.

Knottie40355151

We don't want her at our wedding! My fiancés best friend has the worst wife ever! From day one she has given me a hard time, tried to get him to cheat, texted him to meet them out when in fact she was trying to get him to the same place to introduce him to another girl. told us both lies to try to get us in a fight. Came to our new home when we moved in and talked in down..even though its gorgeous and better than hers., We got a dog..i wanted a yorkie..she insulted my fiancé for months because he wasn't a man for allowing that dog in the house. Talked trash to all of our mutual friends. the problem? iv done absolutely nothing to this lady, on THREE separate occasions in 3 years, i have gone out of my way ( I'm 26 she 30)sent her a message to meet up and discuss issues if any, she always claims nothing is wrong. iv even given her the option for us to just be fake and get along in front of the men and thats it, no need to talk or have any relationship. She wanted to be friends...randomly stops talking about me and bashing me on facebook for NO Reason. haven't talked in a year, see her at parties we avoid her, talk to her husband, who actually helped set me and my fiancé up The day after we got engaged i came home to a congrats card from her and the family. I thought long and hard and tried to get along so i sent her a text thanking her for her thoughtfulness to see if she would make small talk and things would be better. She responded with your welcome ring is beautiful and thats it. 4 days later we know we are going to watch the same band at a local bar so me and my fiancé agree that we will go in and when she comes over we will say hi be nice and see where things go. We walk in with another one of her friends and she looks over "OMG HELLO STRANGER" to our mutual friend and COMPLETELY IGNORES ME and turns her back!!!! AAHHH. i want her husband who we plan on having in the wedding party to come without her, or her not allowing him. I know she will come and ignore us and talk shit about everything and i don't want that stress. She can't really be expecting to get invited doing these things right? or does she just think she's entitles because she's his wife??? WHAT DO I DO! 

holyguacamole79

Knottie40355151 said:

We are going crazy, we don't want her at our wedding! My fiancés best friend has the worst wife ever! From day one she has given me a hard time, tried to get him to cheat, texted him to meet them out when in fact she was trying to get him to the same place to introduce him to another girl. told us both lies to try to get us in a fight. Came to our new home when we moved in and talked in down..even though its gorgeous and better than hers., We got a dog..i wanted a yorkie..she insulted my fiancé for months because he wasn't a man for allowing that dog in the house. Talked trash to all of our mutual friends. the problem? iv done absolutely nothing to this lady, on THREE separate occasions in 3 years, i have gone out of my way ( I'm 26 she 30)sent her a message to meet up and discuss issues if any, she always claims nothing is wrong. iv even given her the option for us to just be fake and get along in front of the men and thats it, no need to talk or have any relationship. She wanted to be friends...randomly stops talking about me and bashing me on facebook for NO Reason. haven't talked in a year, see her at parties we avoid her, talk to her husband, who actually helped set me and my fiancé up The day after we got engaged i came home to a congrats card from her and the family. I thought long and hard and tried to get along so i sent her a text thanking her for her thoughtfulness to see if she would make small talk and things would be better. She responded with your welcome ring is beautiful and thats it. 4 days later we know we are going to watch the same band at a local bar so me and my fiancé agree that we will go in and when she comes over we will say hi be nice and see where things go. We walk in with another one of her friends and she looks over "OMG HELLO STRANGER" to our mutual friend and COMPLETELY IGNORES ME and turns her back!!!! AAHHH. i want her husband who we plan on having in the wedding party to come without her, or her not allowing him. I know she will come and ignore us and talk shit about everything and i don't want that stress. She can't really be expecting to get invited doing these things right? or does she just think she's entitles because she's his wife??? WHAT DO I DO! 

