Help Needed! Choosing a Tropical Location :)

Knottie1451226105

Hi everyone,

I just got engaged and am very interested in having a destination wedding. I am having a difficult time deciding on a resort. If you had a successful wedding in Mexico, Dominican or Jamaica, could you please share the name of the resort for me to take a look at? We will be getting married Summer 2017.

What we Need
$1500 budget for guests
5 star
All inclusive
Clean
Nice beach (ceremony)
Great food
Entertainment

Thank you in advance for your help! 

Jells2dot0

Where are most of your guests flying from? How long do you think they'll need/want to stay? Adults only or resort that allows kids?

You will probably be best served by speaking with a travel agent. There are sooooo many resorts in those locations. However, be sure you are aware of the legal requirements to get married in each of these countries. If you are inviting people to take time off of work and spend $1500+ to attend your wedding, they are going to want to see your actual wedding, not a vow renewal.

CMGragain

It is very difficult to get legally married in Mexico.  DR is much easier.
Why do you want to have a destination wedding?

Knottie1451226105

Hi! They will mostly be flying from Toronto, Canada and will be staying for 7 nights. We are open to whether it's adults only or not. We likely won't be inviting any children so everyone can be guaranteed a good time.

Whether the ceremony is "real" or not is not a big deal to us. If our guests want to pay $1500 and watch our vow renewal, which will to us be our official wedding, they are more than welcome. If not, we are fine if they decide not to come. 

We love to travel. It's part of who we are. It's cheaper to do destination and I am not interested in planning a whole lot. The thought of paying a resort wedding fee and having someone else plan my wedding is exactly what I want.

CMGragain

You are going to get a lot of very negative feedback on this!

Knottie1451226105 said:

Hi! They will mostly be flying from Toronto, Canada and will be staying for 7 nights. We are open to whether it's adults only or not. We likely won't be inviting any children so everyone can be guaranteed a good time.

Whether the ceremony is "real" or not is not a big deal to us. If our guests want to pay $1500 and watch our vow renewal, which will to us be our official wedding, they are more than welcome. If not, we are fine if they decide not to come. 

We love to travel. It's part of who we are. It's cheaper to do destination and I am not interested in planning a whole lot. The thought of paying a resort wedding fee and having someone else plan my wedding is exactly what I want.

You get one wedding day.  One.  It is the day when you legally become a couple, not two single people.
It doesn't matter what it is "to you".  Your wedding day will be the one where you are legally married.  Anything else is just a dog and pony show.  This is very disrespectful to the brides who cherish their wedding day.  You plan to disregard yours.  Ugh.  I have no interest in helping you now. 
It is not cheaper to have a destination wedding.  It is cheaper to have one where you live, especially a simple, legal courthouse ceremony, which many brides have.

Jells2dot0

I just can't with the thoughts about legal weddings, but I think you're going to have a rough time finding a 5 star resort for two people for $1500 coming from Canada. If traveling is who you are, you should have a good grasp on pricing.

I also hope your VIPs are on board with your plans to travel. I recommend discussing your plans with them first before you decide to book an expensive trip.

Knottie1451226105

Everyone says, "this is YOUR wedding day, do whatever YOU want and DON'T listen to ANYONE". This is the time I will take that advice into consideration. I have been to about 5 weddings who all of the brides did the same thing. Our opinions are clearly different which I respect. Have a great night.

Knottie1451226105

Yes, they know and are definitely up to pay the price. The $1500 is for one person, not two. Thank you for your help!

Jells2dot0

Knottie1451226105 said:

Everyone says, "this is YOUR wedding day, do whatever YOU want and DON'T listen to ANYONE". This is the time I will take that advice into consideration. I have been to about 5 weddings who all of the brides did the same thing. Our opinions are clearly different which I respect. Have a great night.

It is no longer YOUR day when you invite people. You have to put the comfort and consideration of your guests first, as you are asking them to go out of their way to attend your wedding. It's just proper etiquette (aka manners) to take your guests into consideration.

If you choose to have your vow renewal and invite people, just be sure to tell people it's a vow renewal. Then, they can properly decide if they want to travel and attend your ceremony, which will not be your wedding.

