Etiquette

Holiday Weekend Wedding- Good or Bad?

Hi all,
My fiance and I are considering having our wedding the Friday after Thanksgiving, not only to cut down on costs, but also we thought it would be nice that most people would have the extra time off of work. However I've heard some backlash over this from different people, so I wanted to ask the opinion of other brides. I know people want to be with their families on holidays, which I definitely respect, so I'm somewhat torn as well....
So, internet, any opinions? Thanks in advance.
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Re: Holiday Weekend Wedding- Good or Bad?

  • I think this is really dependent on your own situation.

    If BIL and SIL opted to get married Thanksgiving weekend then DH and I would have missed the day with our own families to travel and then we would have been in a hotel for that holiday weekend.

    If it was one of our local family members or friends getting married that day then it would be a lot easier.

    Did you check with your VIPs to see how the date works for them?  Will it require travel arrangements for them?   
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
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    My BIL got married the Saturday after Thanksgiving. H was Best Man so we had to be there Friday for the rehearsal. It was OOT for us so that meant we traveled Thanksgiving Day - PIA. If it hadn't been a family member we wouldn't have attended. You should check with your VIPs and see how they feel. You can have a wedding whenever you want, but realize you are going to have more declines than usual for such a big holiday weekend.
    OliveOilsMom
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI
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    A lot of reunions take place this weekend because it's the most commonly traveled.

    I would check with your VIP's and most important OOT guests.  If that date works for them, then great!  If not, you need to choose whether you'd rather have them there or get married that weekend.

    Our wedding is the weekend before Christmas, and most of our OOT guests are in FI family.  Per the advice from when I asked the same questions, we talked to our OOT guests who preferred the weekend closer to Christmas since most of them already come home for at least a week at that time anyways.
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    randomslove
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
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    edited January 2016
    I would not give up my Thanksgiving plans for a wedding that was not my sibling's, and even then I'm sure my family would be trying to convince them not to do that day.

    ETA I have Thanksgiving plans on the Friday after with my extended family, as many people do. Travel would require I also give up Thanksgiving itself, and as I said, not happening.

    Anniversary

    holyguacamole79PrettyGirlLostInLoveInQueensNotATotalBetty
  • Personally, I will not travel around either Thanksgiving or Christmas.  In fact, this year, we celebrated Thanksgiving with my family the Sunday before Thanksgiving (it was a 45 minute drive), and Thanksgiving with his family got scheduled, then cancelled.  I'd rather attend a wedding than shop on Black Friday though, so if you're local, I'm totally there.
    VicTim328
  • I do not leave my home on Black Friday. Ever. It's just hell to drive in. Also, I host Friendagiving on the Saturday of Thanksgiving, and I'd have to really love someone to give up that tradition for them.

    Also, as PPs have said, travel over Thanksgiving weekend is among the most expensive of the year. I definitely wouldn't be taking a flight to a wedding for that weekend.
    spockforprez
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
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    Generally I'm not opposed to holiday weekend weddings.  We don't usually have any long standing plans that happen every year, except for Thanksgiving.  I'd probably only attend your wedding if it were local and you were a very close relative or friend.
  • My cousin did this about 10 years ago. Most of the guests were local so it worked out. We had some relatives (aunts, uncles, cousins) come in to town and it worked because they got to spend Thanksgiving with the rest of the family which they don't usually get to do. But it totally depends on your guest list. If it requires a lot of people to travel and miss spending the holiday with their families then I might rethink, but if the list is mostly local then I don't see the problem.
    short+sassy
  • Thank you, everyone, for your input so far! This has given me a lot to think about, and I appreciate hearing what other brides think.
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be
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    I would not travel for it, but assuming it was local and didn't have a gap, I'd be happy to go. I hate gaps, but on a holiday weekend I would not even consider tolerating one. Id already be giving up other fun stuff.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • I also feel this is a know your crowd thing.  DH and I got married the Saturday after Thanksgiving.  When we polled our VIPs with our preferred dates (one other in November, one in mid-February, and that one), our VIPS actually preferred the holiday one.

    For us, it was because most of our family planned to be "home" for Thanksgiving, so they preferred only traveling once.  For others, it gave them an excuse to come back for the holiday.

