Etiquette

Cruise Wedding

124»

Re: Cruise Wedding

  • skyhannon said:
    lyndausvi said:

    This will probably be an unpopular opinion but I don't really agree that she should pay for all in attendance if it is on a cruise ship. someone commented that the guests have no option. They do. the option is to go or not go.

    Going would mean that they understand this isn't "JUST" a wedding, its also a vacation. she clearly stated that a different cruise route would be unacceptable because the guests want to see the glaciers, i. e. they all want to do this anyway.

    That being said..... Idk what PPD stands for but I think it would be wrong to have a ceremony beforehand then a renewal on the cruise. People want to SEE you get married, not pretend to get married.

    All etiquette aside, a wedding on a glacier sounds AMAZING. On our Alaskan cruise we hiked a glacier and it blew our minds, it was truly a life changing experience for us.

    you may want to talk to the cruise line to see if there are any options without changing/rebooking a cruise and inconveniencing your guests. there also may be an opportunity for price breaks if there are a lot of guests attending

    First, welcome to the Knot. Lurk a little and you will start to pick up things

    The first bolded is all kinds of wrong because a) people tend to get limited vacation time and don't necessarily want to be told how to spend it
    b) you cannot tell people how to spend their money (or time)

    The second bolded: A PPD is what we refer to around here as a "Pretty Prince(ss) Day". You get one wedding day, when you are officially married, the rest is just pageantry. 
    I weirdly see her point though- you're not telling anyone how to spend their time or money any more than you are when you invite them to any other wedding. It's an invitation and they can decline, they same way a lot of people would decline to spend money and take vacation days to fly to a wedding across the country. 

    I guess at the most basic level I don't see how a cruise is any different than a destination wedding- they are both presumably more expensive and time-consuming options for having a wedding, but if people want to go they can go and if they don't they don't have to. I've never really thought about this question before though so there's some angle I could be missing.
    Because at normal destination and/or OOT weddings the guests can make their own plans.  They can arrive into town when they want and stay as long as they want.  

    You can't do that with cruises.  Either the 5,7, 10, whatever days the cruise sails for or nothing.    You only have one option for lodging.    


    I personally do not think they should have to pay, however I think it's a LOT to ask of guests.    Some people only get 2 weeks off a year. Depending on the location it can be a good 7 days just to see a wedding.  Again a lot of ask of guests to witness you getting married.
    I can help clarifying that the people we are inviting can afford and do have the time to easily accommodate a cruise wedding.  We are only inviting family and very close friends.  Both our sets of parents are retired and the rest of our family has very flexible schedules. We were very fortunate.  
    You don't get to determine if it's something they can afford or accommodate, they get to decide that. 
    And they have decided that they CAN afford it which is why we are doing it.  I did ask before we got too far down the planning road at all.  
    Knottie1433791078.defunct635887248411526866

  • skyhannon said:
    I can help clarifying that the people we are inviting can afford and do have the time to easily accommodate a cruise wedding.  We are only inviting family and very close friends.  Both our sets of parents are retired and the rest of our family has very flexible schedules. We were very fortunate.  
    It's not a good idea to assess for other people what they should choose to spend their money on, or to decide for them that they can (all) afford your wedding, no matter how you choose to proceed. 

    Remember that while this is a really exciting time for you and your FI, it's just not going to be the same high priority to your guests that it is to you.
    I didn't assume anything about anybody's finances.  Shortly after we were engaged we asked everybody we really wanted to be there, "This is what we are envisioning,  If we did it this way is the trip affordable for you?"  We were ready to cut some cost to help some guest come because their presence was more important then material things. The response was a resounding YES i could make it, I have enough time to save, but its very realistic. If we didn't have that response of course we would alter to be more affordable for everybody. 


  • skyhannon said:

    skyhannon said:
    I can help clarifying that the people we are inviting can afford and do have the time to easily accommodate a cruise wedding.  We are only inviting family and very close friends.  Both our sets of parents are retired and the rest of our family has very flexible schedules. We were very fortunate.  
    It's not a good idea to assess for other people what they should choose to spend their money on, or to decide for them that they can (all) afford your wedding, no matter how you choose to proceed. 

