Etiquette

NER: Too much dessert?

Not Etiquette Related, but you ladies give great opinions.

My friend is getting married in December. She really wants a candy bar. He really wants a s'Mores bar. They will also be having a cookie table (local tradition, not really optional). Is having cake also too much or is there no such thing as too much dessert?

They will have take home containers for the candy and cookies. (and that could be an option for the cupcakes too)
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Re: NER: Too much dessert?

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
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    I would say it's a lot of sweats.      However, just have to go boxes/bags and it will be all good.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • As long as the dessert budget doesn't take away from being well-hosted in other ways, there's no problem.

    For me personally though, it really seems like overkill- harmless overkill, but I'd still be mildly like wtf (I don't really like sweets so I probably wouldn't partake in any of this). Candy AND s'mores AND cookies AND cake? I mean, like I said, no skin off my teeth if everyone is well-hosted otherwise... it's just a lot.
    PrettyGirlLostpoodledoodleoooSP29
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI
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    I worked a wedding this year for a couple with a cookie table (best wedding tradition ever, IMO - I would move to Pittsburgh for it!) along with cake.  They had so much food left over they made to go boxes even for us staff, but FI didn't mind.

    Maybe ask a couple family members to be in charge of the smores, cakes and  candy instead of cookies though to balance it out.
    image
  • As long as there are to-go containers and the B&G aren't scrimping on other things to afford all of the desserts then I'm cool with it. I like dessert, a lot, and could definitely do a piece of cake, a cookie later, and take home some candy (please be good candy, not just color-themed stuff that isn't actually tasty)
    nerdwife
  • I think it's really silly, and I'd expect absolutely everything else to have been done perfectly if you're going to be wasting money on this.

    I also think it's a bit rude. Isn't the cookie table tradition that other people make cookies for you? If so, putting out tons of other competing desserts devalues that contribution.
    PrettyGirlLostgeebee908crowsgirl15
  • Is there a way to combine the candy bar and the s'mores bar?  Like maybe do melt-able candies, like mini m&m's, caramels, butterscotch and you could sprinkle them on the s'mores.

    Also, from a wedding I went to very recently, they had cake and a candy bar and I don't think I saw a single person getting candy (and there were a lot of kids present).  But people did eat cake after the DJ announced it was served.  So maybe make sure everyone is aware of all the options?
    VicTim328
  • My cousins had cake, cookie table, and an ice cream bar.  The cookie table was in the lobby and was set up before the guests arrived.  Everyone had to walk through it to get to the cocktail hour, then back through it for the reception.  It was attacked, and it was almost gone before dinner was over.  They budgeted 18 cookies per person (our family is full of cookie monsters, normally the rule of thumb is 6-8 pp).... Cake was served immediately after dinner, and they did the ice cream bar about 2 hours later.  They had to go containers, but didn't actually need them.

    It may be much, but if they time everything right, it should be fine.  I do like the idea of combining the s'mores and candy bar.  There's also a local place (assuming this is in Pittsburgh) that does customized ice cream sandwiches, which can account for cookies, s'mores and candy....
    japrincess24
  • 18 cookies per person? That is almost obscene.
  • In general, Pittsburghers take the cookies seriously.  If the guests have access to them before dinner (let alone have the containers ready), it becomes a battle of the cookie hoarders.  Most of them were very small cookies (lady locks, cold-doughs, thumb prints, wedding rings, buckeyes, mini gobs), but it was literally a cookie room.  And they ran out quickly (cookie hoarders).
    PrettyGirlLostcollegechiccsuave
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
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    edited January 2016
    I think it's a bit much.  But I'm not a fan of "candy bars" to begin with.

    I think it's really silly, and I'd expect absolutely everything else to have been done perfectly if you're going to be wasting money on this. I also think it's a bit rude. Isn't the cookie table tradition that other people make cookies for you? If so, putting out tons of other competing desserts devalues that contribution.

    I agree with this.  I grew up in that area and had a metric shit ton of cookies for my wedding, and I think my family and friends would have been offended if I also served a "candy bar" and a smores bar on top of everything they painstakingly made as a gift for me.  Because that's what one of these cookie tables is. . . a gift your guests are giving to you for your reception.

    scribe95 said:
    18 cookies per person? That is almost obscene.
    Not really.  A friend of the family works in the restaurant and catering business and told us that the general estimates they use for catered events is 1-1.5 dozen of cookies per guest.