    However, not all families or people feel this way.  Absolutely talk to your VIPs before you proceed, especially because the Friday after Thanksgiving can be either a work day or a traditional shopping day for a lot of people.
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    Anniversary


  • I would go if it were close to home. I wouldn't travel for it and I'd think you were cray if you invited a lot if people who needed to travel to this.
  • I was a BM in a Saturday after Thanksgiving wedding and I didn't mind at all but my mother (who was a guest) complained to me that she was exhausted after the holiday and didn't love the idea of going to a wedding.  

    I think its fine but be mentally prepared for declines because of the holiday weekend and since some have to work that day.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I wouldn't attend a wedding that day unless it was local.

    The general rule is to check with your VIPs before you pick your wedding day to make sure the people you really want there can make it. It sounds like in doing that, you've run into some conflicts. If that's the case, I would switch the date.

    Personally and outside etiquette, I despise holiday weekend weddings.

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  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
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    If I had to travel far, I'd probably skip it. Flights/hotels tend to be super expensive during that time. If it was a local wedding that I could drive to, I wouldn't mind at all. 

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
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    I wouldn't attend a wedding that weekend. Like PPs said, travelling and missing the holiday would be out of the question. But even if it were local, I wouldn't be able to go. My ILs come stay with us every year for T-giving. I wouldn't be ok with cancelling those plans or going off and leaving them to attend a wedding. Even if people are local, consider whether they'll have house guests.

    On top of that, my sister's hospital job means she works every other Thanksgiving Day, so our Thanksgiving is on Friday some years. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    JaxInBlue said:
    I also feel this is a know your crowd thing.  DH and I got married the Saturday after Thanksgiving.  When we polled our VIPs with our preferred dates (one other in November, one in mid-February, and that one), our VIPS actually preferred the holiday one.

    For us, it was because most of our family planned to be "home" for Thanksgiving, so they preferred only traveling once.  For others, it gave them an excuse to come back for the holiday.

    However, not all families or people feel this way.  Absolutely talk to your VIPs before you proceed, especially because the Friday after Thanksgiving can be either a work day or a traditional shopping day for a lot of people.
    I agree with this.  Some people don't want to travel on Thanksgiving, either because it's a peak travel time when airfares, hotels, and other travel costs spike and airports and hotels get very crowded, or because they consider Thanksgiving a sacred holiday and don't want to give up whatever traditions they observe at that time of the year.

    Check with your VIPs before you schedule anything-but also find out about travel costs and availability for that time of year.
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited January 2016
    Hi all,
    My fiance and I are considering having our wedding the Friday after Thanksgiving, not only to cut down on costs, but also we thought it would be nice that most people would have the extra time off of work. However I've heard some backlash over this from different people, so I wanted to ask the opinion of other brides. I know people want to be with their families on holidays, which I definitely respect, so I'm somewhat torn as well....
    So, internet, any opinions? Thanks in advance.
    Whose cost would you be cutting?  Travel is the most expensive this time of year, and hotels charge full prices for rooms.  Not only this, but in the future you will be celebrating your wedding anniversary at Thanksgiving time, when you will be busy preparing for the holiday.  I think you should choose another date.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    holyguacamole79InLoveInQueens
  • If I'm an OOT guest I'd have to:
    1)Miss Thanksgiving with my family to celebrate your wedding
    2)Travel on thanksgiving - which is a light travel day, but peanuts =/= turkey
    3)Pay for a hotel/car one one of the most expensive weekends during the year
    4) Fly home on Sat/Sun- two of the busiest travel days- a headache and PRICEY

    If I'm local I'd have to:
    1)Figure out a way to entertain my house guests, who presumably traveled to see me, on one of the most expensive/busy travel times of the year
    2)Deal with Black Friday traffic -- not worth it unless you're providing 80% cashmere sweaters ;)
    3)Take a day off of work- I don't like weekday weddings, if I have to use vacation time it has to be for something I chose to do on a work day

    Sorry, but either way, this sounds like a bad idea--unless 1)All of your VIPs are OK with this AND 2)You're hoping for a lot of declines/$ savings.
  • FWIW, I do recall attending a wedding the Saturday after Thanksgiving.   

    1) The wedding was OOT but a distance that the guests could drive.
    2) By making it the Saturday after Thanksgiving, they also did not create any inconveniences for Thanksgiving or the following day.
    3) They arranged for coach buses to pick up the guests in our local area, drive them to NYC where the wedding and reception were and THEN drove them back to our local area (2 hours each way).   