    Remember that while this is a really exciting time for you and your FI, it's just not going to be the same high priority to your guests that it is to you.
    I didn't assume anything about anybody's finances.  Shortly after we were engaged we asked everybody we really wanted to be there, "This is what we are envisioning,  If we did it this way is the trip affordable for you?"  We were ready to cut some cost to help some guest come because their presence was more important then material things. The response was a resounding YES i could make it, I have enough time to save, but its very realistic. If we didn't have that response of course we would alter to be more affordable for everybody. 


    Everyone's point is that it is pretty rude even to ASK for this.
    Yes, the point is that if anyone wants to attend your wedding they are required to spend $$$$ to fly to the port of call, cruise with you for a set time period, and fly home again. There are no options for anything else time-wise or accommodation-wise. What if one or more of your VIPs has a setback in their finances between now and your wedding and can no longer afford it? They have to give up seeing you get married? Not nice.
    adk19
  • skyhannon said:

    skyhannon said:
    I can help clarifying that the people we are inviting can afford and do have the time to easily accommodate a cruise wedding.  We are only inviting family and very close friends.  Both our sets of parents are retired and the rest of our family has very flexible schedules. We were very fortunate.  
    It's not a good idea to assess for other people what they should choose to spend their money on, or to decide for them that they can (all) afford your wedding, no matter how you choose to proceed. 

    Remember that while this is a really exciting time for you and your FI, it's just not going to be the same high priority to your guests that it is to you.
    I didn't assume anything about anybody's finances.  Shortly after we were engaged we asked everybody we really wanted to be there, "This is what we are envisioning,  If we did it this way is the trip affordable for you?"  We were ready to cut some cost to help some guest come because their presence was more important then material things. The response was a resounding YES i could make it, I have enough time to save, but its very realistic. If we didn't have that response of course we would alter to be more affordable for everybody. 


    The bolded is part of why it's rude to ask this sort of question.  It's not like they have so much money lying around that they can do this without a second thought. They need to save up for it!

    They want to see you get married and don't want to tell you that the wedding you've "envisioned" would be difficult for them.  Please reconsider.
    adk19KnickerGold
  • Ok, so here's the thing, you came on here and asked if what you were doing was wrong. The resounding answer is yes; family members are upset they are not seeing you get married, but rather reenact your wedding. 

    Additionally, by getting "married" on the ship you are deciding for your guests how much money they have to spend, when they have to travel, and how long they have to stay. Yes, this is also wrong. The more you try and explain the more it sounds like you just want people to say "Oh it's ok your vision is so important these things don't matter". They do matter, and even though you have asked people if it's ok it's still rude to have done so in the first place. 
    spockforprezJediElizabethKnickerGoldSTARMOON44
  • Maybe if it's broken down it will make more sense to you- even though what I'm saying has been said earlier...

    My friend wants to get married in Alaska. She's deciding between having her wedding on land and her wedding on a cruise ship.
    If it's on land:
    1)I can fly in the day before/whenever I want.
    2)Stay somewhere at MY price point- if that means couch surfing, AirBnB-ing an apartment with 10 people, staying at a hostel, I can do it for little to nothing.
    3)I can leave whenever I want!
    4)I can use as little or as much vacation time as I'd like, there is no minimum.

    If it's on a cruise ship:
    1) I *MUST* take off X number of days-- yes I have these days, but it doesn't mean I want to spend them on your wedding. I may have 10 days and your wedding only 'requires' 6, but I wanted to use those to go somewhere of my choosing.
    2)I *MUST* pay a minimum of X/night to be on the cruise, because I can not pick my own accommodations-- this is different from a DW. If you get married at a $500/night AI resort in Mexico, I can stay down the street at a $49 hotel and still attend your wedding.
    3)I can not arrive/leave whenever I want- I *must* be on the boat at X time. And I can not get off the boat until X time. I'm stuck.