    VicTim328 said:
    In general, Pittsburghers take the cookies seriously.  If the guests have access to them before dinner (let alone have the containers ready), it becomes a battle of the cookie hoarders.  Most of them were very small cookies (lady locks, cold-doughs, thumb prints, wedding rings, buckeyes, mini gobs), but it was literally a cookie room.  And they ran out quickly (cookie hoarders).

    Which is why we didn't serve the cookies until after dinner ;-)

    And this is all the more reason to scrap the whole "candy bar" and smores bar idea.  Pittsburghers really look forward to the cookies at weddings.  They don't need or usually want all that other, extra junk.

    OP, I'd make the suggestion that they move the "candy bar" and smores bar to the RD instead.


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    scrunchythiefVicTim328
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
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    edited January 2016


    scribe95 said:
    18 cookies per person? That is almost obscene.
    Not really.  A friend of the family works in the restaurant and catering business and told us that the general estimates they use for catered events is 1-1.5 dozen of cookies per guest.



    DOZEN?     Kind-of shocking there is an obesity problem in the US.   That is insane.

    I would would lover the average to 1, maybe 2 cookies.  So that means others are eating MORE than 18 cookies at an event.



    ETA - DH prepares 1.5 cookies per per guest.   On the boat I worked on we also prepared 1.5 per guests.  We often had leftovers. Not a lot, but it was rare they were all gone.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
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    lyndausvi said:


    scribe95 said:
    18 cookies per person? That is almost obscene.
    Not really.  A friend of the family works in the restaurant and catering business and told us that the general estimates they use for catered events is 1-1.5 dozen of cookies per guest.



    DOZEN?     Kind-of shocking there is an obesity problem in the US.   That is insane.

    I would would lover the average to 1, maybe 2 cookies.  So that means others are eating MORE than 18 cookies at an event.



    ETA - DH prepares 1.5 cookies per per guest.   On the boat I worked on we also prepared 1.5 per guests.  We often had leftovers. Not a lot, but it was rare they were all gone.
    That's the figure for the Pittsburgh weddings and other events where cookies are the main desert.  Pittsburghers love cookies.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    STARMOON44LabLove86
  • I'm learning something new. So the cookie table is something that guests contribute to? Or is that how it used to be but now B&G in the area supply a ton of cookies as dessert?
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
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    lyndausvi said:


    scribe95 said:
    18 cookies per person? That is almost obscene.
    Not really.  A friend of the family works in the restaurant and catering business and told us that the general estimates they use for catered events is 1-1.5 dozen of cookies per guest.



    DOZEN?     Kind-of shocking there is an obesity problem in the US.   That is insane.

    I would would lover the average to 1, maybe 2 cookies.  So that means others are eating MORE than 18 cookies at an event.



    ETA - DH prepares 1.5 cookies per per guest.   On the boat I worked on we also prepared 1.5 per guests.  We often had leftovers. Not a lot, but it was rare they were all gone.
    That's the figure for the Pittsburgh weddings and other events where cookies are the main desert.  Pittsburghers love cookies.
    Even for a main dessert that is an insanely high number of cookies per person.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 

  • lyndausvi said:




    scribe95 said:

    18 cookies per person? That is almost obscene.

    Not really.  A friend of the family works in the restaurant and catering business and told us that the general estimates they use for catered events is 1-1.5 dozen of cookies per guest.



    DOZEN?     Kind-of shocking there is an obesity problem in the US.   That is insane.

    I would would lover the average to 1, maybe 2 cookies.  So that means others are eating MORE than 18 cookies at an event.



    ETA - DH prepares 1.5 cookies per per guest.   On the boat I worked on we also prepared 1.5 per guests.  We often had leftovers. Not a lot, but it was rare they were all gone.

    That's the figure for the Pittsburgh weddings and other events where cookies are the main desert.  Pittsburghers love cookies.




