Snarky Brides

SPOTY. (I just made that up)

Another contender for the Selfish Princess of the Year award!

Cause of course it is TOTALLY acceptable to lay pressure on a recovering alcoholic father if it means you can have nicer flowers or whatever.

http://apracticalwedding.com/2015/03/dad-wont-commit-financial-contribution/

I feel quite upset now.

Re: SPOTY. (I just made that up)

  • I wouldn't take it as far as a "most selfish" award. Wedding planning with unknown variables can be tricky and she posted on APW for advice on how to best navigate the situation. She didn't pressure her alcoholic father. It seems like she thought about it but likely followed the advice of the person answering her post and didn't. I'm being kind of a buzzkill right now. I love lurking Snarky Brides and reading this kind of stuff. I just find your commentary a little over the top compared to what it really was. 

    I was in a similar situation. My husband and I were planning on having a small wedding by ourselves. We did not want the stress and financial responsibility of a big wedding and didn't ask or expect anyone to help us. My dad then said he would pay for the wedding and wanted a larger event with our extended families. I couldn't get him to give me a budget or even a ballpark. It was impossible to plan without a budget. The way I eventually resolved it was to contact various vendors and venues in the area and made a spreadsheet for him for how much different wedding scenarios would cost. He approved a budget after getting an understanding of how much it would be instead of coming up with a figure on his own.

    I feel for this poster's situation of feeling awkward about pressing her father on his financial contribution. APW's situation is a little different though since they are paying the wedding themselves in the first place. I just really don't think asking a planning relevant question makes you a horrible selfish person. 
  • Hey Amy, I totally get what you mean, but I'm just of the opinion that you don't ask your parents to pay for any of your wedding. If they want to make you a gift, fair enough but you wait till it's offered.

    My mum and dad had a courtyard wedding followed by drinks and sandwiches in their house. My dad thinks it's totally crazy what we are spending (just normal amount these days for meal, bar, band etc) so I would feel bad for asking him for ANYTHING towards (what his generation and social class) feel is a waste of money.

    I think if I did ask, he would laugh so hard he would choke on his tea!!
  • As we alway say, "want a say? Then pay". Xx
  • I think she wins passive agressive bride of the year for sure.  This is the line that gets me:

    I know he feels a lot of self-induced pressure to make a substantial contribution to the wedding, but I just don’t think it’s possibility.

    So, bride approaches father and asks how much, if any, he plans to contribute to the wedding, but says she's okay if he doesn't contribute any.  Then pressures him for a dollar amount, and emails an advice column on how to follow up.  She completely expects her dad to pony up and the pressure is clearly not self-induced.
    image
  • I think she wins passive agressive bride of the year for sure.  This is the line that gets me:

    I know he feels a lot of self-induced pressure to make a substantial contribution to the wedding, but I just don’t think it’s possibility.

    So, bride approaches father and asks how much, if any, he plans to contribute to the wedding, but says she's okay if he doesn't contribute any.  Then pressures him for a dollar amount, and emails an advice column on how to follow up.  She completely expects her dad to pony up and the pressure is clearly not self-induced.
    I completely agree with this.

    Besides, what good does it do to ask for a hard number if he can't be sure about it? What if she pressures him into saying $10K, then plans a $20K wedding assuming that she only has to cover half, then oops he actually can only contribute $5K. Then what? That clearly does NOT help her to plan. 

  • I know he feels a lot of self-induced pressure to make a substantial contribution to the wedding, but I just don’t think it’s possibility.

    So, bride approaches father and asks how much, if any, he plans to contribute to the wedding, but says she's okay if he doesn't contribute any.  Then pressures him for a dollar amount, and emails an advice column on how to follow up.  She completely expects her dad to pony up and the pressure is clearly not self-induced.
    This is what upsets me.  
  • "For obvious reasons, it’s hard to budget for a wedding when you don’t know if the final contribution is $1,000 or $10,000."

    See, no, it's not obvious.  What's obvious to me is the advice I've read here over and over:  don't plan a wedding with money you don't have in hand.  If you (general) don't know if your dad is kicking in $5 or $5000, then budget it at $0.  Anything you eventually do get is gravy, and if it never arrives, NBD:  you're still within budget.  It's not difficult.
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