Fun Ceremony Ideas

KnottieTaylor

My fiancé and I are looking for a short, sweet ceremony. We will be writing our own vows, but don't want the entire thing to be a bore or mushy.

I've seen wedding ceremonies that incorporate unity sand, a knotted rope, bury the bourbon, etc. Any suggestions on something we could do to include our guests or make it all a little more interesting?

Please be mindful that this is a casual non-religious ceremony.

Thank you!

spockforprez

I've never liked the sand ceremony personally (or any other "unity" type stuff), but I saw one the other day that I really loved - the couple used heirloomhourglass.com to do the sand ceremony in a way that would be far more beautiful and practical than the usual one. Basically it's what it sounds like - pouring the sand into an hourglass. They come in wood bases of varying colors and you can customize them a bit. I didn't poke around much (not something my FH was interested in) but I saw one that was $119 and one that was $248. That's not bad for something you will keep for decades!

Other than that, I've seen planting a tree, handfasting, ringwarming, etc.

We want to keep our secular ceremony meaningful but short, so we're just going with a couple readings, vows, rings, & a kiss!

princessleia22

Personally, I think the best way to do it is to make the ceremony short & sweet, then just move on to the party.  The reception will be more "fun" than anything you add into the ceremony.  My ceremony took 5-10 minutes... no readings, no symbolic ceremonies. Several of our guests commented that they loved how quick and meaningful it was.  I think you should include the extra stuff only if it actually means something to you.  If you are adding it, just to have something extra, then skip it, get married and move on to the celebration.

Jen4948

princessleia22 said:

Personally, I think the best way to do it is to make the ceremony short & sweet, then just move on to the party.  The reception will be more "fun" than anything you add into the ceremony.  My ceremony took 5-10 minutes... no readings, no symbolic ceremonies. Several of our guests commented that they loved how quick and meaningful it was.  I think you should include the extra stuff only if it actually means something to you.  If you are adding it, just to have something extra, then skip it, get married and move on to the celebration.

I agree with not only everything in this post, but want to add: overemphasis on "fun" during the ceremony could leave both your officiant and your guests wondering about your maturity and/or how seriously you take the act of getting married, even if your ceremony is casual and non-religious.

artbyallie

Your guests do not need to be 'included' in your ceremony. They are there as witnesses, not participants. A wedding ceremony 'includes' only the two people getting married. Don't put extra stuff in just for the sake of having more, either. Do what is meaningful to you and your future spouse and no more.

[Deleted User]

Even though we are a long way out, we have already started playing around with ceremony design - one thing I added is a section where our community vows to continue to support our relationship and continue our friendships and relationships after this momentous occasion, and we vow to continue to support and love them as well.  It's important to me to have our community mentioned and involved in some way, and this was a short and sweet method to doing so.

ShesSoCold

CrystallineRose said:

Even though we are a long way out, we have already started playing around with ceremony design - one thing I added is a section where our community vows to continue to support our relationship and continue our friendships and relationships after this momentous occasion, and we vow to continue to support and love them as well.  It's important to me to have our community mentioned and involved in some way, and this was a short and sweet method to doing so.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaait a minute. Am I reading this correctly? You will be asking your guests to recite vows to you? This is ridiculous! Not only that. but what about the people who don't necessarily support your relationship or someone like your cousin's girlfriend who you've never met before?

glasgowtolondon

We're still deciding what our ceremony will consist of, but honestly I think the only 'frills' will be a couple of readings. Unless you really believe in or have a special connection to hand fasting etc. then it seems a bit gimmicky to me. If its a casual ceremony then I'd vote that your own vows make it special enough - move on to the part of the day that everyone enjoys best!

I don't think its really fair to ask your guests to say vows to you. They didn't come to your wedding to make a commitment, you and your FI did. Not a big deal but maybe just one to think about.

JediElizabeth

CrystallineRose said:

Even though we are a long way out, we have already started playing around with ceremony design - one thing I added is a section where our community vows to continue to support our relationship and continue our friendships and relationships after this momentous occasion, and we vow to continue to support and love them as well.  It's important to me to have our community mentioned and involved in some way, and this was a short and sweet method to doing so.