    And it's including as an expectation that people are taking them home. A dozen cookies to go at a few weddings a year is really not contributing to obesity.
    PrettyGirlLostkimmiinthemittenjaprincess24
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
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    I could easily eat a dozen cookies. Nom Nom.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    PrettyGirlLostKeptInStitchesLabLove86japrincess24
  • LD1970LD1970
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    edited January 2016
    I come from the land of Viennese tables. There's no such thing as too much dessert.

    ETA: I can easily eat an entire box of Oreos in one sitting. I don't anymore, but when I was in law school, I did it all the time.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
    PrettyGirlLostnerdwifecollegechic
  • kvruns said:
    I'm learning something new. So the cookie table is something that guests contribute to? Or is that how it used to be but now B&G in the area supply a ton of cookies as dessert?
    Usually, it's the close family/friends of B&G that offer to contribute to the cookie table as a gift to the B&G.  Sometimes, they will use family recipes of deceased loved ones.  Occasionally, you will see B&G contribute to it.  It got its beginnings during the Depression, when sugar/ingredients for a cake were difficult to come by.  Family members/community members would bake cookies for the receptions.  It's a tradition that has been passed down, to the point of crazy today.

    Some family recipes are passed down with cookie tables in mind.  We had a cookie table at my shower, and my aunt came over to bake shortly after Christmas.  One of the family recipes she brought over called for 10 cups of flour, 14 eggs, 6 cups of sugar and 4lb of butter.  We had to mix it in a metal cooler, but it made 40 dozen cookies about the size of a quarter.
    ILoveBeachMusic
  • I like @PrettyGirlLost 's idea of doing some of this at the rehearsal dinner instead of everything at the reception.

    Also count me in the camp of 18 cookies per person sounds INSANE. How small are these cookies?? How does a person possibly have room for that after a full meal?? I don't think I could eat 18 cookies even if it was all I ate all day...
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
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    lyndausvi said:
    lyndausvi said:


    scribe95 said:
    18 cookies per person? That is almost obscene.
    Not really.  A friend of the family works in the restaurant and catering business and told us that the general estimates they use for catered events is 1-1.5 dozen of cookies per guest.



    DOZEN?     Kind-of shocking there is an obesity problem in the US.   That is insane.

    I would would lover the average to 1, maybe 2 cookies.  So that means others are eating MORE than 18 cookies at an event.



    ETA - DH prepares 1.5 cookies per per guest.   On the boat I worked on we also prepared 1.5 per guests.  We often had leftovers. Not a lot, but it was rare they were all gone.
    That's the figure for the Pittsburgh weddings and other events where cookies are the main desert.  Pittsburghers love cookies.
    Even for a main dessert that is an insanely high number of cookies per person.
    Pft, who in the hell only eats 1-2 cookies?  No one I know! :-P  I can tell you that your DH would run out of cookies if I was on your boat. . . I'm not eating just a single cookie, lol.  Especially not at a wedding that has a cookie table; the cookies are usually way better than the wedding cake (which is almost always dry in my experience and is often a burnt almond torte because 'Burghers are obsessed with those stupid, gross tortes :-P )

    And over the course of 4-6 hour reception?  Where ppl are grazing. . . a dozen cookies is plausible.   Even if the cookies are withheld until after dinner, that's typically still 3-4 hours of munching.

    Keep in mind, these tables are typically present at Italian weddings.  Have you seen how Italians cook/eat?

    httpwwwkappitcomimgpics20141210_112814_efagebh_smpng


    VicTim328 said:
    kvruns said:
    I'm learning something new. So the cookie table is something that guests contribute to? Or is that how it used to be but now B&G in the area supply a ton of cookies as dessert?
    Usually, it's the close family/friends of B&G that offer to contribute to the cookie table as a gift to the B&G.  Sometimes, they will use family recipes of deceased loved ones.  Occasionally, you will see B&G contribute to it.  It got its beginnings during the Depression, when sugar/ingredients for a cake were difficult to come by.  Family members/community members would bake cookies for the receptions.  It's a tradition that has been passed down, to the point of crazy today.