    For what it's worth-- My fiance and I considered getting married in Africa, where we met. We were going to invite parents/grandparent/1-2 close friends each (and their spouses/SOs). While we were not going to pay for their airfare- people have preferences on airlines/points/stopovers (they had options)- we were going to pay for their hotel since there were no other housing options- we had a beautiful resort in the middle of a game park picked out- but the nearest alternate hotel was a 1.5 hour drive. And I was not going to force anyone to pay X for a hotel, since they had no choice in accommodations. Similar to being on a cruise ship- the guests have NO choice. 

    Something else to think about-- if your friends/family are coming in from Singapore (I'm actually headed there next month!) it's going to be a HIKE. 32+ hours of travel time coming over, 35+ going back. Out of curiosity, I put in a random week for flights, assuming a Saturday to Saturday cruise- if guests got in at 8:30pm Friday night, they'd have to leave Singapore Thursday (2 work days) then they're on a cruise for a week (5 work days). Then, to go home, if they left *first thing* Sunday morning, the earliest they'd get back is Monday at 11pm - but that was $$$$- let's assume they land Tuesday. That's another 2 work days.
    Now, your guests have used 9 vacation days for your wedding. If you got married on land and *then* went on your cruise, you can take out a whole week and your guests *only* have to use 4 vacation days- and they still get to see your wedding AND you still get your cruise! Since you're only inviting your nearest and dearest, wouldn't that be a kinder option- allow them to 1)see your wedding 2) use as little time off as possible if they want to? 

    When I was looking into my wedding in Africa, I looked at a long weekend- the airfare wasn't anymore expensive, but I found flights that would've allowed my guests to not miss ANY work if we did the wedding on a Sunday vs. a Saturday. Fly out Friday night, arrive Saturday night, fly out Monday morning, arrive Monday evening (yay time zones!)-- Monday was a federal and financial holiday. Sure they could have come earlier or stayed later, but they were free to make that choice for themselves- they were not 'trapped' into staying at least X number of days.

    Good luck.
    I would just add: Technically, they would still also be able to take the cruise if they want to. Or another one offered the same time, but for different duration/price point/etc., if they choose. So it's also not like you're denying them the chance to go on an Alaskan cruise if they want. You're just giving them the chance to make these choices themselves. 
    adk19SP29

  • I would just add: Technically, they would still also be able to take the cruise if they want to. Or another one offered the same time, but for different duration/price point/etc., if they choose. So it's also not like you're denying them the chance to go on an Alaskan cruise if they want. You're just giving them the chance to make these choices themselves. 
    Exactly- I should have been more clear- let them have the CHOICE to go on a cruise, maybe even the same one as you!, but don't have your wedding on a cruise so that it's: 
    1)attend wedding and shell out $$$$ and vacation days
    2)don't attend wedding
    JediElizabethcharlotte989875SP29

  • I would just add: Technically, they would still also be able to take the cruise if they want to. Or another one offered the same time, but for different duration/price point/etc., if they choose. So it's also not like you're denying them the chance to go on an Alaskan cruise if they want. You're just giving them the chance to make these choices themselves. 
    Exactly- I should have been more clear- let them have the CHOICE to go on a cruise, maybe even the same one as you!, but don't have your wedding on a cruise so that it's: 
    1)attend wedding and shell out $$$$ and vacation days
    2)don't attend wedding

    skyhannon said:

    skyhannon said:
    I can help clarifying that the people we are inviting can afford and do have the time to easily accommodate a cruise wedding.  We are only inviting family and very close friends.  Both our sets of parents are retired and the rest of our family has very flexible schedules. We were very fortunate.  
    It's not a good idea to assess for other people what they should choose to spend their money on, or to decide for them that they can (all) afford your wedding, no matter how you choose to proceed. 

    Remember that while this is a really exciting time for you and your FI, it's just not going to be the same high priority to your guests that it is to you.
    I didn't assume anything about anybody's finances.  Shortly after we were engaged we asked everybody we really wanted to be there, "This is what we are envisioning,  If we did it this way is the trip affordable for you?"  We were ready to cut some cost to help some guest come because their presence was more important then material things. The response was a resounding YES i could make it, I have enough time to save, but its very realistic. If we didn't have that response of course we would alter to be more affordable for everybody. 


