Pre-wedding Parties

Low key Bachelorette Party at Bride's home...questions from the MOH

Backstory: I'm the MOH in my bestie's wedding. She recently moved across the country to live near/with her fiance and most of the wedding party will be coming from out of town (myself included) minus a couple of new local friends. She wants the bach party to just be a low key night with her friends (old and new but only like 12 guests total) at her house where we can all relax and have fun. She was married before but being 7 months preggo made it hard to have a bach party then so I'd like to make this one somewhat special and fun even though she doesn't want to go barhopping.

Questions:
What is your very favorite bachelorette party game to play? (I'm thinking just one or two games so I'm looking for the best/most fun! ;)

Also, is it completely inappropriate to add something to the bottom of the invite encouraging guests to bring a bottle of their favorite wine to share with the group? It would by no means a requirement to bring something but bestie wants a night of vino, fondue, relaxation and laughs and I feel like having some folks bring their favorite would be a good way to ensure an assortment of good wine but I don't want to come across rude.

TIA!

Re: Low key Bachelorette Party at Bride's home...questions from the MOH

  • jacques27jacques27 member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2016
    Even if some might say it's ok to ask for sort of an informal, low-key thing if that's sort of an agreed upon thing with friends, I would say I would feel very put out being asked to bring a bottle of wine to a bachelorette I'm already having to travel out of town for.  And since presumably this is air travel, by your description, that means I have to either check a bag, since I can't bring it carry-on, or have to hit up a liquor store once I reach my destination.  Nope.

    That said, I also would feel a little let down to travel, presumably a long distance, to hang out at someone's house - even if they are getting married. Chances are I wouldn't bother paying that much money just to travel for that, even if I was in the wedding party (unless of course the bachelorette is happening within a night or two of the wedding and already within the reasonable time I would have to be traveling there anyway).  Are you sure she can't be persuaded to go out, assuming this bachelorette is a completely different timeframe than the wedding requiring separate travel?  Going out doesn't have to mean barhopping.  Any local sports teams?  Sightseeing tours?  Dinner cruises on a lake, river, or ocean?  Paintball?  Skating?  Theaters with plays happening?  Or is there anyone you can hire to come to her house for an activity?  One of my friends found someone who teaches bellydancing and had them come to give a lesson at her house - then we just hung out with nachos and sangria and made a bonfire later.  Or a tarot card reader/fortune teller?  Cooking lesson?

    Can't really help for games.  My group of friends isn't big on traditional "party games", or even really board games.
  • I agree with Jaques. If I have to fly to a party, I don't want to have to bring refreshments, and I don't want to just have a slumber party at home. If that's what she wants, though, you should really honor that. I'm no help with bachelorette games, either. I'm just not into them. If you do games, I would probably just do normal games, not stuff designed for bachelorette parties. There's a whole thread I started on ChitChat with game ideas if you're interested. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Sorry, I should've originally added that yes, the bp is scheduled the Thursday before wedding (Saturday) with those in the bridal party being requested to be in town by Wednesday so everyone she's inviting should either be local or be in town in time.

    She's adamant about wanting this low key evening at her place, I think that something out and about would be optimal as well but like you said AddieCake, I'm trying to honor her wishes.

    And yeah, I'm not much of a party game kinda girl either but again she's requested a game or two so I'm trying to figure it out.

    Thanks to both of you for you input.
  • What about some fun card or board games?

    Cards Against Humanity, Exploding Kittens, and Slash are the ones that come to mind. Slash might be a bit more "in the spirit" of a party about weddings, but all of them are fun, easy to learn, and good ice breakers for people who may not all know each other well.
  • Oooh good ideas Jedi, I just got the NSFW Exploding Kittens for xmas. Maybe I'll grab the regular version and Cards Against Humanity too since they've both been on my wishlist for awhile anyways! I've never heard of Slash, I'll go look it up now! Thanks so much!
  • The Bride has been annoyed/pissed off the last couple of days because a couple of the BMs wouldn't be arriving until Friday...one of those BMs has since dropped out all together because she wasn't able to find a reasonably priced flight into the correct airport for the requested early arrival. I'm hoping Bride doesn't hold a grudge against these ladies but I guess time will tell.
  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2016
    As an invitee to this event, I would expect that the bridesmaids who organized the event and invited me would have also purchased the food and alcohol for the evening. If we were going out I would expect to pay my own share but a pot luck bachelorette just feels different. I'd bring, unprompted, a bottle of champagne, but I'd be surprised to be told to do so, if that makes sense.

    I also would not be flying in the Wednesday before a Saturday wedding to sit around someone's house, and I would not care to maintain a friendship with someone who was annoyed about that.
  • The Bride has been annoyed/pissed off the last couple of days because a couple of the BMs wouldn't be arriving until Friday...one of those BMs has since dropped out all together because she wasn't able to find a reasonably priced flight into the correct airport for the requested early arrival. I'm hoping Bride doesn't hold a grudge against these ladies but I guess time will tell.

    Good grief.

    Also, you said she's 7 months pregnant ... is she okay with people drinking wine at a party honoring her when she can't drink?
  • The Bride has been annoyed/pissed off the last couple of days because a couple of the BMs wouldn't be arriving until Friday...one of those BMs has since dropped out all together because she wasn't able to find a reasonably priced flight into the correct airport for the requested early arrival. I'm hoping Bride doesn't hold a grudge against these ladies but I guess time will tell.

    Good grief.

    Also, you said she's 7 months pregnant ... is she okay with people drinking wine at a party honoring her when she can't drink?


    I think she was 7 months pregnant at her first wedding but isn't now and that's why they want to do a bachelorette.
  • So she expects people to take off 3 days of work for her wedding, basically. And is now pissed at those who can't/won't? JFC
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • The Bride has been annoyed/pissed off the last couple of days because a couple of the BMs wouldn't be arriving until Friday...one of those BMs has since dropped out all together because she wasn't able to find a reasonably priced flight into the correct airport for the requested early arrival. I'm hoping Bride doesn't hold a grudge against these ladies but I guess time will tell.
    So you are trying to bend over backwards to "honor the wishes of the bride" and yet she shows zero respect/honor towards the work schedules and financial burdens of her nearest and dearest?  A few more drop-outs and you won't have to worry about a bachelorette party at all.  I don't think it is the bride that should worry about holding grudges.
  • OP, I second everyone that your bride is being unreasonable with her expectations in terms of everyone arriving on Wednesday for a Saturday wedding.  I also wanted to chime in on party games--one of my friends had a co-ed party the night before their wedding, and we played Apples to Apples; I played Cards Against Humanity the night before mine.  How much luggage are you planning on bringing?  Those types of card games can fill suitcase space fast, and add weight to your luggage as well.  If you're already packing BM dress, makeup, shoes, etc, do you really want to deal with a big box of cards?  It's fine if you do, I was just thinking of potential issues. 
  • I think she was 7 months pregnant at her first wedding but isn't now and that's why they want to do a bachelorette.
    Yes, Starmoon is right. This is Bride's second marriage. The first time around she was very preggo. This time around she's not expecting. And thank you for the input about the "feel free to bring a bottle" line, I really appreciate all opinions on this!


    missfrodo said:
     How much luggage are you planning on bringing?  Those types of card games can fill suitcase space fast, and add weight to your luggage as well.  If you're already packing BM dress, makeup, shoes, etc, do you really want to deal with a big box of cards?  It's fine if you do, I was just thinking of potential issues. 
    I hadn't thought of that missfrodo, thanks for bringing that up!


    Everyone, I don't disagree with you all about the unrealistic expectations in having us all there 3 days early but honestly, at this point there's nothing that can be done other than hope that all friendships/relationships survive the next 40 or so days (the wedding is 2/20.) I'm just trying to go with the flow, be as supportive as I can. I love the woman and I wish she had made different choices in all of this but oh well.
  • So I wouldn't ask, even a "feel free to bring a bottle of wine" feels like you're telling people they need to being one. With parties like this if I'm in the WP I'll ask the host what I can bring. If someone does then you absolutely can ask they bring a bottle of wine. But mentioning it anywhere in emails or invites still doesn't sit right with me.
  • On the topic of "should I ask people to contribute" stuff to a bachelorette party, I'll comment and say it's a bit of know your crowd.
    I definitely agree that with everyone already flying it, it's too much to ask to ask people to contribute more stuff. 

    This might get a little long-winded, bear with me. 
    For my own bachelorette, my bridesmaids had all the guests (local) bring a bottle of wine with a purpose. "For your first fight," "For your first new home together," "For after your first married sex," whatever! That was the gift; people didn't give other gifts. I loved it. I have no idea how my friends felt about bringing a theme gift, but they all did. 100% attendance and participation, for whatever that shows you. 
    For my friend's bachelorette, her sister (the main hostess) wanted it to be a lingerie party. I was sensitive to the concept of telling people what gift to bring, since a b-party isn't by definition a gift-giving occasion, so I helped her reword the information on the e-vite to read, "If you are interested in bringing a gift, we are going with a lingerie theme if you'd like to participate. Please ask Hostess for bride's sizes." (That way we weren't broadcasting the bride's cup size to 20 women!)  Everyone brought at least cute panties. I think the wording was soft enough.

    Coming around to the OP's question about wine. 12 guests total, I think whoever's really hosting (whether OP alone or OP in partnership with a couple other BMs) can afford enough wine, honestly (there's at least 4 glasses per bottle, 6-8 bottles could be plenty). Maybe ask, "I'm picking up wine- please let me know what type you like best!" That could prompt others to chip in with their own favorites but then get what wine you can afford. 
    ________________________________


  • On the topic of "should I ask people to contribute" stuff to a bachelorette party, I'll comment and say it's a bit of know your crowd.
    I definitely agree that with everyone already flying it, it's too much to ask to ask people to contribute more stuff. 

    This might get a little long-winded, bear with me. 
    For my own bachelorette, my bridesmaids had all the guests (local) bring a bottle of wine with a purpose. "For your first fight," "For your first new home together," "For after your first married sex," whatever! That was the gift; people didn't give other gifts. I loved it. I have no idea how my friends felt about bringing a theme gift, but they all did. 100% attendance and participation, for whatever that shows you. 
    For my friend's bachelorette, her sister (the main hostess) wanted it to be a lingerie party. I was sensitive to the concept of telling people what gift to bring, since a b-party isn't by definition a gift-giving occasion, so I helped her reword the information on the e-vite to read, "If you are interested in bringing a gift, we are going with a lingerie theme if you'd like to participate. Please ask Hostess for bride's sizes." (That way we weren't broadcasting the bride's cup size to 20 women!)  Everyone brought at least cute panties. I think the wording was soft enough.

    Coming around to the OP's question about wine. 12 guests total, I think whoever's really hosting (whether OP alone or OP in partnership with a couple other BMs) can afford enough wine, honestly (there's at least 4 glasses per bottle, 6-8 bottles could be plenty). Maybe ask, "I'm picking up wine- please let me know what type you like best!" That could prompt others to chip in with their own favorites but then get what wine you can afford. 


    So I think both of those parties are rude. Bachelorette parties aren't gift giving occasions. They don't have to bring anything!
  • If I was invited to this rude ass party I would hope we could at least play a drinking game.


  • On the topic of "should I ask people to contribute" stuff to a bachelorette party, I'll comment and say it's a bit of know your crowd.
    I definitely agree that with everyone already flying it, it's too much to ask to ask people to contribute more stuff. 

    This might get a little long-winded, bear with me. 
    For my own bachelorette, my bridesmaids had all the guests (local) bring a bottle of wine with a purpose. "For your first fight," "For your first new home together," "For after your first married sex," whatever! That was the gift; people didn't give other gifts. I loved it. I have no idea how my friends felt about bringing a theme gift, but they all did. 100% attendance and participation, for whatever that shows you. 
    For my friend's bachelorette, her sister (the main hostess) wanted it to be a lingerie party. I was sensitive to the concept of telling people what gift to bring, since a b-party isn't by definition a gift-giving occasion, so I helped her reword the information on the e-vite to read, "If you are interested in bringing a gift, we are going with a lingerie theme if you'd like to participate. Please ask Hostess for bride's sizes." (That way we weren't broadcasting the bride's cup size to 20 women!)  Everyone brought at least cute panties. I think the wording was soft enough.

    Coming around to the OP's question about wine. 12 guests total, I think whoever's really hosting (whether OP alone or OP in partnership with a couple other BMs) can afford enough wine, honestly (there's at least 4 glasses per bottle, 6-8 bottles could be plenty). Maybe ask, "I'm picking up wine- please let me know what type you like best!" That could prompt others to chip in with their own favorites but then get what wine you can afford. 
    So I think both of those parties are rude. Bachelorette parties aren't gift giving occasions. They don't have to bring anything!
    Fair enough. In my circles they happen to be traditionally gift giving occasions. I've shown up empty handed and felt bad when I saw other women giving gifts.  I agree they're not technically, but everyone seems to give gifts anyway. 
    ________________________________


  • On the topic of "should I ask people to contribute" stuff to a bachelorette party, I'll comment and say it's a bit of know your crowd.
    I definitely agree that with everyone already flying it, it's too much to ask to ask people to contribute more stuff. 

    This might get a little long-winded, bear with me. 
    For my own bachelorette, my bridesmaids had all the guests (local) bring a bottle of wine with a purpose. "For your first fight," "For your first new home together," "For after your first married sex," whatever! That was the gift; people didn't give other gifts. I loved it. I have no idea how my friends felt about bringing a theme gift, but they all did. 100% attendance and participation, for whatever that shows you. 
    For my friend's bachelorette, her sister (the main hostess) wanted it to be a lingerie party. I was sensitive to the concept of telling people what gift to bring, since a b-party isn't by definition a gift-giving occasion, so I helped her reword the information on the e-vite to read, "If you are interested in bringing a gift, we are going with a lingerie theme if you'd like to participate. Please ask Hostess for bride's sizes." (That way we weren't broadcasting the bride's cup size to 20 women!)  Everyone brought at least cute panties. I think the wording was soft enough.

    Coming around to the OP's question about wine. 12 guests total, I think whoever's really hosting (whether OP alone or OP in partnership with a couple other BMs) can afford enough wine, honestly (there's at least 4 glasses per bottle, 6-8 bottles could be plenty). Maybe ask, "I'm picking up wine- please let me know what type you like best!" That could prompt others to chip in with their own favorites but then get what wine you can afford. 
    So I think both of those parties are rude. Bachelorette parties aren't gift giving occasions. They don't have to bring anything!
    Fair enough. In my circles they happen to be traditionally gift giving occasions. I've shown up empty handed and felt bad when I saw other women giving gifts.  I agree they're not technically, but everyone seems to give gifts anyway. 
    @thisismynickname, I have been to some bachelorette parties with the lingerie theme, too. Bachelorette parties where we didn't give gifts have tended to be actually more expensive, in my experience (hosting a night out dancing or going to a show), so buying a pair of pretty panties and staying in to drink wine was fine with me. Granted, none of the girls who did this had showers, though, so I might have felt differently if I had already bought gifts for that. 
                        


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards