Etiquette

Vent: "It's her day"

I'm in a Catholic women's forum online, and one of the members posted about how she was asked to be a bridesmaid in her brother and his fiancee's wedding.

The bride already sounds like a bridezilla from other things, but now she's demanding they all wear 5 inch heels.  As in, if they don't wear the heels, they're out of the wedding party.

That alone is so rude to me I can't stand it.  But the member who posted about this will be like 8 months pregnant at the time.  The bride doesn't care--wear the shoes.  I'm not pregnant and I would NOT be able to wear shoes like that.  Pregnant?  Forget it.  

To make things worse, some of the other people in the group were taking up for the bride because "it's the brides' day" and "it's not your wedding" and "every bride deserves her dream wedding".

You know, because when I was dreaming about marrying my husband, part of that dream was that all my bridesmaids wear 5 inch heels.  And I'm entitled to this dream.  UGH.

I just have no patience for a bride who's big problem is that her BMs don't want to wear ankle breaking shoes all day.  STOP treating your bridesmaids like props, and START treating them like human beings, or, you know, people you supposedly LOVE.  

Some people were even saying that it's wrong, but she should just be the bigger person and wear the shoes.  Eff that.  I think we need to stop enabling peoples' narcissism.  

Sigh.  Thanks for the vent.

SaveSave
PrettyGirlLostkmmssgthisismynickname2lc07levioosaOliveOilsMomSP29classyduckYogaSandynerdwifeVicTim328sparklepants41short+sassywink0erinhuskypuppy14adk19pinupbride6189erinlin25cowgirl8238EunoiaPhoenix
«13

Re: Vent: "It's her day"

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    what is wrong with people?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    lc07
  • I never wear anything higher than a 3 inch heel, due to both clumsiness and foot problems. If someone told me I HAD to wear 5 inch heels to be in their wedding, I'd drop out of the bridal party and tell them to have a nice life.
    image
    adk19
  • Hold it just one second. Isn't there a bridesmaid on these boards right now considering stepping down from her FI's aunt's WP because she is making her wear 5" heels despite her having ankle problems......why the 5" heels??? Do these brides carry measuring tapes to the church with them?
                 
    nerdwifeInLoveInQueensrandomslovecowgirl8238
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Think this could be the same bride as the post in Moms and Maids?  Did she buy her dress on eBay per chance?
    image
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    Pain, clumsiness and pregnancy aside, I can't imagine why anyone would want me in 5 inch heels.  That would put me at over 6 feet.  My center of gravity would be way off.

    Of course 95% of my friends are short.  Like really short.  They can wear 5 inch heels and I would still be taller than them without shoes on.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    tigerlily6kittykyatsparklepants41
  • Well good, there's her out, she should flat out refuse to wear heels. Then she can sit in the pews in giggle when all the bridesmaids take a bise dive because they aren't used to 5 inch heels.

  • This is insane.  I don't think I've ever even tried 5" heels on in my life, even for fun.  I'd snap my ankles and also be over 6' tall.  I'll never understand brides who fixate on things this stupid, nor the people who enable it.  NO.  I like @MobKaz 's plan.  The look on guests' faces promises to be worth it.


  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited January 2016
    CMGragain said:
    5 inch heels?  We used to call those things "hooker heels".  My 6'3" son wore a pair of them when he dressed in drag for a homecoming gender-bender day.  He got a round of applause in the cafeteria when he slinked across the room (wearing a black cocktail dress and MY PEARLS!) without spilling his tray.
    He didn't win the prize.  A black football player who wore his cousin's hot pink satin bridesmaid's dress with a tiara won.
    Why?
    Because he was hilarious!  He had a very hairy chest and it stuck out above the 1990's style pouffy dress.  He was a lovely guy, and very popular.  That hot pink color really looked good on him, I must admit.  He was also HUGE!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I would break my neck! I've never worn 5" heels even when I was a teenager. This would be very dangerous especially if the aisle is stone (like the church where I was married and the church where DD was married)! I'd say no way!
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    Yeah, I'd be dropping out of any wedding and any friendship that expected me to wear 5 inch heels while very pregnant.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • This is ridiculous. I'm 5'11", in 5" heels, I'd be 6'4". Also, I have a neuroma in my foot, I can't wear more than a 2" heel and that's pushing it.

    I'd be telling the bride to pay for my crutches for the wedding day.
  • That's the thing... she doesn't particularly like future SIL, but she wanted to do this for her brother.  She did drop out, but her brother asked her to come back and said he'd talk to SIL so she could make an "Exception" for the pregnant girl (how about just NOT requiring stilettos for ANY of your bridesmaids?).  But it doesn't seem like this guy has been taking up for his sister before this.  

    And I agree... I'm shocked that there were Catholic women defending this pretty princess "it's my day" bride crap.  I thought getting married was about joining with the person you love in a holy sacrament of God, witnessed by your loved ones.  I didn't realize that getting married was permission to treat my nearest and dearest like crap. 

