Wedding is in April... and I don't have any help. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

danindi

Just to get it out of the way: this is going to be a 45-person wedding in a restaurant's event space. So I'm not talking about tackling some insanely lavish ballroom ordeal. We are adhering to a 6.5K-ish budget-- and in NYC, which has been quite a feat.

But the thing is this: More than half the guest list is coming in from out of state. We aren't having a bridal party, but that's canceling out the traditional ~assigning~ of stuff. My BFF lives in Florida and just had a baby a few months ago so we've not really been apt to talk about a wedding... in fact most of my closest friends are out of town. Two friends, who are local, who I would trust to be able to tackle day-of situations I haven't dared to ask yet because... welp, one just got married last Sunday. And the other was her wedding's head honcho. Head Honcho asked me the other day if any "wedding-related events like a bachelorette" were happening before the actual wedding date so she could schedule a trip, and I had to admit I wasn't inclined to schedule my own bachelorette so I didn't think so. "Assign that stuff!" she said, "I'd offer to help but I'm wiped out after months working on the other wedding." ...Which is fair. And what I expected. But a bummer. And you know, I can't imagine the newlywed bride is going to be itching to throw herself into wedding planning again.

I want to ask my BFF and other friends in Florida if they might be game to help out but that feels like a lot, considering they're going to be traveling in. One thing I am certain of, is a wedding planner is out of our budget. 

I'm terribly anxious about this sort of thing and not the best planner, and I'm feeling kind of alone. My fiancé, awesome as he is, is not necessarily excited to dive in and help either. 

This is partly a vent and partly asking for advice: Should I ask my local wedding-weary friends? My out of town friends? Can I do this on my own? 

crys-crys

Everyone here will tell you not to ask your friends for help. It puts them in an awkward position. Even if you had a wedding party, the only thing they would need to do is show up the day of.

The question is however, what you are looking for help on? Looking back at my own wedding, I honestly can't think of anything we did/had (other than recommend vendors) that I needed anyone to do besides hubby and me. Our parents did help drive us to some stores because we don't drive.

Think on what you absolutely need done and honestly, divide it up between you and the future husband. This is his wedding too, excited about doing stuff or not. If neither of you can do it, then it's probably not important.

levioosa

danindi said:

Just to get it out of the way: this is going to be a 45-person wedding in a restaurant's event space. So I'm not talking about tackling some insanely lavish ballroom ordeal. We are adhering to a 6.5K-ish budget-- and in NYC, which has been quite a feat.

But the thing is this: More than half the guest list is coming in from out of state. We aren't having a bridal party, but that's canceling out the traditional ~assigning~ of stuff. My BFF lives in Florida and just had a baby a few months ago so we've not really been apt to talk about a wedding... in fact most of my closest friends are out of town. Two friends, who are local, who I would trust to be able to tackle day-of situations I haven't dared to ask yet because... welp, one just got married last Sunday. And the other was her wedding's head honcho. Head Honcho asked me the other day if any "wedding-related events like a bachelorette" were happening before the actual wedding date so she could schedule a trip, and I had to admit I wasn't inclined to schedule my own bachelorette so I didn't think so. "Assign that stuff!" she said, "I'd offer to help but I'm wiped out after months working on the other wedding." ...Which is fair. And what I expected. But a bummer. And you know, I can't imagine the newlywed bride is going to be itching to throw herself into wedding planning again.

I want to ask my BFF and other friends in Florida if they might be game to help out but that feels like a lot, considering they're going to be traveling in. One thing I am certain of, is a wedding planner is out of our budget. 

I'm terribly anxious about this sort of thing and not the best planner, and I'm feeling kind of alone. My fiancé, awesome as he is, is not necessarily excited to dive in and help either. 

This is partly a vent and partly asking for advice: Should I ask my local wedding-weary friends? My out of town friends? Can I do this on my own? 

No one is required to plan/pay for the wedding except you and your FI.  Don't ask your friends, and certainly don't "assign" them any tasks.

ETA: The only thing your WP is required to do is to show up on time, sober, in the correct attire, and in good spirits.  That's it.  

danindi

I guess I am panicking at the thought of getting the venue ready. We have an 11:30 ceremony and brunch reception, and will get access just 45 minutes prior. I am going to be getting ready, so now the question of who decorates is looming over me. I don't really care about giant floral centerpieces or anything, so I'm trying to figure out something relatively low-key (if only the florist would call me back...) but it would still take some arranging. I really don't know that I have some wacked out list of stuff I "need". I read horror stories where the bride has dictated half her guests to do stuff for them, and it's certainly not like that... I just think I'm overwhelmed and a little lonely in the planning. Everything I've done thus far has been alone, outside of visiting venues with the fiancé.  