I like where this idea is coming from, honestly, but I don't think asking for a vow is the right way to go about it. Not only is it an uncomfortable obligation to put on anyone, but it's not something that will be taken seriously, cheapening the solemnity of your wedding vows. Personally, I'd probably resent being asked to do something like that as a guest, particularly if it was a surprise.

Instead, maybe  have your officiant mention that you two have invited them to witness this because of their importance, and  ask your community to support your relationship. It will mean much more, and it won't put any undue pressure on anyone. 

ShesSoCold

JediElizabeth said:

CrystallineRose said:

Even though we are a long way out, we have already started playing around with ceremony design - one thing I added is a section where our community vows to continue to support our relationship and continue our friendships and relationships after this momentous occasion, and we vow to continue to support and love them as well.  It's important to me to have our community mentioned and involved in some way, and this was a short and sweet method to doing so.

I like where this idea is coming from, honestly, but I don't think asking for a vow is the right way to go about it. Not only is it an uncomfortable obligation to put on anyone, but it's not something that will be taken seriously, cheapening the solemnity of your wedding vows. Personally, I'd probably resent being asked to do something like that as a guest, particularly if it was a surprise.

Instead, maybe  have your officiant mention that you two have invited them to witness this because of their importance, and  ask your community to support your relationship. It will mean much more, and it won't put any undue pressure on anyone. 

Oh! I've been to weddings where the officiant asks the guests to take a minute and offer a silent prayer or something like that to the couple. I think that's a sweet idea.

holyguacamole79

ShesSoCold said:

JediElizabeth said:

CrystallineRose said:

Even though we are a long way out, we have already started playing around with ceremony design - one thing I added is a section where our community vows to continue to support our relationship and continue our friendships and relationships after this momentous occasion, and we vow to continue to support and love them as well.  It's important to me to have our community mentioned and involved in some way, and this was a short and sweet method to doing so.

I like where this idea is coming from, honestly, but I don't think asking for a vow is the right way to go about it. Not only is it an uncomfortable obligation to put on anyone, but it's not something that will be taken seriously, cheapening the solemnity of your wedding vows. Personally, I'd probably resent being asked to do something like that as a guest, particularly if it was a surprise.

Instead, maybe  have your officiant mention that you two have invited them to witness this because of their importance, and  ask your community to support your relationship. It will mean much more, and it won't put any undue pressure on anyone. 

Oh! I've been to weddings where the officiant asks the guests to take a minute and offer a silent prayer or something like that to the couple. I think that's a sweet idea.

I've been to some weddings where the officiant says something like "As the family & friends of bride & groom, will support and encourage them in their marriage?"  I'm never bothered by that.  

I've never heard them called "vows", though. 

geebee908

JediElizabeth said:

CrystallineRose said:

Even though we are a long way out, we have already started playing around with ceremony design - one thing I added is a section where our community vows to continue to support our relationship and continue our friendships and relationships after this momentous occasion, and we vow to continue to support and love them as well.  It's important to me to have our community mentioned and involved in some way, and this was a short and sweet method to doing so.

I like where this idea is coming from, honestly, but I don't think asking for a vow is the right way to go about it. Not only is it an uncomfortable obligation to put on anyone, but it's not something that will be taken seriously, cheapening the solemnity of your wedding vows. Personally, I'd probably resent being asked to do something like that as a guest, particularly if it was a surprise.

Instead, maybe  have your officiant mention that you two have invited them to witness this because of their importance, and  ask your community to support your relationship. It will mean much more, and it won't put any undue pressure on anyone. 

I would be uncomfortable making a vow (which is a very serious thing) to a couple at a wedding. How long am I held to this vow? Is it till death do us part? Not a realistic thing to ask of anyone as your relationships will change over the years.

It becomes unconscionable to ask it of someone who doesn't know you, which may well be the case for some of your guests who are the SOs or dates of friends and family or guests invited on your parents' lists.

