Bridesmaids financial responsibilities

kimmiinthemitten

woodtdm said:

Thanks to everyone! I have officially stepped down as of this morning. She decided to send an long winded email on how she doesn't feel like she is getting the support she needs and has to constantly follow up with everyone one everything that she is asking. I wasn't even nice about it. I feel kind of bad but also extremely relieved. Unfortunately she is a cousin and I am awaiting the backlash.

Count the money you're saving while you're waiting.  Good for you!  She doesn't need support, she needs a pair of big girl panties.

frenchiekin

woodtdm said:

Thanks to everyone! I have officially stepped down as of this morning. She decided to send an long winded email on how she doesn't feel like she is getting the support she needs and has to constantly follow up with everyone one everything that she is asking. I wasn't even nice about it. I feel kind of bad but also extremely relieved. Unfortunately she is a cousin and I am awaiting the backlash.

Good for you!  You dodged a MAJOR bullet, even if you get some family backlash for it.  No rational person is going to disagree that she is being completely unreasonable and insanely selfish.

Though I totally want more details from these emails because I love a good 'zilla.

LondonLisa

Wait, so whose reception did you pay for and decorate, then? Isn't this wedding in May?

kimmiinthemitten

LondonLisa said:

Wait, so whose reception did you pay for and decorate, then? Isn't this wedding in May?

I believe the Stag and Doe hall.

Maggie0829

woodtdm said:

Thanks to everyone! I have officially stepped down as of this morning. She decided to send an long winded email on how she doesn't feel like she is getting the money support she needs and has to constantly follow up with everyone one everything that she is asking. I wasn't even nice about it. I feel kind of bad but also extremely relieved. Unfortunately she is a cousin and I am awaiting the backlash.

FTFY.

But glad to hear you stepped down from this shit show.

banana468

Good for you!

Just remind the family members that where YOU come from, being family is never an excuse to extort and treat others poorly.   

peachy13

Good job OP! You dodged a bullet, it would only get worse from here when it came time for her shower, bachelorette, and then the actually wedding day. I can't get over the fact that she thinks one of her bridesmaids should host the rehearsal dinner. 

How long until this bride is on the wedding party board complaining that her bridesmaids are not fulfilling their responsibilities?

glasgowtolondon

I love that you have had the balls to do this. Fuck her and her tacky stag and doe!

Eta: I echo the cry to give us more details on this email - it sounds like exactly the kind of crazy I need in my life today @woodtdm !

woodtdm

She already had the Stag and Doe for which I am out $100. The dress was $150, I would need to buy silver shoes which would be another $40+, a strapless bra which was $60 on sale, the brooch bouquet which has an estimate cost of $50, and hair and makeup for $50. this doesn't include the bachelorette outing, the hall rentals for the bridal showers or any other miscellaneous items like a bride survival kit that was just requested. So glad I'M OUT!

Jen4948

Are you still attending the wedding? We're all glad you dodged a bullet by stepping down from the wedding party, but we're all also suckers for wedding trainwreck stories.

woodtdm

For your reading pleasure ladies! My response is below. My fiancée said I was a little harsh, but he said it with a smile.

Dear wedding party

Its started to get crunch time. Im having issues that I need to bring up. I feel like no one is checking in asking me there is any jobs that need to be done. Ive been busting my ass off making sure everyone is getting great deals on things. While trying to help you guys saved money. Im very stressed out bride I need help desprately. This week I posted a few things that didnt deal with the boquets and I got zero response back. But everyone seems to write on the pictures. but not really answering the questions.

Questions were as followed....
Who would like to make the survival kit for the wedding?
Who can Host at their place 30 ppl kids and 4 children?
Who would like to come with me to go shopping for my photoshoot?
karen was the only one who said anything.

I understand that ppl are busy. But I need small piece of that time too.


Thank you for listen I love you ladies alot and thank you for all the work you did at the stag. I appercate any help I can get. It has not been forgotten just simply going nuts from this wedding planning.


Bride going nuts.

My response

I don't feel that am giving you the support that you truly need and after a lot of thought I don't think it is fair and will have to step away from the responsibility of being your bridesmaid. I feel that you are asking so much of all your bridesmaids that goes way above and beyond the typical responsibilities associated with this position that is supposed to be fun and a bonding experience and have made it into a chore and financial burden. You shouldn't have to ask your bridesmaids to do anything and hound them on a daily basis to provide feedback. I am truly sorry, but have nothing but the best wishes for you and Pat in the future.

Maggie0829

woodtdm said:

For your reading pleasure ladies! My response is below. My fiancée said I was a little harsh, but he said it with a smile.

Dear wedding party

Its started to get crunch time. Im having issues that I need to bring up. I feel like no one is checking in asking me there is any jobs that need to be done. Ive been busting my ass off making sure everyone is getting great deals on things. While trying to help you guys saved money. Im very stressed out bride I need help desprately. This week I posted a few things that didnt deal with the boquets and I got zero response back. But everyone seems to write on the pictures. but not really answering the questions.