    Everyone's point is that it is pretty rude even to ASK for this.
    The cruise was THEIR IDEA!!  They brought it up, I thought it was a great idea, we went with it! They Want us to get married on a cruise! They think that it would be very exciting.  By your logic ALL cruise weddings are a bad idea.  It may not be logical for MOST but it definitely works with our situation and lifestyle.  
    Knottie1433791078.defunct635887248411526866

  • I would just add: Technically, they would still also be able to take the cruise if they want to. Or another one offered the same time, but for different duration/price point/etc., if they choose. So it's also not like you're denying them the chance to go on an Alaskan cruise if they want. You're just giving them the chance to make these choices themselves. 
    Exactly- I should have been more clear- let them have the CHOICE to go on a cruise, maybe even the same one as you!, but don't have your wedding on a cruise so that it's: 
    1)attend wedding and shell out $$$$ and vacation days
    2)don't attend wedding

    skyhannon said:

    skyhannon said:
    I can help clarifying that the people we are inviting can afford and do have the time to easily accommodate a cruise wedding.  We are only inviting family and very close friends.  Both our sets of parents are retired and the rest of our family has very flexible schedules. We were very fortunate.  
    It's not a good idea to assess for other people what they should choose to spend their money on, or to decide for them that they can (all) afford your wedding, no matter how you choose to proceed. 

    Remember that while this is a really exciting time for you and your FI, it's just not going to be the same high priority to your guests that it is to you.
    I didn't assume anything about anybody's finances.  Shortly after we were engaged we asked everybody we really wanted to be there, "This is what we are envisioning,  If we did it this way is the trip affordable for you?"  We were ready to cut some cost to help some guest come because their presence was more important then material things. The response was a resounding YES i could make it, I have enough time to save, but its very realistic. If we didn't have that response of course we would alter to be more affordable for everybody. 


    Everyone's point is that it is pretty rude even to ASK for this.
    The cruise was THEIR IDEA!!  They brought it up, I thought it was a great idea, we went with it! They Want us to get married on a cruise! They think that it would be very exciting.  By your logic ALL cruise weddings are a bad idea.  It may not be logical for MOST but it definitely works with our situation and lifestyle.  

    But you're not getting married on a cruise! Because it's not allowed!
    KnickerGoldInLoveInQueensJediElizabeth
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited February 2016
    Cruise weddings where the hosts pay for the cruise for all guests are perfectly fine.  The guests pay for their own transportation to the ship and back home, just like any destination wedding.  They also pay their own ship board expenses, like drinks, tips and excursions, except for the reception hour.

    Alternative:  Arrange your wedding in Vancouver, Seattle, or Whittier, Alaska - wherever the ship embarks.  You will be married on the ship while it is in port according to the local laws, followed by a short reception.  If your guests want to join you on the cruise, they have the choice to sign up for it, but it is not a requirement to attend your wedding.  You must not solicit for the cruise line for your guests to sign up!
    Many Princess ships have private wedding chapels for this.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    ViczaesarKnickerGoldSP29

  • I would just add: Technically, they would still also be able to take the cruise if they want to. Or another one offered the same time, but for different duration/price point/etc., if they choose. So it's also not like you're denying them the chance to go on an Alaskan cruise if they want. You're just giving them the chance to make these choices themselves. 
    Exactly- I should have been more clear- let them have the CHOICE to go on a cruise, maybe even the same one as you!, but don't have your wedding on a cruise so that it's: 
    1)attend wedding and shell out $$$$ and vacation days
    2)don't attend wedding

    skyhannon said:

    skyhannon said:
    I can help clarifying that the people we are inviting can afford and do have the time to easily accommodate a cruise wedding.  We are only inviting family and very close friends.  Both our sets of parents are retired and the rest of our family has very flexible schedules. We were very fortunate.  
    It's not a good idea to assess for other people what they should choose to spend their money on, or to decide for them that they can (all) afford your wedding, no matter how you choose to proceed. 

