Prewedding Party-wording invite and other concerns!

Knottie1441652466

Hi! My fiance and I are getting married in Costa Rica in August and his parents want to throw a "celebration" of our upcoming marriage in their hometown in July (upstate New York). While I have reservations about having a party before the marriage takes place, his family insists it will help take the obligation off of many families to travel to Costa Rica. Most of the families that would attend in July live in or near the hometown. We live in NYC, 6 hours away from the hometown.

Our initial concept is a paperless "save the date" and then a slightly more formal mailed card a couple months before July to ask for RSVPs. How do I word this invitation? "Please join us as we celebrate the upcoming marriage of X and Y? Hosted by X's parents"?

I've suggested having a JOP ceremony prior to the July event so we are in fact married, but am worried that will take away from the people traveling in August.

Sorry this sounds so complicated! Thanks for any tips/suggestions.

geebee908

Knottie1441652466 said:

Hi! My fiance and I are getting married in Costa Rica in August and his parents want to throw a "celebration" of our upcoming marriage in their hometown in July (upstate New York). While I have reservations about having a party before the marriage takes place, his family insists it will help take the obligation off of many families to travel to Costa Rica. Most of the families that would attend in July live in or near the hometown. We live in NYC, 6 hours away from the hometown.

Our initial concept is a paperless "save the date" and then a slightly more formal mailed card a couple months before July to ask for RSVPs. How do I word this invitation? "Please join us as we celebrate the upcoming marriage of X and Y? Hosted by X's parents"?

I've suggested having a JOP ceremony prior to the July event so we are in fact married, but am worried that will take away from the people traveling in August.

Sorry this sounds so complicated! Thanks for any tips/suggestions.

Don't do the JOP wedding and then a reenactment in Costa Rica; it's not a great idea to have people spend all that money to not see you actually get married. Also, the people invited to the marriage celebration party would still not get to see the actual wedding either.

Please have your FI try to convince his parents to hold off on the party until after your August wedding. If people want to make the effort to come to your wedding they will.

Knottie1441652466

Thank you for taking the time to respond! I appreciate it. That is my gut instinct as well, but I am dealing with some stubbornness, as well as academics with the summer off . Happy new year!

holyguacamole79

Why can't the party be an engagement party? As long as all the guests are invited to the wedding in Costa Rica, I think that works.

Knottie1441652466

We don't want to burden the vast majority of the guests with coming to Costa Rica, and due to long standing relationships they will feel obligated to come to Costa Rica even if it's a financial burden. A couple families will still make the trip but we are trying to have a celebration for the 60+ people that will feel contented celebrating locally. So far I've only been able to come up with "FI Parent's  invite you to celebrate  the upcoming union of their son  FI and his bride-to-be Knottie"

Thank you for your input, love the Adele GIF!

holyguacamole79

Knottie1441652466 said:

We don't want to burden the vast majority of the guests with coming to Costa Rica, and due to long standing relationships they will feel obligated to come to Costa Rica even if it's a financial burden. A couple families will still make the trip but we are trying to have a celebration for the 60+ people that will feel contented celebrating locally. So far I've only been able to come up with "FI Parent's 
invite you to celebrate 
the upcoming union of their son  FI and his bride-to-be Knottie"

Thank you for your input, love the Adele GIF!

Thanks!

The rule of thumb regarding pre-wedding parties is that all invitees need to be on the wedding guest list. This is going to be hard for your ILs to do properly.

The decision to attend your wedding in Costa Rica needs to be that of your guests. They are adults. If you want them to join you and your budget allows for it, then invite them. It's their call from there.

geebee908

Knottie1441652466 said:

We don't want to burden the vast majority of the guests with coming to Costa Rica, and due to long standing relationships they will feel obligated to come to Costa Rica even if it's a financial burden. A couple families will still make the trip but we are trying to have a celebration for the 60+ people that will feel contented celebrating locally. So far I've only been able to come up with "FI Parent's  invite you to celebrate  the upcoming union of their son  FI and his bride-to-be Knottie"

Thank you for your input, love the Adele GIF!

If you don't want to burden your guests with a destination wedding, then why are you having a destination wedding? Wouldn't it make more sense to get married locally if you're concerned that the expenses of the trip will be a burden to the vast majority of your guests?

CMGragain

1.  There is no such thing as a pre-wedding party to celebrate a wedding that has not yet taken place.  You may have a celebration party AFTER your wedding.  Tell your FILS to plan a celebration party for when you return from your honeymoon.  There is no proper way to word an invitation for something that is as improper as a pre-wedding celebration.  Your wedding day is the day when your legally become a married couple.  This is your wedding, whether it is in a courthouse or a cathedral.

2.  Fake wedding reenactments are horrible and pointless.  If you want to get married in Costa Rica, then obey their legal requirements and get married there.

3.  Wedding invitations are not court summons.  Let your guests decide whether or not to attend your wedding.

Here are your polite options:

A.  Get married privately, or with immediate family only, and honeymoon in Costa Rica.  Have a celebration party when you return.

B.  Have a wedding in your hometown and invite everybody.  Honeymoon in Costa Rica.

C.  Have your destination wedding in Costa Rica.  Their legal requirements are easy.  Invite the people that you want to invite, and let them decide if they will come, or not.  Be prepared for a high decline rate, though.  You may have a party to celebrate when you return to the states.

CMGragain

I had a relative who got married and flew to Hawaii.  When they returned they filed for an annulment and separated!  Imagine how their guests would have felt if they had a pre-wedding party?  (This was their 3rd time around.)

Heffalump

There is no obligation for guests to travel to Costa Rica.  Invitations can be accepted or declined, as the guests choose. 

Jen4948

It's not up to you to decide for anyone else whether or not traveling to Costa Rica constitutes a "burden." It's up to them to determine that for themselves. If you really want to get married in Costa Rica, then you need to accept that it may well not be workable for some of your intended guests.

Knottie1441652466

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply! I completely agree with you, although selling it to my other half and his family may be more difficult! There really is no way to make everyone happy...

Happy New Year, everyone! I hope 2016 brings you all the things that you really wanted off your registries .