Questions were as followed....
Who would like to make the survival kit for the wedding?
Who can Host at their place 30 ppl kids and 4 children?
Who would like to come with me to go shopping for my photoshoot?
karen was the only one who said anything.

I understand that ppl are busy. But I need small piece of that time too.


Thank you for listen I love you ladies alot and thank you for all the work you did at the stag. I appercate any help I can get. It has not been forgotten just simply going nuts from this wedding planning.


Bride going nuts.

This bride needs to take the hint that silence or not answering her questions is your and the others nice way of telling her no/she is crazy.

thisismynickname2

 I like your response OP! Good on you for standing up for yourself!

I wonder where her Fiance is in all of this. Bridal survival kit, LOL!  Where in the world did she get all these shitty ideas??

banana468

Good for you.

I think she's out of her mind.  I would have laughed at her if she thought I was buying my own brooch bouquet and I certainly wouldn't step up to agree to the other things either.

If she's family, are there other family members that are of an older generation who think that she's out of her mind?   In my family, if this was a maternal cousin, a mutual aunt would have no problem saying, 'Honey, you need to dial it back or your cousins are going to be excited for your wedding because it will be over and not because it's going to be a fun time." 

glasgowtolondon

I love that you have had the balls to do this. Fuck her and her tacky stag and doe!

thisismynickname said:

 I like your response OP! Good on you for standing up for yourself!

I wonder where her Fiance is in all of this. Bridal survival kit, LOL!  Where in the world did she get all these shitty ideas??

Pinterest. Where else?!

glasgowtolondon

woodtdm said:

For your reading pleasure ladies! My response is below. My fiancée said I was a little harsh, but he said it with a smile.Dear wedding party



Its started to get crunch time. Im having issues that I need to bring up. I
feel like no one is checking in asking me there is any jobs that need to be
done. Ive been busting my ass off making sure everyone is getting great deals
on things. While trying to help you guys saved money. Im very stressed out
bride I need help desprately. This week I posted a few things that didnt deal
with the boquets and I got zero response back. But everyone seems to write on
the pictures. but not really answering the questions.



Questions were as followed....

Who would like to make the survival kit for the wedding?

Who can Host at their place 30 ppl kids and 4 children?

Who would like to come with me to go shopping for my photoshoot?

karen was the only one who said anything .



I understand that ppl are busy. But I need small piece of that time too.





Thank you for listen I love you ladies alot and thank you for all the work you
did at the stag. I appercate any help I can get. It has not been forgotten just
simply going nuts from this wedding planning.





Bride going nuts.My response

I don't feel that am giving you the support that you truly need and after a
lot of thought I don't think it is fair and will have to step away from the responsibility
of being your bridesmaid. I feel that you are asking so much of all your
bridesmaids that goes way above and beyond the typical responsibilities
associated with this position that is supposed to be fun and a bonding
experience and have made it into a chore and financial burden. You shouldn't
have to ask your bridesmaids to do anything and hound them on a daily basis to
provide feedback.

I am truly sorry, but have nothing but the best wishes for you and Pat in
the future.







Sounds like karen needs a loan of your backbone!

kimmiinthemitten

thisismynickname said:

 I like your response OP! Good on you for standing up for yourself!

I wonder where her Fiance is in all of this. Bridal survival kit, LOL!  Where in the world did she get all these shitty ideas??

For my sisters wedding I packed a bag with a Tide pen, safety pins, static guard, deodorant, needle and thread, bandaids hairspray etc.  But that was because she lives out of state so I figured she wouldn't pack any of these items because who does?  We ended up needing the band aids, tide pen and a safety pin; but I can't even imagine dictating someone packing those things for you.

thisismynickname2

kimmiinthemitten said:

thisismynickname said:

 I like your response OP! Good on you for standing up for yourself!

I wonder where her Fiance is in all of this. Bridal survival kit, LOL!  Where in the world did she get all these shitty ideas??

For my sisters wedding I packed a bag with a Tide pen, safety pins, static guard, deodorant, needle and thread, bandaids hairspray etc.  But that was because she lives out of state so I figured she wouldn't pack any of these items because who does?  We ended up needing the band aids, tide pen and a safety pin; but I can't even imagine dictating someone packing those things for you.

Right! I would certainly have in my mind that I wanted to pack band-aids and stuff for the day-of, but it would never be to the point of "Oh my gawd, bridesmaids, someone needs to step up and create my survival kit!"

Sounds like she needs a therapist, not a survival kit. Doesn't sound like this woman has any coping skills! 

kimmiinthemitten

thisismynickname said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

thisismynickname said:

 I like your response OP! Good on you for standing up for yourself!

I wonder where her Fiance is in all of this. Bridal survival kit, LOL!  Where in the world did she get all these shitty ideas??

For my sisters wedding I packed a bag with a Tide pen, safety pins, static guard, deodorant, needle and thread, bandaids hairspray etc.  But that was because she lives out of state so I figured she wouldn't pack any of these items because who does?  We ended up needing the band aids, tide pen and a safety pin; but I can't even imagine dictating someone packing those things for you.