I agree with @JediElizabeth to make it a request and not a vow.

KnottieTaylor

I definitely don't want vows from our guests. It's a sweet thought though.

I was just looking for ideas similar to the traditions of having an hourglass, unity sand, bury the bourbon, etc.

Please refrain from insulting another user's plans on my thread. It is as unnecessary as questioning my maturity toward our ceremony because I've suggested a desire for fun and different.

Thanks!

climbingsingle

I attended a wedding once where during the ceremony, the priest asked all of the guests to "promise" to support the couple in their marriage, offer guidance, help uphold their vows and some other stuff that I don't remember. I personally felt that it was really odd, and it made me uncomfortable. 

climbingsingle

Knottie1448952431 said:

I definitely don't want vows from our guests. It's a sweet thought though. I was just looking for ideas similar to the traditions of having an hourglass, unity sand, bury the bourbon, etc. Please refrain from insulting another user's plans on my thread. It is as unnecessary as questioning my maturity toward our ceremony because I've suggested a desire for fun and different. Thanks!

STUCK IN BOX 

Sorry, but you don't get to tell others how to post. That's not how this works. 

KnottieTaylor

As previously stated, this ritual was never a thought for us.

glasgowtolondon

Knottie1448952431 said:

As previously stated, this ritual was never a thought for us.

Yes, but it became part of the discussion. Once you post for others to comment you can't control how others respond.

holyguacamole79

OP, if you want to do one of those things, go for it.  Do it because it means something to you & your FI.  Don't do it with the intent of making your ceremony more fun or interesting.  

Also, it isn't appreciated here when you tell others how to post.  Unless someone is blatantly violating the Terms Of Service, just ignore it if you don't agree.

geebee908

Knottie1448952431 said:

I definitely don't want vows from our guests. It's a sweet thought though.

I was just looking for ideas similar to the traditions of having an hourglass, unity sand, bury the bourbon, etc.

Please refrain from insulting another user's plans on my thread. It is as unnecessary as questioning my maturity toward our ceremony because I've suggested a desire for fun and different.

Thanks!

Where was the insult? Pointing out that guests could be made uncomfortable by asking them to make a vow to you is merely giving the poster another perspective that she will hopefully take into consideration. She put the information out there, we are free to comment on it.

[Deleted User]

JediElizabeth said:

CrystallineRose said:

Even though we are a long way out, we have already started playing around with ceremony design - one thing I added is a section where our community vows to continue to support our relationship and continue our friendships and relationships after this momentous occasion, and we vow to continue to support and love them as well.  It's important to me to have our community mentioned and involved in some way, and this was a short and sweet method to doing so.

I like where this idea is coming from, honestly, but I don't think asking for a vow is the right way to go about it. Not only is it an uncomfortable obligation to put on anyone, but it's not something that will be taken seriously, cheapening the solemnity of your wedding vows. Personally, I'd probably resent being asked to do something like that as a guest, particularly if it was a surprise.

Instead, maybe  have your officiant mention that you two have invited them to witness this because of their importance, and  ask your community to support your relationship. It will mean much more, and it won't put any undue pressure on anyone. 

I actually just realized after reading all the responses that vow was the wrong word for what I added, and way too strong of one to boot.  Gah, that's my bad.

What you suggested as the alternative is actually what it is - they'd be under no obligation to do so, whether they be someone's Plus One that doesn't know us or even one of our best friends.  It'd just be a moment that they can reaffirm their relationship with us as part of the wedding (whether that is to both of us or one of us, in their minds) and for us to do the same for them (that we won't let our marriage change our relationships outside of it unnecessarily, and that we will continue to love and support them as best we can).  It's a lot more lighthearted than my original comment makes it seem, I promise!

Also, OP: Thank you, but you really shouldn't tell others how to post.  You're heart was in the right place, but we can hopefully be adults and either discuss our disagreements civilly or at least agree to disagree if we can't come to an agreement.

lembaslover

OP my suggestion is to stop looking for a creative unique idea and just do what feels right to you both. None of your guests are going to care if you add a 2 minute unity ceremony and none of them will care if you skip it. That part is about the two of you. 