    Remember that while this is a really exciting time for you and your FI, it's just not going to be the same high priority to your guests that it is to you.
    I didn't assume anything about anybody's finances.  Shortly after we were engaged we asked everybody we really wanted to be there, "This is what we are envisioning,  If we did it this way is the trip affordable for you?"  We were ready to cut some cost to help some guest come because their presence was more important then material things. The response was a resounding YES i could make it, I have enough time to save, but its very realistic. If we didn't have that response of course we would alter to be more affordable for everybody. 


    Everyone's point is that it is pretty rude even to ASK for this.
    The cruise was THEIR IDEA!!  They brought it up, I thought it was a great idea, we went with it! They Want us to get married on a cruise! They think that it would be very exciting.  By your logic ALL cruise weddings are a bad idea.  It may not be logical for MOST but it definitely works with our situation and lifestyle.  

    Clearly you aren't going to take the advice of a bunch of internet strangers who have NO stake in your decisions.  So why did you even ask?  You're not going to find validation for bad ideas here...I certainly didn't when I first signed up.  But guess what, I stuck around, I lurked on the boards and I avoided hosting my friends and family like a jerk.  I've been married over a year and a half and have been to a half dozen weddings since I was married.  Some of the guests overlap, and every time my H and I are approached by an overlapping guest to us to tell us how awesome our wedding was! 

    See...that's the beauty of the internet message board.  People are honest.  Sometimes the ladies here are blunt, but they are always correct about proper hosting.  (And if someone is giving bad advice they get called on it).  So the way I see it you have two  choices.  Stick around and learn how to have an etiquette approved wedding that your friends and family will compliment you about for a long time.  Or just do what you want and have a wedding that everyone will talk shit about behind your back...because they usually do.  It may not be right, but I've heard plenty of the shit talk about improper hosting.

    I've heard the chatter both ways, and I'm forever grateful that I found this site and had one of the best damn weddings most of my friends went to.  It was simple but fantastic with no Gaps, No Cash out or pocket for guests (read not on a cruise ship where people had to spend the money to go on the cruise just to see the "wedding"), No Brideslaves, and plenty of food, drinks, and chairs for everyone!

    - And yes, all cruise weddings are rude unless you either pay fro everyone to cruise, or hold the wedding before the ship sails so that guests can attend just the wedding and reception but don't have to cruise with you.

    mollybarker11adk19

  • I would just add: Technically, they would still also be able to take the cruise if they want to. Or another one offered the same time, but for different duration/price point/etc., if they choose. So it's also not like you're denying them the chance to go on an Alaskan cruise if they want. You're just giving them the chance to make these choices themselves. 
    Exactly- I should have been more clear- let them have the CHOICE to go on a cruise, maybe even the same one as you!, but don't have your wedding on a cruise so that it's: 
    1)attend wedding and shell out $$$$ and vacation days
    2)don't attend wedding

    skyhannon said:

    skyhannon said:
    I can help clarifying that the people we are inviting can afford and do have the time to easily accommodate a cruise wedding.  We are only inviting family and very close friends.  Both our sets of parents are retired and the rest of our family has very flexible schedules. We were very fortunate.  
    It's not a good idea to assess for other people what they should choose to spend their money on, or to decide for them that they can (all) afford your wedding, no matter how you choose to proceed. 

    Remember that while this is a really exciting time for you and your FI, it's just not going to be the same high priority to your guests that it is to you.
    I didn't assume anything about anybody's finances.  Shortly after we were engaged we asked everybody we really wanted to be there, "This is what we are envisioning,  If we did it this way is the trip affordable for you?"  We were ready to cut some cost to help some guest come because their presence was more important then material things. The response was a resounding YES i could make it, I have enough time to save, but its very realistic. If we didn't have that response of course we would alter to be more affordable for everybody. 


    Everyone's point is that it is pretty rude even to ASK for this.
    The cruise was THEIR IDEA!!  They brought it up, I thought it was a great idea, we went with it! They Want us to get married on a cruise! They think that it would be very exciting.  By your logic ALL cruise weddings are a bad idea.  It may not be logical for MOST but it definitely works with our situation and lifestyle.  
    OK, why what you are proposing to do goes against etiquette has been explained in every possible way by now. If all you really wanted was validation for the idea, you can see you're not going to get that.