    Some family recipes are passed down with cookie tables in mind.  We had a cookie table at my shower, and my aunt came over to bake shortly after Christmas.  One of the family recipes she brought over called for 10 cups of flour, 14 eggs, 6 cups of sugar and 4lb of butter.  We had to mix it in a metal cooler, but it made 40 dozen cookies about the size of a quarter.
    Do you have an actual citation for this?  It makes sense, but this is the first time I've ever heard of that explanation or ever come across it. 

    I like @PrettyGirlLost 's idea of doing some of this at the rehearsal dinner instead of everything at the reception.

    Also count me in the camp of 18 cookies per person sounds INSANE. How small are these cookies?? How does a person possibly have room for that after a full meal?? I don't think I could eat 18 cookies even if it was all I ate all day...
    They are the size of typical lady locks, thumb prints, mexican/russian wedding cookies, pizelles, peanut butter blossoms, etc.  So, not that big really.  And again, eaten over the course of 4-6 hours, and as @STARMOON44 mentioned people also take them home.  They are like a secondary favor, lol.




    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    AddieCakekimmiinthemittencollegechic
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
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    At a wedding?  After I've eaten apps and dinner?  When I'm drinking? I barely get through a piece of cake.  Maybe a cookie.  Certainly not more than one. My stomach isn't big enough to eat so much.

    I also  have blood sugar issues.   If I'm not careful too much sugar will make me crash later.  So I limit myself.  







    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • AddieCake said:
    I don't trust any of you 1-2 cookie people. Something is wrong with you. COOKIES!


    when we were trying to figure out how many cupcakes to order H was like well I'll definitely eat 2 full size plus a bunch of minis and I'm sure others will too. I was like umm I'm pretty sure most of our guests will not be eating that much so we don't need to order a gazillion.  And of course what happened, H had 1 full size cupcake and that was it the entire night - there was no time for sitting and eating cupcakes all night.

    I will say that I am much more apt to eat multiple cookies than I would be to eat a few cupcakes. We had some grocery store bakery cookies that I bought Fri after work and I had 2 in the 10 min car ride home but I ate one from each side so H wouldn't notice.

  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
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    lyndausvi said:
    At a wedding?  After I've eaten apps and dinner?  When I'm drinking? I barely get through a piece of cake.  Maybe a cookie.  Certainly not more than one. My stomach isn't big enough to eat so much.

    I also  have blood sugar issues.   If I'm not careful too much sugar will make me crash later.  So I limit myself.  

    I can eat ;-)  Italians are like the marathon runners of eating- trained at a young age by our grandmothers to "Mangia! Mangia!" or else you don't actually love grandmother.  We graze all.night.long.

    Blood sugar issues are not something I'd mess with, though.  I get that!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    scrunchythief
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
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    AddieCake said:
    I had a 2-hour reception and had a slice of cake AND a cupcake. Clearly some of you are not as committed to desserts as I am. 
    Priorities.  Priorities, people!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    AddieCakekimmiinthemittenlevioosaLabLove86
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
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    lyndausvi said:
    At a wedding?  After I've eaten apps and dinner?  When I'm drinking? I barely get through a piece of cake.  Maybe a cookie.  Certainly not more than one. My stomach isn't big enough to eat so much.

    I also  have blood sugar issues.   If I'm not careful too much sugar will make me crash later.  So I limit myself.  

    I can eat ;-)  Italians are like the marathon runners of eating- trained at a young age by our grandmothers to "Mangia! Mangia!" or else you don't actually love grandmother.  We graze all.night.long.

    Blood sugar issues are not something I'd mess with, though.  I get that!
    My husband of Italian decent can eat all day long.  Hell he does... you know... "quality control" at work.     That is also why he is overweight (although down 45 pounds with the help of drugs and nutritionist).

    Don't get me wrong.  I like sweets.  Ben and Jerry's Milk and cookies?  Hell yeah.   Candy, cakes, brownies, whatever.   I just  do not  like them in in large quantities.  

    DH will eat a box of Oreos in a day, maybe day and a half.  It would take me a week or more.   Pint of ice cream takes him 2 days.  Again, I can make it last a week or more.   Although with him around I've been know to will speed up the process if I think he might eat it all before I get a chance.

    I have the ability to take 2 days to finish a regular size Twix.     I had clients send me a box of chocolates on Friday.  I still haven't opened the box.

    I'm a freak.  






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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