We knew right away that sand or candles wasn't us. My SIL did a cool wine bottle ceremony but again that wasn't really us. A big part of our relationship was that we both love animals and nature so I suggested to my husband (then fiance) that we plant a tree. I feel like trees are great symbols and it really connects to our love of nature. From there I did some research and saw that a sapling ceremony isn't as unique as I thought but really we just took a little bit from what we read online and wrote our own quick unity ceremony with the tree. 

We didn't do a bunch of searching for the idea it just came to us. If there isn't something like that which jumps out at you it's fine to skip it completely. Maybe your thing will be totally unique but chances are it's been done before and it needs to be important to you not something to entertain your guests.

SK40509

We did a "Wine Box Ceremony". You write letters to each other, and seal them in a box with a bottle of wine during the ceremony. You open the box when you have your first big fight. You drink the wine and read the letters, which will hopefully help you relax and remember why you love this person. If you never need to open the box due to a fight, then you open it on your 5th anniversary, read the letters, enjoy the wine, and then replenish the box. We bought this box, but you could easily make your own as well.

https://weddingshop.theknot.com/product/love-letter-ceremony-box-set

We had a very casual, simple ceremony on the beach with just vows and it was nice to add another element to the ceremony. The ceremony was still short and we got a lot of compliments from our guests on how nice the "wine box" element of the ceremony was.

[Deleted User]

Knottie39534340 said:

We did a "Wine Box Ceremony". You write letters to each other, and seal them in a box with a bottle of wine during the ceremony. You open the box when you have your first big fight. You drink the wine and read the letters, which will hopefully help you relax and remember why you love this person. If you never need to open the box due to a fight, then you open it on your 5th anniversary, read the letters, enjoy the wine, and then replenish the box. We bought this box, but you could easily make your own as well.

https://weddingshop.theknot.com/product/love-letter-ceremony-box-set

We had a very casual, simple ceremony on the beach with just vows and it was nice to add another element to the ceremony. The ceremony was still short and we got a lot of compliments from our guests on how nice the "wine box" element of the ceremony was.

Not OP, but I'm curious - I've been looking into the wine box ceremony, but haven't been entirely clear on - when you open it, do you put the original letters back in and replenish the wine, or do you replenish the wine and put two new letters in it?  I suppose it could differ depending on the couple and how their relationship works, but wondering what the original idea behind how to use it after initially opening it is.

SK40509

I believe you are supposed to write new letters, but you could do it either way.

SK40509

CrystallineRose said:

Knottie39534340 said:

We did a "Wine Box Ceremony". You write letters to each other, and seal them in a box with a bottle of wine during the ceremony. You open the box when you have your first big fight. You drink the wine and read the letters, which will hopefully help you relax and remember why you love this person. If you never need to open the box due to a fight, then you open it on your 5th anniversary, read the letters, enjoy the wine, and then replenish the box. We bought this box, but you could easily make your own as well.

https://weddingshop.theknot.com/product/love-letter-ceremony-box-set

We had a very casual, simple ceremony on the beach with just vows and it was nice to add another element to the ceremony. The ceremony was still short and we got a lot of compliments from our guests on how nice the "wine box" element of the ceremony was.

Not OP, but I'm curious - I've been looking into the wine box ceremony, but haven't been entirely clear on - when you open it, do you put the original letters back in and replenish the wine, or do you replenish the wine and put two new letters in it?  I suppose it could differ depending on the couple and how their relationship works, but wondering what the original idea behind how to use it after initially opening it is.

I believe you are supposed to write new letters, but you could do it either way.

[Deleted User]

You can have the officiant to ask the guests "If you support this joining of this couple in marriage, please say I do" then the guests would all say "I do" Easy but yet still quick way to involve your guests in the ceremony. I would think that would be a safe thing to ask as I would hope that all of your guests who come are there because they support you in your decision to get married. But this still doesn't take away from the "who gives this women to this man to be married" if you plan to incorporate that.