You graciously extend an invitation to him and his wife. If he is in the wedding party, you invite her to the rehearsal dinner.

lyndausvi

holyguacamole79 said:

We are going crazy, we don't want her at our wedding! My fiancés best friend has the worst wife ever! From day one she has given me a hard time, tried to get him to cheat, texted him to meet them out when in fact she was trying to get him to the same place to introduce him to another girl. told us both lies to try to get us in a fight. Came to our new home when we moved in and talked in down..even though its gorgeous and better than hers., We got a dog..i wanted a yorkie..she insulted my fiancé for months because he wasn't a man for allowing that dog in the house. Talked trash to all of our mutual friends. the problem? iv done absolutely nothing to this lady, on THREE separate occasions in 3 years, i have gone out of my way ( I'm 26 she 30)sent her a message to meet up and discuss issues if any, she always claims nothing is wrong. iv even given her the option for us to just be fake and get along in front of the men and thats it, no need to talk or have any relationship. She wanted to be friends...randomly stops talking about me and bashing me on facebook for NO Reason. haven't talked in a year, see her at parties we avoid her, talk to her husband, who actually helped set me and my fiancé up The day after we got engaged i came home to a congrats card from her and the family. I thought long and hard and tried to get along so i sent her a text thanking her for her thoughtfulness to see if she would make small talk and things would be better. She responded with your welcome ring is beautiful and thats it. 4 days later we know we are going to watch the same band at a local bar so me and my fiancé agree that we will go in and when she comes over we will say hi be nice and see where things go. We walk in with another one of her friends and she looks over "OMG HELLO STRANGER" to our mutual friend and COMPLETELY IGNORES ME and turns her back!!!! AAHHH. i want her husband who we plan on having in the wedding party to come without her, or her not allowing him. I know she will come and ignore us and talk shit about everything and i don't want that stress. She can't really be expecting to get invited doing these things right? or does she just think she's entitles because she's his wife??? WHAT DO I DO! 

You graciously extend an invitation to him and his wife. If he is in the wedding party, you invite her to the rehearsal dinner.

yep.

There is no rule that says you have to like your friends' spouses, but outside of abuse, you still need to be the bigger person and invite your friends' spouses.  Especially if they are in the wedding party.

STARMOON44

A) you invite her because she is absolutely entitled to be invited as his wife

B )you invite neither of them because you and your fiancé decide you can't be friends with someone married to someone who hates you.

STARMOON44

Also you do some serious self reflection on why you're cool with describing a woman who isn't nice to you as evil. There is serious evil in the world and drama isn't it.

Knottie40355151

i described her as evil because she has done many more things then these listed with no reason! Not only to me but her husband as well, they have even separated for months because of the crazy things she does to people. So yes i have been the bigger person and tried to be civil, why can't she be civil and at least have respect for her husbands friends? that to me makes someone evil, but thats not the point. We both do not want to have to worry and stress about what she will stir up at the wedding, she always starts something. Its supposed to be a happy day with our friends and family that love us to have a great time.

Knottie40355151

her husband knows the things that she's done to us, he spoken to her and has told us he understands if we don't want to hang out with her because of the way she is, he claims she just doesn't care or listen. Her husband is a very nice person and always been there for us i would hate to end a friendship with him over her. I just want our wedding day to be stress free not having to wait for the moment she starts a fight with someone or something because she always does. I want to spend the day with friends and family that love us.  Would it be wrong to respectfully tell her that since we can't be civil i would appreciate her not attending? 

lyndausvi

Question:   What would you do if this friend only invited your husband and not you to a wedding?


If it was us my husband would not attend.  Maybe even end the relationship with the friend.     I come first, period.   So ask yourself is is worth not inviting the wife when the backlash is you might not be friend with him anymore.

   I barely saw my own sister, who was the MOH at the wedding, trust me the amount of time with her will be VERY limited.

Knottie40355151

In the beginning she would throw parties and specifically asked that i not be invited, she  has asked her husband to call my fiancé and tell him the day of and to stop by alone. He has never attended alone, he just doesn't go. Now its at the point where she has bullied me so much that my fiancé told her months ago that he will not be attending any of her parties without me and will not be friends with someone who can treat the women he loves the way she has treated me. 

holyguacamole79

Knottie40355151 said:

i described her as evil because she has done many more things then these listed with no reason! Not only to me but her husband as well, they have even separated for months because of the crazy things she does to people. So yes i have been the bigger person and tried to be civil, why can't she be civil and at least have respect for her husbands friends? that to me makes someone evil, but thats not the point. We both do not want to have to worry and stress about what she will stir up at the wedding, she always starts something. Its supposed to be a happy day with our friends and family that love us to have a great time.