I highly recommend checking out the etiquette boards. You will see many posts where guests were hurt by the type of wedding scenario you are proposing and why having a "PPD" is not a good idea. And just because others have done it is not a good idea to continue the trend...

You're going to hear the same advice on every board here. If 99% of people offer the same advice, there must be a reason. It may sound harsh, but we're trying to help you have a great wedding.

Viczaesar

Knottie1451226105 said:

Everyone says, "this is YOUR wedding day, do whatever YOU want and DON'T listen to ANYONE". This is the time I will take that advice into consideration. I have been to about 5 weddings who all of the brides did the same thing. Our opinions are clearly different which I respect. Have a great night.

No, everyone doesn't say that.  People who are selfish, immature, dumb, and/or trying to justify bad behavior say that.

CMGragain

Knottie1451226105 said:

Everyone says, "this is YOUR wedding day, do whatever YOU want and DON'T listen to ANYONE". This is the time I will take that advice into consideration. I have been to about 5 weddings who all of the brides did the same thing. Our opinions are clearly different which I respect. Have a great night.

Oh, please!  You won't last long here if this is your attitude.  No, it is not "your day", and "do whatever you want" is the stupidest advice given here. "Don't listen to anyone" is equally asinine.
You are planning a social event with guests.  You should consider their feelings and needs.  If you want a wedding day that is all about you, then elope, and don't have any guests.
"ME!  ME! ME!  IT IS ALL ABOUT ME!"  Ewwwww!

glasgowtolondon

You can believe its your real wedding all you want, but if you've previously signed the papers then it isn't. If someone is going to ask me to take 7 (I can't even with the seven day requirement!) Days out of my life, so probably 5 days of my precious work leave, for a holiday dictated by someone else....I'd best be watching your real wedding. Clearly you are not here for advice given your reaction, but can you at least tell us that you are going to let your guests know that they will be paying to attend a vow renewal?

Maggie0829

Knottie1451226105 said:

Everyone says, "this is YOUR wedding day, do whatever YOU want and DON'T listen to ANYONE". This is the time I will take that advice into consideration. I have been to about 5 weddings who all of the brides did the same thing. Our opinions are clearly different which I respect. Have a great night.

Sure you can follow this advice.  But actions have consequences.  Just because you decide to do whatever YOU want doesn't mean that you won't piss people off along the way.

If you do get legally married before you put on a play down in Mexico, will you be telling your guests?  Or will you lie to them?  Because if I used very valuable work leave and my hard earned money to come down to Mexico to see you get married, then you better damn well be getting married and not just pretending.  So if you do decide to do whatever YOU want, then at least tell your guests that truth.

As for the bolded.  Just because others do it doesn't mean that it is right or correct.  And apparently you know a lot of people who care more about the big white dress and party then the actual marriage.

LondonLisa

If you asked me to spend $1500 and 7 days of holiday to find out that it wasn't your real wedding, I'd be livid. That is friendship-ending rude! Friends don't lie to friends. 

What gall you have to ask people to celebrate you and your wedding but then not even follow through with ACTUALLY having a wedding. The least you can do is be honest and say "come to our destination vow renewal" so people can make an informed decision. 

Jells2dot0

Our wedding day was really all about us. We had our dream wedding along the beach on a private island in Australia. We did what we want, when we wanted. No one could tell us what to do and no one could complain. Why is this? Because we didn't invite anyone!!! When you elope or have a private destination wedding, you can do whatever the hell you want!

One thing I will say, though, is that it meant the world to me to choose a destination where I could have a legally binding ceremony. This was super important to us. Marriage isn't about saying a bunch of loving words with your toes dug into the sand and sealing it with a kiss with the crystal blue water lapping in the background. Oh, and it's all photographed for pretty pictures! Marriage is about making a commitment- physically, emotionally, spiritually (for some), and LEGALLY. Marriage is a LEGAL act first and foremost. I wanted my wedding to combine all of these elements to be a true binding of our lives. It was a completely surreal moment. While I didn't have to legally wed at my ceremony, as to avoid complication and hassle (and it wouldn't impact anyone), I would never dream of taking that moment away where we were married in every sense of the word! A lot of people on here forget about that very important aspect.