    Have your cruise wedding, but know that your options are limited for having one that is etiquette-approved. Every argument you've put forth so far doesn't make your situation the special exception.
    adk19
  •  

    Update:  I want to sincerely thank everybody on this forum.  You have all honestly pointed out some things to me that I had over looked and undervalued.  We have talked about modifying our vision so that our guests can witness our true wedding in real time.  So definitely no PPD!  

    2nd Update:  I came here to seek advice about how to go about the whole PPD situation.  You gave me great advice there, thank you.  I have a much more realistic "vision".  I really didn't ask about what you thought about the cruise wedding in itself because I know it's not everyones most affordable route and I didn't want to disclose our financial position.  The reason we can have a cruise wedding is because my family (who is like 95% of the wedding guests) is pretty dang well of. That's why we can do it this way. Its also incredibly lucky that no one is forced to spend all their vacation time with us. They do not need to save up and can easily afford a cruise wedding because they brought it up in the first place as an idea.  My best friend and one cousin (MOH and BM) who are the only ones that mentioned that they needed to save up, we are actually helping them compensate for a lot of their expense built into the wedding budget, that they don't even know about yet (Dress, tickets, staying with us before the cruise ect..)  It will be very affordable.  Absolutely not, will this be a financial burden to ANYBODY or put any of my guests in a financial hole.  As for his family, granted he doesn't have as much family as I do but they also love the cruise wedding idea and can also easily afford it because they go on vacations all the time. We aren't asking them to help financially with any of the wedding and my father and generously accepted the full bill. No body DOESNT want us to have a cruise wedding.  The only sticking point was If we were actually going to get married on the ship and we aren't anymore.  Currently in the process of talking to coordinators about a very legal port wedding.   

    Never did I intend to come of as inconsiderate to my guests, I think I just mis communicated my full intent.  I hope this clears up some stale air on this thread... 
    So not all of your guests are necessarily able to drop the money on it without a thought and will not likely tell you to your face that it's a burden for them. Taking care of some of their other costs is very nice, but you should be paying for their cruise tickets.

    And just because someone vacations all the time doesn't mean they want you to dictate how, when, and where they must take their next vacation.
    adk19
  • geebee908 said:
     

    Update:  I want to sincerely thank everybody on this forum.  You have all honestly pointed out some things to me that I had over looked and undervalued.  We have talked about modifying our vision so that our guests can witness our true wedding in real time.  So definitely no PPD!  

    2nd Update:  I came here to seek advice about how to go about the whole PPD situation.  You gave me great advice there, thank you.  I have a much more realistic "vision".  I really didn't ask about what you thought about the cruise wedding in itself because I know it's not everyones most affordable route and I didn't want to disclose our financial position.  The reason we can have a cruise wedding is because my family (who is like 95% of the wedding guests) is pretty dang well of. That's why we can do it this way. Its also incredibly lucky that no one is forced to spend all their vacation time with us. They do not need to save up and can easily afford a cruise wedding because they brought it up in the first place as an idea.  My best friend and one cousin (MOH and BM) who are the only ones that mentioned that they needed to save up, we are actually helping them compensate for a lot of their expense built into the wedding budget, that they don't even know about yet (Dress, tickets, staying with us before the cruise ect..)  It will be very affordable.  Absolutely not, will this be a financial burden to ANYBODY or put any of my guests in a financial hole.  As for his family, granted he doesn't have as much family as I do but they also love the cruise wedding idea and can also easily afford it because they go on vacations all the time. We aren't asking them to help financially with any of the wedding and my father and generously accepted the full bill. No body DOESNT want us to have a cruise wedding.  The only sticking point was If we were actually going to get married on the ship and we aren't anymore.  Currently in the process of talking to coordinators about a very legal port wedding.   

