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When your workplace wants to throw you a wedding shower?

Knottie94657783Knottie94657783 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I am getting married in August 2016. I recently had a close co-worker let it slip to me that she and some other ladies in our office are planning a wedding shower for me.

This made me uncomfortable: 
A: Because they didn't ask my permission. And I feel very awkward about a work wedding shower.
B: Because I am not planning to invite all the people form my whole office to the wedding.
C: Because I have no idea who or how many people they'd invite - and what those people will think of it and I don't want it to look like it's my idea or that its a gift-grab

Our office has a history of doing these types of Baby showers, wedding showers, Milestone birthday celebrations, retirement or goodbye lunches. And most people just regard it as normal office friendly behavior and most will participate in some way, shape or form - Even the President will decorate for Christmas and bring potluck items for showers...so there is a bit of Office community environment at stake. Some co-workers will be annoyed if I put the Ki-bosh on this and think i'm a stick in the mud. 

How do I handle this situation?

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Re: When your workplace wants to throw you a wedding shower?

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I'd just go with the flow for two reasons:

    1) you're not required to invite everyone at an office shower to your wedding.

    2) there could be unpleasant repercussions on your work relationships if you try to decline a work shower, especially since these kinds of events are part of the office culture.
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  • GlamQueenBrideGlamQueenBride member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    I don't see the problem. Be thankful you work in such a supportive and friendly place.
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I would just let it be.  Workplace showers are kind of the exception to the rule.  It's exciting when someone makes a milestone event.  My old job did this. No one expected to be invited to the weddings, it was more of a well wishing event.  


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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Knottie94657783 said:

    Our office has a history of doing these types of Baby showers, wedding showers, Milestone birthday celebrations, retirement or goodbye lunches. And most people just regard it as normal office friendly behavior and most will participate in some way, shape or form - Even the President will decorate for Christmas and bring potluck items for showers...so there is a bit of Office community environment at stake. Some co-workers will be annoyed if I put the Ki-bosh on this and think i'm a stick in the mud. 

    How do I handle this situation?

    How you handle it is simple - put a smile on your face, let your FI know when he's to show up, and enjoy yourself with your coworkers!!!  This sounds like the "norm" for your office, so treat it as such and it being workplace etiquette for where you work. 

    And no, you don't need to invite everyone.  If anyone asks, "we're keeping it pretty small and only able to invite a few coworkers - that's interesting paper for the copier - I thought we used ___ brand instead!" 

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  • GlamQueenBrideGlamQueenBride member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    MesmrEwe said:
    Knottie94657783 said:

    Our office has a history of doing these types of Baby showers, wedding showers, Milestone birthday celebrations, retirement or goodbye lunches. And most people just regard it as normal office friendly behavior and most will participate in some way, shape or form - Even the President will decorate for Christmas and bring potluck items for showers...so there is a bit of Office community environment at stake. Some co-workers will be annoyed if I put the Ki-bosh on this and think i'm a stick in the mud. 

    How do I handle this situation?

    How you handle it is simple - put a smile on your face, let your FI know when he's to show up, and enjoy yourself with your coworkers!!!  This sounds like the "norm" for your office, so treat it as such and it being workplace etiquette for where you work. 

    And no, you don't need to invite everyone.  If anyone asks, "we're keeping it pretty small and only able to invite a few coworkers - that's interesting paper for the copier - I thought we used ___ brand instead!" 


    I wouldn't even have your Fi show up necessarily. At the workplace showers I've attended, the Fi has never shown up since it usually takes place during regular work hours and it's expected to be just the bride (unless he works there too or something). Make sure your co-workers know if your Fi plans to show.
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  • Knottie94657783Knottie94657783 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Wheww...Thank goodness this situation is generally recognized as an exception to the rules around wedding showers.  I was thinking I was about to burn through some etiquette.

    One more question - Since I'm not the host - should I ask what I can bring?

    And I would assume that I send a thank you email to anyone who comes and a thank you card to any one who might happen to bring a gift...not that expect any. 
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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    If it is a shower for you, you wouldn't ask what you should bring. Definitely a thank you note to individual people who bring gifts. If the office as a whole does a group gift, a group thank you is appropriate. However, if two or three people go into together I would write individual thank you notes.  A thank you note to the organizer (if you know who they are) is also appropriate.
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  • PamBeesly524PamBeesly524 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Knottie94657783 said:
    Wheww...Thank goodness this situation is generally recognized as an exception to the rules around wedding showers.  I was thinking I was about to burn through some etiquette.

    One more question - Since I'm not the host - should I ask what I can bring?

    And I would assume that I send a thank you email to anyone who comes and a thank you card to any one who might happen to bring a gift...not that expect any. 
    My dept. threw a joint shower for me and another co worker who was getting married, and they got us group gifts. However, I knew it was really her manager and my manager who put the whole thing together, got the gifts etc. So after the shower I sent out a group email to the department thanking them for a nice afternoon, and then wrote handwritten notes for the two managers who actually put it together and put them in their mailboxes at work.
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  • pegasuskatpegasuskat member
    First Comment Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    Work and church showers are the the two exceptions, so your good.  Just go and enjoy.  You don't have to send a thank you to everybody that came, just those that got you a gift.  I also did a group thank you and hung it in our breakroom, just thanking them all for thinking of me.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    My office threw me a surprise shower. There were no expectations that everyone (all 60 people in my dept) were invited to the wedding.

    Since I had such a huge dept and no idea who contributed to the gifts, I sent a TY email to everyone, TY notes to the hosts, and aTY note + treats in the break room the next day.
    *********************************************************************************

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