I would recommend having your legal ceremony at home, as planned, and then go on your honeymoon- just the two of you- and have a private vow renewal. Hire a photographer to capture it. You then don't have to put your guests' needs above yourself.

jenna8984

If you're thinking that it costs less than a "traditional at home" wedding because you will only have to pay for meals for ~30 people, then why not just have a restaurant wedding at home, invite only those 30 people and save them all $3,000. Then you can choose any resort you want for your honeymoon.

thisismynickname2

jenna8984 said:

If you're thinking that it costs less than a "traditional at home" wedding because you will only have to pay for meals for ~30 people, then why not just have a restaurant wedding at home, invite only those 30 people and save them all $3,000. Then you can choose any resort you want for your honeymoon.

Your logic has no place here. 

ETA because I hit save too soon: No way on God's green earth would I pay for a group vacation to a destination not of my choice to watch someone do a vow renewal. 

Plus, the resorts are not hard to research. Nearly every resort I've ever looked at has a "wedding" tab. You can see what the package is, what they cost, and e-mail a planner. Pick out two or three you like, price some sample flights, make a decision. 

Oh, and when I looked up some packages in Mexico, the wedding brochures very clearly stated what was required to do everything LEGALLY. 

Jells2dot0

jenna8984 said:

If you're thinking that it costs less than a "traditional at home" wedding because you will only have to pay for meals for ~30 people, then why not just have a restaurant wedding at home, invite only those 30 people and save them all $3,000. Then you can choose any resort you want for your honeymoon.

Yes, but she wouldn't have to pay that much extra for the guests' meals at an all inclusive because that is rolled into the guests' package price! DUH!

I do like the idea of a restaurant reception. Get married at the courthouse and then have a small dinner reception at a nice, local restaurant. Minimal cost, minimal decorations, the restaurant will offer a menu to choose from, and your ceremony is basically set based on the script the courthouse follows. Easy-peasy and virtually no planning!

Knottie1455724591

People need to get off their high horse about the symbolic wedding stuff. You dictate what others should do and call that etiquette?

People are entitled to their opinions. Other boards aren't so stringent and  derogatory about symbolic weddings. There is a world beyond the knot.

There can be several elements to a wedding ceremony (legal, religious, spiritual, symbolic). People are entitled to include, exclude or prioritise any of them. The only element acknowledged by law is the legal, because the law has no place acknowledging the others. The law pertains to the law. That doesn't mean that the legal portion is the only relevant one.

Many people do prioritise the religious or other elements. They are entitled to do so. Obviously they are legally married whenever the legal papers are signed. That does not mean that it has to be the most celebrated portion.

If the legality is most important to you thats fine but you don't get to dictate that for others. The derogatory references on here to ppd are so audacious! Who are you to say someone's religious or other ceremony is irrelevant?

In my humble opinion, the couple invite you to what matters to the them. There's nothing disrespectful or dishonest about that. You're being invited to something thats important to them. Some of you say you would end the friendship because they lyou feel they lied? Really its because their priorities aren't identical to yours. Thats not etiquette, thats intolerance.

Remember many people are deeply religious and wouldn't consider themselves married without a religious component of the ceremony. You are not obliged to include a religious ceremony in your wedding to be married in the way that matters to them.

Each to their own. Best wishes

MobKaz

Knottie1455724591 said:

People need to get off their high horse about the symbolic wedding stuff. You dictate what others should do and call that etiquette?

People are entitled to their opinions. Other boards aren't so stringent and  derogatory about symbolic weddings. There is a world beyond the knot.

There can be several elements to a wedding ceremony (legal, religious, spiritual, symbolic). People are entitled to include, exclude or prioritise any of them. The only element acknowledged by law is the legal, because the law has no place acknowledging the others. The law pertains to the law. That doesn't mean that the legal portion is the only relevant one.

Many people do prioritise the religious or other elements. They are entitled to do so. Obviously they are legally married whenever the legal papers are signed. That does not mean that it has to be the most celebrated portion.

If the legality is most important to you thats fine but you don't get to dictate that for others. The derogatory references on here to ppd are so audacious! Who are you to say someone's religious or other ceremony is irrelevant?

In my humble opinion, the couple invite you to what matters to the them. There's nothing disrespectful or dishonest about that. You're being invited to something thats important to them. Some of you say you would end the friendship because they lyou feel they lied? Really its because their priorities aren't identical to yours. Thats not etiquette, thats intolerance.