Right! I would certainly have in my mind that I wanted to pack band-aids and stuff for the day-of, but it would never be to the point of "Oh my gawd, bridesmaids, someone needs to step up and create my survival kit!"

Sounds like she needs a therapist, not a survival kit. Doesn't sound like this woman has any coping skills! 

Right, and by survival kit, it's more like "don't let me forget the make up bag full of schtuff that I keep in my overnight bag."

sparklepants41

woodtdm said:

She already had the Stag and Doe for which I am out $100. The dress was $150, I would need to buy silver shoes which would be another $40+, a strapless bra which was $60 on sale, the brooch bouquet which has an estimate cost of $50, and hair and makeup for $50. this doesn't include the bachelorette outing, the hall rentals for the bridal showers or any other miscellaneous items like a bride survival kit that was just requested. So glad I'M OUT!

WAIT. On top of everything else, did she actually mandate what bra you should wear?????

woodtdm said:

For your reading pleasure ladies! My response is below. My fiancée said I was a little harsh, but he said it with a smile.

Dear wedding party

Its started to get crunch time. Im having issues that I need to bring up. I feel like no one is checking in asking me there is any jobs that need to be done. Ive been busting my ass off making sure everyone is getting great deals on things. While trying to help you guys saved money. Im very stressed out bride I need help desprately. This week I posted a few things that didnt deal with the boquets and I got zero response back. But everyone seems to write on the pictures. but not really answering the questions.

Questions were as followed....
Who would like to make the survival kit for the wedding?
Who can Host at their place 30 ppl kids and 4 children?
Who would like to come with me to go shopping for my photoshoot?
karen was the only one who said anything.

I understand that ppl are busy. But I need small piece of that time too.


Thank you for listen I love you ladies alot and thank you for all the work you did at the stag. I appercate any help I can get. It has not been forgotten just simply going nuts from this wedding planning.


Bride going nuts.

My response

I don't feel that am giving you the support that you truly need and after a lot of thought I don't think it is fair and will have to step away from the responsibility of being your bridesmaid. I feel that you are asking so much of all your bridesmaids that goes way above and beyond the typical responsibilities associated with this position that is supposed to be fun and a bonding experience and have made it into a chore and financial burden. You shouldn't have to ask your bridesmaids to do anything and hound them on a daily basis to provide feedback.

I am truly sorry, but have nothing but the best wishes for you and Pat in the future.

Also, I am crying laughing at her horrible grasp of the English language. To the bolded - what is her definition of "kids" vs. "children"? Or is she asking people to host 30 people, baby goats, and 4 children? 

frenchiekin

You realize now you have to send us her response to your email, yes?  Ohhh happy Friday to us.

Not sure I could control my hysterical laughter in their face if someone ever tried to dictate the bra I needed to wear.  Nope sorry my boobs bye.

banana468

And hosting 30 people??  That's hardly a small event.   Even if you're going low budget with tea and small sandwiches that's a boatload of food and time plus cleaning.   I've had that quantity of people in my home but  not for a shower and I have a decent sized house.

Quite frankly, the more I think about it the more I'd try to laugh at a family member who felt this way.

And I'm really curious about why she feels like all of this is owed.   Was she raised to expect this?   

LondonLisa

JFC The amount of entitlement, stress and anxiety pouring out of that email is palpable.

OP, you made the right call. Good for you. Put please come back and update us when she has her inevitable, irrational meltdown at you. 

 Yes, wedding planning can be stressful, but it is also for a party! This girl needs so much perspective, that I doubt a "wedding survival kit" going to help at all. Unless it is filled with cava and valium, cut with a side of "get a ruddy grip!". 

LondonLisa

PS- "Bride, I left the survival kit I put together for you in my pocket. Do you want it now?" 

lyndausvi

Holy micro-manager.     Picking as specific bras?   Like shoes they are not a one size fits all item.

I have to say, if wedding planning is this stressful I hate to see when a real issue comes up in her life.

woodtdm

I wrote off the bra as part of my wedding expenses, because I will more than likely need one. She is a cousin through marriage and I honestly don't know her that well. She is 8 years younger, but she acts so much younger. I haven't a clue where her sense of entitlement comes from. I think she thinks that our weddings are in some sort of competition. I honestly haven't done anything but the venue yet. I already have the colours, the bridesmaid dresses, the center pieces, bachelorette party venue and menu already picked out. I haven't picked out my wedding party or dress yet. Its coming up next month. She has also invited herself to be in my wedding party. I told her nothing has been decided yet. My wedding isn't until September.

flantastic

Doesn't this bride know that the survival kit it the personal attendant's job?

holyguacamole79

I've never understood the survival kit .... I mean, how many bridal related deaths are there?

flantastic

holyguacamole79 said:

I've never understood the survival kit .... I mean, how many bridal related deaths are there?

At recent shitshow wedding, it was called the "Armageddon bag." Because not having an extra bobby pin is my first worry when Armageddon comes.

woodtdm

Its eerily quiet on the social media, email, texting and phone side. I'm just waiting for the fall out. I will definitely keep you all posted. I may need witnesses LOL!