Heffalump

danindi said:

I'm terribly anxious about this sort of thing and not the best planner, and I'm feeling kind of alone. My fiancé, awesome as he is, is not necessarily excited to dive in and help either. 

This is partly a vent and partly asking for advice: Should I ask my local wedding-weary friends? My out of town friends? Can I do this on my own? 

My answer is D) none of the above.  Do not ask your friends, whether local or out of town.  If they truly want to help, they will volunteer.  But it is not their responsibility in the slightest.  You are honoring them as your nearest and dearest, they are not unpaid wedding labor.

You know whose responsibility it is?  Yours and your FI's.  I don't care if he's "excited" to dive in and help or not.  Welcome to relationships.  DH and I don't take out the trash or rake the leaves because it's exciting; we do it because shit needs to get done.  You and your FI are a team, and your (plural) wedding is just one of many joint projects you'll have to take on. 

I agree with you, I think 45 people in a restaurant sounds really manageable.  Between the two of you, I'm sure you can get it done.  If not, you can always hire a planner or day of coordinator to help out.

LD1970

Relax. Breathe. You'll be ok, I promise. Enlist FI's help even if he's now excited... He's going to be your husband, and if you need help he should be there even when it's not the most fun thing in the world.

The good thing about a restaurant is that food, beverage, and cake are all in one place.

If you do go for floral centerpieces (and they don't have to be giant, ours weren't). The florist generally comes and decorates. Nothing else is really required day of. If you're having a DJ or band, same thing, they come and set up. If you're doing escort cards, the restaurant staff will likely set them out for you if you ask.

With stuff like a bachelorette, you're right not to throw it for yourself, that's tacky. If someone else chooses to plan one, that's awesome. If not, you'll still have a great wedding and end up married.

MNNEBride

I'm not sure what kind of venue set up you are planning, but if the venue or florist is unable to do what you need/want, you'll likely have to hire someone.  Even if you were having a wedding party, they would not be available 45 mins prior to get things ready.  

dalm0m

Try a site called www.taskrabbit.com.  For not much money you can probably pay somebody to or a few somebodies to help you.  

[Deleted User]

dalm0m said:

Try a site called www.taskrabbit.com.  For not much money you can probably pay somebody to or a few somebodies to help you.  

Or maybe you know a college or high school student who would put candles on tables for a small fee.  If this task is something you don't want to be doing while wearing a wedding dress and heels, why do you think your bridesmaid or best friend would want to do it while wearing a dress and heels?

Teddy917

You could probably ask the restaurant if they would set everything up. You might have to pay a fee.

danindi

Teddy917 said:

You could probably ask the restaurant if they would set everything up. You might have to pay a fee.

What! In with like, the most obvious suggestion. My assumption has been that they won't, based on reviews I've read; it sounds pretty DIY. But that being said... yeah, you're right, there's no reason not to ask. Maybe they could suggest someone. I really can't afford a day-of person; what I'm learning is that I kinda.... well, I kinda sorta hate the wedding industry. I did talk to a few vendors at a bridal expo or two early this year and ughhhhh. I was so uncomfortable. And then I found out their prices and was even MORE uncomfortable. It's been extremely hard to keep things at a low cost, but I've managed. 

Hilariously, in complete opposition to the general vibe of the responses here, I had a frank talk about this with my best friend in Florida and she was just like "No way: we're (the Florida contingent) going to help you." I pushed back, based on the replies I got here and she was just like, "But you need help. I can get dressed a half hour early." 

So: that made me feel a ton better, especially since I started questioning if I was somehow being unreasonable after starting this thread... That said, hopefully the restaurant can suggest something or help out that morning so I don't end up stressed out of my gourd.  ಠ_ಠ

LD1970

That's awesome that your friend offered and absolutely nothing wrong with accepting her offer. I hope the restaurant is more helpful than you think, though.

AddieCake

Since she offered, it's fine to accept. My bridesmaids and one aunt offered to set up the things that were not set up by the venue or florist at our venue, like our table numbers, escort card table, etc.  I definitely took them up on it. If they hadn't, I would have hired someone to do it.