KnottieTaylor

@SK40509 We do love the wine box ceremony traditions we've been seeing. Thanks for posting a link to your box.

SP29

Pick something because it is meaningful to you and your FI, not because you're trying to make the ceremony "fun". The ceremony will be beautiful because of what it is- your marriage. 

We were able to make our ceremony more "us" because our officiant was very fluid. He gave us the outline of how he officiates, and gave us a booklet of phrases/vows/etc as ideas, but was very open that we could choose any wording we like. 

We didn't write our own vows, but we were able to find a bunch on line and chose the ones we liked best and fit us best. We also included some readings, one which the officiant did, and one which SIL did (she chose that one herself), which made it personal. Beyond readings, and our officiant giving a "motivational moment" (as he called it), we didn't do any other ceremonies or activities. 

If you do pick some sort of a unity tradition, I'd stick to one. Friends of ours lit candles. Other friends had a rose ceremony, with the idea being in the future, if there is ever a time where you are fighting/in disagreement/something tough is going on, one party leaves a rose or bouquet in a vase in the previously mentioned special spot, without word, so when the other person sees it, knows "I love you and we'll get through this". 

I have also seen where the officiant asks the bride and groom to turn around and make eye contact with each guest in attendance, as a realization that these are the people who are here to support you in your marriage. No vows or active participation needed. I think it's a sweet idea, a moment to realize "these are the people who love us, and we love them". 

lnixon8

A lot of the things meant to keep the ceremony or reception from being boring or mushy are just things people roll their eyes at- slideshows, extra long speeches, flower/garter toss/, shoe game, dollar dance, sitting on hay bales, wedding aprty entrances, choreographed dances etc.
Some of these fine (i threw my bouquet), just own your choice but don't add length to a ceremony to entertain your guests.

Jen4948

SP29 said:

Pick something because it is meaningful to you and your FI, not because you're trying to make the ceremony "fun". The ceremony will be beautiful because of what it is- your marriage. 

We were able to make our ceremony more "us" because our officiant was very fluid. He gave us the outline of how he officiates, and gave us a booklet of phrases/vows/etc as ideas, but was very open that we could choose any wording we like. 

We didn't write our own vows, but we were able to find a bunch on line and chose the ones we liked best and fit us best. We also included some readings, one which the officiant did, and one which SIL did (she chose that one herself), which made it personal. Beyond readings, and our officiant giving a "motivational moment" (as he called it), we didn't do any other ceremonies or activities. 

If you do pick some sort of a unity tradition, I'd stick to one. Friends of ours lit candles. Other friends had a rose ceremony, with the idea being in the future, if there is ever a time where you are fighting/in disagreement/something tough is going on, one party leaves a rose or bouquet in a vase in the previously mentioned special spot, without word, so when the other person sees it, knows "I love you and we'll get through this". 

I have also seen where the officiant asks the bride and groom to turn around and make eye contact with each guest in attendance, as a realization that these are the people who are here to support you in your marriage. No vows or active participation needed. I think it's a sweet idea, a moment to realize "these are the people who love us, and we love them". 

The bolded would make me uncomfortable if I were a guest-just as personal notice from an actor in a play would.

Not that I'm equating a wedding ceremony with a play, but if I'm attending as a guest, then I prefer not to be expected to make scripted eye contact or otherwise interact with the principals during the ceremony. Being expected to do so would make me feel the same as if I was being told TMI or subjected to really heavy PDA by the couple.

They're marrying each other and I'm there to witness it, but as far as I'm concerned, if they don't already feel that I and everyone else present support them just by being there, then I don't think they're ready to marry each other. And I'm not getting married myself to either of them.

holyguacamole79

SP29 said:

I have also seen where the officiant asks the bride and groom to turn around and make eye contact with each guest in attendance, as a realization that these are the people who are here to support you in your marriage. No vows or active participation needed. I think it's a sweet idea, a moment to realize "these are the people who love us, and we love them".