Remember many people are deeply religious and wouldn't consider themselves married without a religious component of the ceremony. You are not obliged to include a religious ceremony in your wedding to be married in the way that matters to them.

Each to their own. Best wishes

Jells2dot0

Knottie1455724591 said:

People need to get off their high horse about the symbolic wedding stuff. You dictate what others should do and call that etiquette?

People are entitled to their opinions. Other boards aren't so stringent and  derogatory about symbolic weddings. There is a world beyond the knot.

There can be several elements to a wedding ceremony (legal, religious, spiritual, symbolic). People are entitled to include, exclude or prioritise any of them. The only element acknowledged by law is the legal, because the law has no place acknowledging the others. The law pertains to the law. That doesn't mean that the legal portion is the only relevant one.

Many people do prioritise the religious or other elements. They are entitled to do so. Obviously they are legally married whenever the legal papers are signed. That does not mean that it has to be the most celebrated portion.

If the legality is most important to you thats fine but you don't get to dictate that for others. The derogatory references on here to ppd are so audacious! Who are you to say someone's religious or other ceremony is irrelevant?

In my humble opinion, the couple invite you to what matters to the them. There's nothing disrespectful or dishonest about that. You're being invited to something thats important to them. Some of you say you would end the friendship because they lyou feel they lied? Really its because their priorities aren't identical to yours. Thats not etiquette, thats intolerance.

Remember many people are deeply religious and wouldn't consider themselves married without a religious component of the ceremony. You are not obliged to include a religious ceremony in your wedding to be married in the way that matters to them.

Each to their own. Best wishes

Bumping a thread to stir the pot is considered to be a form of trolling. Trolling is against the TOS.

I have nothing against a symbolic ceremony, but I want to know that it's a symbolic ceremony before spending thousands of dollars to attend. A lot of posters on here plan on holding a symbolic ceremony but not tell their guests it's not their wedding. Why lie if people don't care? Um, because people do care and the posters know people won't travel if it's not the "real deal". Lying is certainly not good etiquette. Ever.

Which brings me to a second point- this is an international board, with most posters bring from the US. In the US, religious ceremonies are legally recognized. In the UK, the same. So, when guests are invited to a wedding, they fully believe it to be the legally binding ceremony. Not a "re-do". However, we fully understand that in some countries, the religious component is not legally recognized and two ceremonies must be held if you wish to have a religious ceremony. There is absolutely nothing against etiquette in that scenario.

tigerlily6

I'm going to put aside all hypothetical etiquette talk and respond as somebody who is invited to a wedding very similar to this next summer in South America. It is not a legal marriage, but a religious ceremony, although most of the guests don't know that (I am one of the few in the "in" circle who does). It is supposed to be an affair that will last a full week. The couple has organized hotels and transportation and sight-seeing at the best prices they can. They are great people, and I love them.

But it does get under my skin. 

First, when your guests are spending about as much to come to your wedding as you are hosting it, something seems wrong. Yes, it's a lot cheaper for them (I think their entire wedding will only cost about $3000) but it is costing us as guests a hell of a lot more than a domestic wedding would to attend and especially to do all the "extra celebration" events they have planned (about $3000 per guest, total). I would have been happy to have given money to them as a wedding present, which they could put towards a nice vacation themselves. But I'm not going to be able to afford much of a gift if I attend.

Also, I love to travel too, but if given my choice, I would probably spend my travel fund to go elsewhere. FI and I will be getting ready to celebrate our first anniversary around the same time as this wedding. The couple has expressed how we can "use" this trip as an excuse for an exotic anniversary since we can't afford a big honeymoon this summer. But this doesn't seem at all like a vacation that FI and I would have picked for ourselves as something "to save up for." We're not really warm, exotic beach people. We're more of ruins and museums people, and would love to save up funds for a Europe anniversary. Their destination is a place that has special significance for them, but Europe would be a place of special significance for us. Wouldn't it be easier and more fair if we could each just have romantic vacations on our own to the places we like? As it is, it feels like we're having to put our special vacation on hold so we can afford to do theirs. 