    That allowed the guests from their pool of local friends and family who did not want to stay overnight to use their provided transportation.  The added benefit was that the guests got to sleep in the buses on their way back and they got to sober up a bit.    

    While DH and I didn't use their provided transportation (we stayed at my IL's halfway between the two locations) I thought it was a really nice gesture.   Their wedding was extremely well attended, and fabulously hosted.   I look back at the number of weddings I've attended as an adult and it's in my top 3 including my own. 
    CMGragain
  • Depends on the holiday. We have a long weekend in August here in Canada for "Civic Day", but it's not associated with any family traditions. My friends got married the Sun of that long weekend and it worked out really well, because most people are off on the Monday.

    However, I think it is tricky with any holiday that is associated with family traditions. Most people I know only get the holiday day off, any additional time is vacation time. 

    Also, my people have large/mixed/extended families and celebrate a holiday over multiple days. Both DH and my parents are divorced, though fortunately for planning, MIL doesn't celebrate holidays. But that means we attend 2-3 family events for EVERY holiday. Canadian Thanksgiving works a bit different here (ours is on a Monday, so you get a long weekend), but either way, our Thanksgiving would be 2 family dinners Thurs/Fri, or Thurs/weekend, or possibly both on the weekend. 
  • If it were local and started later I MIGHT attend.  I am chief cook and bottlewasher for Thanksgiving.  The day after I am freaking exhausted.

    No way would I travel for it.  I'm not missing my family holiday and I'm not paying super premium prices for accomodations.
  • If it's local, I'll probably go to a wedding over Thanksgiving weekend. If I have to travel and it's not a family member getting married, forget it. 

    If a lot of your guests are going to have to miss being with their families on Thanksgiving in order to get to your wedding, I really think you should consider another date. 
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    KnickerGold
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
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    Local wedding: I totally would drive.

    OOT wedding: They would have to be very very close to me, especially if a flight was involved.  Overall I think it is best to avoid holiday weekends. Many people think they are making things easier for their guests, but the reality is that during holidays the price of travel shoots up, not to mention the cluster that traveling during the holidays entails.  Add a fall/winter storm to a Thanksgiving weekend and it's a recipe for disaster.   


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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska
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    CMGragain said:



    Hi all,
    My fiance and I are considering having our wedding the Friday after Thanksgiving, not only to cut down on costs, but also we thought it would be nice that most people would have the extra time off of work. However I've heard some backlash over this from different people, so I wanted to ask the opinion of other brides. I know people want to be with their families on holidays, which I definitely respect, so I'm somewhat torn as well....
    So, internet, any opinions? Thanks in advance.

    Whose cost would you be cutting?  Travel is the most expensive this time of year, and hotels charge full prices for rooms.  Not only this, but in the future you will be celebrating your wedding anniversary at Thanksgiving time, when you will be busy preparing for the holiday.  I think you should choose another date.


    ----boxes---

    Cmg has some really good points.

    Also, I don't know your family. Maybe you have a lot of friends and family who work for the government or have other jobs that give you that four day weekend. I don't get Friday off. Neither does my husband. That doesn't mean we necessarily wouldn't go to the wedding, but it is an extra day off we would have to take.

    And as other people have brought up, Thanksgiving weekend is not a fun weekend to travel.

    KnickerGoldInLoveInQueens
  • I think PP brought up a lot of good points on how it'd be expensive for OOT guest and might be difficult for a lot of people being Black Friday so anyone in retail might have trouble getting off.

    I'm curious on how it will save you money? We saved money by having a weekday wedding but with our venue and vendors they didn't give any savings if it was a holiday week. So if you saw that a Friday is cheaper and are just assuming that the Friday after thanksgiving is included I'd double check with your venue policies because that might not be the case. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • A lot of PPs mentioned they'd go if it was local.  But, keep in mind, your local guests could very well be traveling out of town for a vacation or to visit family further out.  Then they couldn't go either.

    There is certainly nothing wrong with getting married the day after TG, if that is what works out best for you all and your VIPs.  However, prepare yourself for and understand you might have a lot of declines.  Even potentially from people you are very good friends with/close to.

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    PrettyGirlLostdowntondiva
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