    Never did I intend to come of as inconsiderate to my guests, I think I just mis communicated my full intent.  I hope this clears up some stale air on this thread... 
    So not all of your guests are necessarily able to drop the money on it without a thought and will not likely tell you to your face that it's a burden for them. Taking care of some of their other costs is very nice, but you should be paying for their cruise tickets.

    And just because someone vacations all the time doesn't mean they want you to dictate how, when, and where they must take their next vacation.
    So if you're having a port wedding, then guests are no longer required to get on the boat/cruise with you- correct? And you will make this clear to everyone?
    InLoveInQueens
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    geebee908 said:
     

    Update:  I want to sincerely thank everybody on this forum.  You have all honestly pointed out some things to me that I had over looked and undervalued.  We have talked about modifying our vision so that our guests can witness our true wedding in real time.  So definitely no PPD!  

    2nd Update:  I came here to seek advice about how to go about the whole PPD situation.  You gave me great advice there, thank you.  I have a much more realistic "vision".  I really didn't ask about what you thought about the cruise wedding in itself because I know it's not everyones most affordable route and I didn't want to disclose our financial position.  The reason we can have a cruise wedding is because my family (who is like 95% of the wedding guests) is pretty dang well of. That's why we can do it this way. Its also incredibly lucky that no one is forced to spend all their vacation time with us. They do not need to save up and can easily afford a cruise wedding because they brought it up in the first place as an idea.  My best friend and one cousin (MOH and BM) who are the only ones that mentioned that they needed to save up, we are actually helping them compensate for a lot of their expense built into the wedding budget, that they don't even know about yet (Dress, tickets, staying with us before the cruise ect..)  It will be very affordable.  Absolutely not, will this be a financial burden to ANYBODY or put any of my guests in a financial hole.  As for his family, granted he doesn't have as much family as I do but they also love the cruise wedding idea and can also easily afford it because they go on vacations all the time. We aren't asking them to help financially with any of the wedding and my father and generously accepted the full bill. No body DOESNT want us to have a cruise wedding.  The only sticking point was If we were actually going to get married on the ship and we aren't anymore.  Currently in the process of talking to coordinators about a very legal port wedding.   

    Never did I intend to come of as inconsiderate to my guests, I think I just mis communicated my full intent.  I hope this clears up some stale air on this thread... 
    So not all of your guests are necessarily able to drop the money on it without a thought and will not likely tell you to your face that it's a burden for them. Taking care of some of their other costs is very nice, but you should be paying for their cruise tickets.

    And just because someone vacations all the time doesn't mean they want you to dictate how, when, and where they must take their next vacation.
    So if you're having a port wedding, then guests are no longer required to get on the boat/cruise with you- correct? And you will make this clear to everyone?
    That's the reasonably etiquette-approved solution, but even if that's the case - her family sees the onboard tea ceremony as a necessary rite for the marriage to be valid, and they would have to choose between their money or that marriage ceremony. (Not to mention, I think the parents necessarily have to be at the tea ceremony.) So I still think that she needs to skip the cruise or pay for it for everyone.

    Anniversary

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    I think cruise weddings are off putting, because of the time and money required to attend.

    The thought of spending 7 full days on a ship with both my family and DH's family overwhelming at best.    Like shoot me now overwhelming.

    However, I don't think they are as bad as some of the users are making it out to be.  Invitations are not a subpoena.  They do not have to come. Although I get how parents and siblings would be kind-of made to fell guilty if they didn't attend. 

    Some of the family are coming from Singapore.   The average guest is not going to fly half-way across the world for a few days.  Most will make the most of the trip.   When I flew to Austria for a wedding we stayed over a week for the same reasons.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    PrettyGirlLostarrippa
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    Also, asking: "My dream is to get married on a cruise, would you be able to attend if I planned that" is an incredibly loaded question. If my family member or best friend asked me that, I'd say yes but would definitely grumble about being put in that situation. It is slight emotional blackmail, because if I say "No, I can't afford it", it makes me feel like the bad guy. 

    Plus, I would never want to put my friends or family in a situation where they have to "save up" for my wedding. 