Knottie40355151 said:

her husband knows the things that she's done to us, he spoken to her and has told us he understands if we don't want to hang out with her because of the way she is, he claims she just doesn't care or listen. Her husband is a very nice person and always been there for us i would hate to end a friendship with him over her. I just want our wedding day to be stress free not having to wait for the moment she starts a fight with someone or something because she always does. I want to spend the day with friends and family that love us.  Would it be wrong to respectfully tell her that since we can't be civil i would appreciate her not attending? 

I can somewhat relate. 6 weeks before our wedding, my brother went crazy and violently yelled at me and our family on Christmas. It got so bad that my husband& I left my parents' house at 11 pm and drove 3.5 hours home. His wife (my SIL) was one of my bridesmaids. I SO BADLY wanted to uninvite my brother. I was also afraid that he'd make a scene. He showed up and I hardly saw him all night.

Seriously, you won't notice her. Just invite her and be the bigger person.

Knottie40355151

I guess I'm looking at it from only my point of view, i have friends who i don't love the wife or girlfriend but I do not disrespect anyone, i have enough respect for my friend to be civil to their other half. So if i hated someones wife to be for no reason i would keep it to myself and if i couldn't i wouldn't expect her to want me at one of the most important days of her life 

holyguacamole79

Knottie40355151 said:

I guess I'm looking at it from only my point of view, i have friends who i don't love the wife or girlfriend but I do not disrespect anyone, i have enough respect for my friend to be civil to their other half. So if i hated someones wife to be for no reason i would keep it to myself and if i couldn't i wouldn't expect her to want me at one of the most important days of her life 

If you claim to have enough respect to be civil, then you invite her to your wedding.

lyndausvi

I can't stand one of DH's good friend's wife.   He was in our wedding.  Because we lived OOT, I barely knew his wife at the time of the wedding.  Now that I know her I can't stand being around her.   She is always making digs at me. Pretty much accused me of being the reason he doesn't live back in NY anymore.  Which is is not the case, DH has no desire to move back.  

I still go to her house once a year with DH (we live OOT so we are not in his hometown often). If were to get married now I would still invite her.  Because it's the right thing to do. Not because she should be there, but DH's friend should be allowed to have his wife there.  

And that is my point.  DH's friend (especially as a WP members) should be allowed to have his spouse at the wedding just like every other guests invited.  After the ceremony you will not even spend time with your WP, let alone their dates/spouses/whatever.    Let your friend and WP member enjoy the evening with their spouse.  You owe it to them, not the spouse, but them.

STARMOON44

Honestly I just don't care. She is his wife. She must be invited if you invite him.

climbingsingle

If she's evil for behaving this way, why would you stoop to her level? Seriously, you won't even notice she's there. Trust me.

AddieCake

She is his wife, and you need to invite her. Beyond that, free not to have anything to do with her.  If you're looking for someone to give you the ok not to invite her, you won't find that here.

TrixieJess

Knottie40355151 said:

In the beginning she would throw parties and specifically asked that i not be invited, she  has asked her husband to call my fiancé and tell him the day of and to stop by alone. He has never attended alone, he just doesn't go. Now its at the point where she has bullied me so much that my fiancé told her months ago that he will not be attending any of her parties without me and will not be friends with someone who can treat the women he loves the way she has treated me. 

That's not evil, that's petty and high school.

I know someone like that who is friends with a bunch of my friends so I see her on a regular basis. Do you know what I do, take the higher ground because I know it makes her look bad?

Maybe you should take a look at your behaviour, you seem a mite judgemental about this person as well.

artbyallie

Why is your fiancé still friends with the guy whose wife treats you so badly? Why would her husband not insist that she stop? Why would he stay married to such a miserable (as you describe her) person? So many questions.