Finally, and perhaps on the most practical point, even if I put all other things aside, I am worried about attending because of the recent Zika virus problems. FI and I will be married about a year, and our plan was to try to start a family around then. We're both almost 30, and next year is potentially the best time to get pregnant as we try to balance graduating from school and starting careers. It's not worth the risk of our future child's health to go to a vow renewal, however meaningful it may be to the couple. And certainly not worth changing our plans for when to start having a family that may impact our ability to have the family size we want while maintaining a successful career. 

We'll see where we're at next Spring, but right now, I am dubious as to whether my RSVP will be "delightfully accepts" at this point. 

ETA words and grammar.

glasgowtolondon

What I'll never understand is if a couple really think there is nothing wrong with their plans, why the need to lie? Want a vow renewal or celebration of marriage - knock yourself out. Don't lie, its disrespectful. 

Knottie1455724591

I don't what you mean by bumping a thread. Im not stirring anything, just responding to comments made above and explaining my point of view.

I don't think people feel the need to tell people its not a wedding, because they do see it as a wedding. They don't see it as a redo. Its a ceremony in its own right and they would like to celebrate it.

I just dont get people's fixation with the legal component. If thats not what the couple wants to celebrate, I think thats their perogative

Jells2dot0

Knottie1455724591 said:

I don't what you mean by bumping a thread. Im not stirring anything, just responding to comments made above and explaining my point of view.

I don't think people feel the need to tell people its not a wedding, because they do see it as a wedding. They don't see it as a redo. Its a ceremony in its own right and they would like to celebrate it.

I just dont get people's fixation with the legal component. If thats not what the couple wants to celebrate, I think thats their perogative

The last response to this post was over a month ago. Everyone is more than welcome to express their opinions here, but it's considered good forum etiquette to start a new thread instead of bumping an old one.

thisismynickname2

Knottie1455724591 said:

I don't what you mean by bumping a thread. Im not stirring anything, just responding to comments made above and explaining my point of view.

I don't think people feel the need to tell people its not a wedding, because they do see it as a wedding. They don't see it as a redo. Its a ceremony in its own right and they would like to celebrate it.

I just dont get people's fixation with the legal component. If thats not what the couple wants to celebrate, I think thats their perogative

Knottie1455724591 The legal component has historically been denied to a significant portion of the population. That population has been able to have symbolic ceremonies of commitment but none of the legal benefits of marriage. Imagine if you had a symbolic commitment ceremony with your significant other but couldn't visit them in the hospital after a horrible car accident. Imagine if you couldn't make decisions on their behalf, because the law didn't recognize you as married.
The legal part IS the part you celebrate. 

Knottie1455724591

thisismynickname said:

Knottie1455724591 said:

I don't what you mean by bumping a thread. Im not stirring anything, just responding to comments made above and explaining my point of view.

I don't think people feel the need to tell people its not a wedding, because they do see it as a wedding. They don't see it as a redo. Its a ceremony in its own right and they would like to celebrate it.

I just dont get people's fixation with the legal component. If thats not what the couple wants to celebrate, I think thats their perogative

Knottie1455724591 The legal component has historically been denied to a significant portion of the population. That population has been able to have symbolic ceremonies of commitment but none of the legal benefits of marriage. Imagine if you had a symbolic commitment ceremony with your significant other but couldn't visit them in the hospital after a horrible car accident. Imagine if you couldn't make decisions on their behalf, because the law didn't recognize you as married.
The legal part IS the part you celebrate. 

I appreciate that the legal part is relevant to many people. It isn't the most important part for everybody, and saying so is not insulting to those who prioritise the legal marriage or those who were/are not allowed a legal marriage. This issue seems to arise repeatedly precisely because many people see it differently. I just dont see anything wrong with someone considering their spiritual/religious/seculaur ceremony to be their marriage ceremony and celebrating it distinct from the legal. whether you clarify with guests or not, you're inviting them you what you consider your wedding, and wish to celebrate

Jells2dot0 said:

Knottie1455724591 said:

I don't what you mean by bumping a thread. Im not stirring anything, just responding to comments made above and explaining my point of view.

I don't think people feel the need to tell people its not a wedding, because they do see it as a wedding. They don't see it as a redo. Its a ceremony in its own right and they would like to celebrate it.

I just dont get people's fixation with the legal component. If thats not what the couple wants to celebrate, I think thats their perogative

The last response to this post was over a month ago. Everyone is more than welcome to express their opinions here, but it's considered good forum etiquette to start a new thread instead of bumping an old one.