    It is one thing to have your wedding and reception in port, and then invite people to honeymoon with you on the cruise. It is quite another to have your ceremony part 1 on shore, and ceremony part 2 +reception onboard only for people who are cruising.

    You have already said that nothing is booked- Why can't you just get married +tea ceremony and have a reception one day, and then invite everyone to cruise with you the next day? There has to be local habour tour dinner cruises if you want to be married on a ship. This way you can get your onboard legal wedding that is so important to your MIL (and most of your guests), your tea ceremony, and your friends/ family can chose to cruise with you or not the next day. 

    Think about it this way: If you got married on a dinner cruise in the harbour, and the admission cost to get on the boat was US$20 per person, you wouldn't make your guests pay that. Why is it ok to make them pay it when it is a 7 day cruise?



    This. I would feel so guilty and greedy if someone told me they'd have to save up for anything related to my wedding. 
    cowgirl8238charlotte989875
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    edited February 2016


    Plus, I would never want to put my friends or family in a situation where they have to "save up" for my wedding. 





    This. I would feel so guilty and greedy if someone told me they'd have to save up for anything related to my wedding. 
    I agree, however her family lives in Singapore.   Not sure where his family lives.  No matter how you slice it someone is going to have spend time and money to see their wedding.  There is no way around it unless they elope.

    While not as extreme, my family and DH's family live in different areas.  We lived on an expensive island.    Outside of eloping our guests would have to spend money and vacation time.   That is just reality.   Now we made it easier and when to a location closer to our families. 5 hours from one side, 3 from the other, still others had longer to go including flights.    Traveling was required for 100% of our guests.        

    Again, I'm not a cruise wedding fan. Too much time involved.   However, when you have family far from one another people are going to have to "save up" to see a wedding.   Those are the breaks sometime.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • TBH I do think cruise weddings in general seem like a bad idea, the more I think about it. Even if the host pays for it, it's still asking so much more of your guests than basically any other wedding I can think of, in terms of time commitment/days off of work required, logistics (people might need to purchase cruise-specific items like bathing suits and sunscreen plus a long trip requires pet-sitters, house-sitters etc.), possible comfort-zone issues (some people don't like to be on the water, some people just don't like to be away from home for that long)... I get that an invitation isn't a summons but the stakes are so high: either deal with all those obnoxious factors or miss out on the wedding of someone you love. I would hate to be put in that position. 
    adk19InLoveInQueens
  • Also, asking: "My dream is to get married on a cruise, would you be able to attend if I planned that" is an incredibly loaded question. If my family member or best friend asked me that, I'd say yes but would definitely grumble about being put in that situation. It is slight emotional blackmail, because if I say "No, I can't afford it", it makes me feel like the bad guy. 

    Plus, I would never want to put my friends or family in a situation where they have to "save up" for my wedding. 

    It is one thing to have your wedding and reception in port, and then invite people to honeymoon with you on the cruise. It is quite another to have your ceremony part 1 on shore, and ceremony part 2 +reception onboard only for people who are cruising.

    You have already said that nothing is booked- Why can't you just get married +tea ceremony and have a reception one day, and then invite everyone to cruise with you the next day? There has to be local habour tour dinner cruises if you want to be married on a ship. This way you can get your onboard legal wedding that is so important to your MIL (and most of your guests), your tea ceremony, and your friends/ family can chose to cruise with you or not the next day. 

    Think about it this way: If you got married on a dinner cruise in the harbour, and the admission cost to get on the boat was US$20 per person, you wouldn't make your guests pay that. Why is it ok to make them pay it when it is a 7 day cruise?



    This. I would feel so guilty and greedy if someone told me they'd have to save up for anything related to my wedding. 
    Exactly!  I barely want to save up for my OWN wedding.  Eloping is sounding better and better.  I'll save up for a vacation and get married on a beach, but the more I think about it, the less I want to save up to throw a wedding for my friends and family.
  • What I find interesting is that OP mentioned a cruise wedding was 'her dream wedding' oh but wait! It was actually her friends' (who need to save up for it!) idea, they pushed for it...
    Hmmmm....
    InLoveInQueens
124»
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards