Wedding Woes

95% sure this isn't really an issue but...might as well check!

So we had decided not to do a first dance - I really don't want to, and FI is of the opinion that he doesn't want me to be uncomfortable so he is okay with that. I don't like being centre of attention at the best of times, and tbh I think I'll receive more than enough on my wedding day without getting up and dancing in front of all my guests.

I mentioned this to my parents in a casual conversation and they were quite vehement that I should have one, which surprised me. They told me that since 2/3's of the guests were travelling I couldn't very well just remove things that they were expecting to see. Normally I'd call bullshit on this, but its been playing on my mind a bit and I know you lot will give me a straight answer.

Am I being a spoilsport by not having a dance? Do people really care, will they miss it? I just don't want anyone to feel like I've dragged them all the way down here and I'm not even bothered about the wedding. I also might be overthinking this....
             
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Re: 95% sure this isn't really an issue but...might as well check!

  • It sounds like your parents might want one.  Do you want to try and compromise with that?  I'd support either way really.  Social anxiety is real and if you don't think you can handle it, just skip it.  But if you want to try and find a compromise, maybe like one big group dance with the parents and you and FI, instead of something that's so focused on each person.
  • You absolutely don't have to do anything you don't want to. However, IME a lot of people will not dance until the bride and groom have done so. I like the idea of getting the DJ to invite everyone to join you a verse or so in.
    image
  • I would say either "open" with an anniversary dance as @6fsn said or just ask the DJ to announce that you would like for everyone to join you on the dance floor for your first dance as husband and wife. 
  • Are you having dancing at all?  My parents didn't have a first dance, and I don't think anyone missed it.  But they also didn't have dancing at all.  If you're hoping to have people dancing, I'd do something along the lines of what PPs have suggested.  In my (limited) experience, the dance floor stays more active the more the bride and groom are on it:)
  • It is not rude to anyone to deprive them of watching you slow dance. Same as it isn't rude not to have a head table so people can watch you eat. You were "on display" at the ceremony and you're greeting your guests - they'll see enough of you.

    However, there is the real logistical issue of opening the dance floor, for which PPs have given good suggestions.
  • edited February 2016
    We are having dancing, so you guys raise a really good point about signalling the dancefloor is open. All the weddings in our circle are usually 'party' atmosphere with everyone on the dancefloor, and I wouldn't want people to feel they had to hold back waiting for something that wasn't coming.

    I've never seen an anniversary dance, so I'm not sure if it's a US thing but it sounds sweet. Maybe picking a very short song, and having parents / wp / siblings join us after the first verse is a good compromise. I still think my parents are overreacting, but I do see the value here. Thanks all!

    Eta: spelling 
                 
  • What about the first dance aren't you comfortable with? I can suggest what my sister did. She did the first dance, they did the mother-son dance, but my sister didn't want to do the traditional slow dance with my dad. So they played Wang Chung- Everybody Have Fun Tonight and the wedding party knew it was the cue to start dancing which got everyone else up. Maybe not a slow song, but something upbeat you both love, let your a few friends in on it and tell them that after the first 30-60 seconds they should get up and start dancing with you guys, and that will get people going. For my sister's wedding, everyone was expecting a slow song and the change had people laughing. My dad is a very uninhibited dancer (think Elaine from Seinfeld) so it made it even funnier.
  • PMeg819 said:
    What about the first dance aren't you comfortable with? I can suggest what my sister did. She did the first dance, they did the mother-son dance, but my sister didn't want to do the traditional slow dance with my dad. So they played Wang Chung- Everybody Have Fun Tonight and the wedding party knew it was the cue to start dancing which got everyone else up. Maybe not a slow song, but something upbeat you both love, let your a few friends in on it and tell them that after the first 30-60 seconds they should get up and start dancing with you guys, and that will get people going. For my sister's wedding, everyone was expecting a slow song and the change had people laughing. My dad is a very uninhibited dancer (think Elaine from Seinfeld) so it made it even funnier.
    I think a fast song would be even worse for me!

    It's just the attention of a first dance I dislike, everyone watching us do a dance (I'm usually maybe 2-3 drinks in when I dance, and it's in a crowd not on a 'stage'),  not the tradition itself. Although that being said, I don't really understand the tradition either. From my experience we don't really have mother/son or father/daughter dances in the UK so thats not something we will be doing. 
                 
  • PMeg819PMeg819 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited February 2016
    PMeg819 said:
    What about the first dance aren't you comfortable with? I can suggest what my sister did. She did the first dance, they did the mother-son dance, but my sister didn't want to do the traditional slow dance with my dad. So they played Wang Chung- Everybody Have Fun Tonight and the wedding party knew it was the cue to start dancing which got everyone else up. Maybe not a slow song, but something upbeat you both love, let your a few friends in on it and tell them that after the first 30-60 seconds they should get up and start dancing with you guys, and that will get people going. For my sister's wedding, everyone was expecting a slow song and the change had people laughing. My dad is a very uninhibited dancer (think Elaine from Seinfeld) so it made it even funnier.
    I think a fast song would be even worse for me!

    It's just the attention of a first dance I dislike, everyone watching us do a dance (I'm usually maybe 2-3 drinks in when I dance, and it's in a crowd not on a 'stage'),  not the tradition itself. Although that being said, I don't really understand the tradition either. From my experience we don't really have mother/son or father/daughter dances in the UK so thats not something we will be doing. 

    Ugh, stupid Knot ruining my reply. Anyways, maybe the other option is just to do something with the wedding party, or the anniversary dance. We did the anniversary dance (although we had other dances as well), and at the end the people left on the dance floor were my grandparents. The DJ asked them to give some advice to us and it's one of my favorite moments from the wedding.
  • Typically the first dance opens up the dance floor.  So the lack of a first dance would be a little odd to me.   

    Not that I would be like this:



    But I would wonder when it was time to dance.  You certain do not need one.  Not a party killer by any means.  Just a little surprising if there is dancing for all during the reception.







    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • We kind of felt the same way. So, we took 2 weeks of dance lessons to give us a bit more confidence on it.  Our instructor choreographed about 45 seconds of dance for us, after which the DJ made an announcement to have everyone else join us on the dance floor.  Having that short of a dance, especially when we were focused on our dance steps and not the audience, wasn't so bad.  And we messed up a lot of our steps, but just kept moving and nobody noticed... they thought we were awesome.

    But, in the end, it's really up to you.  The solo-dance isn't a requirement.

    image 

  • I don't know about UK traditions, but I would say the anniversary dance or inviting people to join you after 1 verse are good compromises. I don't think I've ever been to a wedding without dancing. 

    I have seen an anniversary dance done at most of the weddings that I've attended - so it may be a US custom. I think the longest married couple at our wedding had been together for 43 years, so pretty impressive. I remember giving the woman a small bouquet of flowers and posing for a picture with them. (They were from DK's side - a great aunt/uncle or something.)

  • I like the idea of doing a verse alone and then having others join you.  We would have done the anniversary dance, but both of our grandmothers any my cousin were widowed, and our wedding was only a few months after my cousin's H was tragically killed.  Not that it would have been a problem per se, but we didn't want to stir up any feelings in what was (understandably) still a raw emotional state for her.
  • Thanks everyone. I'm totally overthinking this - for some reason this is the thing I'm most dreading and so I'm probably building it up in my head. I agree that it might make it unclear when the dancefloor is open, and since one of the things we both want most is a party atmosphere I'd hate to jeopardise it for one little thing that I could possibly do in about 30 seconds (the longest 30 seconds ever). I don't think we do anniversary dances either over here - you guys have loads to choose from!

    Just had a thought -maybe we don't need lessons at all! Maybe we just need The Routine you guys. Problem solved!


    Sure, "The Routine" would be perfect!

    Our dance lessons basically taught us a simple box step with a couple of turns thrown into it and a dip at the end.  It was pretty simple... just enough to make us look like we knew what we were doing. You could probably figure something simple like that on your own or with only one or two lessons.

    image 

  • do The Routine. 
  • We had our first dance before dinner, so it wasn't what opened the dance floor. What we did was called everyone up to the dance floor to take a group picture (one of my favorites from the day!) and then we played "Happy" by Pharrell and everyone started dancing. So if you are concerned about opening the dance floor, it's an alternative.
  • Thanks everyone. I'm totally overthinking this - for some reason this is the thing I'm most dreading and so I'm probably building it up in my head. I agree that it might make it unclear when the dancefloor is open, and since one of the things we both want most is a party atmosphere I'd hate to jeopardise it for one little thing that I could possibly do in about 30 seconds (the longest 30 seconds ever). I don't think we do anniversary dances either over here - you guys have loads to choose from!

    Just had a thought -maybe we don't need lessons at all! Maybe we just need The Routine you guys. Problem solved!


    What if your DJ just starts playing a song, your groom just takes you by the hand, and you start dancing without any kind of, "Aaaaaaand Nooooowwww, your atteeeeention pleeeeeease.  All eyes to the center of the floor while the Briiiide and Grooooooom open the dance floor with their Fiiiiiirst Daaaaaance"?  I feel like that would make it better for you.  You just dance.  No announcement, just an opening of the floor.  THEN, 30-45 seconds in, the DJ can make the announcement that the dance floor is open and other couples should join you.  Sure, some people might watch you dance for a second, but if it's not a whole big thing, they smile for a second and go back to their conversation.
  • *Barbie* said:
    do The Routine. 
    Or this:

    httpsmediagiphycommediaKJmORsw9VYFQQgiphygif

  • Just not this:television dancing seinfeld elaine benes
    image
  • Heffalump said:
    *Barbie* said:
    do The Routine. 
    Or this:

    httpsmediagiphycommediaKJmORsw9VYFQQgiphygif

    I would, but this is how I'm walking down the aisle. I just wanted a classic entrance, you know?
                 
  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited February 2016
    crap, that didn't work. how do i insert a gif?
  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited February 2016
    i suck at this.
  • I did drag and drop.

    image
  • *Barbie* said:
    Third times the charm! 

    Oh once I've hit the bar and the dance floor is full I have no problem tearing it up.  Thats probably exactly how I'll look by about 9pm.
                 
  • True story: My sister and I used to make up routines to Janet Jackson songs.  We would spend hours in her room or mine perfecting them.  

    They were never performed in public.  ;) 
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