I apologise. I didn't notice the time frame. I just responded to other comments

thisismynickname2

Knottie1455724591
You said (I'm cutting out quote boxes):
"I appreciate that the legal part is relevant to many people. It isn't the most important part for everybody, and saying so is not insulting to those who prioritise the legal marriage or those who were/are not allowed a legal marriage."
Many would disagree with you, and say that it is insulting. And you know what? Venture on over to the chit chat board right now. There is an engaged Knottie whose FI was in a terrible accident and because they're not legally married yet, it's his parents making the medical decisions, not her right now. 

How can anyone claim the legal part "isn't the most important" when it IS!? IT IS. IT IS!!!!!  

RomanceManaged

Everything other than the day you sign your marriage license is not your wedding day. You are married the day you sign off. Regardless if you believe you are or not. Playing dress up is a shitty reason to make your guests pay $3000 for.

redoryx

Knottie1455724591 said:

thisismynickname said:

Knottie1455724591 said:

I don't what you mean by bumping a thread. Im not stirring anything, just responding to comments made above and explaining my point of view.

I don't think people feel the need to tell people its not a wedding, because they do see it as a wedding. They don't see it as a redo. Its a ceremony in its own right and they would like to celebrate it.

I just dont get people's fixation with the legal component. If thats not what the couple wants to celebrate, I think thats their perogative

Knottie1455724591 The legal component has historically been denied to a significant portion of the population. That population has been able to have symbolic ceremonies of commitment but none of the legal benefits of marriage. Imagine if you had a symbolic commitment ceremony with your significant other but couldn't visit them in the hospital after a horrible car accident. Imagine if you couldn't make decisions on their behalf, because the law didn't recognize you as married.
The legal part IS the part you celebrate. 

I appreciate that the legal part is relevant to many people. It isn't the most important part for everybody, and saying so is not insulting to those who prioritise the legal marriage or those who were/are not allowed a legal marriage. This issue seems to arise repeatedly precisely because many people see it differently. I just dont see anything wrong with someone considering their spiritual/religious/seculaur ceremony to be their marriage ceremony and celebrating it distinct from the legal. whether you clarify with guests or not, you're inviting them you what you consider your wedding, and wish to celebrate

Jells2dot0 said:

Knottie1455724591 said:

I don't what you mean by bumping a thread. Im not stirring anything, just responding to comments made above and explaining my point of view.

I don't think people feel the need to tell people its not a wedding, because they do see it as a wedding. They don't see it as a redo. Its a ceremony in its own right and they would like to celebrate it.

I just dont get people's fixation with the legal component. If thats not what the couple wants to celebrate, I think thats their perogative

The last response to this post was over a month ago. Everyone is more than welcome to express their opinions here, but it's considered good forum etiquette to start a new thread instead of bumping an old one.

I apologise. I didn't notice the time frame. I just responded to other comments

So if the spiritual/religious/secular part is all that matters, then why bother with the pesky legal part at all? MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE THAT IS THE PART THAT ACTUALLY MAKES YOU MARRIED?

levioosa

So, the legal part doesn't matter?  You get in an accident, you end up in the hospital...you're not legally married....your FI (because they ARE still your fiancé) can't make any decisions regarding your wishes or health.  Because the government doesn't give a rats ass if you consider yourselves "married in spirit" or whatever the fuck you decide to call it.  Legality matters.  Don't pretend it doesn't.  

If you make me travel and spend close to $3000 to attend your wedding (because get real, it's not "just" going to be $1500 for the resort fee), and if I see something pretend, that is downright insulting of my time, effort, and money.  I can't even describe how disrespectful that is. Is that really how you care for your family and friends?  "Fuck you guys!  Spend money and precious vacation time to come see a fake ceremony!"  

For the record, I've had two friends do this to me.  One was a destination wedding.  I was livid when I found out it was all for show. I made the effort, took precious, precious time off of an intensive program, flew across the country, and spent thousands of dollars for the wedding.  It wasn't real.  It was a sham.  THAT is infuriating.  If it wasn't my bff, the friendship wouldn't have survived.  

I realize this is an old thread.  The whole PPD thing just makes me so angry.