But yeah, if you intend to be the better person here, you have to invite them together. Or not at all, if your fiancé is ready to give up on the friendship. I mean, our friends don't have SOs who treat one or both of us like shit because neither of us would tolerate that.

hellohkb

Knottie40355151 said:

We are going crazy, we don't want her at our wedding! My fiancés best friend has the worst wife ever! From day one she has given me a hard time, tried to get him to cheat, texted him to meet them out when in fact she was trying to get him to the same place to introduce him to another girl. told us both lies to try to get us in a fight. Came to our new home when we moved in and talked in down..even though its gorgeous and better than hers., We got a dog..i wanted a yorkie..she insulted my fiancé for months because he wasn't a man for allowing that dog in the house. Talked trash to all of our mutual friends. the problem? iv done absolutely nothing to this lady, on THREE separate occasions in 3 years, i have gone out of my way ( I'm 26 she 30)sent her a message to meet up and discuss issues if any, she always claims nothing is wrong. iv even given her the option for us to just be fake and get along in front of the men and thats it, no need to talk or have any relationship. She wanted to be friends...randomly stops talking about me and bashing me on facebook for NO Reason. haven't talked in a year, see her at parties we avoid her, talk to her husband, who actually helped set me and my fiancé up The day after we got engaged i came home to a congrats card from her and the family. I thought long and hard and tried to get along so i sent her a text thanking her for her thoughtfulness to see if she would make small talk and things would be better. She responded with your welcome ring is beautiful and thats it. 4 days later we know we are going to watch the same band at a local bar so me and my fiancé agree that we will go in and when she comes over we will say hi be nice and see where things go. We walk in with another one of her friends and she looks over "OMG HELLO STRANGER" to our mutual friend and COMPLETELY IGNORES ME and turns her back!!!! AAHHH. i want her husband who we plan on having in the wedding party to come without her, or her not allowing him. I know she will come and ignore us and talk shit about everything and i don't want that stress. She can't really be expecting to get invited doing these things right? or does she just think she's entitles because she's his wife??? WHAT DO I DO! 

Maybe she does things to irritate you because you say things like the bolded. Because I would seriously dislike people who had this sort of attitude.

MairePoppy

There seems to be a lot of petty stuff going back and forth between you and her. That can't happen if one of you stops. I nominate you to be the one who stops the nonsense. If you snub them, by not invited her, you, not she, will look bad. 

TrixieJess

Oh look, a bat signal...after everyone quoted her...

drunkenwitch

Oh Lords of Light. Grow up and grow a thicker skin. Everyone has petty people like that in their lives. You either sink to their level or rise above it.

TrixieJess

ETF: duplicate post

Knottie40355151

Thank you all for your input, i did think i could delete it after the advice was given. Some of you are pretty harsh but thats fine. I came on here to vent as iv been stressed with the whole wedding planning and figured this would be a great place to meet people going through similar wedding issues. simple polite advice would have been just fine. Telling me to grow up and get over it and whatnot i have been pretty mature to ignore this person for a long time but when it comes to me and my fiancés special day i didn't think it was right that we have to stress about what she will start the day of our wedding. 

holyguacamole79

Knottie40355151 said:

Thank you all for your input, i did think i could delete it after the advice was given. Some of you are pretty harsh but thats fine. I came on here to vent as iv been stressed with the whole wedding planning and figured this would be a great place to meet people going through similar wedding issues. simple polite advice would have been just fine. Telling me to grow up and get over it and whatnot i have been pretty mature to ignore this person for a long time but when it comes to me and my fiancés special day i didn't think it was right that we have to stress about what she will start the day of our wedding.

As I said before, I can somewhat relate after my brother went nuts on me 6 weeks before our wedding. I can probably count on one hand the number of minutes I spoke to him at our wedding. Seriously, you need to let it go (I know I had to). There is no way you can invite him without her. There is a fair chance that she may not come. You really need to just let it go.