    @kimmiinthemitten  I'm not sure where she got her dress, but I remember there being drama there too.  Not sure if it could be the same girl or not.

    SaveSave
    SP29VicTim328ADoyle16
  • APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    Besides how crazy even the idea of me wearing 5" heels is, from my wedding I think I have exactly 1 picture that has my bridesmaids' shoes in it. Honestly, I don't remember what they looked like but I remember that picture because one of my maids had just gotten a badass calf tattoo.

  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    @monkeysip, is this in the group that I'm in, too?



    Anniversary
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    This is like that time @banana468 was upset over the entitlement in the FB group (that I actually think we're all in, @monkeysip and @holyguacamole79) except this is so, so much worse. Not sure what the forum is, but I'm disappointed. #respectforhumanlife

    Anniversary

    banana468
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    @flantastic , I just scanned that group and didn't see a post like that. Darn.



    Anniversary
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I couldn't tell you what shoes my BMs wore (of course it was almost 33 years ago), but I couldn't tell you what my DD's BMs wore and that was only 4 months ago! They wore short dresses too. All I know is that they were told to wear something they were comfortable wearing and that they should be neutral. This bride needs a reality check.
  • Actually, this is in just a Catholic women group.  Not an NFP group.  You can message me if you're interested in an Facebook group like that.  It's usually a great group to be in, but sometimes when weddings or etiquette comes up it drives me CRAZY.

    SaveSave
  • This is like that time @banana468 was upset over the entitlement in the FB group (that I actually think we're all in, @monkeysip and @holyguacamole79) except this is so, so much worse. Not sure what the forum is, but I'm disappointed. #respectforhumanlife

    I've seen a few things in that group that have made me pause. But this is so bad.
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    I couldn't tell you what shoes my BMs wore (of course it was almost 33 years ago), but I couldn't tell you what my DD's BMs wore and that was only 4 months ago! They wore short dresses too. All I know is that they were told to wear something they were comfortable wearing and that they should be neutral. This bride needs a reality check.
    How could your daughter be SO lackadaisical with her wedding vision?  Did you not remind her that the day was about HER?  What was she thinking, putting the comfort of her friends above her vision?
    kimmiinthemitten
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    It's almost like the bride doesn't want a pregnant girl in her wedding.

     I mean come on, who wants a fat girl waddling down 8 months pregnant in flats when you have all these others in 5 inches heels?   The horror I tell you.   ::rolls eyes::

       Unable to actually express this because said pregnant bm is a FSIL, she decided to makes unrealistic demands knowing very few ladies 8 months along will wear 5 inch heels.   The thought is "I'm the bride and BM are my puppets and will do anything I ask."   

    Clearly the pregnant BM is the one who is going to look bad for pushing back.  I mean, who the hell is she to tell a bride "no"?   If they do they are ones in the "wrong"

    Well that is her version.   Reasonable people will be "WTF bride, she is 8 months pregnant, carrying your FI's  future niece/nephew and you are demanding she wear 5 inch heels?"






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I wear 5 inch heels all the time (I'm 5' 1"), but I'm very picky on which 5 inch heels they are and wouldn't take kindly to being forced to wear a pair that is uncomfortable (relatively speaking).  I would never force my friends to wear heels that large though.  There's a reason they don't wear them in their daily lives, just as there's a reason I like to wear them in mine.  When did friendship become about forcing your friends to sacrifice their safety and comfort?  It literally makes zero sense. 


    image
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    levioosa said:
    I wear 5 inch heels all the time (I'm 5' 1"), but I'm very picky on which 5 inch heels they are and wouldn't take kindly to being forced to wear a pair that is uncomfortable (relatively speaking).  I would never force my friends to wear heels that large though.  There's a reason they don't wear them in their daily lives, just as there's a reason I like to wear them in mine.  When did friendship become about forcing your friends to sacrifice their safety and comfort?  It literally makes zero sense. 
    I know this is rhetorical, but there does seem to be an answer.  It appears that for many brides-to-be, the minute they "honor" someone with the title "bridesmaid", they forget that they are being honored for their friendship.  Friendship is all but forgotten, and is replaced with "me/myvision/myday". 
    spockforpreztigerlily6
  • levioosa said:

    I wear 5 inch heels all the time (I'm 5' 1"), but I'm very picky on which 5 inch heels they are and wouldn't take kindly to being forced to wear a pair that is uncomfortable (relatively speaking).  I would never force my friends to wear heels that large though.  There's a reason they don't wear them in their daily lives, just as there's a reason I like to wear them in mine.  When did friendship become about forcing your friends to sacrifice their safety and comfort?  It literally makes zero sense. 

    Women like 5 inch heels bride don't have friends, they have props.

    tigerlily6ShesSoCold
«13
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards