to them by their first name, and that's o.k. too! 
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