Knottie40355151

My fiancé has been friends with her husband even before he met her. Her husband has spoken to her about the way she treats his friends, I'm not the only one she is rude to. They have split up over the things she does to others and in public, he claims she just doesn't care. They have only been married for a year and have a child together which he says he would never want to part ways because she would make it difficult for him to see the baby. We stayed friends with him because he has made the effort to speak with her and she just doesn't care so i would never want to hold that against him for her actions. Like i said i have reached out 3 or 4 times to try to speak about any issue she has that I'm not aware of and to try to make peace and it never works. I'm the only one that has ever reached out after she does something stupid to try to figure out what went wrong and to solve it. We haven't spoken in almost a year so when i got the card from the family i once again reached out and thought she was finally realizing things and wanted to make mends, two days later she says hi to our mutual friend that i walk in with and turns her back and walks away, everyone saw it and people even made comments and asked what was going on between us again. she didn't say one single thing to me or my fiancé the whole night. Now I'm not asking her to be my best friend or anything but a little respect, a simple hi to me or my fiancé would have gone a long way. 

particuliersylphe

My FI's SIL treats me terribly, similarly sounding to your offender here, OP. She stresses me out to no end, she's a real drama llama and has this need to be the center of attention all the time. Is she the top person I want at my wedding? Not particularly, but you know what? We all have to do things we don't particularly want to do, it is part of being an adult. Not inviting the wife would probably cause way more drama than whatever you are afraid could happen if she is there. Just invite her, focus on your wedding when the day comes and move on.

holyguacamole79

Knottie40355151 said:

My fiancé has been friends with her husband even before he met her. Her husband has spoken to her about the way she treats his friends, I'm not the only one she is rude to. They have split up over the things she does to others and in public, he claims she just doesn't care. They have only been married for a year and have a child together which he says he would never want to part ways because she would make it difficult for him to see the baby. We stayed friends with him because he has made the effort to speak with her and she just doesn't care so i would never want to hold that against him for her actions. Like i said i have reached out 3 or 4 times to try to speak about any issue she has that I'm not aware of and to try to make peace and it never works. I'm the only one that has ever reached out after she does something stupid to try to figure out what went wrong and to solve it. We haven't spoken in almost a year so when i got the card from the family i once again reached out and thought she was finally realizing things and wanted to make mends, two days later she says hi to our mutual friend that i walk in with and turns her back and walks away, everyone saw it and people even made comments and asked what was going on between us again. she didn't say one single thing to me or my fiancé the whole night. Now I'm not asking her to be my best friend or anything but a little respect, a simple hi to me or my fiancé would have gone a long way. 

If you want respect, give respect. Inviting him and not her will make things way worse. Stop obsessing over it.

kimmiinthemitten

Knottie40355151 said:

My fiancé has been friends with her husband even before he met her. Her husband has spoken to her about the way she treats his friends, I'm not the only one she is rude to. They have split up over the things she does to others and in public, he claims she just doesn't care. They have only been married for a year and have a child together which he says he would never want to part ways because she would make it difficult for him to see the baby. We stayed friends with him because he has made the effort to speak with her and she just doesn't care so i would never want to hold that against him for her actions. Like i said i have reached out 3 or 4 times to try to speak about any issue she has that I'm not aware of and to try to make peace and it never works. I'm the only one that has ever reached out after she does something stupid to try to figure out what went wrong and to solve it. We haven't spoken in almost a year so when i got the card from the family i once again reached out and thought she was finally realizing things and wanted to make mends, two days later she says hi to our mutual friend that i walk in with and turns her back and walks away, everyone saw it and people even made comments and asked what was going on between us again. she didn't say one single thing to me or my fiancé the whole night. Now I'm not asking her to be my best friend or anything but a little respect, a simple hi to me or my fiancé would have gone a long way. 

This is exactly why you should take the higher road and invite her.  Her poor behavior is a reflection on her, not you, and all of your examples highlight this.  I've found, that with people who I consider to be energy leeches, the less I focus on them, the less I give them to infect.

CMGragain

Where are the puppies?

drunkenwitch

CMGragain said:

Where are the puppies?

I haven't figured out to gif with the new format. I will try to post a cute kitten pic instead. Here goes: